Sadie

by Sarah Price

  Sadie swallowed. She knew that he expected her to say yes, but she couldn’t. “I . . . I really must return home. It’s a long drive and it’s getting dark.”

  But he acted as if he hadn’t heard her.

  “Come sit. Let me fetch the plates.” But he didn’t fetch the plates. Instead, he motioned with his head, and Owen sighed, grumbling under his breath as he moved to the cabinet to fetch some plates.

  John escorted Sadie to the table and seated her to the left of his spot at its head.

  Feeling uncomfortable, Sadie folded her hands in her lap and stared at the clock on the back wall. She felt the warmth of a hand in hers. Wilmer. The gesture was too familiar for Sadie, but she couldn’t extract her hand without hurting the child’s feelings.

  “You’ve had a gut week, ja?”

  Her eyebrows twitched and she fought the urge to furrow them. John’s question smacked of familiarity. It was as if they were having a family discussion. “I have.” She felt beads of sweat on the back of her neck.

  “But you were sick, I hear.”

  This time, she couldn’t help but frown. How had he known that? As far as she knew, he had no telephone in the barn. Had he visited with Rachel? And, if so, how could Sadie not have known?

  “I . . . I was, ja.”

  “We prayed for your recovery.” He glanced at the children. “Isn’t that so?”

  Nine heads nodded in unison.

  “Danke.” Feeling awkward, Sadie watched as John began to cut the pie. He gave her the first piece, a tiny sliver that crumbled apart when he put it on a plate, and then cut a larger piece for himself.

  John quickly cut pieces of pie for the children and then bowed his head to pray before lifting his fork. At first, he took a few bites, silently chewing as if savoring the taste of a homemade pie. The children, however, quickly gobbled their pie and then used their forks to scrape their plates clean.

  “This is right gut,” John said at last. He smacked his lips, and the noise repulsed her. “Rachel surely knows how to bake.”

  Solemnly, Sadie nodded her head twice. She took a piece of pie and ate it.

  “Has she taught you as well?”

  For a second, she stopped chewing the pie and merely stared at him. Had he truly just asked her that? Sadie wanted to remind him that she had baked bread, cookies, and a pumpkin pie when she had watched the children for the week. Was it possible that he had forgotten? Or was he merely trying to make conversation? Either way, it was an awkward question that Sadie found offensive.

  “We often bake together, ja.”

  “Gut.” He jabbed his fork into the pie. “That is gut!”

  She lost her appetite.

  After a few minutes of silence, Sadie pushed her mostly uneaten pie away from her and cleared her throat. “I . . . I really must be going.” Before he could respond, she stood up and started toward the door.

  But John was quick to join her.

  “Let me help you with the horse.”

  That was the last thing she wanted. “The horse is fine. Really.” She tried to smile. “It’s already hitched.”

  But he ignored her comment. Pausing at the door, he grabbed his black hat and plopped it on his head.

  Outside, he held her arm as she walked down the stairs. She tried to free herself from his grasp, but he didn’t let go until she was on solid ground.

  “I wish to speak to you, Sadie.”

  The tone of his voice, so serious and restrained, made her heart begin to race. An eerie sensation swept her and she suddenly realized what he was about to do.

  “I have given much thought to this, and have decided that you would make a right gut mother to my children.”

  No, no, no. She wanted to scream it out loud, but held it inside.

  “And a gut fraa to me.” He took a deep breath, his chest puffing up a little. “I’m sure you see the benefit of such a marriage.”

  She felt sick to her core.

  “So, with your permission, I’ll speak to the bishops about announcing the banns at our respective churches this Sunday.”

  For a moment, she couldn’t speak. How could John Rabor possibly think she would make him a good wife? They had nothing in common. Besides, she was young and not in need of a widower with a ready-made family. And even if she were a forty-year-old spinster, she would have found his “proposal” boorish and rude. He had focused on what he was to gain from such a marriage and not on what he might give to her.

  In the darkness, she realized that he was staring at her, an expectant expression on his face. He was waiting for her answer.

  Still stunned, Sadie fought to clear her mind of the self-centered proposal that John had just made. Somehow she managed to find her voice. “You do not have it.”

  He blinked. “Excuse me?”

  She tilted her chin, meeting his gaze so that there could be no misunderstanding. “You do not have my permission to speak to either of our bishops, for I will not marry you.”

  He appeared stunned. His mouth opened and then shut again. He raised his hand to rub his eyes. “This is unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath. “Rachel assured me that you would say yes.”

  Sadie grimaced. His words felt like a physical blow. So her stepmother was, indeed, behind this ridiculous proposal. Suddenly she remembered what her father had said to her when she had taken ill the previous weekend. John Rabor was the type of man everyone had probably thought would marry Rachel. But she had found Jacob, instead. Now Rachel was trying to get rid of Sadie by marrying her off to an older widower?

  “I can assure you that I will never agree to such a marriage. I’m sorry.” And she meant it. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, if that were even possible. It was more likely that she had hurt his male ego. But she couldn’t give him any room to hope that she might change her mind.

  Without another word, she hurried to the horse, untied it, and quickly got into the buggy. She couldn’t get away from the Rabors’ farm fast enough.

  She took her time driving back to her father’s farm. She didn’t want to face Rachel and hoped that her parents would have retired by the time she arrived.

  But as she drove the horse down the driveway, she saw the familiar glow of a light from the kitchen window.

  Sighing, Sadie resigned herself to the fact that she had no choice but to deal with the situation that evening.

  As soon as she walked into the house, she saw Rachel and her father seated at the table. They had been waiting for her.

  “Well?”

  Sadie could hardly look at her stepmother. Clearly she had orchestrated the proposal. “I refused his offer.”

  Rachel’s face paled. “What do you mean you said no?”

  Sadie tried to remain calm, keeping her head held high. “I will not marry John Rabor. And that’s exactly what I told him.”

  “Jacob!” Her stepmother turned toward Sadie’s father. “Do something!”

  Sadie watched as her father took a deep breath, a frown covering his face. “I think you should reconsider,” he said in a tight, even voice. “John could provide a right gut living for you, Sadie.”

  She felt as if the bottom of her world had just fallen out from beneath her feet. Her father was siding with Rachel? “How could you possibly want me to marry a man that I don’t love?”

  He shook his head. “Love often comes later, Sadie.”

  “Or maybe not at all!” she snapped back and stared at Rachel.

  Gasping, Rachel placed her hand over her heart. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Jacob held up his hands. “Enough!” His voice boomed through the kitchen, and Sadie, stunned at the ferocity of his command, faced him. His frown deepened. “There is nothing wrong with John Rabor,” he said. “And, at eighteen years of age, you need to start thinking about settling down.”

  “Daed!”

  He raised an eyebrow, but there was a distant look in his eyes. “You haven’t courted anyone, Sadie, and it is time that you dec
ide on a husband.”

  “Not John Rabor!”

  “That sounds very much like pride,” he chided her.

  Oh, how she wanted to tell them about Frederick. But she knew better than to presume anything about her relationship with him. After all, he hadn’t asked her to marry him, and he hadn’t come calling on her at the house. Not formally, anyway. However, he had stopped by that one time and Rachel had spoken with him. Surely she knew that a young man was interested. Hadn’t she shared that information with Sadie’s father?

  Apparently not.

  Defiantly, Sadie lifted her chin. “I’m eighteen, ja,” she said, agreeing with her father, “but that doesn’t mean I should settle on marrying someone just for the sake of getting married. I do not love him. I could never love him.” She looked pointedly at Rachel. “When and if I get married, it will be a man of my own choosing, not one selected for me by any other person. And I would think that my own daed would support that decision.”

  He shut his eyes and exhaled. He appeared defeated and Sadie couldn’t help but wonder what, exactly, Rachel had said to convince him that a marriage between his daughter and John Rabor was a good idea.

  She didn’t bother to say anything else. Enough had been said already.

  Turning away from them, she walked to the staircase and quietly ascended. Her nerves were rattled from the events of the evening. She didn’t know which bothered her more, that John had proposed, that Rachel had encouraged it, or that her father had supported it. For the first time in her life, Sadie felt utterly alone. She couldn’t wait for the morning. She would slip away and find Ella. She needed to talk to someone about the emotional turmoil she felt.

  Chapter Nineteen

  In the morning, Sadie stayed upstairs as long as she could. She didn’t want to face her stepmother, and she most certainly did not want to see her father. After a sleepless night, Sadie knew that his decision to side with Rachel disappointed her more than words could say.

  She had hoped her father would have been outside already. Her plan was to walk past Rachel and leave the house without a word. She would spend the day with Ella, or, if her friend was working at the store, she’d escape to the stream. She’d rather be anywhere than the farm.

  But, to her surprise, when she walked down the stairs, she discovered that both her father and stepmother were in the kitchen as if they had been waiting for her.

  And with them was John Rabor.

  Sadie stood on the bottom step, staring at the three of them. It was an ambush, of that she was sure and certain.

  “Sadie,” her father began. “Please come sit with us.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what this means, but I can assure you that I will not change my mind.”

  John averted his eyes.

  Rachel’s gaze, however, never wavered. “You will sit down and discuss this.”

  Sadie refused to move from where she stood.

  “Sit.” Her father’s voice was stern.

  Frustrated, Sadie crossed the room and sat down, choosing the chair that was as far away from John as possible.

  “Now,” Jacob said slowly, “John has presented you with an offer.”

  “An offer I have refused.”

  Jacob pressed his lips together. His eyes flickered in Rachel’s direction. “Your stepmother and I feel strongly that you should reconsider.”

  Sadie remained silent.

  Rachel tossed her hand into the air. “I told you, Jacob. She’s far too proud. That’s what happens when a young girl becomes too confident in herself.”

  Sadie’s mouth opened, shocked that Rachel would think such a thing, let alone say it. After all, it was Rachel whom Sadie had caught numerous times preening in the mirror.

  Jacob looked miserable. For a moment, Sadie wondered if he was agreeing to go along with Rachel just to keep peace in his house. If that was the case, Sadie felt a momentary wave of empathy for him.

  “John Rabor is a prosperous farmer,” her father said in a slow, even voice. “He would provide for you and any bopplin you might have.”

  At the mention of babies, Sadie’s empathy disappeared.

  “Rachel has asked John to take you for a drive. To spend a little time together so that you can see the wisdom of accepting this generous proposal.”

  Stunned, Sadie stared at her father. Did he truly think that she would ever see any wisdom in such a match? Hadn’t he heard what she had said the previous evening? “Nee, I won’t go.”

  John furrowed his brow. “Such insolence!” He turned toward Rachel. “You told me she was obedient and hardworking. I’ve seen no signs of either trait.”

  Sadie gasped. “Because I won’t agree to marry you?”

  “Because of how you are behaving,” John replied in a harsh tone.

  Sadie pressed her lips together. The last thing she needed was for John Rabor to go to the bishop and inform him that she was disrespectful to her parents. She wondered if the bishop would side with them, too.

  Jacob gave her an imploring look. “Please, Sadie. Do this for me. Just go for the buggy ride. Perhaps you will see things differently when you return? Perhaps you may even thank me, ja?”

  She hesitated. She needed to get out of the house and away from Rachel. If she agreed to go on the buggy ride, she would at least solve the immediate problem at hand. Perhaps she could convince John to take her to town and she could slip away when he halted the buggy at a stop sign.

  “Fine.” She stood up, her body rigid and her muscles tense.

  Minutes later, she found herself seated next to John Rabor, heading down her father’s driveway. Unlike Frederick’s buggy, this one was old and poorly taken care of. There was hay on the floor and a tear in the seat cushion.

  When John got to the end of the driveway, he turned right, heading in the opposite direction from town. Her heart sank. There was nothing but forest in this direction, at least until the road reached John Rabor’s farm.

  “Do you have any idea how impudent you are?” he said. “Mayhaps you are too young to realize it. But you’ll learn soon enough that any fancy ideas of romance filling your head are nothing but fantasy.”

  Sadie stared out the window.

  “Romance fades, Sadie, and then what do you have?” He scoffed. “You have your place in your marriage, and that place is in the home, tending to the kinner and your husband.”

  She felt as if she were suffocating. She leaned forward and slid the door open so she could get some fresh air.

  “God commands it to be so.”

  Sadie stiffened at his words. Slowly, she turned to face him. “‘For husbands, this means to love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.’ He gave up his life for her.”

  John Rabor clenched his teeth, the muscles in his jaw tightening.

  “I agreed to ride with you,” Sadie said, “but I will not agree to marry you.”

  “Your parents wish it to be so.”

  “But I do not.”

  “Rachel said you would agree, in time.”

  Sadie shook her head. Why would Rachel have said such a thing? “I find that hard to believe.” And yet, Sadie knew that John spoke the truth. “If she said it, she was lying.”

  “You accuse your stepmother of lying?” He sounded shocked.

  Sadie did not reply.

  “Rachel supports this marriage and so does your father. Your refusal is disrespectful, and I can assure you that the bishop will hear more about this.”

  Sadie fanned her hand at her face. She felt too hot despite the cold temperature. “I have never heard of a bishop getting involved when a woman refuses to marry someone. It is my right to decide who I choose for my lifelong partner. Not anyone else’s.”

  “You silly girl.”

  Sadie couldn’t sit there for one more moment. Listening to him with his pompous speech and idle threats made her feel physically ill and emotionally drained. Her head began to feel fuzzy and her vision began to change, a darkness filling the edges
of her sight as if she were falling down a dark hole.

  In a moment of impulsiveness, Sadie started to climb out of the moving buggy.

  “What are you doing?”

  Fortunately, he pulled back on the reins and the horse slowed down, giving Sadie the opportunity to jump onto the road. She didn’t look back as she darted into the woods, putting as much distance between her and John Rabor as she could.

  “Sadie! Come back!”

  But she wouldn’t turn around. Instead, she ran as fast as her legs would carry her. She didn’t care where she was headed, as long as she could put distance between herself and John Rabor’s buggy.

  Sadie had no idea how much time had passed. She emptied her mind as she ran until her legs ached and she had no choice but to slow down and take a break for a few minutes.

  Returning to her father’s farm was not an option. Rachel had clearly lost any sense of tenderness toward her. Instead she was intent on removing Sadie from the house. And she apparently wanted her stepdaughter to enter a loveless marriage, rather than wait to find her one true love. In fact, Rachel seemed to enjoy seeing Sadie suffer.

  Confused by the radical change in her stepmother’s affection, Sadie gave up trying to understand it. But it was hard to understand how Rachel had infected Jacob, and Sadie found that thought even more alarming.

  Sadie could never return home. Of that she was sure and certain. Rachel’s resentment of Sadie’s youth and her willingness to marry her off to a man like John Rabor proved that, beneath the sweet veneer her stepmother had shown for the past three years, Rachel was nothing more than a self-absorbed tyrant who wanted Jacob to herself. Perhaps that had been her plan from the very beginning.

  The thought saddened Sadie.

  For three years, she had given Rachel no reason to resent her. But it was clear to Sadie now that Rachel viewed her as competition for Jacob’s love.

  Sadie had no allies in her father’s home.

  The tears started to fall from her eyes and she swiped at them with her fingers as she continued on, walking south, deeper into the forest, always putting distance between herself and Echo Creek.

  When finally the sun began lowering in the sky Sadie knew that soon it would be evening. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stopped walking once again and sat down on a fallen tree. For a long time, she sat there, her eyes shut and her mind devoid of any thoughts. She listened to the sounds of nature: wind through the tree branches, songs from the birds, chatter from the squirrels.