The snow, servants and greenery pile were forgotten. The chill of the winter air was only a memory as Clara felt a dizzying warmth rush throughout her body to settle as a nervous, fluttering sensation in the pit of her stomach. As she pressed her body against his in an effort to capture more of the delicious heat flowing through her body, Julian’s lips suddenly left hers. Clara’s eyes opened quickly and she encountered a look of surprise in his eyes. After scrutinizing her face a moment more, he spoke.
“Lady Bentley, please may I introduce Nellie Sharma?”
Clara shakily disengaged herself from her husband and gazed down upon a small, dark-skinned girl with very long black hair tied back from her face with a red bow, who was timidly gazing up at her. The child curtsied prettily and then raised her head to look at Julian for his approval. At his slight nod the little girl relaxed and smiled.
Clara stooped down and rested one of her gloved hands upon the frozen ground.
“Welcome to Bentley House, Nellie.” Clara smiled into the little girl’s dark brown eyes as she clasped one of the child’s small mitten-covered fingers in her free hand. “Would you like to come by the fire to have some tea and roasted chestnuts?”
Nellie looked toward the fire. “Yes, please, my lady,” she answered enthusiastically.
Clara stood up and addressed her husband. She found him still regarding her in a bewildered manner. “Would you care to join us, my lord?”
Julian seemed to suddenly recall his surroundings. “I have much to see to at the house, Clara,” he announced with emphasis on her name. He suddenly reached forward to a spot directly under her chin. Clara felt a light tug on the back of her neck and then felt herself blush as Julian held the turquoise pendant up directly in front of her eyes. “I see you are still wearing the necklace,” he commented sotto voce to her and then continued in a normal tone of voice, “Please join me in the library as soon as you have finished here.” With a nod to his wife and a pat on the head for Nellie, he strode away through the field to the house.
Clara found the sensation of hearing her first name upon his lips an exciting one. She knew she was “grabbing at crumbs” as the saying went but any sign of closeness from Julian was a joy in her present tender emotional state.
“May I have a big cup of tea, my lady?” questioned a small voice at Clara’s elbow.
She quickly resolved to give the little girl all her attention. “Of course, Nellie. Will you tell me how you address Lord Bentley?”
Nellie looked up at her in a worried manner. “I call Lord Bentley, Uncle Julian. Should you be called Aunt Clara?”
Clara wondered what the significance of “Uncle” was. But she quickly remembered her resolution to become a comfortable wife. “That would be most proper, my dear,” she assured Nellie.
Placing her hand in Clara’s, Nellie happily led the way to the bonfire to receive the promised big cup of tea.
Chapter Three
Upon their return to the house, Clara found Mrs. Copley eagerly awaiting her charge. After the introductions were made, Nellie followed her governess to the nursery wing. As they ascended the stairs, Clara could hear Nellie chattering happily about the upcoming holidays.
Clara handed her coat, gloves and bonnet to Warner and then hurriedly made her way to her own chamber to have Susan help her change and straighten her hair before meeting Julian in the library.
Clara’s nervousness about the upcoming meeting must have communicated itself to Susan because she was made presentable in record time. Clara glanced at her reflection in the mirror one final time before she left her room. She had chosen a light green lawn tea gown that complemented her dark green eyes. The dress also brought out the deep blue-green color in the turquoise stone on the pendant. Susan had brushed her thick hair until it fell in soft waves. The thick strands had then been gathered together and swept up to the top of her head where they were fastened together with a tortoiseshell comb and matching green bow. Clara nervously smoothed a stray lock of hair that threatened to fall over her ear.
Clara sighed and stood up. The reflection she saw in her mirror reassured her that she looked quite well but would Julian feel the same or even notice? With a word of thanks to Susan, she reached for a shawl which was draped over a nearby chair and exited the room.
It was with a feeling of great trepidation that she made her way through the hall toward the main staircase. She shivered with nervousness and wrapped her shawl more tightly across her shoulders. What happened to the resolve that she had felt earlier in the day? The new knowledge from Mrs. Copley would allow her to make a change for the better in her relations with Julian. No longer should she play the role of the young, innocent wife without any feelings for her husband.
Clara smiled ruefully as she reached out for the banister at the top of the staircase. Of course, she was still fairly young and her marriage had never been consummated. However, knowing that her own love and affection for her husband could be used to possibly awaken similar feelings in him made her feel significantly less innocent.
With these thoughts in mind, Clara suddenly felt much less anxious about the upcoming meeting with Julian. She stood a little straighter in an attempt to display her feelings of confidence as Warner opened the library door and announced her.
Julian was sitting behind the desk. There was a large pile of papers on it in front of him. He smiled ruefully at Clara as he looked at her from across the room.
“Please be seated, my dear. Crawley has just left. He’d finished going over some of the more important correspondence with me.” Julian stood up and came over to sit in a chair across from the one she had chosen. “My secretary speaks quite highly of your efforts to run the estate during the year I was gone.”
Clara acknowledged the compliment with a nod of her head. “You must remember, my lord, that I managed my father’s household from the time I was a young woman up until the time we were married.”
“Ah, we are back to ‘my lord’ again are we?” Julian questioned, blithely ignoring most of Clara’s reply.
Clara was mortified to feel herself blushing as Julian waited for an answer from her. She must not fall back into the role of the innocent maiden, she chided herself. “I understood from your tone that we are discussing business matters, my lord. I simply felt the use of your first name was not appropriate at this time.”
Julian regarded Clara in an appraising manner for some moments. He then startled her by leaning across the space between their chairs to clasp her hand in his. “To my surprise, I find that I enjoy hearing my first name on your lips. Please continue to use it when we are alone.”
Clara stared into his gray eyes as she felt a sudden stirring of emotion in her breast. Could it be that her actions on the knoll had already begun to make Julian feel a small amount of affection for her? It was hard for Clara to believe even as she was caught up in a sudden euphoric sensation brought on by her impression of possible success. However, she knew that any opportunity she was handed should be built upon.
Clara loosened her hand from his grip and moved one finger up to his face to trace the line of his chin. She continued the slow movement of her finger until it rested upon the swollen curve of his bottom lip. “It would please me greatly to do as you ask, Julian. You must remember to use my first name as well.”
Julian’s eyes widened as he felt the tip of her finger rub across his lip. “What are you up to, Clara?” he asked in a gruff voice.
She felt a thrill of triumph as she noted Julian’s reaction to her light caress. Clara dropped her hand onto her lap and looked at Julian with an innocent expression on her face. “Why, nothing at all, Julian. I am just showing my husband some affection,” she answered demurely, suddenly deciding to drop him a subtle clue to her actions.
Julian chose to ignore her suggestive comment. He sat back in his chair, placed his hands on his knees and spoke to break the sudden silence. “I wish to make you aware of certain matters which occurred while I was in India.”
He paused to look into Clara’s eyes again. “I am certain you will want to be apprised of all the details surrounding your father’s death as well.”
At Clara’s nod of agreement he continued.
“The fever that killed your father began in a poor section of town where your father’s business was located. The fever struck him swiftly with absolutely no warning. He was only ill for a few days and during that time the local physician bled him and administered laudanum to help him sleep. The fever would not break and he passed away six days after he had taken to his bed.”
Julian reached over and tilted Clara’s chin up when he heard her attempt to stem the flow of her tears. He reached with his free hand for his handkerchief and handed it to her. “Your father wanted me to remind you of your promise not to mourn him. I also want to reassure you that he was in a laudanum-induced sleep when he died and he felt no pain.
“Clara, please!” he pleaded when she still refused to look at him.
The worried tone in Julian’s voice effectively stopped her tears. She reached up with a shaky hand to wipe the corner of her eyes with the handkerchief. “As you can see, Julian, I have not dressed in mourning as my father requested. However, I have mourned him privately in my heart. He was the only family I had and even though I did not see him often, it was important for me to know he was alive and part of my world even in a remote way.”
Julian smiled somewhat ruefully at her words. “You forget, my dear, you do have family. There is myself as well as Nellie to care for.” He raised his hand to halt her from speaking and to indicate that he had more to say. “I wish to explain about Nellie. Her parents also died of the fever. Her father was your father’s assistant in India. Before he died, Nellie’s father asked me to become her legal guardian. Apparently there were no close family members left in India to take care of the child. Her father felt that you and I could offer her a stable family life in England. I must also thank you for obtaining the services of Mrs. Copley so promptly. I met her briefly and she seems to be a very warm, caring woman. Those are exactly the attributes I hope we can surround Nellie with as she grows up under our care.”
Clara reached over to put her hand around Julian’s arm. She was immediately aware of the warmth and the strength radiating from him. But in his expression, as he looked down at her hand, she saw uncertainty. She was confident that Julian knew he could count on her help with Nellie. After his reminder about her present family, Clara hoped that he also wanted to hear of her need for him. She set out to reassure him.
“Please understand, Julian, that when I say I have no family left I mean people related to me. You, and now Nellie, are very important people in my life. I mean for all of us to be a very happy family. In fact, I had resolved to make you a very comfortable wife when I received your note announcing your return.” Clara ran her hand up and down across his forearm in a gesture of reassurance and then reached down to clasp his hand in her own. She boldly raised her eyes to look at his face in order to judge his reaction to her statement.
At first, he simply squeezed her hand in response as he concentrated on the patterns in the carpet at his feet. Abruptly, he raised his head to look into her eyes. The expression on his face was quite serious. “I do not know if I wish for a ‘comfortable wife’, Clara. I realize that my attentions were not welcome to you on our wedding night. However, over the past year I have thought often of you. I realized that we had hardly spoken together before we said our marriage vows. To start, I would like to take things slowly and get to know each other better.” He stopped to rub his forehead with his free hand as if the gesture would help him find the proper words to express himself. “Please be assured that I will not force my attentions upon you until you are ready, Clara.”
Clara became aware of a bitter taste of disappointment in her mouth as she heard Julian’s words. She quickly released his hand as if it burned her own. Was she rushing Julian and trying to force him to feel a deep emotion for her that was impossible for him to feel? He said he wanted them to get to know each other better. Was that an attempt to tell her to stop showing him any affection? What of his apparent misunderstanding of her actions on their wedding night? Should she explain what actually happened to Julian now? Or would he believe that she was making something up in an effort to please him?
In that instant, Clara forgot her resolution to no longer play the role of the young, innocent wife. Because of a lack of confidence as well as a limited knowledge of her husband’s personality, she replied to his statement in a meek and timid manner.
“Very well, Julian,” she answered resignedly, failing to note her husband’s sudden confused expression as he heard the tone of her reply. Clara quickly rose up from her chair, her skirts swirling in a wave of soft green at her feet. She dropped his now rumpled handkerchief on the desktop. “I have much to accomplish in preparation for the upcoming holiday festivities. I trust that I will see you at dinner this evening?”
The crease on Julian’s forehead deepened as he noted the nature of his wife’s answer. It was almost as if she was reciting a practiced speech. “Of course, I will join you, my dear,” he assured her.
Clara nodded her head as she heard his answer. She moved away to walk toward the door. With her hand on the knob, she turned to look back at Julian, her emerald-green eyes shining with unshed tears. “We keep country hours here, my lord. I will join you in the dining room at eight o’clock.” With that announcement, Clara pulled the door open and quickly headed toward the staircase.
“My dear, please wait!” Julian stood up and raised one hand toward the open door in a futile effort to draw his wife back into the room. The only sound to be heard was that of the softly ticking clock which graced the marble-topped table in the entry hall. Clara had moved quickly to put as much distance as possible between them. It was as if he had the plague, Julian thought ruefully. Julian lowered his hand back to his side and turned to stare without seeing at the pile of papers upon his desk. It was very apparent that his feeble attempt at improving his relationship with his wife had failed miserably.
* * * * *
Clara quickly shut her bedchamber door behind her. Hot tears began falling down her cheeks. Were these tears of frustration and hopelessness over her relationship with Julian or were these tears of grief for her father? With her vision blurred, she made her way to her bed and lay facedown upon the counterpane.
The tears continued to flow for several minutes. Then with a start of surprise, Clara realized that this was the first time since she had learned of her father’s death that she had actually cried. Was Julian’s return to Bentley House making her more emotional? Had she unconsciously been attempting to appear strong to herself and others in his absence? Gradually the heaviness in her heart eased and she pushed herself up onto one elbow. She wiped her free hand across her eyes in an effort to remove all evidence of tears.
From her place on the bed, Clara stared outside at the gray, overcast sky. After a few minutes of careful deliberation of the weather, she shook her head from side to side in a gesture of frustration. She quickly moved to untangle her feet from her skirts and slid off the side of her bed to stand up once again.
“It is silly to mope here in my room when there is so much to be done,” she thought with a sigh. “I vow my father would be quite dismayed if he could see me now.”
Clara walked slowly over to the table which held her brushes, combs and powders. As she gazed at her reflection in the mirror, Clara carefully smoothed some wayward strands of hair which threatened to escape from the comb and then applied a light dusting of powder to her slightly flushed cheeks. Her eyes still showed some evidence of recent tears but surely others in the household would not be surprised at a display of emotion at the return of her husband after almost a year. With one final glance in the mirror, Clara straightened her shoulders, walked to the door, opened it and emerged into the hallway.
She became aware of the whispering of two chambermaids who were dusting some furniture
in the hallway. As she turned toward the sound of their voices, Clara suddenly realized that she had not checked with Mrs. Copley to see if there was anything further she needed for Nellie’s comfort. She immediately set out for the nursery wing, pausing to nod a greeting to the now respectfully silent maids as she passed them.
Clara arrived at the door to the nursery several minutes later. She knocked lightly, and Mrs. Copley’s voice could be heard bidding her to enter. Clara opened the chamber door and discovered a welcoming and cheerful room on the other side. The entire room had been festively decorated with the greenery. Mrs. Copley was busy straightening a pile of books which were on a large shelf near her desk. Nellie was sitting close by at a child-size table concentrating on drawing some sort of scene using chalks. When the little girl looked up and saw Clara, she smiled readily but suddenly the smile disappeared and she frowned down upon the paper in front of her.
Clara rushed forward in concern. “Nellie, whatever makes you frown so, my dear?”
Nellie raised her head to meet Clara’s worried look with a distressed one of her own. “It is nothing, Aunt Clara. I was making this picture as a Christmas gift for you and now you have seen it.”
Clara immediately averted her gaze from the child’s drawing. “But, my dear, I promise you that I did not look at the picture very closely. In fact, I cannot describe a single detail about the illustration you were working on,” she told Nellie earnestly.
Mrs. Copley came over to stand behind her charge. “Perhaps this drawing could be given to Lord Bentley instead, Nellie.”
Nellie frowned up at her governess in confusion. “Lord Bentley? Oh, do you mean Uncle Julian, Mrs. Copley?”
“Yes, that is who I mean, Nellie. In that way Lady Bentley, your Aunt Clara, can be truly surprised when she receives her gift from you,” she explained in further detail to the child.
A Cotillion Country Christmas Page 3
