by Noelle Adams
Tucking a finger under her chin, Carter gently tipped her face up so he could finally taste her lips. Morning breath be damned, he needed to kiss her and claim her and feel that sweet, shy little tongue of hers dueling with his.
Need overtook him as he began to gently grind against her. Daisy’s arms came around him, and he maneuvered them until she was beneath him. Although with the sunlight starting to stream in, the thought of her riding him and watching her had him quickly changing positions. She gasped and lifted her head right before letting out a throaty laugh.
Carter reached up and twisted his hand into her hair and pulled her back down for another kiss. It was hot and wet, and she pressed down against him and then…
He gasped.
What the…
Daisy lifted her head, and they both seemed to stop breathing. A minute later, she gasped and straightened up a bit.
“Oh my gosh, Carter! Did you feel that?”
Nodding, he stayed frozen to the spot because he wasn’t sure what exactly that was.
Her hand flew to her belly and stayed there as her face lit up in a beautiful smile. “That was the baby moving. I can’t believe it. That’s the first time I felt it.” She reached for his hand and held it there, and he immediately felt another small flutter.
Panic nearly choked him as he thought about the fact that there really was a baby in there—a baby who could probably feel all the crazy shit he’d been doing to Daisy all night. With shaky hands, he carefully moved Daisy off him and scrambled from the bed.
“Carter? What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling the sheet up to cover herself.
“I, um… I have to go. I… I can’t do this. I shouldn’t do this.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked with a little more urgency, climbing up on her knees and reaching for him.
God, she was killing him.
She deserved so much more than he had to give. Daisy deserved the kind of man who would put her needs first, and clearly that wasn’t him. He’d been so concerned about making love with her again that he wasn’t thinking straight. Wasn’t even considering how it might not be good for the baby. You’d think with all the reading he’d been doing that he would have checked on that.
Idiot.
His mother had done what she wanted, not caring what was best for her children.
He’d never wanted to be like that.
“I didn’t realize the time and… Yeah. I gotta go.” He looked around frantically and realized all his clothes were out in the living room. He looked at her—the confused look on her face, the big eyes that he saw were starting to brim with tears—and it almost gutted him. “I’m sorry, angel. Really… really sorry.”
He bolted from the room and made quick work of pulling on his clothes and was out the door even as he was pulling his shirt over his head. Once he was out the front door of the building, he took big, heaping gulps of the fresh air and just stood there for a long moment and wondered just what the hell he thought he was doing.
Hopping on his bike, he sped out of town as if Hades himself was chasing him, and it wasn’t until an hour later when he was safely inside his own apartment that he finally started to feel like he could breathe freely.
Chucking his helmet across the room, he stalked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator and drank it down, all the while cursing himself. He guzzled until the bottle was empty and then tossed it in the sink. Back out in the living room, he collapsed on the sofa and threw his head back.
“What the fuck am I doing?” he muttered. The immediate short answer was that he was sleeping with a beautiful woman who turned him on and he was looking to do it again. The reality, however, was that he had created a child with that woman and now there was so much more at stake.
There were three of them in the relationship, and he should know better than to have his head thinking about sex when his focus needed to be on other things.
Like the tiny child who was kicking like crazy this morning because Carter was being some sort of horndog.
“I’m already the worst father,” he grumbled.
And on top of that, he had to wonder at life beyond what they were doing right now. What exactly did he have to offer either of them? Sure he could be there and help put furniture together and go to doctor’s appointments, but… he looked around at his apartment and sighed. He was a man who lived in a tiny apartment and worked on motorcycles all day. This was who he was and what he had to offer.
And it didn’t seem like much.
Maybe if his father had taken a cold hard look at himself before Carter and his brother were born, things would have been different—maybe his mother would have felt different about their life. The last thing Carter wanted was for Daisy to look at him and realize how he wasn’t enough.
Or worse, that he was holding her back from having the life that she really wanted.
Hadn’t he already done that in spades with this pregnancy?
Tired and disgusted with himself, he knew that the right thing to do would be to at least call Daisy and apologize.
But he couldn’t seem to bring himself to pick up the phone.
And really, he needed some time to come to grips with all this. He’d gone after Daisy pretty much like a bull in a china shop, and that was probably for his own selfish reasons. Feeling the baby move today was like being hit in the face with reality. This wasn’t a game. This wasn’t about mutual attraction. This was about an innocent life that deserved the best of everything.
And right now Carter wasn’t so sure that involved him.
***
“Dude, I don’t know which one of you is more pathetic, you or Teddy,” Kirk said, leaning in the doorway of Carter’s office.
Carter was sitting with his feet up on the desk, and Teddy was sprawled out on the floor next to him. With a quick glance, he saw how the dog had barely raised its head at Kirk’s entrance. With a shrug of his own, he went back to looking out the window.
With a loud sigh, Kirk stepped into the office and slammed his hands down on the desk. “Seriously, Carter. Enough,” he said firmly. “You fucked up. Sitting here and pouting isn’t helping the situation. You need to go and fix this—or try to fix it.”
Slowly Carter turned to look at him. “I don’t even know how I’d do that,” he admitted, his voice low and pained.
“I’m no genius, but I can guarantee that this isn’t the way. You need to get up off your ass and go see her. Apologize. Beg. Grovel. Whatever it takes.”
“I don’t know.”
Kirk growled as he straightened. “Carter, do you want to be in your kid’s life?”
“Of course I do!” Then he realized it was true. For a week he’d been telling himself that it would be better for everyone if he just stepped aside and let Daisy handle things on her own. She had a great family and a ton of friends, and really, what did she need him for? All he’d managed to do was annoy her, embarrass her, and then run at the first sign of… what?
Life.
Literally.
With a knowing smirk, his buddy looked at him. “Seems to me that actions usually speak louder than words. Maybe you need to remember that.”
Beside them, Teddy whined and maneuvered until he was lying on his side.
“Even the dog is a little disgusted with you right now. And that’s saying something,” Kirk added. “You need to stop this today, Carter. Hell, you should have stopped this six days ago.”
Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed. “What if she won’t talk to me? What if I blew it?”
“And what if she’s been totally waiting to talk to you? Have you even thought of that?” Kirk countered. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but you have to at least try. You’re miserable and you’re making everyone around you miserable—including the dog who perpetually looks miserable. Somehow you managed to even make him look depressed.”
Carter looked over at the dog, who seemed to raise an eyebrow at hi
m as if he were saying He’s got you there, dude.
“Okay, fine. Say I drive to Preston and go and see her. What would I say?”
“I can’t do it all for you. I can’t tell you what you’re feeling, but I think you need to tell her what freaked you out. I think most people freak out a time or two during a pregnancy and doubt themselves. It’s normal. It’s how you move on from there that really shows what you’re made of. Do you want everyone to consider you a—”
“Don’t,” Carter quickly cut in. “Don’t even go there.”
Kirk held out his hands in surrender. “Fine. But you can’t control how other people are going to view this, man. Stop living in your own damn head and go and talk to her! Wouldn’t you rather know exactly where you stand than living in freaking limbo like this?”
Jumping to his feet, Carter took a steadying breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. Okay. I’m gonna go and I’m gonna fix this,” he said, more to himself than to Kirk. “I can do this.”
Teddy lifted his head and let out another low whine, and Carter wasn’t sure it was meant as anything other than the dog making some sounds, but he chose to take it as a sound of approval.
Within minutes, he was on his bike and speeding through downtown on his way to Preston. It wasn’t until he was out of the city limits and on the back roads that he actually started to think about what he was going to say and how he was going to possibly convince Daisy that he wasn’t a flight risk—that he was in this for the long haul. He wanted to be there for her and the baby. Even though he freaked out, he was over it now. His head was on a little tighter, things were clearer, and he was sorry.
In his head, it sounded perfectly clear and logical.
When he stepped into the Preston library an hour later and met Daisy’s resentful stare, it suddenly felt very different.
“Hey,” he said quietly, stepping up to the checkout desk. “Can we talk?”
Her expression never changed. “I’m working, Carter.”
Looking around the library, he saw that very few people were around, and a glance at the clock showed it was near her lunch hour. “Can I take you to lunch? You know, when it’s time for you to go?”
She shook her head. “I have plans.”
Okay, she wasn’t going to make this easy on him, and he didn’t blame her. Not really. Although it would certainly be great if she could just cut him the tiniest of breaks right now.
It would be easy to just walk away and wait until she got off work, but Carter knew he was done taking the easy way out. If he was seriously in this, then Daisy needed to see that from him.
Stepping in close and even leaning over the desk a little, he kept his voice low so only she could hear him.
“Look, I messed up. I know that and I’m sorry. What happened that morning… Well, everything just got very real, and I freaked.”
“You sure did,” she grumbled.
“Come on, angel,” he coaxed. “You can’t tell me that you haven’t had a moment or two when the enormity of this situation didn’t freak you out.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him defiantly before moving closer to him. “Of course I have. But that was in the very beginning. Now? I’m fine and I’m happy and excited, and I thought you were too. And then you… you just…”
“Yeah. I know what I did, and I’m not proud of it.” He straightened and ran both hands through his hair as he let out a frustrated breath. “All this time we’ve been talking about the baby as something that was happening months from now. And then we felt him move, and it was like, holy shit, it’s not months from now. It’s just now. I thought I had more time to get mentally prepared and… I don’t know. I swear to you that’s never going to happen again.”
She sighed and seemed to relax a little. “I don’t know, Carter. This is hard enough without having to wonder about you freaking out and running again. And maybe if we hadn’t… you know… it wouldn’t have felt quite so awful.”
Yeah. That made what he’d done doubly shitty.
Taking a chance, he reached across the desk and took one of her hands in his before she could pull back. “I’m not going to apologize for that happening, Daisy. What happened between us was incredible, and it was better than I had even remembered. But I swear to you it had nothing to do with my reaction the next morning. Those are two completely separate things, and I know either way, it still makes me a horrible person, but I just want you to give me another chance.”
Daisy studied him for several tense minutes without saying a word. You could hear a pin drop in the damn library. He was just about to prompt her when she spoke.
A weary sigh was her first reaction as she pulled her hand from his. “I think lines got blurred. That’s part of the problem. If this is going to work between us—this co-parenting thing—then we need to take the physical part of our relationship out of the equation.”
His eyes went wide. Was she serious? How could she possibly…
“I guess I can see what happened. But I’m not sure I can… can deal with it happening again. I was sitting there naked and vulnerable, and you just ran. Do you have any idea how humiliated I felt?”
“I’m so sorry, Daisy. I am. But it wasn’t about the sex. I don’t think we should have to take back or change our relationship because I screwed up. Please. Just tell me we’re going to be all right.”
Carter saw her swallow hard as she shook her head. “You have no idea how much I’m dealing with, and you’re asking me to deal with even more. I don’t get to just walk away and have time to myself. I’m pregnant twenty-four seven. And you know what? Sometimes I would like to just step away from it all, but I can’t. You’ve proven again and again that you have issues with this whole thing, and I’m not trying to be mean—I’m really not—but I don’t know how many more times I’m supposed to understand. I would never deprive our child of knowing his or her father, but it doesn’t mean that I have to stay in a relationship with you either.”
Her voice trembled, and her eyes were moist, and it was all his fault. For now—no matter how much he wanted to argue with her and continue to plead for her forgiveness—Carter knew the best thing he could do was respect her wishes and give her whatever it was that she needed.
With a quick nod, he looked up at her. “Okay. I understand. Please don’t cut me out of the pregnancy. I’m not going to push for anything more, but I’m still here for you and the baby. I promise.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
They stared at one another for another solid minute before Daisy looked away. “I really need to get back to work. I have several things that I have to do.”
“Oh. Okay.” He had hoped they could have lunch, but he wasn’t going to push again. “Can I call you?”
She nodded. “I have a doctor’s appointment next Tuesday. It’s just a routine one—no ultrasound—but if you want to come with me…”
He did. More than anything. Then he remembered their last doctor’s appointment. “Why don’t you call me afterward? I know I stressed you out when I came the last time.”
She gave a small smile. “You were a little crazy.”
He nodded and took a step back. “So I guess I’ll talk to you. Call me if you need anything. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He wanted to make her promise that she would but…
“Take care, angel.”
And with a small wave, he walked out of the library.
And felt like he’d just left everything that meant the most to him on the other side of the doors.
Nine
Daisy wasn’t sure how much more of Carter being nice and sensitive she could take.
It was almost easier when he was going overboard and being controlling and bossy. Then at least she knew it was really him—she knew he was being real.
But this niceness was unnerving. And unnatural.
And kind of weird.
She stared down at the text message she’d just received from him. H
e was asking how she was doing.
“Is it him?” Chloe asked. Both of them were sitting at Daisy’s table, working on projects for the baby’s room.
Daisy nodded. “I asked him not to call me several times a day, so he texts me instead.”
“Well, that’s good, isn’t it? He’s trying to respect your wishes.” Despite her words, Chloe was clearly trying not to snicker.
“Sure, he is.”
“What’s the matter? You asked him not to call, and he’s not calling.”
“I know.” Daisy was fiddling with the back of a lovely wooden frame her father had made. Her mother had quilted little squares with letters and animals on them, and now Daisy was putting the squares in the frames. “But it’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Strange. That he’s doing what I asked him to do.”
“So there’s no way he can make you happy, huh? You’re mad at him when he stomps through and does what he wants, and you’re mad at him when he’s trying to be good.”
“I’m not mad at him. I just don’t know what to think. For the past three weeks, he’s been thoughtful and considerate and acts like a perfect gentleman. It’s just…” Daisy shook her head, trying to put her feelings into words. “It just doesn’t feel like him.”
“He’s always been a nice guy though, right? I mean, how many guys would have thrown themselves into trying to help you with this pregnancy the way he has?”
“I know. I know he’s a nice guy. He’s always been… sweet. But this way he’s acting recently just doesn’t feel real. It’s like he’s always holding back.”
“If he wasn’t holding back, what do you think he’d be doing?”
Daisy blushed, unable to stop the warmth from flooding her cheeks. She knew very well that if Carter hadn’t been holding back for the past few weeks, he’d be making moves on her again. They’d be falling back into bed, despite her firm resolutions. She could see it in his eyes sometimes. He still wanted her.
