by EJ Valson
“Yes,” I respond. “Can you hear me?”
“Sort of...just talk loudly,” he requests.
I spend the next fifteen minutes almost shouting to make sure he hears me as I explain what has happened. When we hang up my voice is hoarse but my spirits are lifted, as John is again engaged in the process of figuring out what has happened to me and has some ideas on what to do next. He has altered his travel plans to accommodate my new situation. Unfortunately, he still won’t be back for a few months.
I learn from Astrid that John has headed to Mexico to attend a spiritual symposium about traveling souls. Astrid said that I had inspired him. When he realized he couldn’t fully help me, he felt discouraged and depressed. He wanted to explore the possibility of time travel, fate and destiny. When he got Astrid’s latest voicemail, updating him on my current circumstances, he was very excited. He felt as if he was getting a second chance to help me, as long as I could wait for his return.
In the week he had been in Mexico, he’d participated in discussions with other mediums and past life regression practitioners about the religious practices of ancient tribes and Shamanism. These discussions prompted John to believe that perhaps I’m not the only person who has had this type of experience. He intended to do some additional research, but that would take time and require him to be out of touch -- as he would be traveling to remote locations.
If there is going to finally be an answer for me, I am sure that I can wait for it.
CHAPTER 42
A week has passed since Michael arrived. I take every chance I can to go into Marketing and be near him. I do my best to hide my intentions and appear as if I am not interested in him at all. After all, I believe this worked to “hook” him the first time around.
Astrid has started seeing visions of Michael again. However, the visions aren’t clear enough to confirm anything. John has been in touch sporadically, but is not making much headway. He has asked me to start keeping a new journal of memories that are starting to surface now that Michael has arrived.
Unfortunately, John left his recordings of my hypnosis sessions in Washington so we are unable to confirm if the memories I am having now are the same ones that I revealed to him. I’m grateful he did not have the same impulse to throw those away as I did with my first journal.
In another unfortunate development, Astrid has admitted that she wasn’t present at every one of our sessions, even though she made sure to be there when I woke up. Regardless of my situation, she still had to make a living -- so sometimes after I went under hypnosis she would tiptoe out and perform readings in another room.
This is a fact I’m not thrilled to learn about, but I decide it doesn’t really change anything. Whatever the result will be, will be. But I am frustrated that she can’t relay to me what the recordings said, and of course John can’t spend his calling card minutes confirming my memories. So that will have to wait too.
Stacy and I are back to daily chat sessions and lunch dates. She has started seeing someone, so the new guy is often the topic of our conversations -- that and the two Swedish interns who have brought a new element of entertainment into her department. Little does she know the depth of my focus on the latter topic.
Bjorn, the second intern, is very polite -- but corny in his humor. Michael comes across as stoic and often unamused, but he is a hard worker and very intelligent. I laugh to myself about this now, because when I first met Michael I thought he was a spoiled “Euro-brat.” Clearly my assumption at that time was incorrect.
Michael is not the kind of person to fawn all over someone like an eager puppy when first introduced. He is friendly and polite, but often sits back and assesses a situation before jumping in to be a part of it -- a trait I mistook for arrogance but now understand to be thoughtfulness. I remember learning in my life with Michael that Swedish people are very friendly and social, but you often need to approach them first.
Their standoffishness is simply a cultural custom and not a sign of lack of interest. Later in our marriage, friends and family that have gone long periods without seeing Michael will often comment about how affectionate, warm and outgoing he has become. Michael has always had this side to him. It’s why I fell in love with him. As the years with me went by, he concealed this behavior less and less. My family is very loving, and he embraced that.
From what I remember about my future life, when Stella was born he also wholeheartedly embraced fatherhood. He didn’t care what people thought of him when he laughed at her silly faces or cute noises. He would always be quick to change a diaper, give her a bath or push her stroller. And I am certain that I ended up falling more deeply in love with him because of it. Stacy and everyone else may not see those qualities in him now. But I’m grateful that I took the time to get to know him and was lucky enough to be the recipient of his loving nature.
“So, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Stacy says, after finishing her sandwich at the local eatery we frequently have lunch at.
“Oh yeah?” I respond curiously.
She gets a smirk on her face, takes a drink of iced tea and sits up straight. “I was talking to Steve. He is very impressed with you lately and thinks you might be a good addition to our department,” she says, grinning.
I’m elated and have to stop myself from shouting with delight. “Really?” I say, almost laughing.
She nods. “So, what does that mean?” I ask. “What would I do?”
“Well, it’s not public yet, but I am being promoted to a director. This means my position is open and we need someone to do customer service, sales quotes, product demonstrations and so forth,” she explains. YES, YES, YES!
“Do I need to apply, or something?” I ask eagerly.
She shakes her head. “The job is yours if you want it,” she says. “Steve has already talked to Ruth about it, and after much convincing she agreed.”
I’m floored, but in a very good way. I am starting to get more of my future life back. And now I will be closer to Michael on an everyday basis.
I reach my hand out to shake hers. “It’s a deal!” I say. She laughs as she shakes my hand. I feel victorious.
CHAPTER 43
It happens to be Valentine’s Day when I am officially inducted into the Marketing department. I have just finished displaying my picture frames of Olivia on the shelf above my computer when a flower delivery person appears in my doorway.
“Can I help you?” I ask.
She turns the vase of red roses to look at the delivery card. “I‘m looking for Jennifer Harris,” she says. I’m caught a little off guard and feel embarrassed, but I know they must be from Joe.
I take the large vase of flowers and thank her. She wishes me a happy Valentine’s Day and leaves. It has been years since I have received a flower delivery. And though it is always a nice gesture, it is a little embarrassing when everyone else takes notice.
I take out the card. “Happy Valentine’s Day. Love you. Love, Joe,” it reads.
I place the vase down on the corner of my desk and sit down in my chair. I feel a pang of guilt. I have been distant from Joe since Michael’s arrival, but he hasn’t asked any questions.
Joe has been careful with me since I fainted the day Michael arrived. I guess he assumes that I’m still not “one hundred percent.” If he only knew.
I feel like I owe him an explanation, but what would I say? “Sorry Joe, but my future husband has just arrived and I need to take Olivia and be with him now.” I don’t think so. Not to mention that Michael is entirely unaware of our future life, which only I can recall.
Michael and I engage in small talk and the occasional joke, but our contact is very limited. It’s not as if I can actually talk to him about Stella or reminisce about the times we’ve had together. At this point, I am just a girl that passed out on his first day working here.
“Nice flowers,” a male voice says from the hallway. I look up and see Michael standing there. I instantly get flutters in my stomach. He
is supposed to have the day off, so seeing him is a nice surprise.
“They’re from Joe,” I respond.
“What for?” he asks.
I’m surprised by the question. “Well, for Valentine’s Day.” I say.
“Oh yeah. I forgot the US likes to have these kinds of holidays,” he says, poking fun.
I roll my eyes at his sarcasm. “It’s a good excuse for someone to get flowers,” I say, a little flirtatiously. He raises his eyebrows and laughs it off.
“Why are you here?” I ask him. “I thought you had the day off?”
“Just need to get my check so we can go to Portland to buy a car,” he answers.
Instantly my heart jumps and my stomach drops. I know this story. This has happened before. I sit quietly for a minute, as all of it quickly plays out in my mind. Michael and Bjorn will go buy the car, only to barely make it out of the city when the car starts acting up. Because they aren’t familiar with their surroundings, they won’t know how to find their way back to the private seller they bought it from. Within a week, the car will have turned out to be a lemon. They will sell if for $50 at a scrap metal junkyard and be out $1000.
“Are you OK?” Michael asks, interrupting my train of thought.
“Um...you sure that’s a good idea?” I ask him.
He looks at me strangely. “Well, we have to get to work somehow,” he says, half joking.
“I can pick you up and take you home,” I quickly offer.
He takes a minute to ponder my suggestion. “I couldn’t ask you to do that,” he politely declines. “You have a family and I don’t want you to have to worry about taking us to work every day.”
“Well, eventually I will anyway,” I say without thinking.
Oh my God, I remember that now too! I become their main form of transportation after the fiasco with the car. In fact, this is one of the things that actually helps us bond -- as we have more time to talk.
I quickly determine that offering him transportation is a good idea, as it will expedite us getting to know each other…again. From what I remember, the first time around it took a couple of months until I warmed up to him. And by the time we were close, we had only a very short period of time together before he had to leave to go back to Sweden.
If things play out the same, he is only going to leave again. I feel an urgency to spend as much time as I can at getting him to fall in love with me now. Maybe a spark will ignite, or magic will happen, and we will undo whatever spell it is that has brought me here to a past that I have never really lived.
Unfortunately, Michael is completely unaware of all of this and is looking at me even more strangely. I realize I need to cover for what must seem to him like some very odd behavior on my part. “Look, I know how these things go,” I explain.
“You will buy a cheap car, it will be more hassle than it’s worth and you will wish you had saved the money. How about we try it for a couple of weeks and if you find you really need a car, then no hard feelings.” I’m hoping he will be convinced this is the best solution.
He shrugs. “Let me talk to Bjorn and get back to you,” he says.
I smile, feeling like I deserve a pat on the back for my quick planning. “Sounds good,” I say lightheartedly.
Michael says goodbye and leaves.
I’m still smiling as I turn back to my computer screen. The sound of my cell phone suddenly vibrating on my desk makes me jump, and I am instantly irritated by the interruption. But when I look down and see Astrid’s number on the caller ID, I hurry to close my office door so I can speak to her in private.
“Hi, Astrid,” I say in a hushed voice. “What’s up?”
“What are you doing?” she asks, sounding irritated with me.
I’m confused. “What do you mean?” I ask.
“Honey, I am not sure what is happening. I’m sitting here meditating and focusing on you right now, and all of a sudden I see a flash and what I was seeing in my mind is gone. Something just changed and I don’t know why, but my guess is you have something to do with it.”
“I’ll be right over,” I say. I’m out the door.
CHAPTER 44
The curse and the blessing about Astrid is that she is a psychic. She can see so much of the future, but then she also knows when I have done something in the present that maybe I shouldn’t have -- something that could change the future.
When I get to her house, she explains what she had been seeing in her mind. She says when she has her visions it is almost as if they are being drawn in front of her. During her vision of me, something happened and the sketch suddenly stopped. No matter how hard she tried to get the vision back, it wouldn’t start again. It was like a half-finished drawing.
I tell her what Michael and I talked about. I tell her that I didn’t want him to buy the car because I remembered what happened the first time he did. I wanted him to avoid the hassle. She tells me this action may be interrupting what is supposed to naturally happen. By interfering and changing the course of events I’m risking changing fate.
This scares me. It also makes me realize how one small action can possibly change the entirety of a situation. Because we still can’t review my session recordings that were left at John’s, we have no way of knowing how to get back on course, if we are too far off of it, or if it matters at all.
This leaves me very perplexed on how to behave. Should I call Michael and rescind my offer? Should I just go along with it the way it is now? Would I get another opportunity to get back on a natural course if I did?
I am now finding that true accounts of my memories of our life are coming in spurts, and usually happen when something triggers them. Then, just like a Deja vu, I can see it all too clearly.
I can also feel it too. In the span of about twenty seconds I feel a wash of warmth come over me, accompanied by a bit of dizziness, and something that feels like a “zap” in my brain, followed by a sense of euphoria. It is almost like my body is settling back into itself when this happens.
I tell Astrid all of this too, and she immediately writes it down. She has been keeping a log of what she is seeing, experiences I am currently having with Michael and any other occurrences that might help John on his quest in Mexico.
But I feel like we are grasping for anything tangible -- when there is nothing to grasp. We can’t find any patterns, similarities or anything else that makes any sense. Such is my life.
CHAPTER 45
It is 6:00 a.m. on Saturday when I’m woken by a text message from Astrid. Luckily it doesn’t wake Joe, who is sound asleep. The house is still dark and grey from the seemingly endless winter.
I hurry out of bed as delicately as I can, so as not to disturb Joe, and then rush into the kitchen to call her. I’m still groggy from a fitful night’s sleep when I dial her number. “Astrid? Is everything alright?” I asked in an urgent whisper.
“I just heard from John,” she replies, her voice full of excitement. “He is heading to a village near Guatemala. Apparently there is a man in the area that had a very similar experience to yours decades ago.”
My heart is racing. This is good news! “So what does that mean?” I ask, trying hard to keep my voice low.
“Well, it is encouraging,” she responds. “But it will take him a bit of time to get there and he will be even more out of touch than he is now, as it is a very remote area. He said it could be weeks in between phone calls because traveling back and forth to the nearest phone will take an entire day.”
My heart falls. I’m saddened, because I feel time is running out. But there is nothing more I can do, other than simply wait -- just as I have been all this time. “Thank you, Astrid,” I say solemnly before hanging up.
I start the coffee maker, walk over the couch and slump down on it. I’m becoming fearful, because by my future clock time feels like it is running out. Events aren’t happening the way I recall them happening before. Michael has also decided to buy the car after all, meaning that I won’t get as muc
h time with him. But maybe that is a good thing, for the sake of fate.
I am pushed even further into my dejection because I’m not making much headway with Michael “romantically”. I know that even if he is attracted to me, which I am still not sure about, he would never pursue someone in a committed relationship. He is not that kind of man. And in his mind I, as a married woman, shouldn’t be looking for that.
I feel trapped in my own skin. Trapped in this time. The nightmare that originally began months ago is worse than before. The love of my life is physically close enough to touch, but emotionally distant. And I’m reminded everyday of what I may never have again.
CHAPTER 46
I am anxiously waiting to board a Los Angeles-bound flight to attend our largest tradeshow of the year. This will be the first time I have been away from Olivia and Joe since arriving here, and excitement and nerves intertwine in my gut.
