I sat back in the seat, huffing out a sigh. My thoughts tumbled about in my head like loose change in a dryer. I needed to call Kailen when we reached my parents’ place. No sense leaving him in the lurch. I wasn’t worried about the obstruction of justice charges—those would be dismissed as soon as Jane turned up as a human. What I was worried about was facing a champion of the Guardians—in a fight to the death. Did I have it in me to kill someone else? Even if they were one of the Sidhe and not human? Assuming Grian would even make it happen. I'd already decided that I couldn't move every few days. I didn’t want to live my life like that—alone, hunted, and constantly wary.
After what felt like forever, we pulled into the driveway of my parents' home. It looked deceptively small from the outside, but I knew the stats. Three bedrooms, two and a half baths, and one den, which my mother had claimed as an office. As soon as we walked inside, my mother swept past and beckoned us toward the den.
If there was one place in the house Lainey and I had been forbidden from entering, it was this room. Mom had worked from home twice a week once I'd turned eight, and she hated any interruptions. She'd always told us that every interruption made whatever task she'd been doing take twice as long.
It felt strange even now, at thirty-two, to walk into that space. A desk lay against one wall, a bookshelf on the opposite wall. Beneath the window were two long file cabinets, each with three drawers. Various paraphernalia hung on the walls and sat on shelves. Crystal wands, dream catchers, even a replica Excalibur sword. I'd never really understood my mother. She'd treated salespeople's claims with the highest doubt, and yet she believed in burning three white candles under a new moon to bring luck.
I hung near the doorway with Lainey and my father as she made her way to the left file cabinet, unlocked it, and opened the bottom drawer. She pulled out a file box. “This is all of it. I thought about throwing it out when you'd not manifested by your twenty-first birthday. But I didn't.” She walked over me and held it out.
I took it, more than a little mystified. “That's it?”
“Open it,” she said.
I sat down on the white shaggy carpet and lifted the lid. Lainey sat next to me, shoulder-to-shoulder, her presence offering me support. A collection of odd items, piled one on top of the other, met my gaze. I reached in and pulled out the first one to meet my fingertips. It was a tiny dress, made of a shimmering, gauzy material. Blue butterfly wings had been sewn onto the front, in the pattern of a flower.
My mother pulled up the chair from the desk, as my father leaned against the doorframe. “It's the dress you came to us in. You were so tiny, so perfect. You had eyes dark as chocolate, but when I picked you up, your eyes turned green—my green.”
I pulled out the next item—a stuffed horse. Its hair was softer than cashmere, white and fluffy. As I held it, it moved, nuzzling its head beneath one of my palms. Lainey shrieked. I dropped it, adrenaline giving a brief kick to my heart.
“Well,” my father said, “you can see why we didn't let you keep that one.”
“Did that just move?” Lainey said.
“I'm not human,” I said. The words felt as though they fell from another person's lips. “I'm Fae. I'm a Changeling.”
“Oh shit,” Lainey said. “For real? Like those fairytales Dad used to read to us?”
“Not quite.” My dad spoke up from behind us. “We weren’t duped, and we didn’t give up a human child in return.”
“We really wanted to have a baby,” my mother said. She clasped her hands in front of her and leaned down. For one of the few times in my memory, she looked worried. “We tried for five years. When we’d just about given up, I found an old book in the library that mentioned a fertility rite. It seemed stupid at the time, but I was willing to try anything. It didn’t make me pregnant, but it did put me in touch with Maera and Faolan. They offered to bring me you.”
“In touch with them?” I asked. “They came here?”
My mother flushed. “I saw them in a dream. They set certain conditions—I couldn’t tell anyone, and they’d come for you when you manifested your Fae powers. They told me you’d adjust to look like us. I agreed. Maera told me she would bring you in six months. The next day, I quit my job, told people I was pregnant, and started preparing for your arrival.”
Lainey let out a breathless laugh. “My God, Mom, you were crazy!”
She shrugged. “A little.”
“It wasn’t the best time in our marriage,” my father said, “but I’d stick by your mom through anything. Well, I got the shock of my life six months later.”
My mother reached down and put a hand into the file box. She pulled out a photograph and gave it to me. “He showed up in the middle of the night, and he brought me you.”
I looked down at the photo and my fingertips went numb. It was the entrance hall of a house I no longer remembered. Standing by the door, a confused look in his eyes, was Kailen. He was dressed in a collared shirt, a black peacoat, and gray slacks and scarf. He didn’t look a day younger than when I’d seen him at the dinner table. Bundled in his arms, in a white blanket, was a baby, mouth open in a wail, face pink. Me.
He didn’t know why Faolan and Maera created a Changeling? He respected them? The things Kailen had told me echoed in my head. Lies. He’d been there, from the very beginning. From my beginnings.
CHAPTER TWELVE
I couldn’t put the photograph down. I stared at it, Kailen’s startled gaze looking straight back into mine.
“I'm going to go make some tea,” my dad said. He retreated.
I breathed out and finally tore my gaze away from the photo. “Why didn't you tell me?”
“As I said before, your adoption wasn't strictly legal.” My mother's tone became brusque. “If I told you, and you told someone else, not only could your father and I have gotten into trouble, but the state might have taken you away from me. That was the last thing I wanted.”
There was something she wasn't telling me. I knew, because she had that high-pitched, breathy tone at the end of her words—the same one I had when I didn't tell the whole truth. I reached back into the box and pulled out an odd trinket. It was a lock of hair, bound with a silver chain. “What's this?”
“That...well. Remember I said that the last thing I wanted was for you to be taken away from me?”
Lainey reached over and took my arm. I turned the full force of my attention on my mother, lifting the lock of hair. “What did you do?”
“Maera told me that there's some witch blood in my family, going way back. So I tried a binding spell. To stop you from manifesting your powers. See, the deal was, as soon as you manifested, you'd be Maera's and Faolan's again.”
The room swam. I wasn't sure whether to be angry, sad, grateful that my mother loved me that much, or just numb. “When was I supposed to manifest?”
My mother grimaced. “Twelve? Thirteen? I guess I couldn't hold it off forever.”
I shivered, feeling another cold flash coming on. “You have no idea what you’ve done.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It was selfish. Please don’t hate me.”
“I can’t,” I said. “You’re my mom.”
She started to cry. I couldn’t stand it when my mom cried. It happened so seldom that it always made me uncomfortable, and she never just shed a tear or two. She full out bawled, rosy cheeks going blotchy, nose running, tears gathering at her chin.
Lainey and I exchanged glances. “Calm down, Mom,” she said. “Nicole isn't going anywhere.”
I cleared my throat. “Actually, I really should go. And I need to use the phone.”
“Oh, I called Owen already,” my mother said between sobs. “I told him we were picking you up. He”—she stopped, reached for a tissue on her desk, and blew her nose—“he said he'd be over soon.”
Three days of mayhem. I hadn't told my parents that Owen and I were on the outs. “Did he say anything to you?” I asked.
My mom sniffed, pulled another
tissue, and wiped her nose. “No. Just that he'd be here.”
Owen would leave me to explain things. I supposed it was my place. “Mom, we're getting a divorce.”
She burst into fresh sobs.
My dad walked in, carrying a tray with four tea mugs. “Tea?” He set it down on the desk and sighed. “For goodness sake, Ellie.” He rubbed her shoulders and handed her another tissue. “You know no one can talk to you when you’re like this.”
At least it didn't take very long for the sobs to run their course. She wiped at her eyes and blew her nose one last time. “Tell me what happened.”
I did, from the time I'd manifested to the police showing up at my door. “So I have to issue a challenge to the Guardians and hope that Grian manipulates them into accepting it. Otherwise I'm dead.”
My mother turned and pulled out a drawer in her desk. She lifted a book out of it—leather binding, yellowed, uneven pages, the works. “Don’t go until I've made you a protection charm,” she said, flipping through it, her back straight. “It's the least I can do, after how I've messed things up.”
“Cool,” Lainey said. “So does that mean I might have witch powers too?”
“Maybe,” my mother said.
I glared at Lainey. I'd just told her I would probably die, and she was excited about having powers?
My sister caught my glare. “You're going to be fine, honey. If there's anything I know about you, it's that you never give up and you're tougher than Mom’s attempts to grill steak. Sucks that you have to kill someone though.”
I just shook my head, got up, and took my mug of tea. It warmed my hands, chasing away the chill that had crept to my shoulders. I leaned against the wall next to my dad, looking down at the items that revealed my past.
He clinked his mug to mine. “You okay?”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “I don't know. I might be, someday.”
“Well, I hope that someday is sooner rather than later,” he said.
“Thanks, Dad.”
The doorbell rang. Lainey jumped to her feet. “I'll get it.” It rang again, before she left the office. “Yeah, yeah,” she said.
I breathed in the steam. Be calm, Nicole. Calm. Kailen has to have an explanation. The smell of mint and green tea wafted up my nose. I heard Lainey open the door. “Oh! Someone help!”
I set my mug on one of the file cabinets, not caring that the tea sloshed over the edge at my careless movements, and rushed into the hallway. Owen stood in the doorway, Jane hanging out of his pocket. He had Kailen's arms slung over his shoulders and his blue sweater was covered with blood. Kailen's blood. Lainey was already next to Owen, helping him drag Kailen inside. “We have to call an ambulance,” she said.
They laid him down on the tile floor of the hallway. Owen closed the door.
“No,” Kailen choked out. “No ambulance.” He cracked an eye open, saw me. “Good, you're here.” His teeth were red with blood. The collared shirt he wore was torn in two places, exposing wounds that still trickled. “Just turn off the light.”
Lainey reached over and flicked the switch. As soon as she did, Kailen closed his eye, his breathing becoming slow and steady. Neither Owen nor Lainey could see in the dark, but I could.
“Shouldn't we move him?” Owen said.
“No,” I said. The wounds began to knit. “He's going to be fine. Just don't touch him.”
“Nicole?” My mom stood in the doorway of the study, her silver hair outlined by the light behind her. “What happened?”
“It's Kailen,” I said. “He's hurt.” I turned back to Owen. “Who did this?”
“These tall people,” Owen said. “In armor. Kailen wanted to go after you when the police took you, but then those people showed up. They kept asking where you were. He fought them, but there were a lot of them. I don't know exactly what happened. I sort of walked out of the bathroom just as they were beating him up. I went to help him, and when they saw me, they disappeared.”
“Guardians,” I said. “Did they follow you?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think to check.”
I glanced down at Kailen. His wounds were almost closed. “Let’s go to the living room. Let him rest. He’ll be up in just a few minutes, by my guess.”
The three of us moved into the living room, my mom and dad following behind. Owen set Jane onto the coffee table. “I’m going to go clean up,” he said. He went to the bathroom and closed the door.
“So this is Jane,” Lainey said, looking down at the mouse. My mom and dad stared too. Jane cowered, her belly flat against the cool glass of the table. She scampered for the magazines and crawled beneath the cover of Cat Fancy.
“Oh, leave her alone,” I said. I sank into one of the couches, suddenly tired. My dad handed me the mug of tea I’d left in the study. I took it. “This can’t be comfortable for her either.”
“I’ll say,” Lainey said. “Who wants to be a mouse for three days? Besides, it’s Owen who deserves the brunt of your anger.”
“It’s too bad,” my dad said, a thoughtful tone in his voice. “I liked Owen.”
Kailen walked into the room, his feet dragging and his face pale. “Food,” he rasped out. “Water.”
A little mystified, I handed him my tea. He downed it in one go. “I’m not a healer,” he said as he handed the mug back to me. He looked a little less pale. “Takes everything I’ve got.”
My dad headed for the kitchen. “I’ve got some leftovers, hold on.”
As Kailen sat on the couch next to me, Jane crawled out from beneath her place in the magazine. “No more delays,” he said. “You have to turn her back. When I spoke with the Guardians—before they started pulping my face—I found out that not everyone agrees that you should be killed. If you turned Jane back into a person, it would demonstrate some control and alleviate a lot of concerns about how dangerous you are. You’d have a better chance of the Arbiter granting your petition.”
“Kailen, this is my mom, and my sister, Lainey,” I said pointedly.
He looked at them, his expression startled, as if suddenly remembering we weren’t alone. Lainey stretched out a hand. “Nice to meet you.” He shook it.
My mom waved, not moving from her spot opposite the couch. “We’ve already met.”
“I’m aware of that,” I said. “Although, apparently, Kailen thinks I shouldn’t be.”
Kailen took my hand and looked me in the eye. “I can explain everything, and I promise you I will. But right now, we have the Guardians on our trail and only a limited amount of time. Let’s spend it saving your life.”
He was right. The longer Jane stayed a mouse, the worse things got for me. My questions about his involvement with the Aranhods could wait. “Fine. Lead me through it again.”
Owen chose that moment to walk out of the bathroom. He’d cleaned the blood off his front and had removed his sweater. He saw my hand in Kailen’s and froze. “I’m going to…uh, help your dad in the kitchen,” he said.
“And I’ll get that charm ready,” my mom said. Both of them left the living room.
Lainey stifled a laugh. “I feel like I should be making an excuse to leave you two alone.”
Kailen, all seriousness, said, “You can stay.” He didn’t let go of my hand. “Close your eyes and remember how it felt when you turned Jane into a mouse.”
“I thought I needed Owen in the room.”
“We need to break you of that block. I think it’s also what’s stopping you from turning Jane back into a person.” I closed my eyes and his other hand came to rest on my back. “I’m going to try to guide you. Breathe, and remember Jane as a person.”
I tried, ignoring the migraine this seemed to inspire. I really did. But all I could think about now was the feel of his palm on my back and my hand resting in his. God, he was old enough to be my great-great-great-great-I didn’t even know how many greats-grandfather. If I kissed him again, would it feel as good as it had the first time?
“Your heart r
ate is speeding up, as is your breathing. Keep it steady.”
Jane let out a series of squeaks from her spot on the table. If a mouse could sound snarky, she’d just nailed it. Lainey laughed.
Kailen's hand left my back. “Well, fine,” he said to Jane. “You can just stay a mouse then, if that's what you'd like.” He sighed. “Try again, on your own. I'm going to head outside, cover our tracks.”
Lainey took his seat as soon as Kailen left the room. “Oh my God, Nicole, he's so good-looking. And totally into you.”
I stared at her. “Lainey. I'm facing almost certain death, haven't even filed paperwork for the dissolution of my marriage, found out I'm adopted, and you want to talk about a centuries-old man like we're at a high school dance?”
“Well, what should we talk about, sweetie? Can't really help you with the Fae stuff.”
An ache started in my chest. “What am I doing, Lainey? I can't say I don't love Owen anymore. And I didn't always treat him well.”
“Honey.” Lainey took my hand. “That's no excuse for him to go bed-hopping. I like Owen—he's like a brother to me. Yeah, you aren't the easiest to get along with, and you've got a bit of a temper, but I adore you in spite of these things. I want you to be with someone who feels the same way. Maybe you could have done things differently, but who knows if you wouldn't have just ended up in the same place.”
I brushed the hair out of my face. “And Kailen. Okay, yes, I find him attractive.”
“Who wouldn't?”
“But he's so much older than I am. Pursuing him would just complicate things.”
“Well, I won't tell you what to do, but the days before almost certain death sort of seem like a time you might want to go ahead and complicate things,” Lainey said.
I pulled my hand from hers. Jane had started to groom herself, licking her paws and brushing them over her ears. “What about you and Mark? How the hell did that happen?”
Lainey cocked her head to the side, her gaze trained on the ceiling. “You know, it was pretty weird, when I think about it. You remember I met him at work? He'd come in and order the same thing, every day—four ounces of beer kaese cheese. It took me a couple weeks before I realized no one could possibly want that much beer kaese. I would have noticed earlier if I hadn't been half in love with him already. He was so charming and kind. I stopped smoking, started making better choices. I think I knew if I was going to deserve someone like Mark, I'd have to change.
Loose Changeling: A Changeling Wars Novel Page 12
