He then went to a nearby department store and bought three new shirts for the trip – two short-sleeved and one dress – a pair of chinos, some socks, undershorts and a white baseball cap.
Over the next few days Larry read the two guidebooks he’d bought, made notes on places he wanted to visit and formulated an itinerary. He then re-read his paper on the Desert Land Act and committed complete sections to memory. Once satisfied that his preparations for Israel were in hand he turned his attention to matters closer to home and arranged for Wayne to spend more time with Moses. Wayne now came to the house every other day, sometimes in the morning and sometimes late afternoon. He and Larry would sit for a while and then Wayne would take Moses for a walk in Montrose Park. It was on one such afternoon that Tank phoned.
‘Larry! Glad I caught you. I need a favour!’
The favour, in fact, was for Tank’s mother, whose blue-eyed white American Shorthair was stuck in a tree. The twelve-year-old cat had chased a squirrel up a loblolly pine that morning and five hours later was still there.
‘My Mom knows I’m no good with heights, Larry, so why the hell she called me I have no idea. It’s not even as if I like Maybelline.’
‘Is that your mother’s name?’ Larry asked.
‘No, that’s the name of her damned cat! Now listen up, will you? My life’s miserable enough with her living as close as she does, but it’s going to get a whole lot worse if anything happens to that damned cat of hers because she’ll get lonely and want to visit more often. Now what I want you to do is this: I want you to drive over to Arlington and rescue the cat from the tree. You’re good with heights and my mom’s got a set of ladders you can use. I’d drive you myself but I’m tied up at work and it’s going to be dark by the time I get off.’
‘I’m happy to climb a ladder, Tank, but I wouldn’t feel safe climbing around in the branches of a tree. I’ve never been agile and I certainly can’t afford to break any bones before I go to Israel.’
‘So what are you going to do, then?’ Tank demanded.
‘What am I going to do? I don’t know what I can do…’ And then a thought struck him. ‘Hang on a minute, I have an idea. Wayne’s going to be here soon and I know he can climb trees. Maybe the two of us could work together and rescue your mother’s cat.’
‘The weird kid! You want to take that weird kid to my mother’s house? You out of your mind?’
‘It’s the only thing I can think of. And I wish you’d stop referring to Wayne as the weird kid. He’s a nice young man and he used to make jam for his church. I think your mother would like him.’
For a moment there was silence at Tank’s end of the phone and then a click. ‘I’m recording the conversation now, Larry. Before I give you the go-ahead I want you to state on record that neither you nor Wayne will sue either me or my mother if something goes wrong and you get hurt. Okay?’
Larry agreed to the conditions of the favour he was about to do for Tank, and then Tank reeled off the directions to his mother’s house.
‘I appreciate you doing this, Larry, and for you doing me this favour I’m going to do you one. When you go to Israel next week I’ll get you to the airport. I can’t say fairer than that.’
Wayne arrived at the house ten minutes later and Larry explained the situation. Was he prepared to help? Wayne was: he liked climbing loblolly trees. He made it clear to Larry, though, that he was doing this as a favour for him and not Tank, who Kevin still had good reason for not liking.
They climbed into the Volvo for the second time that month and Larry headed the car to M St and then crossed the bridge into Virginia. He followed Wilson Boulevard to Buchanan Street and there took a left turn and slowed the car. ‘It’s the tenth house on the left,’ he told Wayne, giving him its number.
‘It’s there, Professor!’ Wayne said, pointing to a brick-based wood house. ‘And there’s an old woman standing on the porch.’
The driveway to the house was long and deeply pitted. Larry reduced the car’s speed to three miles per hour but still hit every pothole.
‘What are we supposed to call the woman, Professor?’
‘Mrs Newbold,’ Larry said. ‘Tank said his mother was a stickler for formality.’
They climbed out of the car and Mrs Newbold came running towards them.
‘Are you the men Theodore sent?’ she asked.
‘We are, Mrs Newbold,’ Larry said. ‘My name is Professor MacCabe and this is Mr Trout. We’re here to rescue your cat.’
Mrs Newbold took a closer look at Larry. ‘You’re the handyman who cleaned my son’s gutters, aren’t you?’
Larry smiled. ‘I cleaned his gutters but I’m not a handyman, Mrs Newbold. I’m a specialist in late nineteenth-century American history.’
‘He’s an expert on the Desert Land Act, too, Mrs Newbold, and he’s going to talk about it in Israel next month,’ Wayne added.
Neither of these facts appeared to impress Mrs Newbold, who wordlessly led them to the garage where the ladders were stored and then to the tree where Maybelline was lodged. There she hovered, nervously wringing her hands and muttering to herself.
‘I think it would be safer if you left us to it, Mrs Newbold,’ Larry suggested. ‘There’s a chance one of us might fall and if you’re standing close by we might well land on you. I wouldn’t want that to happen.’
Mrs Newbold took Larry’s advice and retired to the house, standing on the porch and watching from a distance.
‘Ain’t exactly the cheerful kind, is she?’ Wayne commented. ‘You think the cat run off on purpose?’
‘I don’t think so, Wayne. Tank gave me the impression his mother was very attached to her cat. Anyway, let’s get the job done and then I’ll treat you to a pizza.’
The closest branches of the loblolly were more than twenty feet up the trunk and it was necessary to extend the ladders. Larry held them while Wayne climbed the rungs and eased himself into the tree.
‘Where’s the cat at, Professor?’ Wayne shouted down. ‘I can hear her but I cain’t see her.’
‘She’s to your right, about five, no, six branches up from where you are now.’
‘I see her. What do I do when I reach her? Throw her down?’
‘No, Wayne! Whatever you do don’t throw her! If you can’t carry her in one arm, try and get her to sit on your shoulders. Once you’ve got her I’ll climb up the ladder and make sure you get your foot on the rung. We can’t afford to have any accidents: Tank says we’re not covered.’
Wayne wasn’t sure what kind of reception to expect when he reached the cat and hoped she wouldn’t scratch him. Maybelline, however, was as anxious to leave the tree as Wayne was to be in it, and when his head came close she climbed across it and arched herself over his right shoulder, her front paws anchored to his back and her back paws fastened to his chest. Wayne started his descent and Larry, who was now standing at the top of the ladder, guided him and told him where the branches were in relation to his feet. He took hold of Wayne’s left foot when it came searching for the ladder and placed it on a rung. He then stayed close and made sure his feet connected with all the other rungs as he made his descent. When they were about six feet from the ground Maybelline jumped from Wayne’s shoulder and ran towards the house and Mrs Newbold’s outstretched arms.
‘I’d have thought the cat might have showed some gratitude,’ Wayne said. ‘She never even licked me.’
They took the ladders back to the garage and knocked on the door. Mrs Newbold was dabbing tears from her eyes when she opened it, but was also smiling.
‘They’re tears of happiness,’ she explained. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done if anything had happened to Maybelline. Thank you both so very, very much! Now take off your shoes and come inside for a coffee.’
Larry slipped off his shoes and was surprised to find a large hole in one of his socks. ‘Oh my,’
he said and tut-tutted. He gave Wayne a hand untying a knot in one of his bootlaces and was even more surprised to find Wayne wearing only one sock when he pulled off his boots. ‘I hope Mrs Newbold doesn’t notice our socks,’ he said. ‘She might get the wrong impression of us.’
They entered the house and sat next to each other on a small couch, self-consciously hiding their feet as best they could. After a few minutes Mrs Newbold returned from the kitchen with three small cups of coffee and a plate of Maryland cookies.
‘What happened to your other sock, Mr Trout? You didn’t leave it in the tree, did you?’
‘I think I must have forgotten to put it on this morning, Mrs Newbold. The Professor’s got a hole in one of his.’
‘Yes, I’m sorry about that, Mrs Newbold… anyway, how do you like Virginia? It must be very different from living in Texas.’
‘It’s better than living in Canada,’ she said without elaborating.
Mrs Newbold had moved from San Antonio five years after the death of her husband. It was time for a change and a chance to be close to one of her four children, all of whom had long since left the city. Her decision to move to the environs of Washington was dictated less by her special love for Tank as the locations of her other three children. Her two older sons lived in Baton Rouge and Chicago and neither city appealed to her. Ideally she’d have moved closer to her daughter whose children were still young, but as her daughter was married to a Canadian and lived in Calgary, she’d decided against it. Living in Canada would be too much like travelling in coach after a lifetime of flying first class. In Washington she’d anticipated meeting a better type of person, but now, sitting opposite Larry and Wayne, she was starting to have doubts.
‘I take it you don’t teach any classes on a Tuesday afternoon, Professor MacCabe?’
‘I don’t teach any classes at all these days, Mrs Newbold. I’m retired. The only working man here is Mr Trout.’
‘And what do you do, Mr Trout?’
‘I deliver newspapers and collect cans,’ Wayne replied.
‘And he’s going to be making jam soon,’ Larry added with some pride.
‘I am?’ Wayne said looking at Larry. And then, a moment later, repeated the words with more definition: ‘I am!’
Mrs Newbold thought for a moment and looked at Wayne. ‘Are you the strange young man Theodore talks about: the one that hangs around the park?’
‘That don’t sound like me, do it, Professor? I think he must be meaning Mike… Mike’s a man who believes in a man called Buddha,’ he said, turning to face Mrs Newbold. ‘He cain’t make his mind up if he’s a Christian or a Buddhist. Me, I’m a Christian. You don’t need no other religions when you’re born again because you get your money’s worth with Christianity.’
‘How do you mean?’ Mrs Newbold asked.
‘You get three for the price of one, Mrs Newbold. You get the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Ain’t that right, Professor?’
Conversation started to lag and Larry decided it was time they made a move. It was clear that Mrs Newbold had decided Wayne was the weird kid her son talked about and he didn’t want to risk the repercussions of her pressing the point, which was something she was more than likely to do if she was anything like Tank. He thanked her for the coffee and cookies and explained that he and Mr Trout had an important engagement in Georgetown.
‘We’re going to a pizza restaurant,’ Wayne clarified.
Mrs Newbold opened the door and waited on the porch while they put on their shoes. Maybelline waited with them, but soon tired of watching Wayne thread the laces through the eyelets of his boots and wandered off into the bushes. Larry stepped in to give Wayne a hand and tied the bows in a single knot. He then shook hands with Mrs Newbold and he and Wayne climbed into the car. He reversed slowly down the drive, the wheels dropping into the potholes and then unexpectedly rising over a stone he didn’t remember being there when they’d arrived.
‘It’s a good job that Volvos are made of sturdy stuff,’ Larry said. ‘You can say what you like about the Swedes, but they know how to make cars.’
‘I don’t want to say anything about the Swedes, Professor,’ Wayne said. ‘I know nothing about them.’
‘It was just a figure of speech,’ Larry smiled.
There was another figure of speech waiting for Larry when he returned home that evening. It had been coined by Tank and left on his answering machine.
‘Why the hell couldn’t you have just run over my mother?’ Tank said.
It was the following Saturday and the gang were sitting at their usual table in Volta Park. On Monday, Larry would be flying to Israel.
‘I didn’t do it on purpose, Tank. I’ve already told you that. I had no idea the cat was there.’
‘Well, thanks to you and that dumb friend of yours, the cat’s pushing up daisies in the backyard now – and my Mom’s planning to visit me tomorrow! Hell! You’re lucky I’m a man of my word or you’d be making your own way to Dulles.’
‘For Heaven’s sake, Tank, Larry was trying to do you a favour,’ Laura said. ‘It was an accident! And you didn’t even like your mother’s cat – you said so yourself. Now will someone please change the subject?’
Delores was happy to oblige. ‘I’ve got details of the service for the Blessing of the Animals,’ she said. She took a notebook from her purse and read them the particulars.
The service would start with Hymn 405: All Things Bright and Beautiful which would be followed by a Collect and a Reading from the Book of Job. There would be Prayers – one attributed to Saint Francis – and the Pastor would then bless the animals with holy water and a sprig of boxwood.
‘And Donna says she’s prepared to bless any stuffed animals the congregants bring along and photographs of any deceased pets or pets too big to fit into the church. She’s going all out this year. I think this St Francis Day will be the best ever.’
Laura and Alice looked at each other and clasped hands. Tank chose the moment to light a cigar and Mike to hum the tune to All Things Bright and Beautiful.
‘I wish I could be there to join you,’ Larry said. ‘I have a feeling it’s going to be a blast.’
Larry had occasionally, but without much success, taken to using words Mike might say. Vocabulary evolved, he reasoned, and it was up to him to keep pace with the changes. He’d never felt particularly comfortable using words like dude, cool and chick, but blast he could handle. He liked the sound of it and it made him feel younger.
‘Right on, Larry,’ Mike said. ‘I wish you could be there with us too, man. Is Wayne bringing Moses?’
‘I don’t think so. I mentioned the service to him, but he said that God didn’t like animals going to church. He wouldn’t elaborate on his thinking and I didn’t push him. Maybe it’s because the service is being held at the Church of Latter-Day Lutherans. He attends another church, that small one on Wisconsin just past the Hardy Middle School. I think they call it the Church of the Divine Shepherd.’
‘I know the one,’ Mike said. ‘The minister there teaches that Gehenna – that’s his name for Hell – is a hollow at the centre of the earth and that people are never physically more than twenty miles distant. I don’t think Wayne’s got anything against Lutherans, though. He’s been hanging around the church listening to me play the organ recently and asking me how it works. One minute he’s sitting there behind me, the next he’s gone, and then he’s right back sitting where he was. Sometimes it’s difficult to fathom him.’
‘I told you I saw him washing in the waterfront fountain, didn’t I, and how he lived in a tree for five years?’ Alice said. ‘I think he’s too shallow for anyone to fathom.’
‘That’s not a very nice thing to say, Alice. Be thankful you don’t have his problems.’
‘Lighten up, Laura! You know I don’t mean these things – apart from not inviting him to our apartment. I mean
that!’
‘I’m not sure he’d come even if I invited him,’ Laura said. ‘He’s been quite off with me the last few times I’ve bumped into him. You don’t know anything about this, do you, Larry?’
Larry blushed and turned sheepish. ‘I don’t know for sure, Laura, but I think it might have something to do with you and Alice getting married.’
‘How does he know that? I know I haven’t told him and I’m pretty sure Alice hasn’t.’
Larry shifted in his seat and looked uncomfortable. ‘He heard me telling Helen,’ he admitted. ‘I took him with me to Willow Columbarium the other week.’
‘Larry! You should have had more sense!’
Tank laughed. ‘You talk to your dead wife, Larry! Jesus Christ! You’re as weird as he is. No wonder the two of you get along.’
‘I’m sorry, Laura.’
‘Sorry doesn’t always cut it,’ Tank said. ‘I told my mother you were sorry for killing her cat and she almost laughed in my face: “Sorry!” she said. “He said he was sorry for killing Maybelline? Theodore, he did it on purpose!”’ Tank then burst out laughing.
‘And I’m presuming Wayne was upset by the news,’ Laura said.
‘Well, he thought it was unusual for two women to marry each other and said it ran counter to God’s teachings, but not much more than that. I’m sure he’ll come round to the idea.’
‘I’ve been right about him all along,’ Alice chimed in. ‘I knew the first time I saw him that he was strange. We’ll look well if he mounts a protest outside the church on our wedding day and brings all those nuts from the Church of the Divine Shepherd with him. There might even be a riot!’
‘I think we should stop giving him mints,’ Delores said.
‘I’ll have a word with him,’ Larry promised. ‘I’ll explain things in a way he can understand.’
Larry & the Dog People Page 20
