by Annie Jocoby
When I got home, Jack was waiting for me. He had found some candles somewhere in the apartment and they were lit, and there was even a bouquet of flowers on our tiny card table that served as our dining room eating place. “Scotty Marie!” he said, appearing from our tiny kitchen with an apron on. “Come on in. I made dinner for us both!”
Dinner turned out to be macaroni and cheese, but he made it special by adding baby hot dogs in with it, along with some frozen broccoli florets. “Aw, Jack, look at that. Thanks so much.”
“Well, I wanted to do something special for my little Scotch and Soda,” he said, as I set the table. “Here, I got some champagne. Martini and Rossi Asti Spumante.” He poured two champagne flutes, and we clinked glasses before digging in.
“So, tell me about your first day. Tell me everything. Don’t leave anything out.”
“Not much to tell. I made a lot of copies and met everybody,” I said as I sipped my champagne and ate the rather delicious mac and cheese deluxe. “There’s a woman there who I think that Nick might have been sleeping with at one point.”
“Uh, huh,” Jack said with a look. “Bet that won’t be happening anymore with you there. Bet that ho doesn’t know what hit her.”
“Yeah, she’s hardly a ho. She has a PhD from Stanford.”
“Piled higher and deeper,” Jack said dismissively. “She’s not better than you, so don’t even think that.”
“I never said she was. Anyhow, Nick doesn’t seem to like her that much, so I don’t think that it’s still going on.”
Jack was looking at me with a suspicious look on his face. “You have it bad for this guy, don’t you Scotty?”
“Who?”
“Nick.”
“Well, he’s gorgeous. Breathtakingly so. Wickedly intelligent.” Then I realized that my heart was racing just thinking about him. “Let’s change the subject,” I said, looking at my shaking hands. “Actually, it’s kinda on the same subject. I’m supposed to meet his friend from the Midwest.”
“When?”
“Wednesday. At Nobu.”
Jack gave me a look. “Girl. He’s got it bad for you, too.”
“Why, why, why do you say that?”
“Who is this guy to him?”
“His best friend from childhood. He said he’s somebody who means a lot to him.”
“His best friend? And he wants you guys to meet?” Jack gave his bitch, please look, as he got up to get some more mac and cheese for himself. “You want some more, love, while I’m up?”
“Sure,” I said. “So, what’s the big deal? They’re best friends, I’m his new intern. That’s why he wants us to meet.”
“Scotty. I love you. But you are very naïve when it comes to the menfolk of this world. There is no way that this man would invite you to meet his best friend unless he’s got a thing for you.”
“I don’t believe you,” I said. “He just wants his friend to assess my talent, and to make sure that I’m right for that position. That I won’t screw everything up.”
“Is his friend an architect?”
“He didn’t say, but probably not. Why?”
“Well, if this other guy isn’t an architect, then how would he know how to assess you? Besides, Nick has already assessed your architectural talent, which is why you’re there in the first place.”
“Well, he wants a second opinion.”
“Why are you avoiding this? Why are you lying to yourself?”
I said nothing for several minutes. “I need some more champagne,” I said. “And maybe something harder.”
“Coming up. What kind of cocktail can I make for you, love?”
“Screwdriver, if we got OJ.”
Jack got up and made a couple of screwdrivers, and sat back down. “Now, my Scotty, answer the question. Why are you lying to yourself about this guy?”
I felt tears coming to my eyes. “Because,” I said, as the tears flowed even harder, “if I thought for a second that he likes me, I’m going to run. I can’t handle that. You know that. I just can’t handle being touched like that. Like Mr. Lucas. I mean, Nick touched my hands, and I thought that I couldn’t breathe. Just touching my hands. I’m such a fucking freak.”
Jack wrapped his arms around me and let me cry it out. “Scotty, you’re not a freak. You’re hurt. You had your adolescence stolen from you by that man. You can’t let him win, Scotty. If you go through life running from every man who shows interest in you, then you’ll never have a family. You’ll never be truly happy.”
“Yes. I can be happy. You and me. We can live together forever. We can even adopt a child together.”
“Scotty. I love you. But you know that I’m looking for the perfect guy. I want to get married one day and have a family of my own. I won’t always be there.” Then he hesitated. “That came out wrong. I will always be there. But I won’t always be sharing my day to day life with you. What are you going to do when I find Mr. Right and become a Junior League wife out in Connecticut?”
I started to panic. What he was saying was true. What was I going to do when I didn’t have him as my security blanket? Would I end up like my mother? Drunk all the time and trying to avoid life altogether?
“So, what can I do?”
“You have to try, Scotty. Baby steps. I think that this guy probably likes you as much as you like him. You have to give him a shot, Scotty. Take your shot at happiness.”
“So I guess that inviting you along to meet Nick and his friend is out of the question?” I actually was considering doing just that.
“You have to leave the nest. You have a broken wing, but it’s gonna heal. Broken wing, or no, you have to leave the nest without Jack the momma bird.”
I felt like crying again.
“Come on, Scotty, let’s take our mind off of this. You’re getting overwhelmed. Let’s watch a chick flick and pop some popcorn.”
“In our jammies?”
“Of course.”
“No tricks coming over?”
“No tricks tonight.”
“Cool,” I said. Then I went in to the bedroom to change into my pajamas with the feet, and joined Jack on the couch. He, too, had changed, into his boxer shorts and t-shirt. We popped some popcorn, got out a blanket, and proceeded to find a movie on Netflix, which was our only major luxury.
“Oooh, this one looks good,” I said. “Let’s watch Dear John. Isn’t that a Nicholas Sparks?”
“It is,” he said, “Sounds like a winner.”
So, we watched the movie.
But, around 9, the door buzzed.
Jack paused the movie and got up to answer the buzzer. “Yes?” He looked at me, and shrugged. “You expecting anybody, Scotty?”
I shook my head.
“Who? Charlie?”
My heart started to race. “Charlie? That’s Nick’s driver.” Was Nick coming up? “How do I look?” I asked anxiously.
“Beautiful, as usual,” he said, as he buzzed the guy up.
In about two minutes, Charlie was at the door. Jack opened it up, then walked into the hallway. About five minutes later, he came back in with a package.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Not sure.”
“Was Nick out there? Is he going to come up?”
“No, Charlie said that Nick wasn’t with him.”
To my private dismay, I felt really disappointed.
It was then that I realized how much I really needed to see Nick. How much I wanted to be near him.
Jack brought the package to the coffee table, and took out a plastic container that had food in it. “Hmmm. Looks like some fish, potatoes and spinach. And some very tasty bread and butter.”
“Huh. Where did that come from?”
“Duh. Scotty, this food is from Nick. Obviously. You still think that boy doesn’t have it bad for you?”
“He feels sorry for me. He knows that I don’t eat a lot.”
“He’s taking care of you. Like a boyfriend would do. And, I have
to say, I’m impressed with this guy already.” He looked at me and smirked. “Sure wish I had a boy who cared enough about me to send me food like that.”
I was in awe. Nobody had ever done that for me.
“Well, girl,” Jack said. “Looks like you got another dinner to eat.”
“We do. We’re gonna share.”
“You need it more than me, god knows. I gotta drop a few pounds if I ever hope to catch me a Wall Street type who’s gonna make me a Junior League wife.”
“Don’t be silly, you look amazeballs. Now, I’m going to get two plates out and split this. It looks scrumptious.”
I got up and got out two plates and split the food evenly between us. “Oh, this is heavenly,” I said, biting into the fish.
Jack looked hurt. “Is it better than the mac and cheese?”
“No, of course not. Close second, though.”
“Shut up,” Jack said playfully. “You’re right, this is delicioso.”
“Hell, yeah it is. This is probably the best meal I’ve had in a long time. Except for your mac and cheese, of course.”
Jack looked at me. “Girl. Your face is beet red. You’re really blushing.”
“What? Stop. I am not.”
Jack started laughing. “You are too. Scotty, I said it before, I’ll say it again. You like a boy.”
I threw a piece of bread at him. “Shut up!” I said, but I wasn’t serious.
“Scotty and Nick, sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”
I couldn’t help but start to laugh at him, as he turned around and put his hands behind his neck as he pretended to make out with somebody else. “Quit,” I said, laughing so hard there were tears coming down my face. “I can’t breathe.”
“Well, girl? You still doubt how this guy is feeling about you?”
“He feels sorry for me. That’s all.”
“Feels sorry for you, my ass. News flash – men don’t do this for just anybody. Looks like you got a good one there.”
I got quiet. “Let’s finish our movie,” I said. “I’m finally full.”
“You gonna call him and say thank you?”
“I don’t have his cell number. But I’ll leave a message for him at the office tomorrow.” Tomorrow was a full day of classes for me, so I didn’t intern.
“Well, you better. I’m gonna make sure you do.”
“I will.”
So, I did the dishes, and settled back in with Jack to finish the movie. Then I went to bed – I got the actual bed that night, and Jack slept on the hide-a-bed.
However, I couldn’t sleep. All I could do, all night long, was think about Nick.
Perhaps Jack was right. Baby steps. Assuming that Nick did like me, perhaps I could slowly learn to trust him. But did I need to open up to him, so that he understands why he has to go slow with me? That would probably drive him screaming into the night. He had to understand that I’m different, though. Would he have the patience for me and my special needs?
No. Of course not. He was beautiful, apparently wealthy and extremely intelligent. He could have anybody. He wouldn’t want me, the stray puppy in the back of the cage who was so afraid of everyone that she just cowers and bites anyone who tries to come near. He’s going to want the happy and sweet puppy who doesn’t have issues.
All night long, I tossed and turned and obsessed. But, the fact that I was obsessing was a good sign, because I never got close enough to anybody to obsess like this.
Maybe I was already making baby steps.
Chapter 17
Wednesday was finally here. Nick’s driver would be picking me up at 6:30 to take me to Nobu in Tribeca to meet Nick and his friend. I tried on about a hundred different outfits, feeling lost because Jack wasn’t there. He was working a new job, which he got to supplement his bouncer’s job, at a Jewish bakery down the street. Where he found time to do all that and go to auditions was beyond me. He was a real dynamo.
I looked at every outfit skeptically. Thank god Jack made me buy some more dinnerish outfits when we went thrift store shopping, or else I wouldn’t have anything at all in my closet.
But nothing looked right. I definitely didn’t want to show cleavage, so anything plunging was out of the question. I didn’t want to show off my legs, so anything short was out of the question. Which left out all my bar outfits, because, in order to get tips, I wore plunging shirts and short skirts. If I didn’t, my tips dried up.
I felt like crying. Jack, where are you when I need you? My own personal Clinton Kelly needs to be here. I started to feel slightly frantic. Hair up or down? What color of lipstick? How much makeup? The black shirt or the colorful one? Skirt or slacks?
Relax, Scotty, this isn’t even a date. It’s more of a business dinner. But, if it were a date, it would be my first one, ever, so maybe that was why I was feeling so out of sorts.
I finally settled on a black sweater, jeans and boots. I hoped that I wasn’t under-dressed for this place. But my outfit looked casual enough to make it look like I wasn’t trying too hard, and also that I didn’t assume that this was a date. I put my hair up, and decided on coral lipstick. I didn’t wear mascara, mainly because I didn’t really need it, as my eyelashes were dark enough. But I put on some copper eye shadow that I felt accentuated my green eyes. I even wore foundation to even out my slightly ruddy complexion.
The driver, Charlie, came right at 6:30. I had already had a couple of glasses of wine to calm me down. Because to say that I was nervous understated the matter. I took deep breaths in the back of the limousine as we made our way to Tribeca and Nobu. I looked at my phone, looking up the menu for the restaurant, trying to decide what I wanted to order before I got there. I still wanted to not be extravagant in my ordering, as I always felt bad for taking advantage of somebody’s kindness in buying me meals, so I looked for something that was somewhat reasonable. I settled on the $12 shrimp skewers. Everything else looked way too expensive. Maybe get some tempura with it.
Then I arrived at the restaurant. I felt like I wanted the sidewalk to swallow me up whole, I was so nervous.
I walked in, and there was Nick and a stunningly handsome dark-haired guy who absolutely took my breath away. He was as beautiful as Nick was, and, when the two men stood up, I saw that he was as tall as Nick as well. The guy had dark wavy hair, magnificent green eyes and a smile that would light up the entire city. He also had a very friendly demeanor. I could tell just by looking at him.
Two intimidatingly beautiful men in one restaurant? Boy, did I feel out of place.
I walked up to them, and Nick got up to meet me and take my coat. “Scotty. This is my best buddy from Kansas City. Ryan.”
I held out my hand to Ryan, but he gave me a hug instead of shaking it. “Glad to meet you,” he said.
I willed myself not to stiffen up when he hugged me, but I felt myself feeling surprisingly relaxed. Maybe I was turning a corner?
We all sat down, and Nick had a bottle of sake for me at the ready. “Hope you don’t mind that I ordered sake for you.”
“No, no, of course not. I love sake.”
“And I went ahead and ordered for you too,” Nick said. “Scallops with spicy garlic sauce.”
That was a $32 item. I understood why he would order for me. He knew that I would order the least expensive thing otherwise.
It was a sweet gesture, really.
“Thanks,” I said. Then I addressed Ryan. “So, you’re here in town for how long?”
“Just a few days. I’m starting an animal shelter back home, and I’m interviewing people out here to come and run it. My wife is at home with my daughter.”
“An animal shelter? That’s so amazing! You’re such a good person for doing that.”
“Yeah. It was something that I promised my wife that I would do with her, so I had to make good on it.”
I had a hard time looking at Nick. I was feeling butterflies just thinking about him, so
being in his presence was making me very anxious. So, I had to concentrate on talking to Ryan. I felt comfortable with him because I knew that there wouldn’t be anything between the two of us. He represented safety and low stakes.
But Nick didn’t allow the conversation to stay just between Ryan and me, and he interjected a lot, so the three of us ended up talking comfortably until our food came. I sensed Ryan studying me carefully while we talked. At the same time, even though he was a very nice and friendly guy, and he seemed really happy, there was something else below the surface. I recognized it. I could feel it.
Something told me that Ryan and I had something in common.
I wondered if I imagined that I was in the presence of another sexual abuse survivor.
Then I wondered if he saw the same thing about me.
If that was the case, maybe I didn’t have to tell Nick my story. Maybe Ryan could sense it in me, and he would tell him. After all, I felt like this entire meeting was set up so that Ryan could give Nick advice about me. I thought for a time that Ryan was supposed to be assessing me for how good I would be at my internship job. Now, I was thinking that there was a different ulterior motive.
Perhaps Jack was right. Maybe Nick really was interested in me.
That reality made me terrified and elated all at once.
The food came, and Ryan said “So, Scotty. How do you like Columbia?”
“What’s not to love? I’m just so happy that I would get into such a prestigious school. I never thought that I could.”
“Why not?” Nick asked, curious.
Because I lived in a car for about a year. “Well, you know, it’s just such an honor. It’s so selective, I’m just lucky.”
“You are hardly lucky,” Nick said. “Wildly talented and intelligent, yes. You wouldn’t be working on your master’s at an Ivy League school if you weren’t. Luck had nothing to do with it.”
