Melting the Trauma Doc's Heart

by Alison Roberts

  ‘What’s the answer? To trim the edges first?’

  ‘Trick I learned years ago. Watch this.’

  Olivia picked up a suture from the sterile tray she had prepared while Zac had been putting an IV line into Shayna’s arm and giving her the drugs that would keep her asleep for a short time.

  ‘I’m putting in a whip stitch, taking the smallest possible bites to bring the edges together. You don’t even think about trimming, or what’s going on with the deeper structures.’ Then she reached for a scalpel. ‘Now I’m going to cut down one side of the stitch and then the other.’

  Her hands were absolutely steady as she made cuts so close together they almost looked as if they were in the same line, but then she picked up the line of suture material with forceps and lifted it clear.

  ‘See that? Nice, smooth, healthy edges to put together, which will give us better closure and therefore a better scar. Now we do the deep dermal tissue absorbable sutures.’

  She worked at an impressive speed, the curved needle taking a bite from one side of the wound and then the other, the knot being tied so fast it would have been impossible to see what she was doing if he didn’t know the procedure so well himself.

  ‘You’re good,’ Zac murmured. ‘And I know. I’ve done my fair share of stitching over the years.’

  ‘I love it. I’ve still got room to improve, though. With some more postgraduate training I might be able to do more reconstructive work. The kind that can make a real difference to people’s lives.’

  ‘That’s what you want to do?’

  ‘It’s something I’m definitely interested in. I certainly want to do more than appearance medicine, anyway.’

  So she wasn’t just a private cosmetic surgeon pandering to people wealthy enough to change their appearance. But he’d known that already, hadn’t he? He felt like he knew a lot about this woman, even though she hadn’t intentionally revealed it. Like that look of being totally lost on her face when he’d found her talking to her father earlier. Then she’d looked genuinely pleased to see him and he’d felt something he hadn’t felt in...well, it felt like forever. Since Mia, and that was years ago now. A need to be with someone. A desire to be as close as possible to that someone. And an urge to do whatever it might take to achieve that.

  The kind of feeling that meant you cared. A lot. The kind of feeling that, if it was allowed to grow, could mean that even falling in love was a possibility. In a way, it was a relief to know that he was still capable of feeling like that about someone if he chose to let it happen but, on the other hand, it was a warning that couldn’t be ignored. Get involved and you got hurt. Get hurt often enough and you lose faith in humanity and even in yourself.

  It was much safer being a lone wolf and Zac knew exactly how to respond to that warning because he’d done it often enough in recent years. You moved on. You found new places to roam and people who were no more than strangers. Where you could care enough to make sure that you provided the best possible medical care but you never crossed that line.

  You never got so close to someone that you simply wanted to be there. To watch them breathe...

  ‘Almost done,’ Olivia murmured. Shayna made a tiny sound that could have been expressing relief and Olivia smiled. ‘It looks like the sedation is wearing off. That’s good timing.’

  ‘It is. What do you need for a dressing?’

  ‘Some antibiotic cream and just some dry gauze for the first day. She can look after herself after that, washing it with gentle soap and water. She’ll need to sleep with an extra pillow for a few days and avoid any bending or heavy lifting. I’ll have a chat to her mother about that.’

  ‘I’ll send her in. I need to go and do that X-ray of your grandmother’s wrist. I hope she’s not going to be in a cast for her birthday party.’ Zac was watching Olivia’s face closely as she cut her last suture. How did she feel about that chance meeting? ‘It might make her dangerous on the dance floor.’

  Yes...he could see the flicker of surprise—or possibly interest—in the way her gaze flicked up to meet his. And then he could see the shutters come down. She didn’t want to talk about her estranged family.

  It was safe to leave Shayna now, as the sedation wore off. ‘I’ll ask Debbie to show you where the staffroom is,’ Zac added. ‘Help yourself to some coffee and biscuits. You never know, I might need your help again before we’re out of this storm.’

  * * *

  You never know.

  It seemed to be a favourite thing for Isaac Cameron to say. He’d said he would only have one glass of wine last night because you never knew what might happen.

  Well...they knew now...

  And Olivia couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially after she’d been sitting in this empty staffroom for over an hour. Every crack of thunder that made this old wooden building vibrate seemed to reignite the tingling in every cell of her body that still hadn’t worn off. She’d known that it might well be a once-in-a-lifetime experience and she’d been fine with that so why did it now feel like nothing else was ever going to get close enough to make it seem worthwhile or even desirable?

  It was bad enough that it was so easy to remember every touch from Zac. Every kiss. The tenderness that had gone hand in hand with that unbelievable passion. That instead of being an experience that she could file away as a magic memory, which was what had been intended, Olivia couldn’t deny that the desire to do it again was unexpectedly strong. Or that when Zac walked into the staffroom and smiled at her, it was fierce enough to make it feel like her heart stopped for a moment. Her breathing certainly did. Or maybe there just wasn’t enough oxygen in here, like that lack she’d noticed in his kitchen last night.

  ‘That’s some storm out there, isn’t it?’

  ‘Mmm...’ Olivia’s response sounded a bit strangled but Zac didn’t seem to notice. He was helping himself to coffee from the cafetière.

  ‘Your grandma’s wrist is only sprained.’

  ‘Oh...that’s good.’

  ‘I should warn you that she’s planning to give you an invitation to her birthday party. She’s insisted on being taken home to fetch one, along with something else she wants to show you but I have no idea what that might be.’

  Olivia shrugged. ‘I doubt very much that I’ll be coming back here anytime soon for a party. Coming back ever, for that matter.’

  Zac turned to face Olivia, his coffee mug in his hands. ‘Funny... Apparently that’s pretty much what your mother said the only time she ever came here.’ His breath came out in a soft snort. ‘Mabel’s been telling me all about her. She said, “And she always got what she wanted, that one. I’ve never met anyone so driven.”’

  ‘I don’t need to hear the local gossip about my mother, thanks very much.’

  Zac’s gaze was steady. ‘Even if it explains why your father gave up trying to contact you?’

  Olivia was silent. She couldn’t look away. Her voice came out as a whisper. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Your parents agreed to separate. Your dad had to come back here to help his father or the hospital would have been closed. He didn’t agree to you being taken out of the country but that’s what your mother did and then she used lawyers to make it impossible for him to get access unless he wanted a huge legal battle. He tried ringing but your mother wouldn’t let him talk to you. She said you were having enough trouble settling in a new place and that if he cared about you, he would wait. So he waited. And waited. He sent you cards and letters and gifts but they all got sent back, and every time it broke his heart. And then you finally sent him a letter—asking him never to contact you again.’

  Olivia closed her eyes for a long moment. She could remember having that “trouble settling” only too well. So many tears because she’d missed her father so much.

  Had her mother been so “driven” that she’d really believed that she wa
s setting up the best future she could for her daughter by making sure nothing would hold her back from success and a stellar career? Had she sent those letters and parcels back so as not to have her message diluted?

  Olivia could remember sending that letter to her father, too, with her mother helping her with the wording. She could remember how angry she’d been because it had been easier to cope with anger than any more grief. It had made her feel as if she was in control finally. That she could not let it affect her life any more than it already had.

  ‘You okay?’

  She hadn’t realised that Zac had put his mug down and come towards her. Or that she had put her head in her hands because of the way it was spinning. The way Zac took her hand in his and then put his other hand over the top of it had the effect of stopping that spinning. It felt like an anchor.

  She looked up. ‘Do you believe that?’

  ‘I only know what I’ve seen. That your grandmother was perfectly sincere and she’s not actually one to gossip. And that your father was crying when he was looking at those old letters.’

  Olivia swallowed hard. Her mother had been at the top of her field. Ambitious. Success had always been the yardstick of acceptability and the only way Olivia could find the approval that made it feel as though she was loved.

  ‘Even if it is true,’ she muttered finally, ‘it’s too late. It can’t change anything.’

  ‘No?’ Zac gave her hand a squeeze and then let go. ‘He’s not a bad man, your dad, Liv. Quite the opposite. Sometimes...’ His breath came out in a sigh this time. ‘Sometimes you have to shut yourself off from something that hurts too much because, if you don’t, it can destroy you. It will destroy you.’

  He went to pick up his mug of coffee but he didn’t drink any more of it. He took it to the sink and emptied it out. Then he turned on the tap to rinse it.

  Olivia was staring at his back. He’d sounded as if he knew what he was talking about. As if he’d had to do exactly that and shut himself off because something had hurt him too much. Her hand felt cold now that it was no longer between Zac’s. She wanted that touch again. She wanted to somehow help him get past the things that haunted him. How heartbreaking must it have been for him to lose the woman he loved in such a horrific way? And he’d said that Mia’s death was only part of the reason he’d come to the most isolated part of the world he could find. How much else had Zac had to deal with? He’d mentioned flashbacks. It would be no surprise that the traumatic things he’d witnessed had affected him badly.

  She wanted to walk over to him and wrap her arms around him. To tell him that she understood. She wanted to tell him that she cared. That she wanted, if it was at all possible, to make it better for him somehow. The power of how much she wanted all those things stole her breath away.

  How could you feel that strongly about someone who’d been a complete stranger only twenty-four hours ago? But the thought of Zac being a stranger was also weird. It was as if she’d been unknowingly searching for something for her entire life and she had finally found it. No—not something. Someone.

  But Oliva didn’t believe in soul mates. Or love at first sight. Because they were based on emotional reactions that couldn’t be trusted to last. Like you couldn’t trust that the people you loved the most were actually going to stay in your life. Over-the-top emotions were not acceptable because they messed with your head and made you vulnerable. Like Zac had just said himself, if you cared too much, it could destroy you.

  For a heartbeat, Olivia felt something like fear. That something important could be in imminent danger of being destroyed?

  Did she care too much already? Fate was forcing her to stay in a place where there was a pull that seemed to be dragging her in. A pull towards a past where she’d had a father she’d adored who’d loved her just as much. Towards a grandmother she’d never met but who seemed ready to welcome her with open arms.

  Towards an extraordinary man that—just maybe—she’d been waiting her entire life to meet?

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  THE STORM CONTINUED to batter the small town of Cutler’s Creek.

  Mabel Donaldson had not yet arrived back at the hospital with whatever it was she wanted to show Olivia but a lunch of toasted cheese sandwiches and a delicious vegetable soup was being provided by a lovely woman called Betty who was in charge of the hospital’s kitchen and laundry. Everybody seemed to be welcome in her kitchen, whether they worked in this hospital or not, and they all seemed to know when lunch was being served.

  Zac came in and announced to no one in particular that he’d finished a check on all the inpatients and that they were now all enjoying their lunch. He happily accepted a large mug of soup from Betty and helped himself to a sandwich from the pile on the platter.

  Bruce, the local police officer, arrived. ‘I went past your place a while ago,’ he told Zac. ‘Your roof’s still on and the barn’s secure. Just as well that foal’s out of the weather, that’s for sure.’

  ‘Thanks to Liv,’ Zac told him.

  ‘Didn’t realise you’d stayed on.’ Olivia wasn’t absolutely sure but there was a distinct possibility that Bruce had winked at her. ‘Not the first time you’ve been in the right place at the right time, then?’

  Olivia concentrated on her soup and hoped that the hot food might provide a reason for any extra colour in her cheeks. The locals had already been talking about her. Now they would be able to embellish their stories with the knowledge that she’d stayed overnight and had just happened to be at Isaac Cameron’s property when his horse had unexpectedly foaled the next morning.

  That was something else about country towns, wasn’t it? Everybody knew everybody else’s business. She’d never want to live in a place like this. She could forgive her mother for having been appalled at the prospect. There was a lesson there, wasn’t there? If you wanted a life partner, you found someone compatible and attractive who wanted the same kind of things out of life as you did and then you built a relationship that would hopefully be solid enough to last a lifetime. And, okay, she’d chosen the wrong person with Patrick but how much worse would it have been if she’d been completely in love with him? If she’d felt the kind of intense emotions that Zac was making her feel?

  Ben, the paramedic, came in a few minutes later. ‘Thought I could smell your soup, Betty.’

  ‘Grab a mug, lad. There’s plenty. Want a toastie?’

  ‘Wouldn’t say no.’

  ‘You haven’t been out on an ambulance call, have you?’ Zac asked. ‘I didn’t get paged.’

  ‘I’ve been cruising,’ Ben told him. ‘Thought I’d check in on Bert and remind him to use his spray instead of just calling us when the cold weather makes his angina worse.’

  ‘He is one of our frequent flyers.’ Zac grinned. ‘Good on you for checking.’

  ‘No worries. He lives next door to Rob, anyway, and I’ve put the word out that our training session for tonight is postponed until further notice.’

  ‘I hope we can do it soon. I want to improve my abseiling techniques.’

  ‘Abseiling?’ Olivia blinked. ‘I thought you were doing medical training for the local ambulance officers.’

  ‘We swap,’ Ben told her. ‘Zac teaches us stuff and we teach him. Most of us are also part of the local mountain rescue team. We don’t get called out that often but when we do, it can be full on.’

  Debbie joined the group in the kitchen. ‘Shayna and her mum got home safely. She rang to ask me to say thank you to Dr Donaldson again. She wasn’t sure if she’d let her know how grateful she was that we happened to have a plastic surgeon available.’

  Olivia ducked her head. ‘It was a pleasure. And call me Liv. It’ll save confusion if...’ Her voice trailed into silence. It felt too weird to call the other Dr Donaldson her father in public.

  A few looks got exchanged around the room.

  ‘Where is Don?�
� someone asked.

  Betty clicked her tongue. ‘He’ll be working in his office, I expect. He never looks after himself properly, that man. Someone should go and tell him to come and have some lunch.’

  ‘I think he took his mother home,’ Zac said. ‘There was something she wanted to get for Liv. I imagine he’ll be back very soon.’

  ‘I heard she had a fall.’ Bruce picked up another sandwich. ‘I had a chat to Mike a while back and the boys had been around to board up that broken window at her place. Is she okay?’

  Almost as he asked the question Mabel Donaldson appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, and Olivia wasn’t the only person who was shocked by how she looked—because it was a very long way from okay. The smiling, confident woman she’d met earlier this morning was gone. Mabel looked every one of her almost ninety years right now. She also looked pale and...frightened?

  ‘I need some help,’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘It’s Don. He’s...he’s not very well...’

  ‘Where is he?’

  ‘In Reception.’

  Zac moved first. And fast. But Olivia was right on his heels.

  Jill, the receptionist, was kneeling beside the crumpled figure on the floor. She had taken off her cardigan to use as a small blanket. Zac dropped to his knees and put his hand on Don’s wrist.

  ‘What’s going on?’ he asked. ‘What’s happened?’

  He looked extremely pale, Olivia noted. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and he had a bright smear of blood across his face. Zac was frowning, as if he wasn’t happy with what he could feel beneath his fingers.

  ‘Tachycardic?’ she asked.

  Zac nodded. ‘And it’s a very faint pulse. I think he’s hypotensive.’

  ‘Where’s that blood come from?’

  Don rubbed at his face. ‘It’s nothing,’ he muttered. ‘Just give me a hand up, will you?’ He looked past Zac and Olivia and she realised that everybody else had followed them from the kitchen. They were all looking extremely anxious. Betty had her arm around Mabel.