“Je t’aime,” he confessed without hesitation.
She turned her head away to hide the tears forming in her eyes and thought she would scream. God, she wanted to find the courage to tell him her greatest fear, but the words simply wouldn’t come. “Please don’t say you love me.”
“Je t’aime,” he repeated slowly, nudging her face back around with his mouth.
She quivered when he bent his head, his mouth lowering to hers, lightly touching her lips. When he pulled back, her heart pounded, despite the reasons her mind offered to keep their relationship from going any further. “Baptiste…”
He looked at her, his gaze assessing. “Victoria Louise Bennett, will you let me love you?”
Chapter 6
The moment Baptiste led Vic into his bedroom, she conceded a bitter truth. Her libido had overruled what little logic she had. A shudder raced down her spine, and a chill swept over her despite the seventy-degree heat outside. Goose bumps surfaced on her arms the moment the door closed and the lock clicked.
“This room is our space, Honey,” he said quietly, braced against the door. “Whenever we come in here, the past doesn’t matter.”
Running away from a challenge was something she’d never done in her life—until she met Baptiste. For six days, she’d been in and out of his room so much she could walk through it blindfolded. Now she was ready to bolt, knowing her vulnerability. The defenses she’d erected long ago to protect her heart from another man’s betrayal were in jeopardy of being stripped away one by one.
She didn’t want to fall in love again, yet it was too nerve-wracking to teeter back and forth with the physical attraction that had crackled between them for months. Why not enjoy the moment? When things were over, he could move on, and her heart would remain unscathed. Without saying a word, she turned and looped her arms around his neck. “What’s right is you and me…tonight.”
He placed his hands atop hers. “I beg to differ.”
She whispered in his mouth, “Baptiste, enjoy this moment with me and what we feel for each other without any commitments, okay?”
“I can’t do that, Honey.” He lifted her hands and placed them at her side.
She stepped away, confused. “I-I don’t understand.”
“For the first time since I’ve known you, I’m going to love you. And just so you’ll know, I’m not going to simply enjoy the moment. Never.”
She shook her head. “What are you saying here, Baptiste?”
He moved closer, but didn’t touch her. “I told you before, Honey, I’m not going to settle for a casual affair with you and then go our separate ways afterward.”
“B-But you just said a moment ago you were in love with me, right?”
Smiling, he nodded.
“Well, if a person loves someone, they usually show it physically, right?”
“Usually,” he concurred, lightly stroking his finger along her cheek. “The only problem is that it doesn’t hold true in our case.”
Frustrated, her hands landed on her hips. “And just why not?”
“Because you don’t love me. If I simply wanted a booty call, I could get that anywhere. You’re too precious to me to settle for anything less than your complete love.”
Vic was more baffled now than she was earlier. “B-But you asked if you could love me, right?”
He nodded. “Precisely. I asked if I could love you, not make love. There’s a world of difference.”
“Difference,” she cried out in bewilderment. “How?”
His hand fused with the back of her head. “Let me show you.”
Before she knew what hit her, he wrapped her in his embrace, his mouth swooping down on hers. The feel of his lips was strong, yet ever so gentle. A voice inside her head screamed this was another one of his ploys to make her fall in love with him. The whisper from her heart confirmed he might succeed before all was said and done. The tiny flicks of his tongue against the corners of her mouth caused her arms to inch their way back around his neck. His fingers toyed with her skull, causing her lips to part, and he probed further, sucking away her senses and resistance until she released a moan of pure, unadulterated pleasure.
He stepped back, kicked his slippers off, and tugged at the tail of his tank top.
Vic swallowed hard. “W-What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to go to bed.” He walked over and sat on the edge of the mattress and removed all his clothes except his underwear, then stood again.
Vic’s eyes widened. She blinked once, twice, and a third time before it finally registered. Oh, Jesus. Black silk bikini briefs? She didn’t even know such a design existed; she’d been out of circulation too long.
“Are you coming?”
“C-Coming where?” she stuttered in a strangled voice.
Didn’t he just tell her two seconds ago they weren’t going to have sex? She continued to stare, but this time, with appreciation. Muscular, toned, and powerful, his massive physique towered over her. She closed her eyes and held the image. Lord, the man looked good.
“To bed,” he answered softly.
She shook her head to try and clear the confusion and looked down at her clothes before glancing back at him. “Take them off?”
“You can leave them on or off. It doesn’t matter.”
She sucked in a deep breath and tried to steady the trembling of her hands while she undressed down to her underwear. His gaze never left hers.
Their eyes met, and with slow, deliberate steps, he closed the gap between them.
“You’re about to experience what it feels like to be loved by a man. Do you understand?”
Did she understand? He couldn’t be serious? She hadn’t been able to grasp the meaning of anything they’d done or said the last ten minutes, let alone comprehend the two of them together in his bedroom half-dressed. From the moment they’d laid eyes on each other, they’d fought worst than foes on a battlefield. Yet a bond existed between them that went far beyond the physical. She’d been sucked into a vortex of emotions she hadn’t felt for any man, not even Ron, and would fight to the bitter end not to feel for Baptiste, if it meant protecting her heart.
When he held his hand out to her, she accepted it and followed him around to the right side of the bed. With her mouth ajar, she watched him push back the covers.
“Go on, get in.”
“Whoa, back up here a minute, Baptiste. You just said you didn’t want us to have sex.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m going to set the record straight for you, Honey. We’ll never have sex. And to clarify what I said, earlier, we won’t make love—not tonight, at least.”
Vic simply stared. Did he really expect for them to get in bed together, half-naked, and not wake up in the morning in tangled sheets?
She released a nervous chuckle. “You’re not going to even try to…you know—”
“Nope. I told you what I was going to do. Remember?”
“L-Love me?” she finally managed to say, taking in a deep, shuddering breath, forcing her voice to remain calm.
“Yes. Now go on, woman, climb in.”
A.J. went to the opposite side of the bed and got in. Once he settled his back against a pillow, he held his arms open, and waited.
After a few moments, she cuddled snugly against his right side. “Baptiste, what you said a few moments ago about loving me. W-What did you mean by that?”
“This…”
He devoured her mouth again with a kiss more urgent and scalding than the one they’d just shared. Once she caught her breath, she gazed into his eyes, which smoldered with desire. And he expected her not to go stone-cold crazy after this? No way.
“Now maybe you can relax and go to sleep,” he whispered against her mouth.
Vic started to say something, but suddenly her throat tightened, and her words lodged somewhere in the middle.
Even though she hadn’t uttered a word, he saw the play of emotions skirting across her face and tilted her head bac
k a fraction. “Don’t ever be afraid to share anything with me. What’s discussed between us stays between us. Understand?”
She nodded, blinking back tears. Settling next to him, she thought about the irony of this whole situation. Here she was lying next to the man she’d tried for months to elude in an effort not to fall in love with him. And right now he was the one person in the entire universe who fiercely guarded her worst misery. Anguished emotions seeped down into the marrow in her bones, destroying her vow to never let anyone witness her pain.
She cried long and hard. Years of trying to remain strong and not crack under the pressure, of suffering in silence, of clinging to a painful memory, of trying to heal a broken heart alone, washed down her face in moments.
“B-Baptiste, it was the most painful experience in my life,” she faintly whimpered in a hoarse voice an hour later.
He pulled her closer to the warmth of his body and felt her heart thud wildly against his chest. The tormented anguish in her voice pierced his very soul. “I can’t imagine it would be anything less.” He hesitated for a moment. “Listen, you don’t have to tell me anything else. I realize what you’ve already shared was difficult enough.”
Her head rested next to his heart and she shook it because she’d held the hurt inside long enough, simply too embarrassed to tell anyone.
“Ron and I met right after he’d finished up his residency. I’d wrapped up my nursing clinicals, and we ended up working at the same hospital.” She released a half chuckle. “We actually hit it off from the beginning, and about a year later we got married.”
“Did you ever suspect anything?” he whispered softly, reaching down and lacing their fingers together.
“Nothing that would make me think he was…” After all these years, Vic still couldn’t say the word aloud, and blew out a hard breath. “We’d even talked about starting a family and buying a home. But right after our first anniversary, things started to change.”
“How?”
“He became distant. I-I figured he was stressed because of our financial situation.”
“Your financial situation? I don’t understand.”
Vic shifted to an upright position and faced him. “Ron was trying to get his practice off the ground, so we’d taken out loans for that. Plus, we both had student loans from school, and money was tight. I tried to work as much overtime as I could. I figured it would take some of the pressure off him,” she choked out between sobs.
A.J. reached for her hand again and softly squeezed it. “It’s okay. Settle down, mon amour, and take your time.”
“One day,” she managed to say as fine tremors shook her body, “I came home from work and found him in our bed with…” Even after eight years, it was still difficult for her to say out loud that she’d found her husband in bed with another man. “At first, I was so stunned, I didn’t feel anything. Baptiste, I-I just stood there.” Tears appeared again, and this time, she didn’t bother to wipe them away. “I didn’t even go inside. I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, I didn’t curse. I just turned and ran.” Bowing her head, she gasped for air. “I-I was so hurt…and humiliated.” Scooting backwards, she settled on her haunches. “You know, as close as my mother and I are, I couldn’t even bring myself to tell her.”
“So no one knows the real reason for your divorce?”
She shook her head. “Not even Caitlyn. You’re the only person I’ve ever told. At first, I was too ashamed to tell anybody. Then after some time passed, I didn’t know what to tell ’em.”
He shook his head. “I’m not following you, mon amour.”
She accepted the tissue A.J. handed her and wiped her face. “What was I supposed to say, Baptiste? That Ron turned to a man because I was working a lot and wasn’t around?”
“What?” A.J.’s voice was perplexed.
“At first, I-I thought it was because I wasn’t there to satisfy him.” Wearily, she shook her head. “To be perfectly honest, I’m still not sure what the real reason was, and that’s what hurts the most. You know, you can accept things better if you understand them.”
He nodded. “Did you ever sit down and talk to Ron after what you saw?”
“Why?” she shouted, focusing on the wall in front of her. “Everything I needed to say to Ron, I said through my divorce attorney.”
“And since then?”
She released a contemptuous chuckle, and pure hate replaced her pain. “As a matter of fact, he called about six months ago. Ain’t that a bitch?” She tore the tissue into shreds. “The no-good son-of-a-bitch. There’s not a whole lot he can say to me at this point.” She lowered her head, embarrassed because she’d never known Baptiste to use profanity. Even in the most stressful situations, she’d never heard him raise his voice or lose his temper. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Listen, under the circumstances, I think you have the right to say that and more.”
She sucked in a long breath, and then slowly released it. “Even though we’d always used protection, I was worried sick. For two years,” she emphasized, holding up two fingers, “I got an AIDS test every three months. I didn’t want to take any chances.” Fury burst inside her again. “Nobody should have to go through that. Nobody.” Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and she screamed, “I should be a mother by now, but instead I got screwed, Baptiste. You hear me? Screwed!”
He shifted to an upright position and held her until her trembling ceased. “I understand that, and you’re right.” He leaned back, cupping her chin until she slowly lifted her head. “Let me ask you something.”
“What?”
“Do you think I’d do what Ron did to you?”
“Baptiste—”
“Yes or no, Honey. Do you?”
“No,” she whispered honestly.
He pulled her to his chest. “Good answer, because that’s one thing you’d never have to worry about.”
“I believe you, Baptiste. I’m just not willing to take the chance of having another man break my heart again for any reason,” she admitted truthfully.
“And that’s why you won’t let yourself fall in love with me?”
She sighed with frustration and pulled away from his embrace. He just wasn’t getting it. She simply couldn’t gamble on believing whispered words of love a second time, the possibility of going through more heartache. This was the closest she’d been to a man’s bed in eight years. Whenever she got desperate, she could always count on a well-made electrical device and six strong Duracells to take the edge off. Even now, she was struggling with releasing the raging pent-up sexual desire inside her while trying to hang on to her heart. And he wanted more? It would never happen.
“Listen, Baptiste—”
“Honey, the answer is simple. Yes or no?”
Vic lowered her head.
He smiled tenderly. “Well?”
“I-I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m scared, Baptiste. I’m scared!”
His smile was shadowed by the darkness of the room. This was more than progress. It was absolute victory. Whether she knew it or not, she’d just let him slip past her safety zone, the invisible boundary she’d established to guard her from hurt, pain, and disappointment. She’d just let down the defenses around her heart and allowed him to touch it. “Look at me and tell me what it is you see.”
She obeyed. “The most bullheaded man I’ve ever met in my life.” She sucked in a deep breath and offered a slight smile. “And one I wouldn’t mind wrecking this bed with.”
“I want that more than you’ll ever know, but I want it predicated on love, not lust. And the only way we’ll get there is for you to do two things.”
She took the tissue he handed her and softly blew her nose. “What’s that?”
“First, let go of the past. As hard as it may sound, find a way to forgive Ron. And second, take a chance with me. I want your heart, mon amour. Completely.”
“Baptiste—”
>
“Honey, I’m not backing down on this. You can call me stubborn or any other name you can come up with, but nothing—and I mean nothing—will make me change my mind.”
She glared at him a moment. “Those are the rules, huh?”
He nodded. “Those are the rules.”
“Well, guess what?” she huffed, scooting to the center of the bed. “I’m not gonna play this game with you.”
Evidently he didn’t understand what she’d just said because he simply gave her a sympathetic nod, releasing a gentle smile at the same time that almost lit up the room. “Baptiste, I haven’t seen or talked to Ron in eight years, and I don’t plan on starting now.”
“I didn’t say anything to you about talking to him, now did I?”
“Man, you haven’t heard a thing I’ve said, have you? He was wrong to do what he did to me.” She shook her head. “I can’t forgive him. I won’t do it.”
A.J. shifted and rested his weight on his right elbow. “I agree totally with your first argument, but let me ask you a question.”
“What?”
“You’ve carried a tremendous burden inside of you for a long time, right?”
Vic stared and wondered where his line of questioning was going. “Baptiste—”
He inched up closer to her. “And for a long time, you’ve never allowed another man to get close to you, right?”
Vic was silent and turned her head to hide the new wave of tears stinging her eyes.
He moved a littler farther. “Right?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“It’s been a long time since you’ve been loved by a man, right?”
Vic’s emotions were too fragile to do anything else but nod.
“Yet you’re in my bed and you just poured your soul out to me. You weren’t scared to do that, right?”
She held her breath before releasing it, her eyes connecting to his. “No.”
“Then falling in love with me will be much easier.”
He didn’t give her a chance to answer because he stretched out and patted the mattress. “Come on, lie down.”
Vic simply stared at him. He’d asked her—no correction, told her she needed to do two things she had no intention of doing. He opened his arms to her and waited. Taking another deep breath, she pushed aside the roller-coaster emotions bombarding her and went to him.
When a Man Loves a Woman (Indigo) Page 7
