“I don’t know,” she says. “Would it hurt you if I called him?”
Shit, fuck, damn it. Why do women ask guys questions like that? Men don’t like admitting hurt under any circumstance, much less a hypothetical one. “I don’t think you should worry about me.” Good answer on the fly—my man card is still in good standing.
She leans her head on my shoulder. “Maybe after the holidays.”
Breathing her in, I wrap my arms around her. “What was it you said about going slow?”
She giggles, and I feel her whole body smile in my arms. She tilts her head up. “You didn’t know I was that good a liar, did you?”
“You little . . .”
She pulls me into a kiss. “Had you worried for minute.”
CHAPTER TEN
SKYLAR
Jax is nothing if not a gentleman. He didn’t push anything with me last night. He kissed me a lot, held me close, but kept things light and fun. The more space he gives me, the more space he seems to be taking up in my heart, not to mention my bed.
That was the one thing he did assume last night. The other nights we’d slept together could be considered “accidents.” We just happened to fall asleep, but not last night. Crawling into bed together last night was entirely intentional.
And holy hell, he sleeps in only his boxer briefs. I wonder if he usually sleeps naked, and only kept those on for my benefit? I woke up with his arm draped over me and his dick poking my ass. He’s not even awake yet, and that situation is going on. Arching my back, I push against him. Even in his sleep, he groans. Men? Not even a state of unconsciousness reduces their libido.
God should’ve planned it better. Men wake up with hard-ons, and women wake up and have to pee. That’s not exactly a good combo.
Wiggling out from under his arm, I quietly try to scoot out of his bed, but he mumbles, “Come back to bed.”
“Just need a minute,” I say, kissing his forehead, his eyes still closed.
The room is almost completely dark. He’s got these shades on the windows to block out the sun. Unfortunately, they also block out the view. Looking over at Jax in bed isn’t a bad view, either. He’s kicked all the covers off. It’s dark, but I can still make out the edges of his muscles, his hair messy from sleep.
He used to sleep at my house all the time when we were younger, but I’ve never seen him like this. He always had his clothes on back then. Sure, I’ve seen him on the beach shirtless in his board shorts, but this is something else. He looks so peaceful, vulnerable almost.
The last thing I want to do is hurt him. When I mentioned calling Luke, I could see the pain in his eyes, even though he wouldn’t admit it. What the hell am I doing?
It’s not often that I have no clue what I’m doing, but I’m completely clueless right now. Jax makes me feel good, so I’m going with it. It’s Christmas, and I just want to be happy. All the drama surrounding my business and Luke will be waiting for me after the New Year.
Walking into his bathroom, I smile. My toothbrush and his are next to each other on the counter. It looks like we’re living together, but I’m just a houseguest. Well, I guess I’m more than that. I hear a phone ring from the bedroom and know it’s his cell. Mine’s been turned off for days. I use the bathroom and brush my teeth, making sure to leave my toothbrush next to his, wondering if he notices simple things like that. If I were a betting woman, I’d wager that he definitely noticed my birth control pills sitting out on the counter next to my things. Like most men, he probably thanked God for that knowledge.
Slowly, I open the door, trying to be quiet since I know he’s on the phone. I see him sitting up on the side of the bed, his back to me, allowing me to drool over his broad shoulders.
“I can’t tonight,” he says quietly. I move to go tell him to do whatever he needs to do, but then he laughs. “You miss me?”
Quickly and quietly, I close the door, realizing he’s on the phone with another woman. One he’s probably having sex with. One who he’s not taking things slow or being a gentleman with. Suddenly, I feel the need to shower. I don’t have a lot of experience with guys. Dated a few in high school, and in college before Luke and I got serious freshman year, but even then, I didn’t like dating. If I’m honest, it’s probably one of the reasons I stayed with Luke so long. I didn’t want this feeling. I didn’t want to wonder if a guy was playing with me. I didn’t want to feel so unsure.
Maybe my mom was right, and I’m the type that likes a steady, safe relationship. Because this feeling in my stomach right now feels downright terrible.
Reaching into the shower, I turn the nozzle. Jax has some special system in his house where you don’t have to wait for the water to heat up. The hot water is automatically hot when you first turn it on, so there’s no reason for me to be waiting to step inside, still fully dressed in my sleep clothes.
I’m frozen, standing there. I’ve got no claim to Jax, none at all, but I know myself well enough to know that I can’t be one of many.
“Thought you were coming back to bed,” Jax says sleepily, opening the door a crack, but not enough to see me or for him to come in.
“I’m kind of awake now,” I say, managing to keep my voice steady. This time he sticks his head in a little, realizing I’m not in the shower yet. When he sees I’m decent, he steps inside. “Booty call?” I ask.
His eyes dart to mine, saying, “She won’t be calling again.”
“Why is that?” I ask.
He places his hands on my waist. “I told her next time you might answer my phone, and you won’t be nearly as cordial as I was.” I wiggle free from his hold. “Skylar, it was . . .”
“Don’t,” I say. “Don’t tell me it was nothing, or that it was just sex. Luke tried to sell me that same line of bullshit. I’m not buying.”
“But it was nothing,” he says with sincerity.
“Then I guess if I slept with Luke, it would be nothing.”
“Don’t even joke about that,” he snaps.
His eyes look so hurt, his jaw so tense, that for the first time I realize how awful it must’ve been for him watching me with Luke all these years. If he cares about me at all beyond normal friendship, that must’ve been the worst kind of torture. His words from the other night flash in my head.
“It’s the worst feeling in the world to watch someone you love with someone else, knowing no one could love her better than you.”
“You were talking about me,” I say. “The other night.” Recognition shows in his eyes, and he nods. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have said that about Luke.”
He smiles a little, letting me know I’m forgiven. “There’s no one else,” he says.
Who Jax sleeps with shouldn’t matter to me. The relief I feel in my heart shouldn’t be there. My head knows I’m in so much trouble, but my heart just doesn’t give a damn. Lightly, I kiss his lips.
“Didn’t you want to shower?” he asks, his hands on the bottom of my shirt.
Okay, so I can count on one hand how many people have seen me totally naked in my whole life. Only one of those has seen me naked in the broad light of day, showing off all my goods, so this is a little unnerving. This is another reason why dating sucks. You have to get used to stuff like this with someone else.
“You first,” I say.
That was a big mistake, because he just strips off his boxer briefs in one swoop, not shy at all, not one ounce of insecurity. Then again, he’s a god, so what’s he got to be nervous about? I will my eyes not to look down, but I can’t look in his eyes, either.
He chuckles, and the next thing I know, he’s picked me up, and I’m under the shower head, fully dressed, my pajamas soaking wet. “Oh my God,” I say, unable to keep myself from laughing. “You are a lunatic!”
He splashes some water on me. “You wanted to shower, and it didn’t look like you were going to get undressed anytime soon, so . . .”
“This is the only thing I have to sleep in,” I say, throwing my hands up playfully.
“You can wear one of my t-shirts,” he says. “Or sleep naked.”
“I’m in the shower completely covered, and you think there’s a chance in hell I’m going to sleep naked with you?” He laughs, placing his hands on either side of my face and kissing me. “Just shower and get out!” I say, feigning annoyance.
He steps under the nozzle, soaking his face and hair. When his back’s to me, I seize the moment and slip off my wet clothes, stepping toward him and wrapping my arms around his waist, letting my naked body press into his. He jerks slightly then turns his head, trying to get a look at me, but I hold him to his spot, letting my hands roam the edges of his muscles. He lets me for a few moments then takes my hands, giving them each a kiss.
I inch back, letting him know it’s okay to turn around. As soon as his eyes land on me, my nerves settle. Just the way his eyes slowly slide over my body makes my muscles clench.
“How’d I get so lucky?” he whispers.
“Guess you’ve been a good boy this year,” I tease. “Want to join me on the naughty list?”
He shakes his head at my corniness. “I feel like I’m a kid in an expensive store, and I’m not supposed to touch,” he says softly. “You’re worth too much.”
Wow! Just wow! That’s all I can think.
“Just don’t break me,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
“Don’t you know you’re unbreakable?” he asks.
That might be one of the best things that anyone has ever said to me. To have someone believe in your strength means a lot. It actually makes you stronger. Jax being the one who believes in me that much makes me feel like I can do anything. With him beside me, I probably could, and if I faltered, he’d carry me across the finish line.
His fingers follow the path of the water across my collarbone. My body trembles. Just when I think his hand is going to drift lower, he cups my face and whispers, “I love you.”
Um, what just happened? What did he say? I was ready for some serious foreplay, not serious declarations. Stunned, I step back, slipping and busting my butt on the shower’s tile floor.
“Shit,” he cries, kneeling in front of me. “Are you okay?”
My ass is fine. It’s my heart that’s a battered mess. I could’ve handled that more gracefully. He tries to help me to my feet, but I get up on my own accord. The only thing I’ve hurt is my pride and the moment. Reaching for the shower door, I make my getaway. I’m not exactly running away from him, but it’s a fast walk, for sure.
“Skylar,” he calls after me, turning off the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist. I’m out the bathroom door with his t-shirt over my head by the time he catches up with me. “That’s not exactly how I thought that would go,” he says, reaching for me.
I step back and say, “I’m not ready.”
“I realize that now,” he says, running his fingers through his wet hair. “I wanted you to know how I felt before things went further. It felt to me like the right time to say it. But what do I know? I’ve never said it to anyone before.”
I fall on my ass again, only this time I land on the bed. He’s never said that to a woman before? How’s that possible? I’m his only? The only woman he’s ever loved?
“You were my first love,” I whisper but don’t make eye contact.
He kneels, taking both my hands. His blue eyes look up at me, full of warmth. “I want to be your last,” he whispers back.
Leaning my forehead on his, I close my eyes, knowing I’m not ready to say those words to another man, even if it’s true. “Knowing the right time to say I love you,” I say softly. “Is there a gentleman’s rule for that?”
“There will be now,” he says with a smirk. “And not while the woman is on a slippery surface will be rule number one.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SKYLAR
It’s time to do a little last-minute Christmas shopping. Jax opens my car door in front of the main shopping village in Waterscape, an open area that looks like something out of a magazine advertising beach living.
He smacks my ass, and I jump slightly. Most men might toss you a kiss on the cheek or a “later, babe,” but not Jax. He pulls me into his arms, gently rubbing my booty cheeks. “You hurt yourself earlier.”
“I’m fine,” I say, planting a sweet kiss on his lips. I’m actually more worried about him. If I told someone I loved them, and they reacted like I did, I’d be crushed, but Jax is acting totally normal. “Are you?”
“It’s Christmas. You’re by my side. All’s good.”
“I’m talking about earlier,” I say. “Are you okay?”
“Skylar,” he says tenderly. “I love you. I didn’t expect for you to say it back—although I didn’t expect for you to fall on your gorgeous ass, either.”
“Jax!”
“Look, I’m not going to hold anything back with you. I did that for a long time. I’m not going to do that anymore. It’s that simple.”
“This is anything but simple.”
His lips land on mine in a sweet kiss. “Simple,” he whispers. “Now finding the perfect Christmas gift for you, that requires a little more work.”
“Don’t buy me a gift,” I say.
“I buy you a gift every year,” he says.
“I know, but I left yours in Chicago,” I say. “Along with everyone else’s.”
I’d been in such a hurry to get out of town that I left all my Christmas gifts behind. Mom will understand, so will Maci and Malcolm. I’d only planned on replacing gifts for the twins, but I guess I need to add Jax to that list. “I’m planning on shipping them to you guys when I get back to Chicago.”
His arms cross over his chest, his blue eyes narrowing. “You’re not going back to Chicago.”
“Even if I decide to move back here, at some point, I will have to go back to Chicago.”
He thinks about it for a second, and I can’t help but smile. I can see him literally trying to devise a plan in his head where I wouldn’t ever have to step foot back in the Windy City. Finally, he says, “Then I’ll go with you.”
This is one of many ways that Jax and Luke are like night and day. Luke didn’t have a possessive bone in his body. I don’t remember him ever being jealous. Luke was protective, but in a completely rational and calm way. I can already tell this isn’t the case with Jax. He’ll take defending my honor to the grave.
“Let’s talk about it after Christmas. Right now, I have to get new gifts for Harper and Parker,” I say, elbowing him gently. “And you.”
“Can it involve you naked?” he asks.
Laughing, I say, “My ass is still sore from last time you saw me naked.”
He pulls me tight to him. I can feel his dick pressing against my belly. He lowers his head into my neck, his breath sending tickles down my spine. “I’ll kiss it and make it better.”
I pull away, giving him a little wink and tease, “You better.”
A huge grin on his face, he takes my hand for a second. “I’ll meet you back here in an hour.”
Smiling, I head toward the shops of the town center. Waterscape doesn’t have any big chain malls or stores. You’d have to drive further inland for that. It’s the day before Christmas Eve, and who wants to drive and fight that? So I’ve settled for the quaint boutique shops of Waterscape.
I look back over my shoulder and see Jax standing there, leaning against his car. It’s as if he doesn’t want to let me out of his sight, like if he does, this will all fade away. I throw him another smile and a wave before disappearing into the crowd.
Even though Waterscape is a small town, it’s crowded during the holidays. We get a lot of people escaping the harsh winters of the north. I should know. I’ve done that a time or two myself. I’ve heard people say it doesn’t feel like Christmas unless there’s snow, or it’s cold. I’ve spent Christmas in a blizzard, and I’ve spent it in a bikini. I have to say that Christmas only feels like Christmas when you’re with the people you love. That’s what makes the holiday
special, not sweaters and hot chocolate.
Still, Waterscape has gotten on the hot chocolate bandwagon—a popup cart of frozen hot chocolate graces the sidewalk. Lights outline the stores, and garland streams across the pathways. Santa and his reindeer are at one end, greeting all the children. A smile graces my lips when I think about spending tomorrow with Jax, and then Christmas Day with Mom and our friends. It couldn’t feel more like Christmas.
Last year, I vowed that I wouldn’t spend another Christmas with Luke if we weren’t engaged. I kept that promise. I didn’t know then that I’d be spending it with another man, especially not one of his best friends. Life is funny sometimes—though I know there’s nothing funny about this situation, or what’s coming. It’s inevitable that this will blow up in our faces. I just hope it’s later rather than sooner.
I duck into a children’s toyshop. I had superhero capes made for the twins this year, personalized with their initials and everything. Parker’s is blue and red, and Harper’s is pink and purple. I know they would’ve loved wearing them and chasing each other around. Too bad they are wrapped and still sitting on my coffee table in Chicago. I’ve got to find something fantastic, but it looks like things are pretty picked over.
Bending down to look on a lower shelf, a slight pain hits my booty. That was not my best move this morning.
Jax loves me?
He actually said those words to me. It took Luke almost a year to say those words to me. When you break up with someone, you wonder if and when you’ll find love again. It’s much sooner than my crazy mind thought it would be.
The fact that he’s never said it to any other woman, either—that makes it even bigger. The pressure of the word love didn’t seem to faze Jax one bit. Love usually has strings attached, like commitment. Is that what Jax intended?
Toys! I’m supposed to be looking at toys.
Am I just a toy to him? Am I like all those Christmas gifts we can’t wait to get as kids, and two days later are cast aside?
That can’t be. I know Jax better than that. Whatever this is between us, it’s serious to him.
A Gentleman for Christmas Page 8
