by Natti Ronel
The third tool, the Serenity Prayer, is almost a comprehensive plan for life. Use of the Serenity Prayer can consist of the distinction between what can’t be changed and should be accepted, and what can and should be changed, a distinction that expresses the growth of wisdom. When our intention is to live the spirit, it influences our ability to accept and to change. What is reckoned to be unbearable according to our earth-bound vision looks completely different through eyes that see the spirit. Similarly, what is impervious to change in terrestrial eyes is already changing, by virtue of the spiritual viewpoint and the intention towards spiritual activity. The deep distinction of the Prayer is between what belongs to the material world and what stays in it, or even embeds itself in it, and what leads the way from the material world to the spiritual world. The basic change of the Prayer relates to the choice of the spirit, a change that is always within our ability. Since the Prayer is, like every other prayer, an appeal to God, to the higher power in our lives, the Serenity Prayer directs us towards Him when we contemplate it.
The fourth tool is Gratitude. Starting from the moment that gratitude is turned towards God and not towards one person or another, there is an awakening of spiritual intention. Gratitude can be understood as a state of consciousness that’s characteristic of us in moments when we live the spirit, the most striking characteristic of these moments being a sense of thankfulness. The moment that we live the spirit, it’s almost guaranteed that something will rise up in us that’s like a quiet happiness, even though we continue to encounter acute pain and challenging circumstances. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, the quiet happiness rises and subsides in an unpredictable manner. When it rises, it’s joined by a sense of gratitude which is naturally directed towards God.
Furthermore, gratitude is a state of humility in which nothing is perceived by us as obvious or something we deserve, and this, too, is a way of living the spirit. A humble stance which isn’t demanding of life, when we’re content with what we have and grateful for everything that comes. When we live the spirit, we take everything that comes to us as a part of the way, a perception that is enough to arouse a sense of gratitude, for example, gratitude that we have a way, even when it’s a challenge. Gratitude is a sense that exists inside us, that expresses the intention to live the spirit, and it’s free from dependence on the situation or our perception of it. This gratitude is also free from dependence on results, pleasant or unpleasant as they may be to us.
The next tool, the fifth, is Distinguishing Facts. Living the spirit is a situation in which we see the spirit as a fact, if only for a moment, expressed in all of the material world. This perception influences our relationship with the world, with people and with ourselves. All events and challenges enable us to develop in the way of the spirit. This is a distinction of facts which sees beyond their constant changing and our expectations of life. It also helps to distinguish between what is ours and what belongs to someone else. Ours is the action that helps us to stay on the way of the spirit, and all interpretations relating to others are irrelevant to us. Everything that somebody does or says to us is connected to that person’s way of living the spirit or not living the spirit, and our response is the only thing that can help us to live the spirit without retreating from it.
Living the spirit directs our aspiration towards the spirit, as an entity where objectivity and subjectivity meet and end. The spirit, the Divine, is the absolute fact, non-dependent, unconditional, unchanging, which we aspire to know. As human beings who are limited, temporary, and fleeting, located in the world for the duration of life, we are essentially subjective. Living the spirit expresses subjectivity which is aware of its limitations and is directed towards the Absolute. In other words, self-centeredness shows us the world through its unique spectacles, which include our expectations, fears, and desires. The distinguishing of facts begins with awareness of the existence of these spectacles which distort our vision, and continues with the intention of reducing the distortion to the extent of getting rid of it altogether. With observation like this, usually an aspiration arises to live the grace, and along with it is an ability to distinguish grace in almost every situation or the conditions that reality or we ourselves invite upon us.
Alec is a successful architect in his forties, married, with four children, and almost happy. Years after he gave up drinking alcohol, he’s trying to make progress in the way of the spirit. One of the obstacles that stands in his way, and obstructs his enjoyment of life, is those spectacles of self-centeredness which distort his perception. In his own words, he’s emotionally dependent on the relationship with his wife who loves him very much, so instead of seeing her love, he’s dependent on certain responses of hers, which he interprets as meaning that she wants to get away from him. With the emphasis on living the spirit “just for today,” when Alec seeks to promote the grace that’s expressed in his relationship with his wife and children -- more and more, he’s feeling the love which emanates from him and isn’t dependent on his wife’s attitude towards him. In such moments, he gives of himself and also sees her as she is -- a loyal, supportive and loving wife.
The sixth tool gives us a challenge -- Being Positive. One of the methods is to repeat the phrase -- “I have, and I need nothing from them.” The question then arises, what do I have? And what about someone who has nothing? The answer to this, in the most unequivocal manner possible, is -- there is no person who has nothing. There is no such situation. Everyone, by virtue of the fact of being human, has. We all have. The profound thing that we have is the spirit, which can live inside us while we’re striving to live it. Living the spirit is expressed in deep understanding of “I have,” and from this it’s easy to identify the indignant thought which is trying to claim that we have nothing, and let it go. The thinking that sees the spirit embodied in the everyday is pure positive thinking that stands on its own and radiates its purity to all other thoughts.
Another aspect of “Being Positive” when we aspire to live the spirit is seen in our relationships with the other person and with the world. The attempt to live the spirit is expressed, among other things, in the attempt to be positive towards the world, without depending on what the world sets before us. This isn’t a kind of self-delusion -- we’re well aware that the world and people sometimes confront us with very complicated challenges such as acute and chronic pain, unreasonable relationships, shocking injustice, or other vicissitudes of fate. Of course, there is also much that is good, and there are nice gifts along the way, but then it’s apparently easy to be positive. Living the spirit is expressed in being positive in a manner that doesn’t depend on what happens to us, whether we consider it pleasant or painful. When we succeed in being positive, even just a bit here and there, we begin to touch freedom, which is also freedom from people’s attitudes towards us, with joy and love that emanate from inside us. As I’ve said repeatedly, we aspire towards freedom, in the most positive way possible, and in the same measure, we won’t let anyone hurt us and we’ll prevent harm to others as far as we can. We’ll strive to prevent injury without being drawn into it. Stopping what needs to be stopped while still being positive at heart. A man I never knew personally, although I heard the story from his daughter, about a time when he was terminally ill with advanced intestinal cancer. The disease caused internal bodily disfigurements which brought on severe and unremitting pain, in spite of the palliative treatment that he received. According to his daughter, when she was visiting him, in a strange way she felt encouragement radiating from him towards her. When I asked her about his beliefs, she replied that he wasn’t religious, but he saw himself as a believer, with a personal connection to the Divine.
The seventh tool is a continuation of the previous one; what it recommends to us is Finding in Ourselves, and the thing that we can find deep within ourselves is the divine core, which is unchanging, in which there is no self-centeredness. The tool, “Finding in Ourselves” suggests to us a perception, accordi
ng to which, in the essence of every one of us there is a firm inner core, which is a divine foundation. This is a point of balance which stands apart from self-centeredness, from our behavioral and personal habits, from the stipulations we have collected, from emotional responses, from anything else. Obviously, it’s no simple matter, finding and living the divine point of balance inside ourselves. On one hand, it always exists; on the other, it seems to be obscured by many obstacles. In order that it will be fully revealed, apparently many incarnations are required, and even they won’t be enough. It’s true, there are some people who have revealed the divine core and are living it, but they are a rarity. We, by contrast and in the light of their example, can be content with a modest aspiration -- to get as close as we can, knowing that inside us there is a divine spark, and theoretically, at any moment it’s possible to find it. Living the spirit means living as if we are already aware of the divine core inside us, and living it instead of self-centeredness, at least as an aspiration, and acting as if we have already found this point. The aspiration itself serves us in the role of the firm inner core. Therefore, we should be careful to avoid involvement with various things in this world that are trying to extinguish this aspiration in us, to hide or obliterate it. We’ll remember the aspiration to reveal the divine core that is inside us, and allow the aspiration, even if it isn’t implemented, to lead us. It can be a radiant point of balance, stronger than anything that the world outside us can offer. It also helps us to be inside the world, steady and balanced and even spontaneously happy, so long as we remember it.
In a group session for male batterers who were attempting to follow the Graceway, we held a conversation about the importance of faith in their lives. One of the men told us that from his point of view, the faith that was aroused in him was expressed in the knowledge existing deep down inside him. He believed that despite all that was liable to happen -- which in the past had scared him and manipulated him emotionally, provoking extreme reactions -- all would be well, and there was no reason to worry. There was a new voice inside him which instilled calm when he listened to it. Some years later, during which there were no violent episodes on his part, this was put to the test when his wife announced that she wanted a separation, for reasons of her own. In the past, this had been his greatest fear, the fear that she would leave him. But his new knowledge, instilling calm and emanating from within him, resisting his old habit of looking for assurances outside himself, stood him in good stead and the separation went ahead almost entirely smoothly.
The eighth tool, Truth Only, we presented in terms of telling the truth and acting truthfully, being aware of our limitations when it comes to knowing the truth. “Living the spirit” suggests to us something more: the basis of living the spirit is knowing that the spirit, or the Divine, is absolute truth. The day-to-day observance of relative truth, with the help of the “Truth Only” tool, is our progress towards the absolute truth. When we are self-centered, we are not living the truth and not perceiving it in its full light. When we practice “Truth Only” as a part of living the spirit, we overcome self-centeredness and move towards the spirit, in which all the tools meet. When we are living the spirit, the tools also conclude their functioning for us, because in the Divine there are no tools and there’s no need for tools, no destiny and nothing to overcome. Until we get there, whether it is many years from now or at this very second, we’ll remember that truth is a great joy of progress towards God. Living the spirit with the observance of truth only helps us to live the joy that exists inside us, whatever the reality may be that we encounter.
The ninth tool, Choosing in Advance, offers us two perspectives, which come together when we try to live the spirit. One perspective is choosing in advance as a way of preserving our freedom from all that tries to distract us by means of temptations and shifting influences. Living the spirit gives us the chance to choose the spirit in advance as a defense against any influence, checking to see whether what is trying to influence us is part of living the spirit or is liable to distract us from it. Living the spirit goes on to suggest that in every life-plan that we make, we insert the stability given by spiritual practices.
Living the spirit also expresses the growing ability to choose the present moment in advance. So long as the aspiration to live the spirit exists in us and action tries to follow it, we can choose the present moment in advance. Choosing to live the spirit in the present moment means choosing a result as well, which is the life of the spirit at this moment. We have chosen this moment in full, which turns into the result of itself, and this is a free choice.
Usually, when we observe the behavior of someone who’s progressing in the way of the spirit, one of the things that characterizes this behavior is the feeling of comfort and patience that it radiates. We’ve already mentioned the expression, “in the spirit of a loving God,” an expression which points to the ease and the happiness in which we function. Patience is an extra aspect, in which there is full acceptance of this moment. We’re not asking for it to stop, we’re not looking to take it further, not even waiting for the next moment to arrive, with all its tempting offers. Accepting this moment in its fullness, in a free manner, means not looking for other moments, other places, or other situations. When we live the grace, grace is already here, so patience is natural. But what happens when, in spite of all this, it isn’t nice for us, when there’s something unpleasant? Impatience is a story that we tell ourselves when we’re not choosing this moment. When we choose everything that happens in this moment, even when there’s pain -- and there’s a lot of it in this world -- with patience and inner calm we can work to change what’s within our ability, in the direction of promoting grace.
With patience and ease we have arrived at the tenth tool. Progressing well, aspiring to live the spirit, flying pleasurably in the endless skies of the spirit, and then the material world comes along and knocks us down, as if we’ve woken from a dream. More accurate to say, as if we’ve remembered that we’re still dreaming our transient life and still caught in the coils of self-centeredness. To live the spirit in full we need to take care and repair whenever self-centeredness distracts us and thus stay on the road. Adherence to the route of the spirit is made possible for us by the tenth tool, Correcting Errors. The fundamental repair of errors is a return to the way of living the spirit every time we notice that we’re veering slightly off course. This can be at a given moment, at the end of the day, or the end of an era.
In every progressive journey, there are two aspects which complement each other: the first is avoiding digressions from the way or impediments causing delay, and the second is the forward impetus in the direction of travel. On one hand we have the tools of “Abstinence” and “Correcting Errors,” and on the other hand, we have the tools of progress, with one of the most focused of them being the eleventh tool, Promoting Good. This tool is suitable for every person; even someone who doesn’t want to progress on the way of the spirit can benefit from it, but it’s especially suitable for someone to whom progress on the way is important. In order to promote goodness, we need to cleanse ourselves from self-centeredness. Sometimes the cleansing from self-centeredness seems quite complicated and challenging -- we clean a little bit and it comes back, enlarged, and we can’t free ourselves from it. But it’s always within our ability to work to promote good, and this tool expresses in a clear way the meaning of living the spirit, to the point where it’s possible to claim that promoting good in the world represents living the spirit. This idea was stressed by Peter Deunov from Bulgaria, an influential spiritual master of the twentieth century. To ensure that by means of attempting to promote good we will live the spirit, we add something to the intention of exceeding self-centeredness, and that is love. To promote good out of love, which doesn’t want anything for itself, which is happy just to exist, is one of the pure manifestations of living the spirit, especially when we can understand God as love. Promoting good as an expression of love gives God a place
in our lives. Promoting good and living the spirit are expressed in the life of love, which might be directed towards someone specific, or it may be directed towards the world as it is. Love as a first working principle from which all the other principles of life arise.
In the context of love, some nice things have been said by Rabbi Elijah Dessler in a short article entitled, “Pamphlet of Grace.” According to Rabbi Dessler, it’s possible to distinguish between two fundamental powers at work in the world: the power of taking and the power of giving. The power of taking is the expression of self-centeredness and the desire to have more of everything. The power of giving expresses love as a way of exceeding self-centeredness. Rabbi Dessler adds an interesting observation: when we are giving, a clean act of giving which asks for nothing in return, the giving itself reveals the love in us. Love grows out of giving and there’s no need to wait until there is love before giving. The growth of love out of giving which expects nothing in return exists between couples and in the world at large. Using the “Promoting Good” tool expresses the power of giving, exposes the love in us and reveals it as a principle of action and essence. Love, truth, and happiness construct a way which is grace.
