by Alice Wilde
The tinkling of glass interrupts my thoughts and my eyes flicker toward the physician busily mixing ingredients at his alchemy setup.
“Yes, Papa, I know, but perhaps this is an outdated law,” I say quietly so that only Father can hear.
“Outdated or not, it is the law,” Papa says. “If you do not marry before I die, I shall have to choose another successor, and then who knows what will happen to you.”
I hadn’t thought of this. What would happen?
In some ways, being born a female had made my life easier. I didn’t have to worry about assassination, as odd as that might sound. No one is threatened by a woman who has no real claim to the throne. Besides, if an heir suddenly turned up dead, there was a council in place to choose the next heir. Yes, there’s always the possibility of corruption, but it also keeps your dear, power-hungry next of kin from being quite so overtly bloodthirsty. They had a better chance of getting to the throne waiting for me to die on my own or through lack of a proper marriage.
However, if father did die and I was unwed, I’d most likely be cast out of the castle. I’d be seen as an inconvenience or a threat to the new queen. Of course, there was always the chance I’d be taken as the new successor’s mistress, not uncommon when a virgin royal was to be had, stuck in some corner of the castle under lock and key until the time my master would see fit to visit. I wouldn’t be allowed to bear children, and if I did, they wouldn’t survive. I’d be hated, not least of all by myself. But I didn’t want to marry out of necessity either. I had always hoped I would marry for love, as I believe my mother had done.
Aside from the small noises of the physician, the room had remained silent as I thought.
“Papa,” I say nervously, “if I am to marry, I want to marry for love.”
“Nonsense. That’s not how things work.”
“You loved mother, and I believe you still do—”
“Enough. I will not speak of her.” Papa coughs. “Your mother was…something else, but you will do as I say. Besides, I’ve already accepted an offer for your hand. You will grow to love him, or at the very least learn to tolerate him.”
“What?” I shout, anger coursing through my veins as I jump up from my seat. “How could you, Papa?”
“Sit.”
“I will not!” I say, surprising myself with my own indignance.
“Fine,” Papa concedes, “but you will marry him. He arrives this week. I’ve informed your governess to begin preparations. You will be on your best behavior.”
My mind swirls in confusion. He’s already spoken to my governess? How long has everyone been keeping this from me? I can feel my veins throbbing with fiery anger.
“Who is he?” I finally ask, not wanting to hear the answer.
“Lord Damien Godfrey. I do not believe you have met, but he has visited on occasion over the past year. He’s a very interesting and well-to-do man, and he made an offer I simply could not refuse. Why he would choose you, I do not know.”
His words sting. I have loved Papa with the undying, unconditional love a daughter is expected to have for her father, but it isn’t until this moment that I realize just how little Papa thinks of me. I know I have a wild streak, but I’ve always done as I was told…at least within reason and to the best of my ability. But to him, as a female, I was merely an inconvenience, a business transaction, and apparently a poor one at that.
The physician wedges himself between us and begins to administer a nasty smelling liquid. He’s exceptionally thin and dressed in a long black cloak, and I suddenly realize that he’s not Sir Emery. Though, he was getting on in years. I’m sad to think that I wasn’t told if he has passed.
“When did we get a new physician?”
“That will be all. I will send for you when it is time to meet your fiancé.” Papa’s voice is cold, and I wonder how I could have ever found any warmth in it before.
I don’t know who Lord Godfrey is, but the name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I will not love him, and if I am forced to marry him, I’d never love another thing in my life.
I hate love.
I hate Lord Godfrey.
I hate…the king.
Two
Annalise
The past several days have been torture. My governess won’t so much as let me brush my hair without her overseeing how it’s done.
I haven’t been able to escape to the forest since last week; not that I would have done so anyway. The weather has been dreadful. It’s as if even nature knows something is amiss.
All of my day dresses have been replaced by heavy, formal gowns. They look well fitted, and perhaps even a little provocative, but they’ve been weighed down something awful. I’m sure they’ve been modified to force me to walk slower, stand taller, and be altogether more “ladylike.”
I haven’t seen Rosa since I visited the king’s chambers—I shall not be calling him Papa any more, not after the way he’s decided to treat me. He shall henceforth be referred to simply as the king, or Father—and I miss her. Although we have not been allowed to speak much lately, she was a constant in my life and she would let me complain. It’s been hard to bite my tongue whenever my governess mentions my betrothed, but I’ve had to, quite literally.
At least the blood leaves a better taste in my mouth.
So far, I’ve learned very little about Lord Godfrey. He’s supposed to be quite tall and, from what I can gather, attractive for a man nearing forty…more than twice my age. I shudder at the thoughts that try to squirm their way into my mind and shove them aside in an effort to focus on the task at hand.
My governess is trying to teach me more about Lord Godfrey’s customs, something I would normally love to learn more about…if it wasn’t about his customs. I know I shouldn’t be so hateful of a man I’ve never met, but I just cannot rid myself of the growing pit in my stomach.
I try to focus on Lady Blackwood’s words.
“…customs may seem strange at first, but you will learn to accept them and abide by them.”
I nod my head to feign complacent agreement, but I’m surprised when she suddenly touches my arm.
“Now, Annalise, there are some things we have not discussed…”
Her facial expression brings me to instant attention.
“There are…certain duties a woman must perform as a wife, and I am sure Lord Godfrey will expect you to be versed in the ways of procreation,” Lady Blackwood continues, her face turning beet red. “As the wedding ceremony is expected to be set soon after your betrothed arrives, we haven’t much time to prepare you for…what will happen.”
This is the last thing I want to hear about, and from my governess nonetheless! Of course, I know a little about what a husband and wife are meant to do. I’ve read a fair number of romances among the trees, after sneaking them past my governess. She doesn’t approve of such things. I now wonder if perhaps she was trying to protect me from the pain of a loveless marriage. After all, if I don’t know what true love is, how will I know any better?
“As you may have heard, men often find immense pleasure in the marital bed,” Lady Blackwood says. “On your wedding night, you will be taken to the wedding chambers where you will undress and lie down upon the bed—”
I tune her out before she can get any further into my thoughts. I’ve heard enough gossip about the servants’ relationships from Rosa to know that I don’t want to hear details right now, not when it has anything to do with me. I won’t deny that in the past I’ve been curious about what it would be like to be with a man. But now, I don’t want anything to do with men, and especially not with what lies below their belts. My thighs clench at the thought, but I quickly squirm out of the feeling. I’ve renounced love and with it, lovemaking.
“You are to do as you are told. Wives are to be submissive to their husband’s requests. I do not know Lord Godfrey yet, but he may ask some strange things of you. Obey as a good wife must.”
Ugh, I tuned in at just the wrong time. Having a h
usband sounds more like having a new master than anything else. I can do without both. If Lord Godfrey orders me about like a puppy, he will find himself with far more trouble than what comes along with owning a new pet. I shan’t be owned.
“He will then climb atop the bed and—”
By the gods, will today ever end?
“My lady?”
A voice startles me from my sleep, and I soon recognize the face leaning over me.
“Rosa!” I nearly yell as I leap out of my covers and hug her tightly. It’s been over a week since I’ve had any human contact other than with my governess. Every action, every word has been accounted for, corrected, and revised to the point of insanity.
She pulls away from me, although I can sense her hesitation. I suddenly feel the other presence in the room and turn slowly to face it. My governess is looking at me with a face that could kill.
“Annalise, you will behave like the princess you’ve been born to be, whether or not you think anyone is watching. After all the time I spent with you this week, one would think you’d have better sense,” Lady Blackwood says.
She really knows how to put a damper on things.
“Rosa is here to help you prepare for the day. I expect you two to behave as your birthrights demand. I have other business to attend to, but I will be back shortly.”
I hang my head in mock shame until she makes her way out of my room, then I turn and smile brightly at Rosa.
“I’m so happy to see you. It feels like a thousand centuries since the last time we were able to talk!” I say, but my smile dims as I notice her shift her weight uncomfortably.
“They’re watching you very closely, Annalise. I’ve heard that Lord Godfrey will arrive today.”
My heart sinks. So, this is why they’ve sent Rosa, my only friend. She’s the one who has been tasked with dressing me for meeting Lord Godfrey. The moment I’ve been dreading all week.
“Oh, Rosa, please…please tell me you’ve heard anything about him? Someone must have said something.”
Rosa shakes her head and avoids looking me in the eye.
“You do know something! Hurry, tell me while we still have time,” I am nearly begging her at this point.
“Some of the servants have met him before, on his previous visits the castle. And, well…”
She’s hesitating. I can barely contain myself now.
“Please, Rosa, I need to know,” I plead.
Sighing, Rosa shuffles her feet and then says, “I only know what the other servants have said. There were several who waited on him the last time he was here…and he insisted on maids. Only maids.”
I am starting to get her point now. Either my betrothed is taking advantage of his bachelorhood, or he will not keep me as his only lover. Of course, it’s not uncommon for husbands, particularly noblemen, to have a woman or three on the side, no matter however angry or jealous his wife might be. We are to grin and bear it, rising above the madness of men, as Lady Blackwood would say. But if the roles were reversed, I can only imagine the outrage. A woman with multiple lovers? The thought sends an unexpected tingle shooting down my spine, but I quickly brush it off.
“Did they say anything else?”
Rosa looks me directly in the eye, her expression fierce. I haven’t seen this side of her since her parents died and her fortunes changed.
“He demands, Annalise. He doesn’t ask. The girls always came back crying the next day, but they wouldn’t say a word when asked about what happened. I believe him to be a brute, but I only know this much from Luca.”
Ah, Luca. He’s had a crush on Rosa since the first day he teased her with a frog from the forest stream. She never did reciprocate his feelings, but we all became close friends when we were children. Of course, as soon as Mother died, Father separated me from all male contact, aside from my guards and the royal guests when the occasion demanded. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen Luca since. Funny, to think you can live each day merely several hundred paces away from someone and never see them. I wonder how he’s changed.
“Oh, Annalise. I am so frightened for you. I know you have a strong head, but I’m afraid he’ll break you for it. I beg you, if you really must marry him, be careful and don’t anger him,” Rosa says, her blue eyes so wide and soft I could cry. They remind me of my mother’s.
“There’s no use worrying now. We’ll just have to see what happens,” I say with as much confidence as I can muster. “So, if I am to be bullied by this brute, I should at least know what he looks like.”
Rosa lets out a snort that turns into a chuckle, “You really are something, aren’t you? Let me think. All I know is what I’ve heard from Luca, and being a man, he hasn’t said much.”
This is the second time she’s mentioned Luca. I think I’m starting to be more curious about him than I am my betrothed.
“Oh, Luca again?” I tease.
“Annalise,” Rosa says as her face turns a shade of pink that only makes her red hair look even more lovely. I seriously cannot fathom how she’s considered a lowborn maid now. After a moment I realize she hasn’t said anything else.
“Gods, Rosa? Are you and Luca…?” I trail off, hoping she’ll fill me in on details.
“Oh, no! He doesn’t think of me like that anymore. He’s different. He’s changed so much since we were kids playing in the forest.” Her eyes look wistful.
How much could he have changed to make Rosa forget where she is.
I clear my throat, “So, Lord Godfrey?”
“Oh, right. Well, Luca says he’s very tall. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but if you knew what that meant coming from Luca, you’d understand. He’s dark haired, surprising for his age. And, oh yes, his eyes. Annalise, the servants say his eyes are ever-changing.”
I’m not sure exactly what that means, but it’s intriguing. Perhaps this meeting will be more interesting than I thought. If nothing else, I will make it my sole mission to discover the true color of his eyes just so I can tell Rosa.
“So, about Luca…” We giggle until we hear footsteps approaching in the hall. I panic and quickly drop my dressing gown to the floor in an effort to look like I’m getting ready. However, the footsteps recede down the hall and I’m left standing naked in front Rosa. Although she’s my chambermaid, I consider Rosa my friend and I prefer to do certain things on my own. I can feel her eyes on my body, and I’m quick to snatch the quilt from my bed.
“I’m so sorry, Rosa. I don’t know what got into me!”
Rosa giggles, softer than usual. “It’s fine, Annalise. I am your chambermaid after all. I must say, Lord Godfrey will be a fool to ever be disappointed in you.”
I blush, and she hurries over to my wardrobe. Pulling a gown of lilac and a chemise from within, she lays them down on the bed in front of me and then turns her back.
“Let me know once you’ve put on your chemise and I’ll help you with the rest.”
I pull the garment over my head as best I can. These ridiculous things are getting tighter by the day. I know they’re made to look invisible under my dresses, which have been fitted to the point I feel nearly undressed wearing them. Every curve visible, with openings in the fabric to show off the more seductive parts of my body. I know this new set of dresses is in preparation for my betrothed, and most nobles are forced to don similar wear from the time of their betrothal until the wedding night, but I’m sure if I ever left the castle to walk among my people in a dress like this I’d be stoned for indecency.
“Okay,” I say, breathing shallowly as my breasts practically pop out of the neckline.
Rosa takes the lilac dress in her hands and carefully begins to pull it over my head. There’s no stepping into this one, it’s tighter than any I’ve worn before. I’m surprised when we manage to get it laced up.
I have to admit, the dress is stunning. The back scoops gently, allowing for just a peek of my shoulder blades. Small silver beads and gemstones are stitched carefully up the bodice and along the train of
the dress. I let out an involuntary gasp as sunlight streams through my open window, causing the dress to glisten like dew drops on blades of grass.
“You really do look lovely,” Rosa says. “But we have to do something about your hair.”
I sit down at the vanity and she sets to work weaving my hair into an equally beautiful circlet, my golden curls allowed to gently fall around my face and down my back.
All the while, Rosa has been chatting to me, but I’ve been too focused on my own thoughts. The painful nerves in my stomach grow ever stronger as the moment of Lord Godfrey’s arrival grows nearer.
The door behind us opens and my governess storms in.
“Rosa! Cease your incessant chatter right this moment! You are not here to chat with the princess, you are here to do your duty and leave. That is all. Go, now!”
Rosa dips her head and rushes from the room, but not before giving me a mischievous look in the mirror. I see she managed to use my distraction to put more than a little makeup on my face. I laugh to myself.
Rosa. Yes, Rosa I still love.
Three
Annalise
The Great Hall has been strewn with rushes and lavender, the sweet fragrance wafting about the room as people crush it underfoot. I’m not sure if it was specifically chosen to calm my nerves or if I’m just overthinking everything.
I am standing beside the king’s throne, waiting for Lord Godfrey to be announced. The room is filled with guests from various noble families here to witness the betrothal ceremony.
“Ceremony” is an exaggeration; it’s more like a sacrificial offering. Once Lord Godfrey arrives, I will be presented to him. I am not to say or do anything except wait for him to publicly accept me as his betrothed, unless he directs otherwise. Then a feast will be set and everyone will get more than a little drunk on sweet wine.
Everyone except me. I’m not allowed to drink, as the king has strictly ordered me to remain sober.
