The Maddie Diaries

by Maddie Ziegler

  The only problem is the timer! There’s a screen in front of each of the judges at the table that shows how many minutes and seconds we all have left to speak. It’s supposed to be about four minutes total between the four of us, but Nigel likes to talk a lot. But that’s because he’s so experienced and knows everything about every dance in the world! I love him. So sometimes it will get to my turn and I literally have two seconds to share my thoughts. If that’s the case, the most I can get out is, “Wow!” and an enthusiastic thumbs-up before we have to cut to commercial. Then I feel bad, because I think of a million things I wish I could have said and didn’t. But that’s live TV for you: If we go over our minutes too often, the show will run late—which is a big no-no. Sometimes on commercial breaks, the producers will remind us, “Keep the comments brief.” I like when I get to go first—then I can talk and talk and Nigel is watching his clock waiting for me to wrap it up.

  For the 250th episode, I got to partner with Travis Wall in a dance he choreographed specifically for the show. All those weeks I was sitting in the judge’s chair, itching to get up there onstage and dance. I was so jealous of the kids dancing. Finally, I had my chance, and with Travis, whom I really admire and love working with. No pressure: just a really huge night in the show’s history. Nigel was funny. He told me, “Our first episode was in 2005—were you around then?” We did some quick calculating and I realized I was three years old at the time. Travis was on Season 2 when he was eighteen, and he danced on Broadway when he was twelve. I feel like we have a lot in common—he’s always had this passion and drive and it’s a lot like mine. He’s an amazing mentor for me. I don’t have words to describe what a genius he is—his storytelling is just incredible. You literally feel like you can do anything, be anything, because he gives you that freedom as an artist.

  We learned our dance in four hours. Travis is very spontaneous; he choreographs on the spot, so you have to really keep up with how fast his mind and his feet work. It was a contemporary dance to the song “Cage of Bones” by Son Lux—a battle between the two of us, light vs. darkness. There were times when his foot was an inch from my face and moments where I was pulling him and dropping him. The lifts were crazy advanced—you really have to trust someone a lot to let them throw you around over their head like that. We were both black and blue and sore after the rehearsal. His back was spasming; I broke blood vessels and had a huge bruise on my knee. We definitely beat each other up. But it was so worth it—such an unforgettable moment, and an incredible experience to work with him again. Our first time dancing together was at the Disneyland sixtieth anniversary dancing to “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid. This was like the polar opposite of that: dark, fierce, and kind of tribal/warrior. I owe Travis a huge thank-you for making my dreams come true.

  I’ll also let you in on a little secret: Cat Deeley, the host, says at one point in the show: “Okay, Maddie, you’ve got two minutes to change for your dance . . . go, go, go!” Well, that didn’t actually happen. It couldn’t, because the makeup and costume were so time-consuming to get on. Travis and I actually pre-taped the dance earlier. So everyone watching at home might have thought I was a quick-change artist, but I was actually just hiding out backstage for a few minutes. The magic of TV!

  Partnering with Maddie

  “It’s great to work with somebody so very talented and passionate about everything they do. We are watching a true star being born. Maddie’s talents will go beyond her younger years; she is taking her exposure in the dance field and launching it into all aspects of the entertainment world. She has the power to be unstoppable.

  “She is so easy to work with. At this point in our relationship, she trusts me. I was tossing her around, throwing her up and down, and testing both of our limits. She was completely open to any idea I had, which was so great! Maddie is also a perfectionist and can sometimes get down on herself if she doesn’t pick up on something quickly. However, as long as she trusts herself, she maintains that quality of excellence we have come to know as Maddie Ziegler.

  “She brings individuality to each dance. She’s had so much training and exposure across so many different platforms that she kind of moves from a unique place that is her own. Keeping your identity when you dance while also being given choreography is such a difficult task for most dancers. It’s impressive she can achieve that at such a young age.”—Travis Wall

  Especially after this experience with Travis, I always wanted to jump in with the contestants who get to work with these amazing choreographers and all-stars on the show. My favorite part of every week is getting to go into the dance studio and watch them figuring it all out. I see them breaking it down and then piecing it all together. That’s usually on a Thursday; then they have Friday and the weekend to perfect it. What the audiences see onstage can be very different from what I watched on a Thursday morning. Most of the time, it’s so much better with a few days’ practice. I see the kids struggling in the studio, and that’s so easy for me to relate to. Each dance is a process to get not just the steps and the technique right, but to connect with the story the choreographer is trying to tell. It’s a mind/body game. I love that the show pushes dancers out of their comfort zones—a ballroom dancer may be asked to do a hip-hop routine, and a tap dancer may be challenged to do a lyrical duet. We keep telling the contestants that as a pro, you should be able to go across each of the different styles and disciplines with confidence. Nothing should throw you. I see each of them growing so much, stretching beyond what they ever thought they were capable of doing. There is no “no” on So You Think You Can Dance; you try something new even if it scares you. Every time a contestant has said “I can’t,” they prove themselves wrong and blow us away. I’m so proud of them!

  The kids on the show have surprised me and so have the weekly eliminations. I’m shocked sometimes by America’s choices, and which competitors wind up in the bottom two. When Jake Monreal and Jordan Wandick were in that bottom position, Paula and I were literally freaking out because we couldn’t understand why they were standing there. We kept shaking our heads in disbelief that one of them (it turned out to be Jake) was going home—it was heartbreaking! The worst part is after each elimination, we all go up onstage to say goodbye. There are so many tears and hugs. I find myself saying the same thing each time: “Please don’t let this stop you from dancing! You’re amazing, and you’re going to do great things. I can’t wait to see where the future takes you.” I mean every word. What they didn’t warn me when I took this job is how close I would get to the contestants, how emotionally tied I would feel to them. I was a nervous wreck waiting for the results—I held my breath along with them. I know there can be only one winner, but it’s awful to see so many disappointed faces along the way.

  As much as it hurts to say goodbye, I’ve loved every minute of being on the show. I know I’m not a legend yet, but sitting among legends—and helping create new ones—is pretty awesome.

  Dear Maddie

  My mom thinks she’s a teenager! She wants to wear clothes that are way too young for her, and she tries to act “cool.” Help—I’m mortified!

  My mom is really good at embarrassing me, too. Her hair, her fake nails (news flash: She just got them off and says they’re gone for good! Phew!), the stuff she’ll say out loud very loudly . . . but I try to cut her some slack because she does so much for me all the time. She drives me everywhere, organizes my life, and when we have a day off she’ll treat me to a spa day or take me shopping. I totally relate to what you’re saying, but maybe there’s a nice, gentle way to tell her how you feel? Otherwise, I say just love her for who she is because she loves you for who you are. I know I embarrass my mom sometimes, too. That’s what mothers and daughters do.

  OMG, I really want to be on TV! How can I get on a reality show like you did?

  Well, here’s the funny thing: We actually didn’t know we were going to be on a reality show. Honestly, I don’t think I even knew what a reality show was. Wh
en I was cast, my mom’s friend pitched the idea to Lifetime and it was supposed to be a documentary for a few weeks following a group of dancers and their moms. We sent in a bunch of dance videos and that was like an audition. From there, things kind of took off. The question I would ask you is this: Why do you want to be on TV so bad? Is it because you want to be famous and have people recognize you, or because you love acting or performing and want to share your talent with a big audience? If your reason is that last part, then you can train, go on auditions, even get an agent. You need to get your family on board, because it can be expensive and time-consuming—you’ll need a résumé, headshots, maybe even a film reel to show people. And of course there’s coaching, lessons, traveling to auditions . . . I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should follow your dreams but know that nothing happens overnight, especially not a TV show. It will take a lot of work, and there’s never any guarantee. You can only do your very best and seek out people who can give you good advice and guidance. In the meantime, if you want screen time, why not make some videos and post them (just get your parents’ permission first) online? It will help you get comfortable on camera.

  Do you ever get nervous? I have really bad stage fright—what should I do?

  I get nervous all the time. I’m a perfectionist and I want things to go great, so minutes before a big show or performance, my head goes to that “What if?” place. What if I mess up? What if I forget? I had to perform recently at the Hollywood Bowl with Sia in front of a huge crowd, and I was really nervous because I had never danced in front of so many people. I literally thought, I’m going to pee my pants! Then I got out there, and I forgot about the nerves. I got through it and you can, too. I think there are a lot of ways to conquer your fear. First of all, remind yourself how hard you practiced—you’ve got this! Don’t think about what could go wrong; instead think of what could go right: You’ll do a great job and the audience will love it. Finally, keep things in perspective: It’s not the end of the world if you forget a step or mess up a lyric. These things happen to everyone. Tell yourself you will go out there and do your very best, and that’s all anyone could ever ask of you. That audience wants you to wow them—they’re rooting for you. With so many people on your side, there’s really no reason to worry, is there?

  Today Is a Beautiful Day to . . .

  Make funny faces in the mirror. A great stress buster! It reminds you not to take yourself too seriously.

  Watch videos or look at photos of a recent vacation. It’s a fun way to relive those memories and take you back to your “happy place.” Mackenzie shot all these videos of us splashing in the pool in Aruba and posted them on her YouTube channel. I see us in the hot tub and on the lazy river and I can actually feel the sun on my face . . . Ahhh!

  Pat yourself on the back. Celebrate something you’ve accomplished this week—you got an A on your Spanish quiz! You rocked your dance recital! You cleaned your room! Go on, brag a little! Right now, I’m proud of Mackenzie and myself for being nominated as one of TigerBeat.com’s 19 Under 19. We’re in the same category as some amazing entertainers, and it feels really good to be recognized for doing what we love.

  Nigel recently pointed to Kathryn McCormick, one of the all-stars on The Next Generation, and said, “The best dancers are the best actors.” It’s true. When Kathryn dances, her eyes are a window into the soul of her character. Her face conveys every single emotion: fear, pain, joy. So I guess all those years when teachers and judges told me I was good at using my face when I danced, I was really acting. When I was approached to do some roles on TV shows, it seemed like a good idea. I’ve always wanted to be considered more than a dancer. The first thing I did was a small role on the Lifetime series Drop Dead Diva—I was just nine at the time, and I got to play Young Deb. My character was a dancer practicing for nationals, getting really frustrated because she can’t get the moves right. My mom/coach is yelling at me, telling me to focus, and I’m yelling back: “I can’t!” I do the dance and fall flat on my face, then run off the stage crying. It was the first time I had a script to memorize, but the role was kind of tailor-made for me and easy to relate to—though my mom would never be that mean or critical! She’d be like, “Looks great! Love it!”

  I did some more guest spots that were really fun. I played Shelby on Austin & Ally on the Disney Channel. My character is this girl who lives in the shadow of her sister Violet, who’s an amazing violin player. Austin and Ally make a bet: Who can teach Shelby to play the violin first? But along the way, they figure out that Shelby is actually a much better dancer than a violin player (ya think?). She has this amazing hidden talent (which is why the episode was called “Homework and Hidden Talents”—get it?). In the end, I got to dance with Ross Lynch (who is super cute, by the way, and can do a double pirouette and a time step—who knew?). The song we danced to was called “I’m Finally Me.” The whole cast was so nice—they made it easy. But I discovered there’s a huge difference between acting onstage and acting on screen. The camera zooms in and captures every movement, every expression—and reactions look much bigger. If you don’t want to look like a cartoon, you have to dial it down and be more natural. You’re not trying to sell it to the back row. I also love that if you mess up or flub your line, you can always retake. That’s something that never happens when you’re performing a live dance. If you mess up, you mess up—you don’t get a do-over. It’s really freeing, because you can try things different ways and see which works best.

  On Nickelodeon’s Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn I got to play the mean girl for once—a snobby ballerina who wants Dawn’s brothers to be her partners in dance class. Kenzie actually did an episode, too; then we did one together, playing sisters. My character’s name was Eiffel—as in the tower. Dawn tells me I have to “pas de deux” the dance by myself but I give it to her right back: I tell her the fact that I’ve been in not one but two toilet paper commercials makes me better than everyone else. I loved doing comedy—and getting to act with a little attitude! Audiences never see that side of me because I would never act mean to someone in the studio or out. But Eiffel is a little evil; at the very least, self-obsessed. I’ve met my share of mean girls over the years, so I just channeled them.

  One of the most exciting acting jobs for me was Pretty Little Liars. I’m a huge PLL fan—I never miss an episode—and when they asked me to do an opening scene I flipped out. Are you kidding? Do you want me to come to the set, now? I can Uber and be there in five! In the scene, I’m dancing around a creepy room in a white nightgown. If you follow the show, it’s supposedly a room inside Radley, the mental institution (double creepy) and I’m a figment of Spencer’s tortured mind, her nightmare come to life. I got to do the scene with Troian Bellisario, and she was so humble and inspiring! Travis Wall choreographed it and it was really dark and haunted. There wasn’t any music, just chimes, whistles, and the wind blowing. There were these three huge bathtubs covered in cobwebs that I kind of climb all over. I have to laugh—my feet were really dirty. It’s like I can’t watch it and not notice how black they are on the soles! The whole thing looked like something out of a horror movie, like I’m the possessed girl from The Exorcist (how cool would it be if my head spun around?). I was completely starstruck while I was on the set. The whole time, I was thinking to myself, OMG, that’s Radley! And that’s Spencer and Aria and Hanna! Then Ian Harding, who plays Ezra, came up to me and introduced himself. He knew who I was! How crazy is that? The cast posted pics with me on their Instagrams! It was a total dream (or should I say nightmare?) come true. The best part was the PLL fan reaction. People started asking, “Is Maddie actually A?” and, “Is she going to be a series regular?” Don’t I wish!

  I feel like all the small acting roles I did and my work in videos with people like Todrick Hall (I was in “Freaks Like Me” with the Dance Moms cast and played Alice in Wonderland in his “Taylor in Wonderland” one) were all preparing me for the big screen. Shooting a movie is something I’ve always wan
ted to do. Making The Book of Henry was the best experience of my entire life. Everyone on the set—Naomi Watts, Jacob Tremblay, Jaeden Lieberher—became my family. And I learned so much from all of them, especially Naomi, who’s been nominated for two Academy Awards and is an amazing actress. The first day working together she asked me where I lived. I said, “Pittsburgh, but I have an apartment right now in L.A., too.”

  She nodded. “Because of all the movies you do.”

  “Um, actually . . . this is my first.”

  “Are you kidding?” she asked. “I would never know. You’re a natural!” Well, that made me feel better! She brought her boys, Sasha and Sammy, to the set. Her younger son, Sammy, is a tap dancer and I told him, “I saw your videos. You’re good.” They have a Yorkie named Bob that they would also bring to the set every day. Sam made another video where he was screaming, “Bob, I met Maddie!” So cute. I had my own little fanboy on set.

  Because the movie was being shot in White Plains, New York, I had to live in Westchester in my own apartment for six weeks. My mom couldn’t be there—she was stuck filming Dance Moms in L.A. So all she got to see was my table read and my screen test. That was the hardest part for me—being separated from her for so long. My stepfather, Greg; my publicist, Kelly Marie; and Jessica, a close family friend who lives in New York, took turns staying with me. I felt like I had three different people circling around me—one would come in, one would go out; the next one would follow. It was fine, but I really just wanted one person there: I wanted my mom. I wanted her to be there for this huge moment in my life and career, and it made me sad that she wasn’t. I would call her and text her and catch her up on how things were going, but it’s not the same. It was really the first time I felt like I was growing up.