by EJ Valson
When I finally make my way downstairs, the living room is alive with laughter and music. Stacy is sitting on Lewis’ lap and drinking a glass of wine. Michael is putting the dinner dishes in the dishwasher, but without looking at me hands me a bowl of pasta to quickly eat.
Then he turns around from his task and notices me. “You look nice,” he says, smiling.
“Thanks,” I say, as I shove a fork full of noodles into my mouth.
“I gotta get my coat and shoes,” he says. But before he makes his way past me he sneaks in a kiss on my cheek. I instantly feel warm. I look at Stacy, who notices the kiss and is now smiling at me. I shake my head at her, indicating that it is not a big deal.
When Michael comes back into the kitchen, he is wearing a dark navy blazer, a t-shirt, dark dress jeans and dress shoes. This is the style right now, and he looks cleverly handsome.
“Let’s get pictures!” Stacy exclaims, while running to get her camera.
“OK, Michael and Jen, get together,” she instructs. Michael puts his arm around me and I lean in close. “Perfect,” she says, examining the shot on her camera display screen.
I walk over to take a look. I am pleasantly surprised by the image. There is sincere happiness on our faces. We look like a real couple. We look like we belong to each other.
We hustle downtown to meet up with the rest of our co-workers at one of the only dance clubs in town. Drinks immediately start flowing and everyone is having a good time. Michael is lit up tonight. He is beaming with joy, as he was surprised so many people came out to see them off. He loves to entertain and he genuinely loves being around people, so he is in his element.
I’m enjoying the night as well, but am occasionally hit with pangs of sadness and the fear over losing him in two days. I’m doing my best to enjoy every moment I have left with him and warding off all obvious signs of my preoccupation.
Before the night is over, we head to a few other pubs and bars. Michael even gets the group to sing Karaoke, which makes for a lot of entertainment considering how many people are drunk and way off key. However, he manages to stay on note the whole time, as he is musical and a decent singer.
I remember the vision that I had at the fountains a few months ago. I recall that this night has happened before, but tonight we haven’t gone to the same club, and there wasn’t the instance of him kissing me on the way to the bathroom. We also haven’t consummated our relationship like I thought we already had then. This fact makes me worry a little that our path has been thrown off course. Did I miss something?
Astrid has told me not to force it, or fight the current. I have been sticking to those instructions, and this is probably why I have Michael as close as I do at this point. But come Sunday, he will be farther away than ever before.
CHAPTER 66
I wake up late on Saturday morning and try to remember all the events from the night before. The last thing I remember is Bjorn, Michael and I coming home around 2:00 a.m. and deciding to eat sandwiches. I recall hoisting myself up on the corner of the kitchen counter to watch Michael prepare our food. After we were finished he walked over to me and gave me a big hug. For a moment we stayed that way in silence, embracing. I even had my legs wrapped around him.
Eventually we made our way upstairs to my mom’s room. Michael had oddly enough put his bags in there with mine. We routinely got ready for bed as if we were a couple -- brushed our teeth in the bathroom together, washed our faces. When it came time for him to shower, I left the bathroom and went to lay down on the bed. My head was heavy with alcohol and I was tired. I must have fallen asleep quickly. Then I woke up and it was already 11:00 a.m.
I look over to the other side of the bed. Michael isn’t there. I can hear the television on downstairs and the smell of coffee is teasing my nose. I shuffle down the stairs. I’m in no rush to do anything or go anywhere. Bjorn and Michael are each lying on a couch watching a movie.
“Morning,” I say as I head straight for the coffee pot.
“Morning, Sunshine,” Michael calls from the couch. Bjorn says nothing. I look over and see that he has fallen asleep watching TV.
The sun is shining bright and the house is already getting warm from the southern exposure. I fix my cup of coffee and head outside to the patio. The beaming warmth of the sun penetrates my tired bones and I immediately feel rejuvenated as my body absorbs the sun’s rays.
I hear the patio door slide open and shut from behind me. I squint as I turn to look. Michael has decided to join me. He has coffee as well.
“Last night was fun,” he comments.
“Yeah...it was,” I say, content. Even though things didn’t go exactly as I remembered the first time around, the feelings are still the same. We still got to the place where we were before. Good friends, with a sense of love. There is a silent commitment between us.
Michael walks behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I love you, Friend,” he says quietly.
I believe that Michael and I are still this way in our future. Our relationship’s foundation is built on a strong friendship, and we have maintained it. Even though we had our problems, and some that I suppose forced me back to this time, we still had that bond. It was the emotional place we would try to go to whenever our romantic relationship wasn’t as strong. However, it appears that I forgot that, and it could be the reason I’m back in this life.
Hearing him say these words might make any other girl think that he was trying to set a boundary, but knowing Michael the way I think I do, this is actually a deeper proclamation. Once Michael sees you and loves you as a friend, you are a friend for life. He plans to keep me close.
I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck, careful not to spill our coffee. We both take a deep inhale and exhale. “I love you back,” I whisper.
“I never thought I would meet someone like you when I came here,” he says.
“I know you didn’t,” I say matter-of-factly.
“I’m glad I did,” he says, as he gently strokes my hair.
He clears his throat and kisses my neck as he pulls away. I can see a glimpse of tears in his eyes as he turns to walk back into the house.
I smile. I know that he loves me.
CHAPTER 67
Though I feel bad for the emotions Michael is going through, I’m also excited at the possibility that he won’t let me go when he leaves tomorrow. I know deep down that he will struggle with the feelings of homesickness and leaving behind someone whom he connected with. But it assures me that if he is feeling these feelings, then he might hang on. And I need him to hang on.
Michael spends some time re-packing a few things upstairs while I get ready for the company that will arrive in two hours. A little after 3:00 p.m. my cell phone rings. I pick it up to check the caller ID and immediately feel a knot in my stomach when I see that it is Joe.
I take the phone and quickly head to the garage where it is quiet.
“Hello?” I say cheerfully.
“Hey, Jen, sorry to bug you, but it just occurred to me that tomorrow is Mother’s Day and Olivia has a gift for you and really wants to give it to you,” he says.
Crap! In the midst of all of this I totally forgot that it was Mother’s Day weekend. I feel like a horrible mother.
I quickly recover. “You know what, I would love to get that from her,” I say, forcing a smile.
“Well, what if she came and stayed there with you tonight?” he suggests.
I hurriedly try to figure out how this will work. I’m not technically married to Joe anymore, but Olivia has only been around Michael on occasion during the few company functions we have had, like “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.” This would change up the night a bit, but she could just sleep with me and I could put Michael in a spare bedroom. Besides, I’m sure he would enjoy being around her.
“Sure, OK. I will come and get her in an hour,” I say before hanging up.
I tell Bjorn and Michael the new plan, and they are both fine with it. Michael
even moves his stuff to the spare bedroom where Olivia normally sleeps. At 4:00 p.m. I leave Michael and Bjorn to skewer the shish kabobs while I get Olivia. I drive quickly to the house and meet her at the door.
“Hi, Mommy!” she squeals.
“Hi, Baby!” I say, hugging her tight.
When I enter the house, Joe walks out of the kitchen. “Hey there,” he says, chipper.
“Hi,” I say back to him, then turn to Olivia. “Olivia, are you all packed?” I ask her.
“Yep. I just gotta get my backpack,” she says, as she runs back to her room.
“So, what are you going to do tonight?” I ask Joe, making conversation.
He gets a slight grin on his face. He appears a little sheepish. “Actually…I have a date,” he says.
Oddly enough this admission makes me a bit hopeful. I am curious, and a little put off, but this could be a good thing. “Oh, really. With who?” I ask, trying to be nonchalant.
“Just a girl I met at work,” he says, trying to downplay it. I can tell by his expression though that he is happy about this.
“Good, Joe. I’m happy for you.” I say smiling.
I can tell this admission surprises him. “Really?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah. You deserve good things,” I reply.
His body seems to relax and he grins. “Thanks,” he says.
“OK, Mommy, I’m ready!” Olivia shouts as she runs into the living room wearing her backpack and carrying a large teddy bear.
“Great!” I say enthusiastically.
Joe bends down and gives her a quick hug. “Have a good Mother’s Day. I will be staying here tonight, but gone by late morning,” he says.
“No worries. Have a good date,” I say, jokingly giving a thumbs up. He chuckles as he closes the door behind us.
In the car I decide to try and get Olivia to tell me who Joe is going out with. “Hey, Livi, have you met any of daddy’s friends that are girls?” I ask her innocently.
“Um, no,” she says, oblivious to my intent as she looks out the car window.
“Do you know where he is going tonight?” I ask.
“Uh, uh.” she answers. I deflate. This is annoying. I want to know if it is Rachel! “But he talked to his friend Sara today,” she adds.
Sara? Who the hell is Sara? It sure isn’t Rachel! “Oh, does she work with Daddy?” I ask.
“Yeah, she is really nice. She gave me a sucker when we went in to Daddy’s work yesterday,” she says excitedly.
Crap! Somehow in the midst of this, Joe has managed to land with the wrong girl. Dammit! I quickly think of what I can do to throw him back on course, but like Astrid says, I’m not supposed to try and control the outcome. What am I going to do about this anyway? Intervene? Play matchmaker? I think not.
CHAPTER 68
I’m still a bit irritated at Olivia’s revelation when I pull into my mom’s driveway. Lewis’ car is parked on the street in front of the house. I assume that Stacy is already here too. When I step out of the car I am hit by the scent of a smoking grill nearby. This instantly calms me and turns my mood around. I love barbecues. I love the easy breezy sense of summer days to come. Warm sun, late nights, wearing shorts, tan legs, the smell of sunscreen, swimming and the casualness of the season.
I remind myself that this is the last night with Michael that I can be sure of. I need to drop the other stuff about Joe from my mind and focus on the here and now. Olivia practically bounces into the house, excited to see her “Auntie Stacy” and play with the dog. My mom’s house is like her second home, equipped with her own bedroom and lots of toys.
Once inside the house, she immediately runs to the backyard to greet everybody. I hear voices greet Olivia, followed by her giggles – which I assume are inspired by the dog licking her face. I take off my shoes and put her things by the stairs.
“Hi!” Michael says from behind, startling me.
“Shit!” I say, laughing. “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” he says. “Hey, I had Lewis run me down to the store really quick and I got this for Olivia. Do you think she will like it?” he asks, as he reaches for a large, pink ball behind the banister.
My heart melts. “She will love it,’’ I say. “Thank you.”
He eagerly heads out to the back yard. I stay in the house and watch out the large window as he approaches her and hands her the ball. A smile as wide as an ocean sweeps across her face and she leans in to hug him while thanking him. Seconds later they are playing a game of soccer with the big ball that looks like a giant bubble gum bubble.
Olivia is wildly chasing the ball around the yard, trying to kick it and laughing the entire time. Michael is enjoying himself just as much. My heart aches a bit at the thought that he may never do this again with her or never get the chance to play with Stella.
I fight the urge to cry as I continue to prepare dinner. Michael, Stacy, Bjorn, Olivia and Lewis stay outside to take advantage of what’s left of the sunshine as the sun begins its retreat.
I preoccupy myself with a glass of wine, music and chopping vegetables. Michael checks in occasionally to see if I need help, but I just smile and tell him that I’m fine and to go enjoy himself.
After a while Lewis walks into the house. “The barbecue tank seems low. Michael is going to run to Stacy’s to get hers,” he says.
“Oh, OK. I will go with him. I know where it is,” I say. I check with Stacy, who is coloring with Olivia at the patio table, to make sure she can keep an eye on her.
“You going with me?” Michael asks, while putting on his shoes.
I nod. “Yep,” I say.
“Good,” he says, smiling.
The sun is beginning to tuck itself behind the coastal mountains when we step out of the house. The sky is painted orange and pink, and is almost blinding if you stare at it too long. As we begin our journey, Michael slips his hand into mine. We continue to walk in silence as we make our way through the neighborhood towards Stacy’s. Birds are chirping here and there. There is no one out on the street. It’s peaceful.
We head up Stacy’s driveway and I open the gate to her backyard. Michael walks ahead to start disconnecting the propane tank from the grill. I wait by the gate while he completes his task and watch some birds flying across the sky. It is the beginning of a beautiful night.
Michael comes around from the side of the house with the tank cradled in his arms. I can tell that it is full of gas and a bit heavy. I’m disappointed by the realization that we won’t be holding hands on the way back to my mom’s. And because Olivia is there, we are being careful not to be affectionate in front of her. It’s too soon for her to see me with someone else. And I don’t want her sharing any information about Michael and me with Joe.
We slowly make our way down the sidewalk to the house. I’m a few steps ahead of Michael, who is concentrating on carrying the tank in an upright position. The sunset glows from behind him, illuminating his body. Life couldn’t point him out for me anymore obviously than it is right now. The light of the sun radiating upon him acts like a spotlight.
I stop at the corner where we usually cross and watch him approach me while I wait. He grunts a little as he sets the gas tank down to rest. His eyes meet mine and it happens before I can even sense it coming. Michael pulls me in, hands gently placed behind the back of my neck, and kisses me fully.
It’s like coming home after being gone for years. It’s like breathing again when you didn’t realize you were even out of breath. A rush of new, yet familiar, life fills my lungs and body all at once. My heart beats fast and hard in my chest. I lose all sense of what surrounds us and fall completely into his embrace. With every careful, long kiss, I feel my soul plant itself deeply into a foundation that I know we have built before. I hold on to every sensation, I absorb it all and let it course through my veins and find its place to rest.
When we finally move apart we stare at each other for a moment. I only see him, he only sees me. We are silent. Could he feel it too?
CHAPTER 69
To maintain an appropriate environment for Olivia, Michael sleeps in the guest room on Saturday night. I wake up on Sunday morning to find Olivia turned half way around, her legs sprawled over my abdomen. The house is quiet. I look at the bedside clock, which reads “7:00.” I let out a big sigh and prepare myself for what lies ahead.
