by Lynda Aicher
Finn looked away, fought back the angry words that wouldn’t help and tried to erect a wall that’d numb him to the pain radiating from his heart.
Distance. Perspective. Logic. Emotions had no place in battle.
Chris had been his agent on his own power-of-attorney documents, Grady his backup in the event of Chris’s death. Rig had been third, and only then Tanner, since he’d still been enlisted. He’d ensured that his parents would never get a voice in anything to do with him. They’d lost that right when they’d disowned him.
Tanner still had his family. Their respect. Love.
His hands tightened around the box he held, more doubts rushing in before he slammed them back.
“Fuck.” Tanner jerked back and blew out a breath. “Sorry. That was…”
“A dick thing to say.”
He hung his head. “Yes.” Sorrow poured off him in waves that washed over Finn. Dejection emanated from his slumped shoulders to the tight clamp of his jaw. He could read everything that wasn’t being said. He knew his brother—his lover.
“You’re not ready for that. Me being there.” Finn deflected the hurt and stared reality head-on. He’d never shied away from the truth before, and there was no point in starting now. “Being out—there.” In the Corps. With his family. That entire part of his life that Finn hadn’t been a part of for years.
“I—” Tanner sucked in a breath, rubbed his eyes. Still not looking at Finn. Not once through this entire conversation had he met Finn’s gaze. “I need time. To figure everything out.”
Finn respected that. Hell, he’d needed it too, right? It’d taken him ten months, and he was still figuring things out. In less than a month, Tanner had learned about Chris and jumped into this thing with him. Which had been fine in the isolated safety of his cabin. But now…
He nodded through the hurt and focused on what he could do. He set the package aside, pried Tanner’s hand from its hold on his phone, and wove their fingers together. “When are you leaving?” Tanner had rushed here hours after arriving stateside—for him. He could give back now. Be understanding and…whatever Tanner needed.
Tanner squeezed his eyes closed. Swallowed hard, his hand clenching tight around Finn’s. “I have a flight out in two hours.”
The world dropped out from beneath Finn in a plunge of shock. He floated in space for long moments, his stomach flipping with the loss of altitude, heart trying to catch up with the sudden shift. He hunted for breath and tried to catch the threads snapping in the wind.
“I’m sorry,” Tanner croaked. He was in Finn’s face now, hands framing Finn’s jaw, sorrow and hurt and regret etched into every inch of his expression.
How? Why? What’d happened? The threads fluttered out of reach, held at bay by the pain blazing through the betrayal now rearing its ugly head. He’d thought…what?
Tanner was his brother first. He wouldn’t hurt him like this. Not intentionally. Yet he’d re-upped twice now when he could’ve been at Kick. But that decision was months away, and this was—
His gaze went to Tanner’s phone. He’d dropped it on the bed, but…he’d been staring at it when Finn had found him. Something had happened. Tanner—
He lurched out of Tanner’s hold, stumbled back until he hit the wall. The threads caught and latched together to drag him to the only conclusion that fit.
“They fucking called.” He pointed at the phone, hand trembling with the rage and denial clashing within him. “Didn’t they? That’s what’s going on. You got called back and you were what?” Understanding dawned, clear and cutting. He lowered his hand, spine straightening. “Not going to tell me.” The last came out flat.
Tanner stared at the closet, jaw working in that stubborn tilt Finn both admired and despised. The warrior charging in—only he was more than a warrior to him. He was a man. The guy he loved—and couldn’t hold back.
Fuck.
“I was trying to figure out how,” Tanner finally said, each word strained. “I’m…”
“Not ready to go,” Finn finished for him.
Damn it. He shoved his fingers through his hair. So much responsibility. So much pressure and too many expectations. “No” wasn’t an option, not for Tanner. Not for the man who’d dedicated his life to the Corps.
Tanner didn’t deny Finn’s words. His chin was still lifted, gaze locked on the damn closet like it contained the answers neither of them had.
Finn should be used to the wicked humor of fate and life. Of the turns they’d thrown at him just for laughs—or so it’d felt like. But he wasn’t. Every damn one of them still ripped him apart. The only positive was he was better at putting the pieces back together—and ignoring them when he had to.
He went to Tanner, his own pain insignificant now. Tanner came first—always would.
He climbed on him, pushed him back until Tanner was flat on his back. He stared down, imprinting everything so it’d stick. His straight nose and squared jaw. Lips shaped with a distinct Cupid’s bow curve that could express so much. The arch of his brows over those amazing almond eyes that held nothing back from him. Not even now.
Sorrow and honor. Fear and courage. Nerves and integrity. And over it all his love for him. It changed so much, and yet nothing.
I’m sorry.
I know.
I don’t want to leave.
“I have to go,” he whispered.
“I know.” He did. Damn it. Finn understood, better than most would have. “I…it…” He swallowed, reaching deep for his own courage. “I’ll be here.” Waiting for Tanner to contact him. Holy fuck, that was going to suck. But there was nothing either of them could do. “This is your job. I get that.” For at least six more months. Then what?
They had to get there first.
Tanner pulled him down for a long, searching kiss. One that sought confirmation and reassurance. Tenderness and care sighed through each graze of his lips and brush of his tongue. Slow, sweet, an edge of sadness, and too damn…final. Dejected. Resigned.
Finn jerked back, a new round of fear crashing into panic. “No!” He sat up, yanking Tanner with him. He shook him hard, fist curled in his shirt, hand clenched on his shoulder. “This is not fucking goodbye.” He slammed his mouth over his, driving home his need to affirm that.
This kiss was hard and close to brutal, teeth grinding into lips, force driving him until Tanner shoved at him. He gripped Finn’s neck and tried to break free. That’s it. There. Finn held tight, not relenting. He couldn’t back down. Not now.
Tanner flipped him over, crushed him to the mattress, and took control of the kiss with a savage fierceness that stole Finn’s breath and let him breathe.
“Fuck you,” Tanner ground out against his cheek.
“Yes.” He tore Tanner’s shirt over his head in one hard yank. The rip of a seam hit his consciousness before he forgot it. He had hot skin beneath his hands, hard muscles to memorize. He raked his nails down Tanner’s back until he reached his ass and dug in with both hands.
Tanner bucked against him, his erection grinding over Finn’s. His mouth was back on Finn’s, the kiss sloppy and wild. This was the fire he wanted to see in Tanner. How he had to be. Fierce. Fighting. Ready to charge in. To take control.
He worked at Tanner’s jeans, fumbling with the snap and zipper to reach his dick. He wrapped his hand around his prize, Tanner’s hiss buzzing over his ear. He squeezed hard, dragged his teeth down the side of Tanner’s neck. Instigate. Incite. Push. He dug his nail into Tanner’s slit, scratched the sensitive cap.
“Fuck,” Tanner shouted, hips jerking up. He snarled down at Finn, any sign of passiveness gone. His lip curled, eyes narrowing, nostrils flaring with each breath.
That’s what you want?
It’s what you need.
Fuck you.
Finn dragged him down for another kiss. He bit his lip, drew back and let it slide from between his teeth. Tanner’s growl was deep and edged with anger. There. Use it. Feed it. Hold on to it.
Finn bit him again, hard enough to taste blood when Tanner ripped his head back. Tanner licked his lip, tongue rubbing the sore spot, face flushed. He shoved up, hauled Finn’s shirt over his head before Finn could even think of objecting—not that he would have.
He was flipped over, stretched out on his stomach an instant later. Tanner was in complete control now, and Finn’s heart soared. That’s it. Yes. Be fierce. Wreck me.
Tanner yanked the rest of Finn’s clothes off him, the articles shed before Finn had caught his breath. He panted into the pillow, blood roaring in his ears. Tanner’s jeans and shorts hit the floor, his shadow large on the wall.
Finn reared back without warning, determined to keep the energy up. To not let Tanner think. He got his knees beneath him, then Tanner was on him, arms clamped around his chest.
“Stay down,” he hissed in Finn’s ear.
Finn froze. He let himself be shoved back to the mattress, every sense focused on where Tanner was mentally.
He spread Finn’s legs apart with his own, ran his erection up Finn’s crease. “I’m going to fuck you hard. Just like you want. Make you beg for mercy.”
Relief rushed out on a released breath and a silent fist pump. He fought back just because. Struggled against Tanner’s hold even though he didn’t want to win. Hell, Tanner had him in size and muscle. He still twisted his shoulders and tried to push up, scrambled to get to his knees.
Tanner slammed a hand between his shoulder blades and threw his weight behind it. The bed creaked, the headboard banged into the wall. The palm slap cracked against his ass, the sting blazing before the act fully registered. Fuck.
“You hit me.” The shock of it stunned him more than the actual pain.
“I’ll do it again too.”
The Dom in him rebelled, yet this was what he wanted. He was doing this for Tanner. His best friend. The man he loved with everything he had.
“Fuck you,” he said between clenched teeth, still struggling, but not as hard.
Tanner landed a blow on his other ass cheek, the burn spreading through his groin to throb in his balls. Damn. That was so good, in its own sweet way. Tanner jammed his knee into Finn’s back and grabbed the lube off the nightstand.
“Tell me no, Finn.” Tanner’s voice was tight, a rough grate to the words.
It sent Finn’s longing into crazy mode, his need ramped up to meet the challenge he’d wanted. He shook his head, forehead rubbing into the pillow. “I won’t.” He thrust his hips back to prove his words true.
Tanner’s breathy curse ghosted over his skin to prickle up his back. Finn’s moan was muffled by the pillow, the duvet bunching in his fists.
Tanner shoved his legs wider, every movement hard and sure. He wasn’t gentle or worried about Finn’s recent injuries, which only made this hotter.
Finn got his knees under him, raised his ass in the air, focused on Tanner: the slick of Tanner’s fingers down his crease, the hard rub over his hole. “Yes.”
Tanner jammed his finger in, quick and deep. Finn scrambled for air, his breath lodged in his lungs. He squeezed his eyes closed, mind fuzzing out on the fast drives into him. The sensitive nerves pulsed under the sweet stimulation. It was maddening, not painful—and not enough.
“Just fuck me,” he said, shoving back. “I’m good.”
Another smack landed on his ass, fire spreading fast through his balls and down his aching erection. His groan was long and dirty. He’d never felt like this. Never been so desperate to be filled. Owned. Not when he usually did the owning.
But this was Tanner. He trusted him completely. He didn’t have to be on alert.
He had nothing to fear—except losing Tanner forever.
He grabbed Tanner’s wrist and yanked his finger out. He glared over his shoulder, grip tightening as he took in his lover. Tanner’s brows were drawn in a hard line over dark eyes, lips compressed, the lower one swelling slightly where Finn had bit him. His chin was lifted in that defiant upward tilt. The overhead light softened his skin and at the same time displayed the sheen of sweat on his shoulders and down his chest.
Yeah, that was a look he’d remember.
Tanner held his glare, a muscle twitching on his cheek. He twisted his wrist out of Finn’s hold in a very deliberate turn and pull that highlighted his physical power. He dove forward on the next breath and laid another soul-ripping kiss on Finn. He bit his lip, held his jaw in a grip that wouldn’t let him turn away as the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth.
His lip throbbed, and he groaned into the kiss, hungry for more. They were even now. A wound for a wound. He clamped his hand on Tanner’s head and held him there. This was all good. Right.
Tanner jerked away, breath cutting through the air in hard gusts. His dick was at Finn’s hole, the head nudging in a moment later. The press was insistent, resistance fought and overcome on a solid shove.
Finn grunted through the stretch and subsequent burn. It was consuming, but nothing compared with what he was giving and getting. Tanner filled him completely, sinking deep on an almost tender fall after the fierceness.
He blanketed Finn’s back, nuzzled his nose into Finn’s nape. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.” Easy to say, but hard as hell to guarantee. “I’m tough,” he added as he breathed through the adjustment his body was making to accommodate Tanner. His size was incredible. He was stretched, stuffed, and aching for more, surrounded by Tanner in every way.
He reached back and dug his nails into Tanner’s thigh. “Fuck me. I won’t break.”
Tanner flinched, muscles tensing. “Topping from the bottom? Not this time.” He bit down on Finn’s neck, mumbled what sounded like a curse around the hard clench. Pain speared down his shoulder and raced around his neck with blinding speed. Finn bucked. Tanner shoved back.
He reared up, cool air swooping in to wick away the perspiration on Finn’s back. His neck throbbed at the bite, his ass flexed. Then Tanner was driving in and out of him at a wicked pace that jarred him forward with each hard snap. He got his hands above him and pushed against the headboard, meeting Tanner on every stroke.
He laid a hand between Finn’s shoulder blades, his weight holding Finn to the bed. “Fuck, yes.” His ass was still high in the air, each drive inflaming the need coiling tight through his groin. Tanner dug his fingers into Finn’s hip, the slap of skin amplified to erotic levels. Be mad. Be wild. Own me.
Finn ground his forehead into the mattress, clenched his teeth in his determination to help Tanner. “Harder.” Remember me. Remember this. Want this.
Tanner pitched forward, hands braced next to Finn’s shoulders. He hovered over him, his next thrust grazing Finn’s prostate. Finn moaned, bliss shooting through every limb on a rampant shot of desire.
He rolled his head, lost in Tanner and now. In being alive. Confirmation claimed with every thrust.
Tanner dropped lower, lips ghosting over his ear as he slowed, hot breath shivering down his neck. He found Finn’s hand, laced their fingers together. “You’re mine.”
Finn’s pulse pounded in his head, throbbed in his lip, yet somehow hitched and stopped for one long beat. “And you’re mine.”
Tanner nuzzled the shell of his ear, sighed. “Completely.” A slow withdrawal and an equally quiet descent. “I’ll be back.”
“I know.” No doubts. None.
“I love you.”
Finn squeezed his hand, arched, and let Tanner’s words, his touch, his promise fill every empty corner of his heart. He was lost to him, all self-preservation tossed aside. “I know.” God, did he know.
Tanner increased his pace, each plunge grazing that sweet spot until Finn was squirming beneath him, garbled sounds falling out unchecked.
“Jack yourself,” Tanner ordered around hard gasps, his hips moving faster. Harder. More insistently.
Finn complied immediately. He fisted his erection, stroking it in time with Tanner’s drives. Pre-come slicked his way, his own touch numbe
d by everything Tanner. That slight vanilla scent that still reached him through the sweat and sex. The panting breaths on his neck. The weight of him covering his back. Connected and filled by him.
His orgasm crested fast and sharp. He cursed, ecstasy racing through his limbs and contracting every muscle. He clenched down. Gasped. Rode the bliss that burst free.
Tanner gave another hard thrust, then another that knocked Finn’s limp body forward, and let go with a rough cry and grinding swivel into Finn’s ass.
A tremble bled through every limb as Finn dropped to the mattress, Tanner following him down. He still filled him, breaths beating his nape, chest heaving with his.
He found Tanner’s hand again, having lost his hold at some point. He relaced their fingers and savored every last touch: Tanner’s weight on his back, the ache in his ass, and the way Tanner still filled him.
“I want you back,” he mumbled. He wanted so much more than that, but that was the most important thing right now. Tanner had to come back before they could have anything else.
Chapter 26
Tanner stood in Finn’s small foyer and tried to remember back to when he’d first arrived here. A lifetime ago now. So much had changed. In Finn. With Finn. In himself.
He stared at his brother to his right who’d become so much more and held back the ache in his throat and stab in his heart. Finn’s shoulders had filled out, muscle showing more prominently beneath his T-shirt. His cheeks were fuller and not so pale. He was healthier now. Stronger. He’d be okay, and that knowledge was everything.
Finn hauled him into a hug, arms clamped tight around his shoulders. Tanner held him just as tightly, pain shoving hard against the wall he’d tried to rebuild. He sucked in the last of that soapy clean scent, stronger now after their shower—a quiet affair of touches, kisses, and last confirmations.
“I’ll call as soon as I can,” he promised. “Before I ship out if possible.” That was all he had. Finn hadn’t asked for details and Tanner couldn’t provide them.
