She watched him covertly, as he painstakingly painted a London Street on a huge canvas. He wouldn’t even make eye contact and she was too proud to show how much it hurt.
He had gone after Diana that night and then she hadn’t seen him again until breakfast. He had sat at the far end of the table as usual, but she felt the distance instantly. There would be no more quick smiles or winks coming down the table. No more feeling a hand brush over her bum as he walked past her in the corridor. No more sneaking off together and definitely no more kissing.
Rose wanted to cry, she wanted to talk about him constantly, but who could she tell? If she told the girls then it would be all over the school in minutes. Maybe she could talk to Alex? No, he would be horrified. He didn’t worry about the Flanagans the way her family did, but he would still think getting involved with Leo was a mistake.
Also Alex wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to relationships. He had never had a girlfriend, as far as she knew. Of course, he might get up to all sorts that he didn’t tell her about, but she didn’t think so. She wondered if he had a crush on anyone. There had been a couple of times when she had been sure he was going to confide something of the sort, but had chickened out.
Rose shrugged out of her jacket and a load of water tipped off her collar and down her neck. Great! She wanted him to say something, but he didn’t look up. He was such a tosser. Dumping her without any explanation. Not that they had had a real relationship. But if it wasn’t a real relationship, why was she so miserable that it had ended? Why did she lie awake late each night, wishing his arms were around her? Why did it hurt so much? She couldn’t she stop looking at him, needing him, missing him desperately. She loved him…
“My only love sprung from my only hate.” She quoted in a whisper to herself.
She loved him and he didn’t love her. Could she feel any worse?
***
Later that night, Diana watched Leo eating his dinner. He pushed the food around his plate, just as he had the night before and the one before that.
“Shall we do something fun tonight?” She asked brightly. He just shrugged.
“Let’s forget homework and play a game or something?” She persisted.
“If you like.” He gave her a strained smile.
She sighed to herself. Why was he taking it so hard? It wasn’t as if she was stopping him for dating anyone else, she just didn’t want to see him with Rose Falcon. It wasn’t totally irrational.
Diana’s eyes went down the table to where Rose and Alex were sitting. They were both looking at her. She met Rose’s eyes briefly. Rose gave her a look full of anger then turned away. Diana looked at Alex, he wasn’t looking at her now. But he was definitely blushing. Why? They were probably talking about her when she had looked up and caught them at it. No wonder he looked embarrassed. She should have known Rose would tell Alex all about it.
She wished Rose hadn’t seen her crying the night she had discovered the two of them together. Rose was bound to think she had a secret thing for Leo, which just wasn’t true. She and Rose weren’t talking to each other, but that was nothing new, they had barely spoken in the last five and a half years.
There had been a time in their first year when she thought they might be becoming friends. Rose, Sophie and Grace had been nice to her in those first few months at Compass Court and though she was naturally very shy, Diana had wanted to let her guard down a little and be friends with them. Then came that awful Christmas, and she knew she couldn’t tell them, and had kept a distance. Now she would never be able to bridge that gap.
The other girls were ok, but Diana resented Rose more than anyone else in the world. The girl who had everything. Her cool cousins around her. The wonderful famous parents, who wrote to her every week. The same parents who had indirectly destroyed Diana’s life. Sophie and Grace would stick by Rose through anything. And Alex. Rose was popular, Rose was great at art as well as being clever, Rose was becoming more attractive to boys every year, and now Rose had wanted Leo too.
Diana felt her resolve strengthen. Didn’t Rose have enough? She didn’t need to take her best friend from her as well.
***
It had been five days since he’d even spoken to Rose, and Leo felt the pain like a punch in the gut.
He knew why it hurt so much. He loved her. He hadn’t meant to love her, but it had happened. If it was love then shouldn’t he fight for it? Shouldn’t he tell Diana that he was still her friend, that he would be there for her, but that he could be with Rose as well?
No. She would give him that kicked puppy look and he couldn’t do it to her. Diana had been through enough, and though her hatred of Rose was ridiculous, it didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t have picked a worse girl to be with.
He just had to get over her. Somehow.
***
Alex sat next to Rose in Chemistry and wished for the thousandth time that she would just tell him what was wrong. Her concentration was totally off. He reached out and stopped her adding the litmus paper to the liquid in front of them. It was so unlike her to make such a simple mistake. But she didn’t seem to care. She just dropped it back onto the bench without comment.
He knew women were up and down with their moods, but this was unusual. She had been so happy a week ago and now she was so down. What could it possibly be that she wouldn’t tell him? Was it something to do with him? He had tried to ask her, but it was probably the only time she had laughed this week. He had been relieved by that. For a short while he had suspected her feeling towards him might be more than they should be. All that loud laughing at his jokes, and wearing make up, and perfume, and playing with her hair! He knew those signs, after all he had seen a lot of girls chasing Jack over the years. He had tried to talk to her about it, but she had found his suspicions extremely funny. Which was a good thing. But a minute later she looked like she was going to tell him something and instead had gone all tearful and left.
***
Three weeks, Leo thought, staring moodily at his plate. He wanted to watch Rose as she walked past him to her end of the house table, but he tried never to look at her. How embarrassing if his eyes were full of longing. She was angry that he broke up with her and hadn’t explained himself. She had every right to be angry. She had probably moved on to not even caring by now. His stomach churned again. He just had no appetite.
He risked a quick glance down the table. Rose looked tired. Still beautiful but definitely tired. For some reason it made him feel a bit better. He wanted to think that she still cared. He wanted to be the one to make her smile again. How selfish he must be, if he really loved her, surely he would just want her to be happy?
Diana watched Leo push his untouched plate away. He was losing weight. It had been three weeks and he was still unhappy. She had never seen him so quiet and she was getting really worried. It was all Rose Falcon’s fault.
No it wasn’t. It was her fault. Diana shared a room with Rose and she had lain awake, listening to Rose pacing about when she thought they were all asleep. She could see Rose in the darkness sitting at the window every night, staring out at the moon until almost dawn. She knew Rose was as miserable as Leo. She hadn’t realized they were so into each other.
Diana looked at Leo. He had done so much for her, and what had she done for him? She looked at Rose. Could she tell her? She really didn’t want to, but perhaps she had to.
***
It had been three weeks and Rose still wasn’t sleeping. Her schoolwork was suffering and her friends had stopped asking her what was wrong and were starting to get irritated with her depressed moods.
That Friday, Rose decided she had to tell Alex. After all, he couldn’t be cross with her for going out with Leo, because she wasn’t going out with Leo. Not anymore. She needed a friend and she needed some advice on what to do. She wanted to have it out with Diana, but what was the point? Leo had already chosen Diana over her. Which was fair enough, they had been friends for years. She would show the s
ame loyalty to Alex, if she had to. The trouble was she couldn’t see any reason why she would have to.
As soon as lessons finished she sent him a text, asking him to meet her by the front door with his coat.
Together they walked away from the school down towards the river. It was a crisp day at the end of January and Rose walked with her hands pushed deep in her pockets, her shoulders hunched against the slight wind. She poured out the whole story quickly, as she was afraid she might embarrass herself by crying. Alex went through a range of emotions. Horror at her getting involved with Leo, then indignant at his treatment of her, relieved to know what was bothering her, then confused by what was going on with Leo and Diana.
Rose felt a hundred times better after talking it through with Alex. Except that if she hoped he might have some answers about the behaviour of men, she was mistaken.
“I just don’t understand!” she concluded, “Even if Diana has a crush on Leo, he doesn’t have one on her, so why stop seeing me?”
“Hmm,” Alex looked thoughtful. “Would you stop seeing someone if I asked you to?”
“Not unless you had a very good reason.” Said Rose honestly.
“Then, can we not assume that there is a good reason?” He said fairly.
“Are you sticking up for them?” Rose bristled.
“Oh calm down, hot head. Leo seems a good guy, but he could be a total arse to women, for all we know. He could be using Diana as an excuse.”
“I don’t think so.” Rose hugged her knees to her chest. “He really seemed to like me.”
“Ok. Well I still don’t think you should blame it all on Diana. She’s so sweet.”
“Sweet? Sweet? Are we talking about the Ice Princess? She’s cold and hard and snooty and spoilt! ‘My family are descended from Irish royalty, the rest of you are just peasants.” Rose began to mimic Diana.
“She didn’t say that, did she?” Alex looked disgusted.
“Well no, actually she didn’t.” Rose confessed “But I can imagine her saying it!”
“Well I can’t.” Alex retorted. “She always looks so sad to me, and scared. Not at all cold and hard.”
“I’m the one who shares a room with her.” Rose asserted. “How would you know? You’ve barely even spoken to her. Oh blimey – you fancy her don’t you? Alex!”
Alex punched her on the arm. “I do not!”
Rose raised her eyebrows to show she didn’t believe him.
“Can we get back to my problem?” She huffed.
“I can’t really see there’s anything you can do, Rosie. I’m sorry but I think you have to be fair and accept that it’s probably not anything to do with you. Maybe he’ll come round in time. But I think you should give Diana a break, after all, you clearly don’t know the full story.”
“Stop sounding so grown up and reasonable.” She punched him back, giving him a dead arm.
“Ow! Bully.” He teased her. She did feel better. Still miserable as a sin, but better than she had.
Chapter Ten
Diana was alone in their room when Rose got back. Remembering everything Alex had said to her, she didn’t turn round and walk back out.
“Hi.” Rose said between clenched teeth. Ok, it was a fairly unfriendly ‘Hi,’ but Rose felt that at least she was the one who was taking the high ground.
“Hi.” Diana sat up on her bed “Where are the others?”
Rose was a little taken aback. “They said something about a birthday bash in the North Tower Common Room. I can’t remember who. I wasn’t in the mood.”
“No. I know. And that’s my fault isn’t it?” Though Diana’s words seemed accusing, Rose realized that Alex was right, her tone was more sad than anything.
“I don’t know, Diana. Why don’t you tell me?” Rose pulled off her boots and sat down on her own bed, looking at Diana.
Diana looked acutely uncomfortable. Keeping her head bent so her hair masked her face she said “Yes, actually I was planning to tell you.”
Rose couldn’t hide her surprise “Really? Why?”
“For Leo,” Diana spoke quietly. “He’s so unhappy, and I would do anything to make him happy again, even if it’s you that makes him feel that way.”
“Charming!” Rose hadn’t meant to sound so acerbic. Softening her tone she asked “He still likes me?”
“Yes.” Diana confirmed.
Rose managed a small smile. “Are you going to tell me why he isn’t talking to me then?”
Diana nodded and Rose realized that behind her hair, Diana was crying. Rose was too soft hearted to stay angry. She bounded off her own bed and on to Diana’s.
“Whatever it is Diana, it can’t be that bad!”
“It’s a bit of a long story,” Diana blew her nose.
“Well, I think we have a few hours. I’ve just remembered it’s Jerry Doury’s birthday, his friends will have organized some major carnage.” Rose smiled at the memory of last year’s party being closed down by the Deputy Head at nearly two in the morning.
Diana nodded and pulled her pillow into her lap. Rose crossed her legs under herself and bounced a little until she was comfortably settled facing the other girl.
“My mum came over from Dublin when she was just nineteen and married my dad within weeks of their meeting. He says she was so full of life and happy back then. But after I was born, she began to get what she called ‘black thoughts.’ She would get terribly low for weeks at a time and then seem to bounce back to being herself. My grandmother in Ireland was worried sick, she said there were others in her family who had been that way and it could go on for years. She bought us a house in the same village where the Flanagans lived, because she knew the family well and she hoped Leo’s dad would keep an eye on us, which he did. My father didn’t really know how to cope with my mother, he said he found it even harder when she was madly happy then when she was down. He said it was her ‘Irish temperament.’
“They began to fight all the time and my father drank more and my mother seemed to get depressed more often and sometimes she’d get really hysterical. They used to send me over to the Flanagan’s every time things got too loud between them. Eventually, my dad got fired from his job because of his drinking and we lost almost everything but the house, which he couldn’t sell as it belongs to my grandmother.”
Diana paused to collect herself. Rose was stunned, she had always thought Diana was loaded, not poor!
“I think Mum was very relieved when Grannie insisted on paying for me to go to Compass Court with Leo when I was eleven. Mum secretly saved to make sure I had nice clothes to bring and everything, so no one would know what was going on at home. Maintaining an image was important to her, and she didn’t even tell Mr. Flanagan how bad it was. Though I think he suspected - they were really kind to me and bought me one of almost everything they bought Leo.
“Then in November of my first year here your parents put Mr. Flanagan’s brother in prison. But he wasn’t the only one was he? Nobody thought much about the second man, Sean Mathrey, he was just an accountant. But he was also my mother’s Godfather. She was very close to him and took it really badly.
“My first Christmas back home was awful. Mum was always crying and I had forgotten how much they argued and how wrecked the house was. On Christmas Day, Dad was totally plastered and I think my mum had had enough. She made me pack a bag and then she hugged me and told me to go to the Flanagan’s house and ask if I could stay the night.
“When I got there I was really upset and told them everything. Mr Flanagan went straight to our house. But he was too late. By the time he got there, Mum had taken the car and gone. She drove it into a wall and was killed instantly.” Diana stopped with a sob.
Rose was open mouthed in horror. “Diana I’m so sorry! I had no idea!” She felt acutely ashamed of the way she had treated Diana. Rose had never had to deal with anything like that. She had an amazing, happy family, who loved her; no wonder Diana hadn’t liked her! She wondered if Diana blamed her for
any of it, but didn’t know how to ask.
“I didn’t want anyone to know.” Diana took a deep breath and continued. “Mum’s death was officially recorded as an accident, but Dad holds himself responsible. Now he’s trying really hard to stay sober. But he never manages it at Christmas. In my second year we spent Christmas at the Flanagans’, but that made him worse, somehow. I think he prefers to wallow alone, so now I stay at school. He’s right enough in the other holidays.
“The Flanagans have been really good to me. They cover for him a lot and look out for him and check on us all the time during the summer. It drives my dad mad sometimes, so mostly they send Leo over to visit. Leo has been great, he was such a good friend after my mum died and he’s really good at dealing with my dad if he’s had one too many. Anyway, I don’t need to go into all that…”
Diana trailed off and fidgeted with the bedspread. Not quite meeting Rose’s eyes she said “But none of that properly explains why I have been so unfriendly does it.”
Rose put her hand over Diana’s fretful fingers to stop them shredding the sheet.
“Yes it does. I totally understand.”
“You do?” Diana looked relieved.
“Yes, my background is the total opposite of yours, I’ve been really lucky. I’m so sorry that my parents were involved in sending your mothers godfather to prison. Do you really think it triggered her depression?” Rose asked nervously.
Diana emphatically shook her head. “I don’t blame them, it was just one more reason.”
“Ok, but I can see why you didn’t like me, and I can see why you and Leo are so close, and I threatened that.” Rose felt awful.
Diana sighed. “I shouldn’t have made you the enemy Rose, and it all happened five years ago now, but if you and Leo get together I’m going to feel even more alone.”
Rose squeezed Diana’s hand tightly. “You’re not going to be alone! I’m going to be your friend as well, whether you like it or not. And so are Sophie and Grace.”
Diana pulled her hand away. “I don’t want your pity, I just thought you should know the full story so you would understand why Leo stopped talking to you when I asked him to. And, I really don’t want Sophie and Grace to know all this, but I expect you’ll tell them anyway!”
Flirting Games Trilogy Edition: Books 1 - 3 Page 13
