by Audra North
She looked at him, eyes hazy and unfocused. “You make me feel beautiful,” she murmured, then took his hand and led him into her bedroom.
Chapter Nine
Meredith’s hand trembled as she switched on the lamp on her nightstand. Oh, my God. This is actually happening.
She turned back to Andrew for another kiss, trying not to think about what they were about to do. Instead, she poured her focus into the way his mouth felt on hers, the way he nibbled at her chin and stroked her breasts, dipping his fingers inside the neckline of her dress to lightly rub over her nipples, making her moan into his mouth.
Their clothes seemed to fall away by degrees, shirt pushed back and pulled off of muscled shoulders, black silk and feathers falling to the floor, lace and cotton and clasps and hooks undone. Until the moment that he pulled her against his body, his erection pressing into the soft flesh of her belly, and she gasped at the feel of his skin against hers.
His hands were everywhere then, smoothing over her body and learning every line and curve. His mouth moved away from hers, nibbling a trail of hot, wet kisses down her body, making her pant and whimper with need, until at last he was kneeling in front of her. He swirled his tongue in her navel. Pushed her legs apart. Dipped his head…and licked, slowly, leisurely into her folds.
She jumped and moaned. He slid up a little to tease at her clit, and looked up at her, making her cheeks flame at the sight of those hot eyes, that incredibly talented tongue flicking into the red curls at the juncture of her thighs. “Did you come already and not make a sound?” he asked, pushing his face against her body and stroking deep before sliding away again. “Because you’re so wet.”
Oh, God. She couldn’t take it. The words he was saying, the way he was talking…she felt like she was going to come, just from that. She shook her head, unable to speak.
“No, you’re not wet?” He gave a mischievous laugh. That’s not what she meant, but—
“Ohhhhh,” she sighed, as he pushed one strong finger into her hot, clasping passage.
“You’re so tight, too,” he whispered, licking her clit leisurely, as though she weren’t feeling restless and needy and completely uncertain what to do with her suddenly shaking hands.
He pulled away. She wanted to tell him not to leave, but she was too embarrassed to say the words aloud. Thankfully, he seemed to read her mind, because in the next moment he slid his thumb upward to replace his mouth, rubbing around her clit as he pushed his finger back inside her body.
So good. So, so good. Meredith moaned and arched, fluttering her hands over Andrew’s hair before settling them atop his head, the thick weight of his hair adding to the sensual pleasure of his fingers moving in and out of her. Every nerve hummed with anticipation, the tension starting to coil tighter and tighter with every stroke.
Her climax was so close, but she couldn’t quite reach it, even though she was straining so hard that her muscles were beginning to ache.
“Relax, baby. Relax,” came his voice, floating up toward her even as she gasped for breath.
Oh, she loved to hear him call her that. She sighed at the words, her body opening up a bit as she exhaled, and Andrew chose that moment to put his mouth on her again, pumping his finger harder, deeper, as he sucked and tongued her clit.
“Andrew!” Meredith exploded then, coming with a loud cry and clenching her fingers in his hair as the spasms shook her body, making her buck her hips against his mouth. It was incredible, the feeling of complete release that rocked through her bones and burst through every last inch of her skin, leaving her panting but oh so sated. He waited until she’d come down from her orgasm before he rose, pulled her against him, and kissed her deeply, hot and wet. She could smell herself on the skin of his face. It made her squirm and whimper beneath him, wanting more, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask him for it, to ask him to please fuck her now.
But once again, she didn’t have to say a word before Andrew was guiding her back toward the bed, holding her as they both sank back onto the mattress, his body atop hers. He kept kissing her, stoking her need once more, and his hard cock pressed into her thigh, stiff and powerful and hot. She rose against it, trying to signal to him what she wanted.
Luckily, he got the message. He pressed a brief kiss to her nose, and then leaned off the bed to grab his tuxedo trousers, pull out his wallet, and find the condom inside. He sheathed himself so quickly that she barely had a chance to really look at him, to explore the hard muscles along his stomach, the dark hair that curled around the base of his thick, long erection, before he braced himself above her once more and kissed her until her legs spread wide, inviting him in.
His body felt so good against hers. Warm skin against her breasts, the substantial weight of a strong, handsome man against her belly, and lower, his large, stiff cock sliding back and forth between her wet folds. They lay like that for what seemed like hours, until he tore his mouth from hers, panting hard, looking as though he wanted to say something profound, and she strained toward him. But instead of saying anything, he only stared hard at her, eyes burning into hers, before he pulled his hips back, then in a single, powerful motion, thrust deep inside.
***
“Oh, my God!”
Meredith gasped out the words, but not in pleasure. No, her voice was strained, and he could feel her inner muscles clenching, protesting his body’s invasion, and Andrew froze. He had to grit his teeth and lock his arms to fight against the urge to keep sliding in and out of such a hot, wet, incredibly tight—holy fuck. Too tight. Just like her face, her arms. Clamped down and struggling against discomfort.
Fucking hell. She was a virgin.
Or had been, anyway.
He tried to pull away from her, to slide out and give her some relief, but she held him fast, surprisingly strong for someone so slender. “No! Don’t go. I just need to adjust. I’ll be fine, I just—just need a minute.”
He tried to say something, like Why didn’t you tell me?, but all he could manage was a half grunt, half sob, as she angled her hips up and brought him even farther inside her wet, clasping heat. At this rate, it wasn’t going to matter whether he pulled out or not. He was dangerously close to climax, despite the shock of finding out that this was her first time. Hell. It felt like his first time.
“I won’t go anywhere,” he managed to get out, lowering his head into the crook of her neck.
How was it possible, in this day and age, to get past the age of thirty and still be a virgin? He never would have guessed, especially given the way she’d just responded to him. Not that it was a bad thing. Just…a surprise. A tight, clenching surprise that was threatening to take him over the edge, even as he tried to calm himself, to resist the heat that was building in his body.
He rested like that for a moment, focusing on regaining his control, listening to her breathing calm and feeling her body slowly relax, until she brought one hand up to tentatively stroke his back. Her touch was light, but she explored him with obvious curiosity, moving over every inch of his skin. His cock pulsed inside her in response, and she gasped again, but this time her sharp inhale was followed by a moan of pleasure.
“Are you okay?” he murmured in her ear, not wanting to move again until he knew she was ready. He wanted to make this good for her, but if he started again, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop without pulling out completely. And he didn’t want to leave her. Not now. Not ever.
She nodded, her hair rasping over his temple. He pulled back, propping himself up on his arms to look down into her eyes. The movement had him sliding inside just a fraction more, and Meredith’s lips parted on a soft sigh as he pushed even deeper into her.
Fuck, she was gorgeous. With her lying beneath him like this, her body flushed pink just the way he’d imagined—no, better than he’d imagined—it already felt like the hottest sex of his life. And he still hadn’t moved yet.
“Yeah, I’m okay now. It feels so—different. But good.” She smiled up at him. “You f
eel so good.”
She spread her legs a bit wider and pushed her hips gently against his to emphasize her words, and Andrew groaned at the feel of her hot, wet channel taking even more of him inside. He couldn’t hold himself still any longer and slid halfway out, fighting himself to go slowly, gently, before thrusting back home with a rough breath.
The pleasure nearly made his eyes roll back in his head.
“Yes, Andrew. That—that’s amazing,” Meredith whispered, and this time he couldn’t manage to be as gentle. His hips pulled back and pumped back in on a deep stroke, wrenching a cry of pleasure from Meredith as her fingers flexed over his ass, pushing him even harder against her body. “More,” she demanded, and before he could protest that he wanted to give her pleasure first, she ground herself against him, working his cock as though she couldn’t get enough.
“God, Meredith” was all he managed to get out, before it became impossible to think anymore at all, just feel, as he stroked in and out of her, the sound of their coupling growing wetter, faster, louder. She began to meet him each time he sank all the way inside of her, until both of them were panting, moaning on every thrust. She was so swollen around him now, and he could feel his orgasm approaching.
“Meredith—fuck, I’m so close.” He tried to stop, to pull out so that he could refocus on making her climax, but she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him toward her before he could withdraw. He groaned, feeling the tingling sensation starting to zip down his spine, warning him that he was about to come.
“Please, Andrew. Please come for me. I want it. I want you—”
She shifted beneath him, her legs tightening and her inner muscles grabbing at his cock and squeezing him almost to the point of pain. Oh, no. Please don’t do that. “Meredith,” he gasped against her skin, trying to still her, but it was too late.
The wave of pleasure washed over him, seizing him up and shaking him out, emptying his very soul into her body as he recited, over and over into her ear, “I’m so sorry. Shit, that feels good. I’m just so sorry.”
***
He was gone.
He’d stroked her body, whispered her name, released himself inside her, and then he’d left just as the clock struck midnight, stammering something about convenience and late that she couldn’t quite make out because his voice was half-crazed. Even before he’d thrown on his clothes and practically sprinted out the door, it had sounded like an excuse to leave, which he’d done without so much as a kiss good-bye.
Meredith pulled the covers more tightly around her and stared up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. She’d failed so miserably. What had she been thinking, trying to be someone she wasn’t? Pretending to be the kind of woman who belonged in that dress, in those glasses, with that man. She should be ashamed.
So…why wasn’t she?
Why, instead of shame, was it anger that she was feeling?
“Because you weren’t pretending,” she whispered, sitting up abruptly and smacking the comforter. “I wasn’t pretending!” she shouted into the room, feeling her anger rise. Anger at Andrew, at the foster system, at the loneliness of Christmas, but most of all, anger at herself.
She’d spent so many years denying this part of who she was, thinking that she had no right to ask for what she wanted, that when she’d finally done it and claimed something for herself, it had taken a long time to recognize the woman who’d been hiding inside her for so long.
She hadn’t even been able to come again just now, when he’d been inside her, because a part of her was still too scared to ask for what she wanted. Her pleasure. Her needs. She’d felt him trying to withdraw, to turn all the focus back onto her, and she’d panicked and pulled him back inside, instead.
“You’re a fool, you know that?” she snipped out, launching herself out of bed to go to the bathroom, but the soreness between her legs made her wince and sink back down to sit on the edge of the bed. Damn. She hadn’t expected that it would hurt this much after the fact, given that she was thirty-one, for goodness’ sake. But it seemed her body was still adjusting to the new experience.
The thought gave her pause. Is that what had sent him running? Had he felt intimidated by being the first guy she’d had sex with? Or was he perhaps afraid she was going to ask for too much in exchange for her virginity? She snorted. Not that she had ever thought much of it. She’d just never met anyone who made her want to bother opening herself up that far.
But men often placed importance on that kind of thing. And Andrew, with his focus on helping others and giving to people in need, might especially feel as though he took too much. Except that didn’t seem like something he would think.
What do you know? You don’t really know anything about him!
Meredith shook her head. She’d been attracted to him from the first moment she’d met him, not just because of his looks, but because of the way he’d made her feel accepted. She’d made a general fool of herself during her interview, but he’d acted like it was no big deal, and by the end of the interview, she’d felt more confident.
It had been him all along. Working with him had shown her, in slow increments over these past couple of months, the value of her own self. It had only taken a small gesture, like inviting her to the gala and showing her just how worthy she could be, to make all of the little things she’d learned click into place. He’d seen something in her that had made him offer her the job at this new company. He’d had to have talked to Jon Myerberg beforehand about the offer… Andrew had seen what she was capable of even before she’d seen it.
And then he’d left her.
God. Was she destined to be alone forever? For so long, she had wished for something that everyone else in the world seemed to have. A family. A sense of belonging. Last night, she had felt like her wishes had finally come true. Andrew had not only made her think that he might fulfill that dream of belonging; he’d made her feel that she could finally break free from the loneliness that she’d endured for all these years.
Burden. Unwanted. Orphan.
The painful memories rose up, crowding into her thoughts next to the image of Andrew’s shocked face, his hasty good-bye. She felt the hot prick of tears behind her eyes, and for a moment she gave in to the hurt, allowing a mournful sob to escape.
Immediately, she pushed the hurt back in, defiance rising. No. She would not collapse. She would not allow herself to be beaten by this.
Except, why her? What had she done wrong?
“Does it matter?” she said to the empty room.
She couldn’t help but feel that the answering silence was mocking her, driving home the realization that she’d been abandoned by the only man she’d ever trusted enough to let inside—in every way. A new wave of self-pity washed over her, warring with the anger and making her feel even more confused about how she really felt.
“Enough!” She threw up her hands and growled in frustration. This whole situation could all too easily turn into a weekend-long pity party, and that wasn’t what she wanted. That wasn’t who she was.
She had to forget about Andrew, at least for a little while. There was something else she had to do first.
***
Fifteen minutes later she was seated on her couch, a fuzzy, hot-pink terry cloth robe tied over her naked body. Well, semi-naked. The rough nap of the terry was too much for the hypersensitized area between her legs, so she’d put on her softest pair of panties—which also happened to be the oldest and most worn-out pair—and grabbed a notepad and pen and sat down to think. She’d just finished writing so much that she’d nearly filled an entire page when her buzzer rang, making her jump.
Who was at her door at half past midnight?
It had better not be some drunk kids who sneaked past the doorman. She tiptoed to her door and looked out the peephole, jerking back and gasping as soon as she saw him.
Andrew.
What was he doing back here? Had he forgotten something? Should she even answer? She hadn’t expected to see hi
m again so soon, and didn’t quite trust herself not to rage at him for ditching her right after they’d done something so significant. Heck. Even if it hadn’t been her first time, it had been their first time together. No matter what, he shouldn’t have left.
The anger boiled up again. It had been simmering so close to the surface as she worked on her list that it didn’t take much to bring it back to a head.
Better not answer. Better to wait until Monday, when her temper had cooled and she could discuss this in a rational, professional manner.
But just then, the buzzer rang again, and she couldn’t prevent a yelp in surprise, clapping her hand over her mouth and going completely still, not wanting to move for fear she would make another sound.
Too late. He’d heard her. “Meredith?” his voice came through the door, quiet but urgent. “Meredith, are you there?”
Quit using your temper as an excuse. Quit cowering. Answer the door and tell him what you want. All those things on your list. You deserve them. He deserves to hear them.
She pulled the door open, scowling at him, ready to give him a piece of her mind, but before she could say a word, he held up a bag. “I know. I’m really sorry that it took such a long time. The closest twenty-four-hour Duane Reade is several blocks away. But I got it, and I swear I’m going to make this up to you if it takes all weekend.”
What was he talking about? It was so unexpected that it threw her anger off, replacing it instead with confusion. She stood in the doorway, staring at him and trying to figure out if he’d been knocked on the head, or abducted by aliens, or some other weird mind-changing experience, in the past half hour.
“Is—is everything okay?” he asked then, realizing that she was still blocking him from entering. He was still whispering. “I really am sorry. I only realized how late it was when I got there. I should have stayed a while longer and helped you, um, recover.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, I’m so bad at this. Is it that I’m being too presumptuous about this? Of course. You don’t have to use any of this stuff. I just couldn’t stand the idea that I had hurt you.”
