by Kaylee Ryan
She’s got me there, but I still don’t want to hear about it. Losing her virginity is one thing—the guy was most likely a first-timer like her, and I can live with that—but I don’t want to think about the others after him. The ones who helped her hone her skills. That has me wanting to punch every fucking one of the nameless, faceless bastards. “Not the same thing.”
“Sure it is. You think I like thinking about you with other women? Especially when I’ve yet to be added to that list?”
I stop walking, which causes her to jerk as I hold her hand tight in mine and pull her back to me. “Not the same thing. The others didn’t mean a fraction of what you do. I think about you all the time. The sound of your voice causes a suck-ass day to be better. Seeing your name on my phone screen with a new message tilts my world on its axis. No one has ever mattered as much as you do. I feel it here.” I place our hands over my chest. “It’s an ache I feel down to my toes. No one else has ever scared the living shit out of me for how deep I felt for them. I’ve never given a woman the power to break me. You have that power and I don’t even know what we are. What this is? I’ve yet to feel your warmth when I make love to you and I already have all these feelings coursing through me. Can you imagine how it’s going to be when I do? When I slide in deep and claim you as mine? That’s what’s going to happen, Jamie. You’ll be mine. I’ll fight to make that happen, but I refuse to take this to that level until I know we’re on the same page. We live in different worlds right now, and I don’t know how to fix that.”
“I don’t either but I want that. All of it.” Her voice is firm and I know she means what she says.
“We’ll take it one day at a time. We’ll get to know each other, even if it’s information that has me seeing red. We’ll enjoy our time together and see where that takes us.”
Rising on her tiptoes, she presses her lips to mine. “That’s an adventure I look forward to.”
I wrap my arms around her and hold her against me. I feel ripped open and raw from my confession, but I’m not one to hide behind the bullshit. I wasn’t expecting to drop all that on her today, but damn if I didn’t need to tell her. I needed for her to understand what this is for me. She’s not just a weekend fling when she comes into town. It’s her, only her, until we can figure out where this attraction and all these feelings lead us.
My heart stutters in my chest from his confession. It’s as if he can read my mind. I want him, want us, but I just can’t see how we can make it work. I’m glad he has the control to stop us because I don’t. I know it’s the right thing, waiting, but my fear is that the moment will never come. Never having a chance to know what it’s like to be with him, to be his.
“You ready?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yeah.” I reach for his hand. We walk in silence for a few minutes when I decide it’s time to break the ice. “Since we’re already on the subject, how many have there been?”
“How many?” he asks, but I know he knows what I mean.
“Sexual partners,” I clarify.
He whistles. “Bringing out the big guns.”
“I figured we might as well get all the hard stuff out of the way now.”
“Six.”
Not as many as I would’ve thought. He’s tall and built, with dark hair and blue eyes, and he’s a southern gentleman. I would’ve thought the list would be a mile long.
“You going to keep me in suspense?”
“Three.” I decide to go ahead and tell all. “There was my first that you know about. He and I gave it a few more tries, still fumbling, finding our way. Then there was Travis. He and I dated in college about two years, I guess. It was more casual than serious, but we were monogamous. The last was Hank, the guy I was seeing last summer.”
“What happened?”
“With Hank? I told myself that it just wasn’t working, that the attraction just wasn’t there. The truth is that after that weekend, after meeting you, he wasn’t who I wanted. I take a weekend trip to see my best friend and meet this amazing group of friends she’s found in this new life she’s created for herself. There’s Olivia and McKinley, both of whom I hit it off with as if we’ve been friends forever. Then there are all you guys: Evan, Aaron, David and you. The way you all treat women, the respect, it’s something that most women only dream of finding. Here I am watching these three couples live a real-life fairytale.” I take a break, giving him time to process. “That night, you made a huge impression on me. You never once tried anything. You asked if I was seeing someone and you respected that. But although you kept your distance, I still felt the heat, the pull of the attraction sparking between us.”
“I felt it too, Jamie,” he assures me, although he doesn’t need to.
“So six?” I ask.
He chuckles. “My first. Unlike you, we never tried again. We were both traumatized, I think. There was another girl the summer after my senior year, Meagan. We dated that summer and then she went off to college. I stayed here and did the community college thing, worked for Dad at the bar. After Megan, there was Alex, though she and I had more of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. She was coming off a bad breakup and just wanted the release. That lasted a couple of months, until her ex came back in the picture. Then there was Sara. She and I had business ethics together. We hooked up one night after a study group. That lasted the rest of the semester, but then we went our separate ways. She wanted something serous and I just wasn’t feeling it. The last two, Katie and Beth, were both drunken hookups. That was over two years ago.”
“Wait a minute, back up. Two years ago? It’s been two years for you?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“I mean, you’re you, all sexy and those blue eyes. How has it been two years?”
“I took over the bar two years ago. Dad decided to retire and I decided it was time to stop screwing around and get my head in the game. I spend most days at the bar, even when we’re closed. At first it was to make a few changes, paint, things like that. Now it’s my life. I’ve always wanted to take over the bar. That’s why I stayed local for college. When Dad handed me my future on a platter, I jumped in headfirst and never looked back. I just wish Olivia would accept her part and not just bartend. I’ve been pushing her to take on more. It’s not just my legacy, after all.”
“Wow. I’m just… wow.”
“Yeah, so when I tell you I want nothing more than to be inside of you, know it’s the truth. It’s painful, literally, to not give in to the desire I have for you.”
“That’s some willpower.”
“It’s something all right. It has to be a higher power. I crave you, Jamie. More than you can understand. Waking up with you in my arms, it’s hard as hell not to give in to temptation, but this is how it has to be for both of us,” he says as we reach the top of Miller’s Peak.
“Wow, it’s breathtaking,” I gasp, looking at the view.
“Yes.” I turn to look over my shoulder at him and his eyes are locked on me. “It’s a struggle,” he says, slowly walking toward me. “But when it happens, when we finally come together, it’s going to be explosive.”
“Promises, promises.”
He snakes his arms around me and buries his face in my neck. “It’s more than a promise, it’s a fact. I can’t wait to prove it to you.”
“I figured this place would be packed with it being Saturday.”
“It’s rare that you don’t run into others. Lots of parents bring their kids. Today must just be our lucky day. Come on.” He tugs on my hand and leads me to a sunny spot just out of the way of the path. Pulling out a blanket from his backpack, he spreads it out on the ground.
“It’s a little chilly in the shade, so I’m glad you picked this spot.”
He doesn’t say anything, just offers me a smile and a bottle of water. I take it from him and take a long drink.
“I’ve got a couple granola bars if you’re hungry.”
“No, thank you. This is perfect.�
� I hold the water up, letting him see that half the bottle is already gone.
“There’s more in the bag, so help yourself.” He takes a spot on the blanket beside me, only he lies back, resting one arm behind his head. “Come here, you,” he says, tracing his fingers up and down my back.
I screw the cap back on my water bottle and set it beside the bag before lying down next to him. He wraps his arm around me, kissing the top of my head, and I melt into him, for him. “This is nice.”
He doesn’t say anything as he runs his fingers through my hair. I feel myself relax even more into him. We have this pull between us; it’s strong and vibrant and scary as hell. I think about the couple of months of our conversations and the things he’s said the last couple of days. It’s a lot to take in.
“How’s work going?” he finally asks.
“Good, I think. It’s still really slow, and I’m just waiting for the day he tells me that he’s closing the doors.”
“You mentioned he might sell the practice?”
“You know, I don’t think he will. We’ve not taken on a new case in months. It’s as though he’s cleaning up loose ends to shut the doors.”
“What will you do?”
“Find another job. The city’s full of attorney offices, and I’m sure one of them needs a paralegal. When I started college, I always saw myself working for a big firm, being involved in the big important cases. I never imagined that I would be where I am.”
“I thought you loved it.”
“I do. My boss is the best, but it’s just not where I thought I would end up, you know?”
“So have you started looking?”
“No, I can’t leave him now. I’ll wait until he tells me, then go from there. I have savings that’ll get me by until I find something. Worst-case scenario, I can move back in with my parents.”
“If you need anything….”
“Hey, it’s all good. Promise. I’m not worried. It’s just sad, that’s all. It’s a chance for me to seek out the big corporate guys and land the job that I’ve always dreamed of. I started at my current job as an intern and just happened to stay on full time. I fell into it and I’m comfortable. It’s change that’s the scary part, you know, but it’s what I’ve always wanted. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time.”
“You’re going to kick ass in whatever you do,” he says, kissing the top of my head.
“What about you? How’s the bar going?”
“Great. I talked to Olivia again. I really wish she would take an active role in management.”
“She any closer to giving in?”
“I think so, maybe.”
“What do your parents think?”
“They don’t pressure her. Liv has always been one to do things on her own terms. They know that about her. I can be patient, but I also feel like I need to keep reminding her that she has every right to make decisions and be a part of it like I do. I know she doesn’t like the staff part of things—she never has been one for conflict—but there’s so much more to running a business than that. I don’t want her to be tending bar the rest of her life.”
“It’s not a bad gig when it’s your family business.”
“No, but I hate to see her dealing with all the drunks. I know Liv and she wants kids. I can’t see her pregnant behind the bar.”
“I don’t know David that well, but I can’t see that he would be too happy about that.”
He laughs softly. “You’re right, he wouldn’t. He loves her but it would be a fight with them, for sure.”
“You’re a great big brother.”
“Oh go on,” he laughs. “We probably should head back. We have plans tonight.”
“We do?”
“Yep.”
“Is that all I’m going to get? No hint?”
“You’ll see when we get there. First we hike back to the truck. Then we grab something to eat. I’m starving,” he says, rubbing his belly.
“All right, you. I don’t want you to wither away on me.” I stand and offer my hand to help him up.
“Next stop, food. I need to stop by the bar to make sure everyone showed up for work, and then we head out for the other plans.” He winks.
“Feed me,” I say instead of whining about not knowing where we’re going.
Glancing over, he smiles and reaches over the console. I offer my hand and he rests our combined fingers on my thigh.
A girl could get used to this.
We had a late lunch at the local steakhouse. The food was good as always, but the company was even better. I could get used to having her here with me all the time. Something I know I can’t have, but I want it anyway.
Just as we’re leaving, Liv texts me and says she has everything at the bar under control and I’m “not to show my face.” After helping Jamie into the truck, I hesitate. It goes against everything I’ve become these last couple of years to not at least stop in and check on things.
“You okay?” Jamie says from beside me.
I look up and find her beautiful green eyes filled with concern. “Yeah, just thinking. Liv says she has the bar under control.” I hold up my phone to show her. “So I guess we can go ahead with our final plans of the day.”
“I don’t care if you want to stop. I know the bar is your baby.”
I think about her words. I’ve put everything I am into Mike’s Tavern since I took over. Six months ago, regardless of what my sister said, I would’ve still stopped in. Hell, I would’ve been there most of the night, if not the entire night. Today, however, that’s not my first reaction. Today, I have a beautiful woman sitting beside me, and the pull to spend more time with her, to make her smile, is stronger than the pull of the bar.
“Nah, Liv knows what she’s doing. I’ve been wanting her to take a more active role, so this is a good way to show her that I stand behind my words.”
“So, next stop?” she asks.
“It’s a surprise.” I reach over and tap the end of her nose with my index finger. Her reply is a huge smile that lights up her face. That’s more than I could ask for. Putting the truck in Drive, I head toward Evan and McKinley’s.
“Are we going to see Whit?” she asks once I turn on the road that leads to both Evan and Aaron’s.
“Yeah. I know you came here for me this weekend, but she’s your best friend and you never get to see her. I’m too damn selfish to give you up the entire night, so I rallied the troops and we’re all hanging out by the bonfire.”
“Where have you been all my life, Michael Wallace?
“Waiting for you.”
A light blush coats her cheeks.
When I pull up to Evan and Kinley’s, Whit and Aaron are already here, the four of them sitting on the front porch. Jamie doesn’t give me a chance to open her door; she’s out of the truck and rounding the front by the time I get the keys out of the ignition. I’m next to her in two long strides, and what happens next surprises the hell out of me. She jumps in my arms, hers going around my neck as she wraps her legs around my waist while I brace my hands on her thighs, holding her to me.
“Thank you, Mike. I don’t know how you knew I was feeling guilty about not spending any time with Whit while I was here. I don’t want to know. All that matters is that you know how amazing you are.”
Then she kisses me. Not just a peck on the lips, no. She slips her tongue past my lips and kisses me like it’s just the two of us. I couldn’t give a fuck who’s watching; I’m taking everything she’s willing to give.
Turning us, I rest her back against the truck and take my time tasting her. She might have started this show, but I’m going to be the one to finish it. I hear hooting and hollering from our friends and I don’t let it faze me, leaning into her and deepening the kiss. It’s not until I feel her grind her hips against me that I decide it’s time to cool this down; we’re both getting too worked up for an audience.
Slowly I pull my lips from hers, and she buries her face in my neck while she tries to cat
ch her breath.
“I guess we gave them a show,” she says with laughter in her voice.
“That we did. You good?”
“Yeah.” She raises her head and I see her face is flushed with embarrassment. She kisses the corner of my mouth, then releases the iron grip her legs have on my waist. I don’t help her because I want her to slide down my body. I want her to see what she does to me, see how bad I want her. It’s literally painful to keep denying what we both want.
Once her feet touch the ground, those big green eyes peer up at me, and what I see has me rethinking my plans to wait until I know she’s on the same page as me. Lust, pure heated lust, is flashing in her eyes. She felt what she does to me, and from the look she’s giving me, she’s on board.
“Ready?” I ask, running my finger down the side of her cheek.
“To go back to your place?” she asks. I can hear the hope and desire in her voice.
I can’t help but laugh. “No, to spend time with our friends.”
She sighs dramatically, but her beautiful smile is still in full bloom. “Yes.” Grabbing her hand, I guide her up to the front porch.
“You need a minute?” Whit taunts us.
“Actually, yes, that would be great. Can we borrow the spare bedroom too?” Jamie asks, her face solid, serious.
“Uh….” Whitney is rendered speechless.
“Got ya!” Jamie laughs.
“After the way you attacked him, I wasn’t sure you were kidding,” Whitney confesses.
Jamie looks up at me. “I could be persuaded.”
Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, I address Aaron and Evan. “You need any help with the fire?” It’s time to get the conversation steered in another direction. If she keeps talking about it, I might just throw her over my shoulder and speed back to my place. We’re not there yet, no matter how bad I ache for us to be.
“Nah, we were just waiting on the two of you. Let’s head out back,” Aaron says, Whitney, Evan and McKinley following.
Jamie starts to as well, but I pull on her hand to halt her. Bending down, I place my lips next to her ear. “Feel free to surprise me anytime you want,” I say, kissing just below her ear.
