by Ella Fox
My little fantasy bubble burst when Jackson came back and wrapped his arms around Madeline’s neck. “Mommy, did you remember to pack me a cinnamon bun?”
She grinned as she turned and kissed his cheek. “Does Mommy ever forget to pack the cinnamon bun monster his favorite treat?”
He giggled and smiled up at her like she was an angel. “Nope. You’re the best mommy in the whole world. I’m glad you’re mine and nobody else’s.”
“Always and forever,” Madeline answered before she kissed his cheek again.
My smile fell as I watched them together, mother and child. That quickly, my good mood dissolved. After our parents left Jackson tried to make me smile, but I wanted no part of him. He’d ruined my fantasy, and because of that I promised myself I’d never be his friend.
A feeling of mortification worked its way through me as I realized that I’d spent years yearning for a mother that had never existed. All of the good things I’d believed were memories of her were really of Madeline. How had I let my need for a mother affect my outlook in such a major way? What was wrong with me?
I’d left that reading a mess and had avoided Aria ever since.
I startled from the memory when I felt a hand on my arm. I sucked in a breath when I realized Madam Aria was standing in front of me.
“I’ve got a message for you,” she announced in the matter-of-fact way she had. Her voice was soft and feminine but there was an unmistakable strength to it. I thought of her as a female Dumbledore.
I cocked my head to the right and wrinkled my nose. “From whom?”
“From the universe.”
The way she said it made goose bumps break out across my skin. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
“I know you’re trying to decide what university to go to now that you’ve earned your associate’s degree from the community college. It’s very important that you choose one of the options that isn’t close by.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Why?”
I’d been accepted by four of the five universities I’d applied to. Three were out of state, but I’d basically already decided to choose the one closest to home, in Boston. I told myself the only drawback was that Jackson was there working on his communications degree. Even though he drove me nuts with his antics, I always chose to do whatever kept him in my orbit. I wasn’t sure what that said about me. Glutton for punishment, probably.
“You need to expand your horizons and mature,” Aria announced. “Time and again you’ve resisted the signs the universe has placed in your path—so it has sent me to say it directly. No more games, Chloe. Leave and don’t look back until you graduate. By then you’ll have obtained enough clarity for change to occur.”
“Change?”
As we spoke, I felt Jackson’s presence. Looking up, I watched as he walked past one of the tents with his friend Alec. As usual, Jax lifted his head and looked at me as if he’d known exactly where I was the entire time. His steps faltered and his eyes widened with surprise when he saw who I was talking to. Great, I thought, he’s probably going to start a rumor that I’ve been dabbling in mysticism.
I narrowed my eyes and gave him a look that said screw you. Something that looked like disappointment or frustration flitted across his face before he lifted his chin in acknowledgement and started walking again. I watched until he was out of sight, hating that I immediately felt like something important was missing when he wasn’t close by.
“Change,” Aria said.
I shook my head to clear it of the Jackson fog I was so used to before I returned my attention to Madam Aria.
“Trust me on this,” she commanded. “If you don’t take this fork in the road, you’ll not have the chance to get where you’re supposed to until the next life. Your soul needs you to get your shit together, Chloe. What you’re missing is quite literally right in front of you. Once you accept this you will know a kind of peace that most people never do. The missing piece is right there, but until you learn to let go of the thing holding you back, you’ll never be content.”
It felt like something had just walked across my grave. I’d always known something was missing—someone or something that had nothing to do with my mother—but hearing someone else say it was chilling.
“Trust me on this—nothing is more important than you centering yourself. The only way to do that is to put distance between you and the town of Bliss. Visit as little as possible and I promise you that when you come back, everything will finally fall into place. But be warned—if you don’t make this change, your life will never be what your soul needs it to be,” she said forcefully.
I couldn’t imagine leaving town for any reason. Something tethered to me Bliss—something bigger than just the fact that I’d grown up there.
“Jackson will be here waiting when you return,” she said sagely.
My knee-jerk response was to write off everything she had said, but my inner voice was surprisingly loud and insistent about forcing me not to.
No one was more surprised than I was when I went ahead and chose the out-of-state college.
Jackson
Age 19
“Just a little longer now. When she comes back, you’ll have your shot.”
I jerked in surprise at the sound of Aria’s voice behind me. Turning, I frowned.
“When she comes back?” I asked, confused.
“Your Chloe needs time away from this town. Soon, she’ll announce that she’s going to leave for the next two years while she earns her bachelor’s degree.”
The idea of Chloe leaving left a sensation of a hand squeezing my heart inside my chest. It was so uncomfortable I was staggered by it.
Madam Aria patted my shoulder sympathetically as she shook her head. “This is a temporary pain, Jackson. Just remember that fortune smiles on those who remain focused and true. Once Chloe is back, things will be different. The pain of not seeing her will be rewarded tenfold in the long run.”
As much as I knew it would hurt me, I was still more worried about Chloe. She was attached to Bliss in much the same way I was. It was our home, and we loved it. I couldn’t imagine either of us living anywhere else.
“Will she be okay?” I asked.
Aria smiled and patted me on the shoulder. “Of course she will. I have to say, it’s truly touching that you’re always more concerned about her than you are yourself. She’s very lucky to have you.”
The thing was, she had me but she didn’t have me, because she wouldn’t let me in. If stepping back for two years would change that, I had no choice but to keep my mouth shut.
Chapter Two
Chloe, Two years later
It was as if I’d never left. Granted I’d only been away from Bliss for two years—and had only gone three hundred miles away at that—but it had felt like longer. After my conversation with Aria I’d chosen to earn my bachelor’s degree in New York. Since I’d rented an off-campus apartment year round, I’d only come home twice during the previous two years—both times for Christmas. New York City rent was no joke—even with three roommates—so I’d gotten a part-time job the first week I got into town.
At first, being away felt like an adventure, but within two months I’d begun to develop a wicked case of homesickness. Madam Aria’s dire warning and the fact that my waitressing job didn’t approve frequent days off were the only things that kept me from coming home as often as possible.
I wasn’t certain Aria’s advice would mean anything in my life long term, but I had to admit that living in New York City had changed me for the better. That being said, I was more than ready to be back in my hometown. Lately, the yearning I had to be back had morphed into a physical ache. I’d tried to see the beauty in the city that my mother had—she’d basically left me for it, after all—but while I liked New York, I never felt the die-hard love. Not the way I did for Bliss.
I chuckled to myself as I recalled how vociferously I’d fought against leaving the only home I’d ever had befor
e Dad and I moved to Bliss. Then again, that had mostly been down to my anger and confusion about the fact that my mother had left us. I was sure if we stayed in the exact house we’d been in when she packed up and left, she’d know just where to return to.
I shook off thoughts of my long-gone mother as I pulled into the driveway of the pale blue Cape Cod house Dad bought when we’d moved to Bliss. I smiled when I saw him sitting on the front porch waiting for me. He grinned as he hurried toward my car while I parked and got out.
“You’re finally home!” he said as he pulled me into one of his bear hugs.
I was ninety minutes later than anticipated because I’d gotten stuck in two separate gaper delays on the highway due to accidents. Thus, I was road weary and feeling pretty grungy. When we finished hugging he told me to take my suitcase inside and leave the rest to him while I got ready for dinner. I’d normally have helped him unload the car but he was right—I was meeting Caroline, my best friend since kindergarten, at Olive Garden. If I didn’t hustle into the shower I’d never be ready in time. After I grabbed my rolling suitcase I dropped a kiss on his cheek and hurried into the house.
Aside from the fact that my room had been dusted and vacuumed, everything was just as I’d left it five months prior when I’d been home for Christmas. My pale aqua walls and white furniture were a welcome sight. New York City apartments were the size of mousetraps, so other than my two Christmas trips home I’d spent the previous twenty-one months sleeping on a twin-sized mattress. Sleeping on such a tiny bed had given me a new appreciation for the full-sized mattress in my home bedroom.
I made quick work of getting my suitcase open so I could take out a bra, underwear, and my purple chenille robe before I headed across the hall to the bathroom. After sharing one teeny-tiny bathroom with three other girls I was ecstatic to be home where I had my very own. Since I was running late there was no time to spare, so I hurried through my shower at high speed.
Back in my room I hurriedly dried my hair. I ignored the nervous feeling in my stomach as I thought about the fact that it was more likely than not that I’d be running across Jackson Howell sooner or later. Bliss was a small town and our families were so closely aligned that there was no way to avoid it. I winced as I brushed my hair a bit too aggressively as thoughts of too-hot-for-his-own-good Jackson went through my head.
I’d grown up a lot over the course of the previous two years—and he probably had, too. It was time to put the over-the-top nature of our relationship behind us. I’d matured enough while I was gone to be able to admit that the core of our issues started with me, but that didn’t mean Jax wasn’t responsible for some of the blame. He’d never thought up a practical joke he didn’t want to carry out, and when it came to him I was often saltier than the Dead Sea. At least I had been. We were both older now, grown up. I was going to do whatever I had to address the feelings I had for him in a calm and even manor. I had to. I’d missed him like he was an extension of me—like a phantom limb. Sometimes the pain of missing him had been so extreme that I’d come close to packing it in to return to Bliss. Only Aria’s insistence that I needed the time away kept me in New York. Now that I was back I was hoping to explore the way I felt about Jax—if he was open to it. Only time would tell.
I nodded decisively at myself in the mirror after I finished applying some brown mascara and a soft peach lip gloss. Finished with my hair and makeup, I went to my bed and pulled a pair of black jeans and a deep red fitted top from my luggage. Satisfied with my appearance I pulled on my black ankle boots with the three-inch heels, which were high enough to look hot but comfortable enough to wear all the time.
After hugging my dad goodbye I made the drive across town to the Olive Garden. I grinned when I saw Caroline standing outside the door waiting for me. We each let out noises of excitement as we ran toward each other, giggling as we collided in a hug.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, you sexy bitch!”
I threw my head back and laughed as we ended our hug. “Shut up, hooker. You were in New York two months ago. For the record, I haven’t been able to so much as look at vodka since that weekend.”
Caro rolled her eyes. “Fucking lightweight,” she teased.
I fake gagged. “I swear my liver just shuddered. Lemon drop shots are sneaky.”
Sneaky was the only way to describe the way they too me down. It had been so bad, I only had fuzzy memories of the entire night. I was in no rush to repeat that experience.
We stopped talking as we entered the restaurant and approached the hostess station. “Ah, yes,” the hostess said. “You reserved a patio table. Come this way.”
I’d never dined out on the patio, but Caroline swore it was going to make dinner even better. I didn’t care one way or the other as long as I got some food into me sooner rather than later. The outdoor dining area was small but lovely, all done up with twinkle lights and trellises with vines, and the speaker system was playing Frank Sinatra’s Love is Here to Stay. We took our seats and then waved off the menus the hostess offered. Like most people in Bliss, Caro and I had been eating at Olive Garden since it opened on the county line between Bliss and Holmwood, the next town over, a decade before. We didn’t need to consult with menus before we ordered the usual—five-cheese ziti for me, and the tour of Italy for her. With our food order placed we settled in and started talking about what was new in town.
Bliss was small, so it didn’t take long to catch up on everything that was happening with all of our high school friends. I wanted to ask about Jackson, but since Caro didn’t bring him up I didn’t either. We made it through the entire meal without any mention of him. Only after our plates had been taken did she mention him—and unfortunately she did this as I was taking a sip out of my glass of white zin.
“Did I tell you Jax has been dating Melissa Ryerson? I guess it’s really serious since he was spotted at the jewelry store looking at engagement rings last weekend.”
I choked on the smooth-tasting wine, my eyes watering while I coughed and tried to get my breath. My heart galloped in my chest and it felt like all of the air had left the outdoor area. I felt devastated, completely crushed. It felt like I’d just found out he was cheating on me, which was ridiculous since I had no claim on Jackson. I figured he’d laugh himself silly if he knew that I’d secretly carried a torch for him for years. There’d been some lapses in judgment along the way that could’ve revealed that to him, but I’d been sure to be extra bitchy during those times in order to keep him from figuring it out.
“So, I see you’re not into Jax dating or getting engaged,” Caroline said pointedly.
I struggled to formulate a response, but my mind was spinning like Leonardo DiCaprio’s totem in Inception. “I, uh…”
“Good news, Choky McChokerson. I made that shit up, but you reacted pretty much exactly the way I thought you might, with the exception of almost dying, of course. Enough is enough, Chloe. Face it—you wouldn’t almost choke to death over some guy you don’t like. You two have this thing. It makes no sense but it’s there and it isn’t going anywhere. You’ve sat on the sidelines of dating for too long—it’s time to get out there, and Jackson is the only guy who has ever drawn your eye.”
I gaped at her, equal parts relieved and annoyed. “You made it up?” I croaked.
Caroline nodded as she took a sip of her chianti. “Sure did. The night of the lemon drop shots was more illuminating than you remember. I got you to admit you’ve been carrying a heart-shaped torch for Jackson Howell for years and you came clean about a two hour make out session between the two of you that you never said a word about before. You might not remember that conversation but I do—and that night you vowed to stop running from it. I figured blasting you out of your comfort zone with a little white lie might wake your ass up. Did it work?”
My wine glass wobbled a bit as I lifted it to my lips for a sip of liquid courage. “I have to admit it shook me up,” I admitted with a self-deprecating snicker.
Caro smiled victoriously. “Yes!” she exclaimed.
I frowned when she didn’t say anything else. This was because she had picked up her cell phone and her thumbs were moving furiously across the small screen.
“Excuse me,” I said sternly, “but I thought we had a no-screen-time rule during meals.”
She shot me a look while she wrapped up what she’d been typing before she set the phone down on the table. “Sorry—I was answering a text from Alec.”
My brows shot up in surprise. “Alec Travers?”
Caro looked at me like I’d lost some of my marbles. “Of course, Travers,” she said, like I was crazy for asking. “He’s the only Alec in Bliss, babe.”
It was true. There were a bunch of Alexes in town, but only one Alec—and he happened to be Jackson’s best friend.
There had only been one hundred and eleven kids in our graduating class, so it wasn’t as if Alec was a stranger. Still, the fact that he was Jax’s best friend generally meant that we didn’t interact on anything other than a surface level. That Caroline was texting with him was news.
“Is something going on between you two?” I asked.
She blushed and shook her head as she lifted her wine glass. “I don’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model, so no.”
I narrowed my eyes and pinned her with a glare. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that since I just polished off seventy percent of the tour of Italy plate along with two breadsticks and some salad while the girls Alec goes out with don’t eat that much in a week, when he looks at me he undoubtedly sees a heffer.”
Caroline was five foot ten with green eyes, glossy auburn hair, and a body that stopped traffic. I’d always been envious of her curves and ample cleavage. That she was using the word heffer in association with herself set my teeth on edge.
