by Lust, April
I cover my mouth with my hands. Aleksei looks even worse than he did before. The most recent punch to his face knocked out his front teeth. He’s bleeding from both nostrils, and his right eye is now as swollen as the left. He looks like he’s been beaten within an inch of his life. As much as I hate him, I can’t deny it’s a horrifying sight.
“My father…” I trailed off. “Um…he wanted me to marry this guy,” I say softly. “He left right when the priest was in the middle of the ceremony.”
Beast’s eyes open wide, and he turns to Aleksei. “And who beat him up?”
I can’t help but giggle. “I did,” I say softly. “Although I think you did him worse.” I cringe. Then, for the first time, I notice Doc. He’s standing next to Aleksei, breathing hard.
“Doc, thank you,” I say. “You helped Beast rescue me?”
“We took care of Abram,” Doc says. “Don’t worry,” he adds, seeing the panic on my face. “We didn’t kill him. We tied him up and left him for the cops. We torched his stash, though. That whole warehouse is gone up in flames. They should find just enough evidence to convict Abram for life, though.”
I nod, feeling numb. Even though I had no idea what was going on when Abram left during the middle of the wedding, I realize now it must have been Beast and Doc. I shudder when I think about what could have happened if they hadn’t acted when they did.
In the corner, Aleksei stirs and groans. He tries to sit up but falls back, crying out in pain.
“You motherfucker,” Beast growls. He walks over to Aleksei and kicks him right in the gut. I cry out. As much as I hate Aleksei, I don’t want Beast to dirty his hands any more.
“Please,” I say, reaching out for Beast’s arm and tugging him back. “Please, Beast. Please don’t kill him.”
Beast turns back to me. There’s bloodlust written on his face, but he shrugs. “I won’t kill him,” Beast says. “I promise. I’ll just tie him up and leave him for the cops. You got that?”
I watch numbly as Beast leaves Doc with Aleksei. He returns just a minute later with coils of rope in his arms. With Doc’s help, Beast hogties Aleksei and drops his body on the pile of straw in the corner of the room.
“Now, Aleksei,” Beast says, squatting down to his knees and cocking his head to the side. Aleksei barely glances up at Beast. “You’re gonna help me with something. Okay, bud?”
Aleksei nods weakly. I can’t help but gloat. This is exactly what Aleksei deserves for not trusting me. Now he’s going to rot in prison, while I’ll run free with Beast.
“We’re gonna annul this marriage,” Beast growls. He points towards me. “You won’t have any contact with this girl, you understand? Never again. You’re not to talk to you. You’re not to see her. You’re not to—”
“Beast,” I say softly, getting to my feet and walking over to him. He looks so good that I can’t help leaning down and resting my hand on his shoulder. Under my touch, Beast tenses.
“What?” Beast looks up at me. “Don’t tell me…you actually want to stay married to this fuck?”
As quickly as I can, I shake my head. “No, definitely not,” I say softly. “But I don’t think the marriage is legally binding. The priest never finished, and I never signed any paperwork.”
Beast grins. He stands up and slaps his hands together. “Well, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”
I shrug. “I didn’t have time,” I say softly. My heart is still pounding like a drum. Any minute now, I’m expecting Abram and his thugs to burst back into the room and tell me it’s all a joke. I throw myself into Beast’s arms and pull him close. “I’m scared,” I whisper. “We gotta get out of here.”
Beast nods. “That we do,” he says. “The cops were heading to Abram as soon as Doc and I left for the warehouse. Are you okay?”
I nod slowly. “They didn’t really feed me, but I’m okay,” I say. “I’m actually feeling much stronger than I have in days.”
Beast nods. “Can you be strong for just a little bit longer?”
I nod.
Beast walks over to Aleksei and punches him in the face, hard. Aleksei groans and his eyes close. His breathing slows, and I can tell Beast knocked him out with the most recent punch.
“Beast,” I ask softly. “Are you hurt?”
Beast shakes his head. “My head is fuckin’ killing me, and I think I cracked a rib. But I’m fine. Doc, what about you? You okay?”
Doc nods. “We need to get out of here,” he says. He gets to his feet and wipes his hands on his thighs. “Come on, you two.”
Chapter 34 Beast
After that, it all happens pretty quickly. Doc, Natalia, and I leave the warehouse, just as the sound of sirens is beginning to reach my ears. We go back to the warehouse and stay up all night celebrating. Natalia even checks my wounds, just like old times. I can’t wait to carry her away to my bed and ravage her, but she falls asleep in the middle of the celebrations, with her head resting on her pale arms. I carry her upstairs, listening to the rhythm of her heart in her chest. It’s a solid sound, a sound that makes me feel calm and relaxed.
The next morning, it’s all over the papers. A huge photo of Abram, along with his thugs and another picture of the torched warehouse. The Renegade Reapers don’t appear at all, but part of me is surprised that the cops don’t come sniffing around our warehouse. The days pass into a week and soon, just like life has gone back to normal.
I know I can’t hold Natalia in the warehouse anymore. She tells me all about the horrors she endured with Abram, and I know she’s got to get on with her life. Frankly, I’m shocked when she tells me she wants to see me again. I’m surprised she even wants to look at me – after all, it’s my fault she got snatched while I was out on some fake tip, trying to nab her poisonous father.
A week later, I can’t think of anything but Natalia. Nothing feels the same. I’ve been out riding with my guys, trying to repair the relationships that got fractured. Doc and I have been recruiting new men, too. Even Storm’s helping out. I can tell the guys want things back to normal, and fast.
Nothing is the same without her. Every time I walk past the room she stayed in, I catch a whiff of that vanilla-citrus soap I bought for her. It lingers longer than the smell of sweat, than the smell of the blood. It’s enough to drive me crazy.
Doc and the others know something’s up, but it takes another week for Doc to say something. We’re sitting out on the roof. It’s not as cold – winter is almost over – and I’m smoking a cigar, something I got when I traded Abram’s drugs with another gang, some Cubans who’ve set up shop down the street. It’s looking like we might enter a partnership with them, but right now, I’m not sure of anything.
“How you holding up?” Doc asks. He squats down next to me and plucks a cigar from the open wooden box. After inhaling deeply, he snips the end off and clamps it between his lips. I hand him a lighter, and Doc lights the cigar, inhaling deeply. Soon, the air around us is filled with a dense, blue fog.
“This is good,” I say. “I’m glad we got these.”
“Enough of the shit, Beast,” Doc says sharply. “You gotta figure out what to do about the girl. When the hell are you gonna call her?”
I think. Before she left, Natalia gave me her number. She even kissed me, getting up on her tiptoes and pressing her tongue against my lips.
“I can’t call her,” I say bitterly. “She’s too good for me. You know it, I know it. She knows it. She was just being polite because I saved her ass.”
Doc snorts. He spits on the ground, then drags deeply on his cigar. “That’s not true, man,” he says. “You can tell yourself the same thing over and over, but that doesn’t make it true.”
I sigh. “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Just waltz into that ballet studio and pick her up and throw her over my shoulder? I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to be with a girl, man.”
Doc rolls his eyes. “That’s fucked up, and you know it. You were with her just fi
ne when she was here.”
“Yeah,” I snap. “Because I kidnapped her! What, you forget that?”
Doc shakes his head. “No,” he says slowly. “But she could’ve left at any time. And she never did.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong,” I say. “She left––she left right at the end. That’s how Abram got her.”
“And you don’t think she was looking for you? She missed you, man. She was probably worried.”
My heart sinks. I know he’s right. I can’t keep blaming myself forever.
“You’re gonna lose her unless you act fast,” Doc says. “She’s really hot, man. You think someone that gorgeous is gonna stay single forever?”
“You’re right,” I say slowly. “I’ve got to do something.”
That night, I know I still can’t act on my feelings for Natalia. I have to give it time, as much time as it takes for me to feel like I deserve her. But I can’t sleep. Doc’s words keep rolling around in my brain the whole time I’m lying in bed. No matter what I do, the only thing I see when I close my eyes is Natalia’s gorgeous face.
The next day, I look her up. She’s back in ballet, dancing for a new studio, called Bon Ami. She’s got the lead in a small production, and it premieres in just a few days.
The morning of Natalia’s performance, I wake up early and get dressed in the nicest shit I have lying around. I spend fifty dollars on a bouquet of roses, then hop on my bike and ride into Brooklyn.
I’ve got nothing to lose , I think as I park the bike outside the dance venue. I just need you, Natalia. And I’ll do anything to make you know how I feel .
Chapter 35 Natalia
It doesn’t take long for things to start going back to normal. Actually, to be honest, I’m kind of alarmed at how quickly everything settled down. I spend a day with Beast, fully intending to seduce him that night and ask him to date me. But the rich food and drink are too much for me, and I pass out without even thinking about it. When I wake up the next morning, I’m fully clothed in Beast’s bed. He’s gone. There’s a note on the dresser, and I know I’ve lost my chance to show him how important he really is to me.
When he gets back that day, I know I have to leave. I give him my phone number, knowing he won’t call, and kiss him one last time. Beast’s a gentleman – he even calls a cab from Brooklyn to come get me. As I ride away from the warehouse that so briefly felt like a real home, I start crying again. It’s too much to bear. Now that I’ve lost Beast and the promise of my real father, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
But real life has a funny way of sneaking up like that. Sometimes, when you least expect it, real life whips around and bites you in the ass before you even know it was following you.
As soon as I get back to Brooklyn, I realize how little time actually passed while I was gone. It was only a few weeks, but that was enough for my mailbox to fill up and my voicemail to max out. I’m not shocked that most of the messages are from Patty, but they’re not angry at all. If anything, she sounds worried and concerned about me.
When I finally get in touch with her, Patty tells me to meet her for lunch at a swanky restaurant in Manhattan. She looks the same as ever – fabulous, with a small plate of iceberg lettuce, avocado, and sunflower seeds in front of her.
“It’s called a naked salad, dahling,” Patty says. She stands up and kisses me on the cheek. I brace myself for an onslaught of anger, but it never comes. Instead, Patty gestures for me to sit down.
“I’m so sorry,” I say softly. “I––I wish I could explain what happened, but I’m not sure I can.”
Patty smiles. “Would you like something to eat?”
My mouth tastes like iron and my stomach is twisted with anxiety, but I nod and smile. When the waiter appears, Patty orders a carafe of white wine and the same ‘naked salad’ that’s in front of her. I notice she’s not eating, either, just taking small sips of water and wine. I wonder if she’s nervous, too. After all, I was her best dancer. I was her protégé. I wonder if I’m as important to her as she is to me.
“So, dahling, what happened?” Patty fixes me with an intent stare, crossing her elegantly thin arms across her chest. Even though I know our bodies look similar, being around her always makes me feel fat.
“I…” I trail off. My throat is dry and I know I’m going to tear up again as soon as I mention Beast. Taking a gulp of water, I bite my lip. “I’m not sure I can tell you,” I say softly. “It’s––it’s a hell of a story, Patty.”
“Well, you can tell me,” Patty says softly. “Natalia, I know I haven’t always been fair to you. Ballet is a cutthroat world, but I always assumed you had extra support.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
Patty looks at me with a sad smile. “After you disappeared, I called your parents.” She sighs. “I figured it was some kind of family emergency, you know? But they told me they hadn’t heard from you, and then I knew it was something really serious.”
My heart sinks at the mention of my parents.
“And they just…” Patty trails off, looking down at the artful array of greens in front of her. “Well, dear, they didn’t sound like they missed you very much. They were angry you had disappeared but figured it was because you could no longer stand up to the stresses and pressures of the ballet world.”
The first thing I feel is anger. I curl my hands into tight fists, digging my fingernails into my palms until I’m sure I’m bleeding. “What?”
Patty nods slightly. “I was shocked, too, dear. But that told me everything about you. I knew then something bad must have happened.”
I lick my lips. “I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it,” I say. “But I want you to hear the truth from me before you read the papers.”
Patty’s eyes widen at my last words, and I can tell she’s already dying to know what led to my disappearance.
“I was kidnapped,” I say softly. “You know I was adopted from Russia, as a girl? Well, my biological father was a crime boss in this city. And I was kidnapped by someone who wanted to use me as bait.”
Patty’s eyes widen so much I’m amazed they don’t fall out of her head and onto the plate of naked salad. Just then, the waiter returns and places my lunch in front of me. Patty can barely tear her eyes away from me to thank the waiter. By the time she looks back at me, she’s got tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” Patty says quickly. She leaps up from the table and wraps me in a tight, intimate hug. “Darling, I had no idea such a horrible thing had happened to you!”
I nod stiffly. Somehow, the confession doesn’t make me feel any better. Instead I feel naked and exposed, waiting for Patty to push me away. Finally, Patty releases me and goes back to her seat.
“I’ve started work with a new company,” Patty says. “And I want you to dance for us. Your old role has been filled, I’m afraid, but there’s auditions for a new role coming up. It wouldn’t take long to get you back into working order, right?”
I smile gratefully. Even though I’m not sure if I want to continue with ballet, this seems like the best opportunity possible.
“Yes,” I say softly. “Thank you so much, Patty.”
That was two and a half weeks ago. Right now, I’m getting ready for my first show since leaving Beast’s warehouse. It’s a post-modern take on the ancient Greek play, Antigone , and I’m dancing the lead role of Antigone, mourning the death of my brother and hoping to prevent humiliation for my family. It’s a tragic ballet, and I’ve barely been able to get through rehearsals without crying.
Patty says this is good for me, though. She says it’s helping me to work through my emotions in a healthy way. I don’t dare to confess the real reason I feel heartbroken.
Beast hasn’t called. Not once.
I’m trying to resign myself to the idea that I’ll never see him again. After all, I don’t exactly deserve happiness. I got exactly what I deserved, and it’s amazing I’m still alive after everything that’s happ
ened.
Patty pops into the dressing room. I’ve finished doing my makeup, and it’s nothing like my former skull makeup. Instead, I look beautiful, ethereal, desperate. Blue paint swirls under my eyes to signify tears and there’s so much glitter on my cheeks that it turns my vision into a field of sparkles.
“You look beautiful,” Patty says. She leans over my shoulder and kisses me on the cheek. “I know you’re going to dance beautifully, Natalia.”
I nod. I’m not sure if I agree with her. Every time I dance now, Beast’s face pops into my mind. He’s the first thing I think of in the morning, and the last thing on my mind at night before sleep. And dancing is a special kind of hell. Every time I lose myself in the rhythm and the music, I start daydreaming about dancing with Beast. But this is my punishment for acting the way I did.
