by Lee Savino
The pod opens, and I suck in air. It’s over. I’ve done it. I’m back—for better or worse. I can’t deny the relief I feel at the sight of so many Tsenturions as I look up from my seat. Judging from the light colors of their suits, they’re glad to see me too.
“Commander, we found her!” one of the warrior cries. Relieved to be back on the familiar ship, I don’t even protest at the mistruth. The Tsenturions didn’t find me. I saved myself. Well, the Vgotha ship helped.
Before I can pull myself out of the pod, the group of soldiers parts and Gavrill emerges, rushing to my side with more urgency than I’ve ever seen before.
“Dawn. My Dawn. Are you hurt?” His voice his full of anxious worry and his hands roam over me, searching my exposed skin, delving under the thick fur on my lap. With a growl he rips the fur off and tosses it away. The colors on his armor are rippling, like a muddy rainbow, making it impossible to know how he's feeling.
"I'm fine," I say, trying to reassure him.
“Commander keep your distance, they might have contaminated her in order to poison us—” Bogdan sounds serious and worried.
"They didn't," I say, but before I can finish my sentence Gavrill is already picking me up, ignoring Bogdan's warning, and shouting for the doctor.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I repeat, even as I mold myself against his firm body, relaxing in his arms.
“Bogdan is right. They could’ve given you poison. Medik!” He calls out again, turning as he looks for the older Tsenturion. The rippling colors on his armor intensify, flashing so quickly it almost makes me nauseous to look at it, as close to out of control as I’ve ever seen him. “We need a medkit here, now!”
The crowd of warriors parts to make way for the stooped Tsenturion, who is hurrying forward as fast as he can. Gavrill moves to meet him, holding me out slightly in front of him like I'm an offering. Quick as a wink, Medik runs a scanner up and down my body.
Besides us, the Tsenturions examine the pod I came in.
“What is this technology?” one of the warriors breathes. Another pokes it with his gun.
“Don’t hurt it,” I snap, then bite my tongue. I need to explain my theory of the ship being alive to Gavrill. Hopefully he'll be interested enough to believe me, and not harm it considering I wouldn't have been able to escape without it.
“Commander, I must protest, she may have been infected with their symbiote—” Bogdan starts again.
“She’s clear,” Medik says hurriedly as Gavrill’s face twists with anger. “Just the rash that she acquired on here.”
“I’m taking her to my quarters,” Gavrill barks at his second.
“We need to debrief her—”
“Stand down,” Gavrill roars. The warriors snap to attention, even Bogdan. Ignoring all of them, Gavrill carries me between the saluting rows with ground-eating strides.
“I’m fine,” I reassure him softly, patting his chest. I know he's more upset that his special tribute prize was taken and that this doesn't mean he actually cares about me, but it's still nice to pretend. Being held by him again I feel protected, and I know that's true.
“You could’ve been killed.” He practically growls the words, but I can also feel something else—anguish? Maybe. It's too faint to really know. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.
“Is Arkdhem okay?” I ask, since I don't see him.
Lips pressed together, Gavrill nods.
“It wasn’t his fault. The Vgotha hit him with some sort of trance spell. It didn't seem to work as well on me.”
"I know," Gavrill says, although his expression is still implacable. I huff. Hopefully he isn't holding a grudge against Arkdhem, although I don't know what I can do if he is. It's not like Gavrill will listen to me.
18
Gavrill
I carry Dawn to my cabin, my hearts pounding inside my chest so noisily that I can barely hear my thoughts. I feel split in two. I was about to board a ship to rescue my Tribute, when the sensors picked up the advance of a Vgotha ship. I was ready to bring it on board and tear it apart myself, and torture the occupants until they told me where to find Dawn. When the pod opened and revealed her pale face, I couldn’t keep myself from touching her.
I've broken protocol in front of all of my warriors. Possibly even put them in danger. Fortunately, there was nothing wrong with her, but Bogdan's paranoia could have easily proven true.
I know he's also right that we need to debrief her. We need to know what she saw, what she heard, any information she can give us on the Vgothas and their ships. She's the only being we know of who has ever been on one and made it out alive.
But that duty wars with my personal need to check her over, to ensure she is unharmed, and to protect her. I want her safely tucked away from everyone, to have her completely for myself, just for a bit.
"Where are we going?" she asks.
"Our temporary quarters.” Our old quarters need repairs after the infiltration. “I need to check you over."
"I'm fine," she says again, sounding exasperated. I know she's telling the truth, and yet I also know I won't be satisfied until I've examined every part of her with my own eyes. Possibly my hands too. Just having her in my arms is rousing my need to claim her irrevocably. "They didn't do anything to me except put me in a cell. They seemed to think I was a pet."
If I wasn't so out-of-sorts, I would have chuckled at the disgruntled note in her voice. "You might seem like a pet to them, I doubt they have ever seen a human before."
The cabin door opens before us as she lets out a little snort.
Gently setting her down on the bed, I begin to look her over, frowning when I come to the dark red spot on her neck. Medik had assured both her and me that it was just some kind of rash, but it looks as though it has gotten worse.
"Does this still itch?" I ask, my finger hovering over it.
Dawn shakes her head. "Not really. It just looks bad."
She blushes a little, her eyes slightly downcast as she looks away from me. I do not like that she will not meet my eyes. Before the Vgotha took her, she was sad, but now she doesn't seem so... if anything, the sense of her emotions that I get is determination.
"Anything else?" I ask, running my hands over her arms.
"No, I told you, I'm fine... look, stop, just stop touching me." Suddenly she jerks back, leaving me empty-handed and shocked.
A few semicycles ago, I would have pulled her over my knee and spanked her until she acknowledged my right to touch her however I pleased. Right now, though? Having her just returned to me, only for my touch to be rejected?
"What did they do to you? What did the Vgothas do that you don't want my touch?" I demand, rising and stepping back to give her the space she apparently needs.
"Nothing, I told you, they did nothing!" She stands too, her eyes now meeting mine, wide, blue, and filled with tears. "But I can't stand you touching me like you care, I can't sit here and pretend everything is fine between us when it's not."
"I do care—" I start to say, but she cuts me off.
"You care about your Tribute," she says, the sarcasm in her voice mocking the endearment I enjoy so much. "You care about me as your Tribute, but nothing more. Someone came and took your shiny toy and you're happy to have me back, but you don't really care about me. You made that abundantly clear before I was taken, and I cannot deal with you acting like anything has changed just because I was taken away from you for a while."
I stare at her, my armor dulling to grey as I try to understand what she's saying to me. Of course, I care about her, she is my Tribute. My future. My Dawn. I was willing to abandon my post to save her. I don't understand how she can think I wouldn't care about her. Her words don't make sense to me.
"What do you want from me?" My words are a baffled plea for instruction. None of her manuals covered anything quite like this. I thought I had earned my place as her Master but…
I do not understand what is wrong, so I do not know how to make it righ
t. Whatever it is, I will do it.
Big blue eyes look up at me, filled with tears.
"I want to go home," she whispers. "Back to Earth. I don't want to be your Tribute."
Something inside of me tears, ripping through me with a greater force than any weapon she could have used on me. I would give her anything but that.
But it is what she wants.
Not trusting my voice, I nod and turn away, retreating because I cannot think what else to do. The agony crawling up the inside of my chest is hauntingly familiar. I felt it the last time I lost everything.
Dawn
It's the right decision.
That's what I tell myself, even as the expression on Gavrill's face, the sad grey of his armor, and my own needs make me want to call him back. Or chase after him.
My shoulder twinges, right where the red spot is, and I put my hand over it. It had spiked with pain when I told Gavrill I wanted to go back to Earth and I'm starting to think that Medik is wrong about it being a harmless rash, but it doesn't really matter right now. I'm not sure anything matters.
Slowly, I sink back down onto the couch and curl up into a little ball.
I'd sworn to myself at the beginning of this that I would escape. That I would find a way back to Earth. That's what I was doing. I can't stay here, in love with an alien that sees me as nothing more than a possession.
Soon enough he'll have another Tribute.
One who actually signs up for the experience, even if she thinks it's a joke when she does it.
It won’t—can’t—be me. I can’t handle being in love with someone who just sees me as an incubator for his babies. Someone who is happy to fuck me into oblivion but pulls away from me just when it seems like his emotions are becoming involved.
The door swishes open and I don’t even look up. If my friggin’ Tsenturion Master wants a little sub to greet him, he can replicate and program a sex robot. Maybe Frllil could make one for him.
“Tribute?” a soft voice calls from near the door. Not Gavrill—the doctor.
“Here,” I raise a hand, too tired to ask him to call me Dawn again.
The older Tsenturion approaches me warily. “Are you feeling well?”
“I’m fine,” I wrench myself up to prove it. “The Vgothas didn’t do anything to me.”
“The Commander wishes me to check and debrief you.”
“Okay. Fine.” I sit and let him scan me, turning my head and offering my wrist when prompted. I’m still thinking about calling Frllil and asking him to make Gavrill a sex doll, maybe one that can incubate Gavrill’s sperm until they replicate a female Tsenturion ovum. Or better yet, Frllil could clone him. That’s just what the universe needs, twenty million hard-jawed Gavrill’s, commanding ships and guarding every corner of the known universe.
“Dawn…” I realize that Medik has been calling my name for some time. I blink and focus on his frowning face. “Your vitals are normal, but there seems to be some lingering effects on your conscious state…”
“There was a gas. Or a spell or something—” I explain the way Tor seemed to hypnotize me with his voice.
“I have heard of a drug that can do this. It comes from a mushroom that an ancient civilization cultivated on their planet. If one ingests enough of the fungus, their skin emits a pheromone that makes the people around them susceptible to suggestion.”
“That sounds about right.”
“The mushroom was destroyed along with the planet. The Vgothas must have gotten a specimen and cultivated it.”
“That would make sense,” I say. “Their whole ship was like a garden.” More like an indoor marijuana farm.
“The High Commander will want a full account of your experience, but he will question you later about it.”
I nod. Of course, he does. That way he and Bogdan can get down to the business of destroying the Vgothas. No sense in importing more Tributes if your sworn enemy is just going to break all your pretty, pretty toys.
“I think perhaps it would be good for you to rest,” Medik continues.
I shrug. “I can do it now, while the memory is fresh.”
“I do not think that is wise. Physically you are healthy but there seems to be a lingering malaise.”
“No, I felt this way before the Vgothas took me. I just didn’t have the courage to talk about it.” The trip through the storm took care of that. After my family died, I hid in my grandmother’s house and never made any close connections, as if, by having no relationships, I could avoid the pain.
I know better now. Life is brutal and dangerous. And it’s beautiful. I can shrink from it, or I can brace myself and enjoy the ride.
It only took a trip to another galaxy to teach me how to live on Earth.
“Is there anything I can do?” Medik asks.
I take a deep breath, ignoring the ache rising in my chest. “Yeah, actually. Can you start by taking this collar off of me? Also, since you’re so involved in the Tribute program, can you contact Frllil for me?”
He straightens. “The Jabol?”
“Yes.” I clench my hands into fists to keep from rubbing my chest. “I just told Gavrill, I want to go back to Earth. I just need to talk to Frllil to see how we can make that happen.”
“You wish to leave?” Medik seems shocked, stuck on that one point.
“I don’t think there’s any reason for me to stay,” I say quietly, looking down at my fists where they rest in my lap. The pain in my chest is growing, an empty ache that causes tears to spring up in the back of my eyes. “All he really needs is a womb and a female willing to lend her genes. He doesn’t need me… and I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.”
A pause. I keep my head down, not looking up because I know there will be disappointment on Medik’s expression. After a long moment, he speaks again.
“I thought you and the Commander had started to bond.”
I wince. Yeah, so had I, but that just shows what we both knew.
“I honestly don’t think he’s capable of it and there’s no way in hell I’m having kids with a man who treats me like an object. You’d have to strap me down and sedate me.” I glower at Medik, just daring him to try. Although my birth control shot would keep that from happening for at least another month. Definitely not mentioning that, though.
He sighs. “That would not lead to healthy children.”
“No, it won’t.” I clear my throat, feeling a bit sorry for the old alien. “I won’t do it willingly, but I bet another woman would. I can work with Frllil, see if we can make contact and find someone else for Gavrill.”
“You’d do that?” Medik’s suit tints in surprise.
Do I want to? Hell no. But will I? Yes. I’m leaving. I… okay, I’m going to be honest, if only to myself—I love him. I want him to have everything I can’t give to him. Will it suck the big one, choosing my replacement? Yes. I’ll still do it.
“He deserves the life that he wants. A mate and children. I want him to have that.” Jealousy nearly chokes me, but I push it away. There’s no point in being jealous when this is my choice.
“If you really feel that way, I will see what I can do—”
“Thank you.”
“—if you tell me why you want to go.”
I sigh and rub my shoulder. It still aches, although at least it has dulled since the initial stabbing spike of pain.
“Look, this isn’t working. I know you want me to be the Commander’s bonded mate and all, but,” I shrug to hide my roiling feelings. “I don’t think it’s possible.”
Medik stays silent while I massage the sore patch of skin below my neck and try to think of how to explain it to him. The sex is great, but he doesn’t care about me. I can’t go through a thousand years feeling like a casual hookup.
“I thought about it when I was on the Vgotha ship. No, the Vgothas didn’t say anything. To them I was just a bargaining chip—something they kept safe but didn’t mess with at all. I might as well have been a piece of furniture
.” My throat and chest tighten, making my voice rasp a little. “That’s how Gavrill thinks of me, too. I’m fun and diverting and pretty to look at, but he doesn’t care about me any more than... a prize on a shelf.”
Beside me, Medik jolts as if he might say something, but doesn’t interrupt as I press on.
“I didn’t even think he’d rescue me,” I tell him, sadness welling all over again, the sense of abandonment stinging the backs of my eyes as tears threaten. “That’s why I escaped. I didn’t think he’d come for me. Why rescue me when he can just get another Tribute?” I clench and unclench my fists, trying to get some blood moving through them, not meeting Medik’s eyes. “So that’s what he should do. Replace me. I can’t be with someone like that. I won’t. Having children with him—forget it.”
Would he even care for his children? Or would he see them as little soldiers ready to be trained to carry out the Tsenturion mission?
The silence descends heavily between us.
“He cares,” Medik says after a long moment. His voice is soft but sincere. “He was very upset when you were taken.”
“That’s just because the Vgothas took something he thought belonged to him. It’s simple one-up-man-ship. In a few cycles he won’t care about me again. Maybe he’ll be grateful that I helped start the Tribute program.” My shoulder twitches with a stab of pain and I rub the marked skin. “There are probably plenty of women on Earth who would be happy to be his Tribute, even though he’ll never love them. But not me.” Just the thought of it makes me feel nauseous. I’ve lost too many people in my life. I’m ready to love again. I can’t imagine sharing a life with someone who will never love me in return.
Somehow, I have to get my body back to normal and get myself back to Earth. If Medik won’t help me get in touch with Frllil then I’ll probably have to ask Gavrill to. Just the thought makes me quail, but I will if I have to.
Medik and I sit in silence awhile. I still can’t meet his eyes. It feels like I’m bleeding inside, the jagged shards of pain like glass cutting through my chest.
