by Elen Chase
"Like what?"
"Unfinished."
"Drew, I know how to come when I need to."
"I just want you to know that I can take my responsibilities."
"This doesn't make any sense. Drew, listen to me. You were drunk, and clearly in abstinence. And so was I, so it sorta happened. But unlike me, I know you're not sexually attracted to men. You don't have to force yourself in a relationship with me, clear? You're not responsible for me and I don't need your pity." Again he mentioned me feeling pity for him; it reminded me of our fight. We weren't over it yet.
"It's not like that, I..." Words died in my mouth. Sleeping with him had completely fucked my head up. I didn't know what to say. I didn’t know what I really wanted at that point.
"Look, if you insist, I can ease your sense of guilt by assaulting you at night and fucking you so hard you will forget your own name when I'm finished with you. Better?"
"Please don't."
"Good, so let's just forget what happened, okay?"
How could I forget?
"Can I ask you one last thing? Yesterday... why did you come home so early?" I asked.
"Does it even matter?"
"I want to know."
"I don't have to tell you just because you want to know."
"No, and I know I have no right to ask you, not after what I've done. But still, somehow, I need to know."
He stared at me, and it took him some time to answer. "Yesterday I was planning to spend the night at Bill's place." I was getting jealous again, but I swore to myself not to show him, no matter what. "That's not so unusual, we do that all the time." My head was about to explode. "But I couldn't do it. My mind was telling me it was the right thing to do, but my body wouldn't listen to it. When he tried to undress me, I rejected him twice. Then I left and came here." I felt relieved, and at the same time it made me feel even more uncomfortable about what happened between us. He saw right through me, and I was ready to hear a sarcastic comment about me being jealous of Bill. But he didn't say anything.
"I missed you so much it hurt, Dan," I told him. "Those days we didn't see each other were crazy, but… Whenever I stopped for even just a second, I would end up thinking of you. I'm sorry, Dan, for how I attacked you the other day."
"I know I said some cruel things to you," he smiled bitterly, "and it was all lies… I'm not doing this because I promised An. I was angry because you looked into me."
"I know." He wouldn't have let me do that to him if the only thing tying us together was a promise to my sister. "You’re difficult to understand, and I am dumb, I can't help it, that's why I went to that clinic. I wanted to know more about you, and I ended up ruining everything." I decided I'd try to accept him the way he was, even if he was lying to me. And I also decided I wouldn't go back to the center. If I had to learn about his past, I wanted to learn it from him. "You can rely on me, Dan. I won't force you to say anything to me anymore. Just, rely on me. You collapsed at the hospital when I was hit by that car, and my parents saw you, didn't they?"
"… yeah. I asked them to keep it secret from you. Marshall saw that too. So I got my hospital record erased… Seeing you on the floor, after being hit by a car, I… I was scared you would die."
"It was just a scratch."
"It wasn't rational. I didn't want to lose you."
"Dan," I wanted to hug him, but I went still before being able to touch him. I was scared. After how I had hurt him, both physically and mentally, I was afraid of breaking him, exactly like Miller had told me.
Chapter 42
Talking with Dan after so long was like waking up from a bad dream; only, I couldn't get the previous night out of my head. He accepted to help me with my shooting training, so we went to the facility together. I had the feeling that Bill understood what had happened between us after just taking a glimpse at us. He waited for Dan to go talk with Steve in the other room, passed his arm around my neck in a friendly way and told me, "You fucking son of a bitch… you totally played me, ah?"
"I didn't play anyone, he's the one who rejected you."
"Of course, Mr. I’m-not-even-gay."
I was about to reply, “In fact I'm not gay,” but now that sounded as a pathetic excuse under any point of view, so instead I told him, "What happened, happened, there's no helping it."
"I haven't given up on him yet."
"No," I said, "I don't want you to touch him ever again." For a moment, Bill seemed surprised by my words. Then, a grin on his face, he lifted my chin up with his hand to have me look in his eyes.
"You've got some nerve, saying those things to me after you dared fucking my man in my bed."
"He's not yours."
"Don't get carried away."
"That's my line."
"What are you doing?" Dan asked us, coming back to us. Bill looked at him for a moment and smirked, then he let me go and left the room with a clap on Dan's shoulder. "Did he tell you something?" he asked me when we were alone.
"Nothing important," I said, shaking my head. "Let's start shooting, shall we?"
Dan helped me with my training, teaching me several shooting techniques. I felt I was getting better at it just having him by my side.
"That guy finally began to talk," he told me, while we were taking a break. "His name is Kevin Tyler, and he’s an ex-soldier, like the man we saw at the villa. Hopefully in the next few days we’ll get him to tell us something more about the other members of the sect. I want at least their names."
"I haven't seen him at all, even though I come here everyday."
"I know, I asked them not to show you."
"Why?"
"It's brutal."
"Are you taking part in it?"
"I know how these things work."
"Yeah, I heard something about that," I told him. I gathered all my courage and asked, "Did someone do that to you?" That was the only thing I could think of, looking back at those crisis he had at night. He looked away, his gaze lost in the distance for a while.
"Not exactly the same, but…" he murmured, "I was sort of…"
"Tortured," I finished the sentence. It was a heavy confession, I could feel how hard it was for him to tell me. He had it all still inside of him. Fear, rage, desperation. Why did that happen to him? I felt like shit one more time since I had done my part in hurting him too. "It won't happen again," I told him, "I swear nobody will torture you ever again." Myself included.
"Drew…" he was pale, his voice so weak I could barely hear it. "Despite all that happened, you are, and will always be— " My watchpad rang in that very moment, startling the both of us. It was Ms. Wilson. I looked at Dan and he nodded, so I took the call.
"Yes?" I said.
"You are not one of them, are you?" said the woman's voice, gentle and a little scared. Was she talking about the sect? It could have been a trap, but I wanted to give it a try.
"No, I'm not one of them."
"Why are you looking for me?"
"I need to know the truth about the night of the 3rd of February."
"Why?"
"My girlfriend died in that villa. I have to know why."
"Can you prove you're not one of them?"
"No… can you prove it to me?"
"I guess I can't."
"We can only trust each other then," I said, and Dan nodded again.
"We can meet. But come alone."
"Yes. Will you do the same?"
"I will. In two days, at the central square of Ayuni, the east village of the countryside of Rosedeer. 7 p.m."
"I will be there." I hung up and told Dan, "It could all be a trap."
"Yes. I can't believe that half-assed plan of yours worked," he said. Half-assed? "I'm coming with you, but I'll watch from a distance when you talk with her. I'll come out only in case you’re in danger… and you'll wear a bullet-proof vest," he said, thinking, "and bring a gun. You might need all that you learned in the past weeks." Finally he looked at me, "And one last thing…"
&n
bsp; ◆◆◆
The next day I could barely recognize myself looking in the mirror.
"Was this absolutely necessary?" I asked Dan, completely unsatisfied with the result of his plan.
"You're way less recognizable now."
"Why black?"
"Because it covers easily any other color."
"Did I really have to cut it?"
"It's too late now to complain, anyway."
"I liked how it looked before."
"Come on, don't be a kid now."
"I look like when I was sixteen."
"Drew, let me tell you, your hairstyle sucked. It's way better now."
"What?"
"Those antennas you had falling on your face were horrible."
"That was my charm point!"
"No, those were antennas," he said. He wanted me to change my hairstyle and color to make me less recognizable for going back to Rosedeer. He had cut it for me, leaving it like it was on the back and making the front shorter, like I used to have it cut a few years before. He had also prepared black contact lenses for me to wear the next day. "And the color will go away soon, it's just colored shampoo," he told me. "Try these glasses on."
"Where did you get all this stuff?"
"A recycling shop in the city center," he said. I put the glasses on, and he almost laughed in my face. Seeing his smile warmed up my chest. Forget the hairstyle, I would have gladly gone bald if that meant keeping that smile in my life for the rest of my days.
"We're getting back here when we've finished with Ms. Wilson, right?" I asked.
"Right," he confirmed, "the day after tomorrow we'll have a meeting to update Jim on how things are going with our prisoner."
"Are we going by car?"
"Bullet train, it takes just three hours."
"What about the necessary documents?" I said.
"We're gonna make them today," he replied. "Choose your new name."
"Jack! Jack is a cool name."
"You are the most predictable person in the world," he said, beaming at me. "And the surname?"
"Just use the same as yours."
"Too lazy. But it's okay I guess, they'll think we are—"
"Married?" I said, and looking at his surprised face, I felt helplessly defeated.
"I was about to say brothers, but..."
"Brothers is fine, it's just perfectly fine," I said in a hurry, trying to hide my abashment and wishing I could escape the intensity of his gaze.
"Do you need help with the contact lenses?" he said, passing the little box to me.
"No, I can do it," I replied, and took the package from his hand. I almost touched his fingers, and I was so startled by it that I made the box fall on the floor. "I'll take it," I said before he could say or do anything, and I understood from his face that he was about to ask me what had gotten into me. The truth was that I couldn't bring myself to touch him at all.
"I'll go try them in the bathroom," I said, and left him in the room alone.
Chapter 43
Ms. Wilson was a small woman with short brown hair and eyes, and no makeup on her face. The square we were meeting at was crowded enough to have our meeting pass unnoticed. I was the first one to figure out who she was, since I had looked her up on the internet, and I got close to her. Dan was keeping an eye on us from a cafe on the other side of the street.
"Ms. Wilson?" I asked. She turned my way, a bit surprised.
"You are the one I talked to," she said. "You’re so young!"
"My name is Andrew," I told her. I was nervous; I still didn't know if this was all a trap.
"Andrew, come, let's sit down here for a while," she said, and we sat on the edge of the fountain. "It's better if our little date doesn't take too long," she said, smiling. "I am very scared for the both of us."
"Thank you for deciding to trust me. It was a big risk for me too."
"Yes, I thought it was an unusual approach on their side, and I got interested in you, even though Mr. Hutchison didn't want me to call you back."
"I need answers. I'm investigating my girlfriend's death… did you know her?"
"I had never met her until the 3rd of February. But I was aware of her presence in the villa, even though nobody was allowed to go behind the blinded wall where her room was."
My stomach knotted. She knew Shallie was there. "How many people knew about her? Did somebody meet her?" I asked, and she shook her head.
"Mr. Hutchison and I were the only ones to know she was there. We were never told why she was staying at the villa or how she arrived there; we were simply asked to keep it secret. And we did, because… our master was always a strange one. We used to think he was hiding a lover or similar, at least until Mr. Robinson told us… no, if I have to be honest, at that point we suspected that there was something more. We found out Mr. Robinson wanted to save her." She made a pause and I wondered if it was the case to ask her something, but the anxiety I had, thinking of Shallie's death, was so much that my head blanked. "He had found a way to talk to her during a certain time of day, when he knew the security guards were moving to increase the surveillance on the exits. I felt so ashamed. I had been serving that man for years, covering my eyes and ears, convincing myself that I needed the money so badly to sustain my family… I was such a hypocrite. I decided to help him, together with Mr. Hutchison. We had a plan… The orders were for all the staff to leave the villa in the morning of the 3rd, me and Mr. Hutchison included, leaving inside only the members of the board committee. I'm sure you know about them at this point, about their true nature."
"Yes," I said, anxious to hear the rest.
"We were monitored while leaving, and with the security system installed on the gates, it was impossible for us to go back; it had to be activated from the inside, using a code. Since they were also sending away the security guards, leaving behind only two bodyguards, Mr. Robinson's plan was to let your girlfriend escape alone from the servants' guesthouse, and he was to stay behind to attract their attention by setting fire to the villa and buy her enough time to run away. Mr. Hutchison was going to meet Ms. Shallie in the woods and bring her mid-way with Mr. Robinson's car, where I had to be waiting for them in order to bring her to a safe place. At the same time Mr. Hutchison was supposed to go back to meet Mr. Robinson in a designed spot."
"But the plan failed." So it was Robinson who set fire to the villa. To help Shallie escape.
"Yes. They were somehow informed that Mr. Robinson wanted to save Ms. Shallie and stopped them. I don't know exactly what happened inside that villa, but she managed to escape to the meeting point with Mr. Hutchison. Only, at that time she had already been poisoned. She died before we could bring her back… I am so sorry."
I was in shock, I couldn't think clearly. "Why are you covering this up? Why did you leave her body there and run away?"
"They’re not sure we’re involved in what happened that day, but they suspect us strongly. This is very dangerous for us. Dying trying to uncover this terrible truth may be the bravest thing to do, but probably not the wisest."
"What are you planning to do?"
"Wait for things to settle down first," she said. "Once they won't be on our trail anymore, we can think about how to let the world know about them. We want to finish what Mr. Robinson started; he deserves it."
"How do I know you're telling me the truth?" I asked. She took a small memory card out of her bag.
"Listen to this file on your way back, and you will understand."
"I have to put a lot of trust in you to insert this in my watchpad. What if you have a virus that can track me in that?"
"Please do so. I know it's not enough, but you have my word."
"Maybe you want to wait, but I need all the information you can give me now. They already know about me, and I don't want to live hiding. Shallie deserves the truth, and, like you said, Bart Robinson too. I want to give it to them as soon as possible."
"I can't meet you again, at least not in the immediate fut
ure. Please understand the situation we are in too."
"I do. Can you write to me? Or talk to me if I call you? My watchpad will keep everything encrypted."
She looked at me, thinking, and after a while she said, "I can. Let's do this."
"Thank you, Ms. Wilson," I said, still uncertain about her honesty. "Why are you willing to help me? Is there another reason or you just think you have to, for Robinson?"
"Both," she replied, smiling. "You remind me of somebody I know. Young, brave, ready to risk everything to do what is right. When I think about people like you, it makes me want to do something. Or more like, I feel that I have to. Mr. Robinson once told me that sometimes kids are so strong and fearless that they easily do things that for us are impossible, because we are confined in our little world dominated by money and passions. When such kids appear before us, the only thing we can do is support them with all our might and help them as much as we can. Because if you're struggling and suffering, it's our fault as the older generation. We're not leaving you a beautiful world; we made it sick, and the least we can do is trying to help you cure it, while entrusting it to you."
"I think I understand what you mean," I said, but I felt really uncomfortable with the thought of that woman knowing about Shallie being kept there. It's true, they tried to help her at least, but still, if they had done something sooner, if they had tried harder…
"I really have to go now, but you can email me or call me anytime; I'll tell you all I can," she said.
"Thank you, I'll call you soon. Should I walk you home?"
"Oh no, thank you. I live right close to here, look, that's my house window," she said, pointing a balcony on the second floor of a close building. "I came here to Ayuni to get out of Rosedeer for a while, but I’ve come to love this village. Maybe I'll stay here after all."
"That’s a good option… Goodbye, Ms. Wilson," I said, and I was ready to leave.
"Andrew," she called me back, and walked toward me again, "don't try to do things on your own. I will do my best to help you, and I'm sure Mr. Hutchison will too, I'll tell him about you. Don't fight alone, find somebody you can trust and let them support you. I saw what happens when you don't, and it's painful."
