by Blood, Joy
“I was pissed and said something mean. For that I'm sorry, I’m sorry for what she did to you but that’s not me.”
“No? Really? So tell me what you could have possibly been doing at the clinic the same day.” I freeze.
“Were you following me?”
“Didn't follow you, just so happens that my lawyer’s office is across the street from planned parenthood. Saw you there not three hours after you left. I was going to stop by your place and figure things out, but after I saw you there… What were you doing there?” Fuck.
“I went to get a morning after pill.” Is that bad?
“I figured that’s what you were doing.” He scoffs.
“I also got on birth control too so if that ever happened again… fuck how dare you compare me to her. I would never abort my child.” I'm raising my voice a little but I really don't care.
“You still should have talked to me about it, maybe it’s something I would have a problem with.” Seriously?
“It was just a precaution, I'm not ready for a kid. I'm still a kid myself.” He scoffs again, his attitude is really pissing me off.
“That’s an understatement.” The fucker tells me. “So what if you didn't take it and had gotten pregnant, what then? Would you even have told me?” he is being so condescending I can’t even stand to be in the same breathing space as him.
“You know what? Forget this, I knew a fucking relationship would be a mistake.” This can’t be happening.
“There it is, typical Linn. Shit gets real and she clams up. Well, don't worry sweetheart it’s forgotten.” Those words stab me in the heart. I don't even notice I'm crying until feel something wet hit my hand. Fuck this shit.
“Have a nice life Lee.” With that I turn and leave, he doesn't stop me.
Pouring myself into school and Pinterest. I have been driving Shana and Cristal crazy with all the projects I’ve been doing, mainly because half of them remain unfinished. I’ve also been baking, unsuccessfully at first but I got the hang of it. My ass has gotten slightly larger and when I mean slightly I mean I have gone up three pant sizes. Apparently, I don't take break ups well.
“Linnie you gotta do something, you have hardly left the house, what’s it been five months?” six actually, six months two weeks and three days. Not that I'm counting.
I'm in the middle of putting together a three layer triple chocolate cake. More than likely, I will eat it alone accompanied with a gallon of milk. Chocolate is a girl’s best friend after all.
“Look I know Kyle is a prick and broke your heart but it’s time to get back out there, and girl you know I love you but shit, stop eating so much cake!” And there it is, my best friend pointing out that I do indeed have a problem.
“Okay fine. I will try.” I mumble out around my mouth full of frosting. Where is the milk at?
“Good go get fucking showered and dressed we are going out with Rick, Cris, and Dez.” Dez is around a lot more now. Mainly to see Cristal, but of course, I have been wallowing in my own self-pity to even really notice what is going on with the two of them.
“Okay, but if I can’t find anything for my ass to fit into we are staying home!” I shout on my way to the shower.
Four hours later we are at Unchained and I am good and drunk. Turns out shots of tequila are also a girl’s best friend. Rick was supposed to bring his new girlfriend, yes girlfriend a short blond bitchy tart, but she bailed last minute I guess, darn. He was in a very pissy mood until I talked him into the shots, now he is his perfectly happy self.
Shana and I are out on the dance floor grinding on each other like a couple of horny lesbians. I'm sure every guy in the place has a hard on, that’s how handsy we are being with each other. Cristal and Dez are at our table seeming to be deep in conversation. I see her laughing on and off, she looks so happy and carefree. That fucker had better have good intentions toward her. Rick was talking to them also but he got a phone call and hurried out the door. That was a while ago and I haven't seen him since. Oh well, he is a big boy, he can take care of himself. Even if he has to deal with the wrath of the blond tart. Oh yes, I forgot to say, I don't really like her.
“Can I buy you, ladies, a drink?” A voice says from the side of us. He is good looking enough, but not really what I would go for.
“Nope, we’re good,” I say and continue to dance with Shana. He seems to give up and leaves but no sooner than he left he shows up again. This time taking a place right behind Shana placing his hands on her hips. I catch the look on her face and it’s one that says ‘get it off of me’ so I take that as my cue to go into bitch mode.
“Hey, we aren't interested man,” I shout at him over the music and her shoulder.
“Shut it fatty I'm dancing with her.” Fucking dick, I really don't have the mindset to deal with this at the moment. I give Shana the ‘get out of the way’ look, and she moves aside. I take my shot, cock back and punch the fuckhead in the face hitting him on the side of his jaw. Now I'm not all that strong, my punch really doesn't pack much power but I give it my all and fuck does it hurt. Clearly, I'm not drunk enough if I can feel it.
“Fucking fat bitch!” He shouts at me. Then out of nowhere Rick and Dez are throwing him onto the floor. Shit, where did they come from?
“You okay Linn?” Rick asks grabbing my arm to inspect my hand.
“I'm fine, the fucker has a pillow face.” I try and laugh it off but shit it hurts. The vibe of the night is lost and now I just want to go home.
“You guys ready to go? I'm kinda over tonight. Gotta get to bed and prepare for the hangover I will have in the morning.” They all agree and we head out the door. Dez was the DD tonight and drops us all off at the apartment. I talk Rick into staying since his car is in the lot and he can just crash on the couch, not like he hasn't done it before.
Laying in my bed I'm almost asleep when Rick comes in holding a bag of ice. “Where did you find ice? I didn't even think we had trays.”
“You sure do slugger. It was only half full, should help a little.” He gently grabs my hand and places it on top. It isn't purple just red, nothing broke only a little sore.
“You sure gave that punch your all, didn't you? Damn it was hot, not gonna lie.” Still holding my hand lightly stroking the palm with his thumb he lifts it to his lips and places a soft kiss on my sore knuckles. It’s an intimate gesture, straying out of the friend zone we have both been so close to crossing since Lee and I broke up. With the look he is giving me now I think it just may have been pushed passed that line and I'm really too drunk to care about the consequences right now.
“She broke it off tonight, over the phone.” He says it almost as a whisper.
“That sucks,” I say in the same tone, not really meaning it. He is close enough now that I can feel his tequila laced breath on my lips. “Rick,” I say sounding breathy and desperate. He takes his other hand and skirts it up my side starting at my hip and ending on my cheek. Stroking it lightly with his index finger.
“Stop me, Linn.” He says in a pained voice, looking at my face, eyes glazed over with lust. I shake my head.
“Kiss me,” I tell him. He groans then slams his mouth on mine. We are a fumbling mess of sheets and blankets clothes and hands. It’s rushed and mind-numbingly good before I even know what is happening my legs are around his waist and he is slamming inside me.
I'm cold, so damn cold. Rolling over I see why. Rick apparently is a blanket hog. I wiggle over to him and try prying the covers out from under him. That wakes him enough to crack an eye open and mumble out an apology that smells like death warmed over. Damn morning breath I'm sure mine isn't any better so I make it a point to keep my mouth and nose hidden from any more contact with the outside world until I have the energy to brush the fuzz off of my teeth. He rolls me over so my back is to his front and tucks me into him with, thank god, the blanket wrapped around us both.
We end up sleeping for a while longer and when I wake up, this time, I'm still wrapped in his arms
. “Did we just fuck up our friendship?” He asks me.
“How long have you been awake? And that’s too loaded of a question right when I wake up.” The last thing I want is to lose Rick as a friend and I really don't want a repeat of Lee either. God, I still miss him. Nice thing to think while laying in the arms of someone else right?
“Loaded or not I would like to know because I wouldn't mind a rerun, this time, a little less alcohol maybe.” Yes definitely less is good. I feel fairly good for as many shots as I had last night. I go to rub my eye and pain causes me to hold my hand away from my face. Shit, I forgot about my Rocky moment, hand still hurts.
“Were you talking about having another go right now or can it wait a bit? My teeth are wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and my head is demonstrating what it would be like to catch a grenade.” I say holding out my hand flexing it. It’s not swollen, so that is good. Just sore.
“Does it hurt?” Rick asks. He still has his arms wrapped around me and his face is in my hair. His warm breath is slightly annoying but I push it out of my mind, he is just snuggling. Slightly restricting my movements, eh let it go, Linn.
“Just a little, it’s all good,” I respond and roll out of his arms. “I have got to pee something fierce,” I tell him and scurry off to the bathroom. I get half way there and Shana stops me in my tracks.
“Are you kidding me, Linnie? Rick?” Shit, shit, shit.
“I have to pee Shane can we do this after?” I don't even wait for her answer and hurry into the bathroom. I do my thing and look in the mirror while washing my hands. I look like hell, my head hurts and I can feel my stomach rolling. I need a shower. I start the water and set a towel aside to grab when I get out. Shana must have heard the water start because she comes in the bathroom after I get in.
“Why would you do that? He is a great friend I don't want to lose him because you broke his heart. And what about his girlfriend? She is a bitch but damn.” Ouch, that hurts.
“First off she dumped him last night and second why would I break his heart? Maybe he will be the one breaking mine. You ever thought of that?” I sigh and start rubbing shampoo into my hair. I use a little extra because of all the crap I put in it last night. “I don't want to lose him as a friend either, and also there is still the fact that I think he is gay. I'm sure that I'm just an experiment for him. I really don't know and really don't care at the moment. Everything is going to be fine, trust me.” Trust me shit, I don't trust myself.
“Yeah okay, but I still don't like it, Linn.” Shit she is pissed. I hear her leave and I finish up my shower. Wrapping my towel around me I head back to my room to find Rick getting dressed and I'm slightly relieved.
“Are you gay or not?” I blurt out, smooth Linn real smooth. He looks stunned for a moment then seems to relax.
“Linn to tell you the truth, I really don't know. I am attracted to both men and women. I mean last night was great, you are great. But that’s the thing. It’s always just been great but I have never once…” He trails off and shakes his head.
“It’s fine I get it. You don't have to explain anymore. What do you want to happen with us?”
“Well, I’ve always thought you were smoking hot.” He smiles mischievously at me. “But I know you are still in love with that Lee guy. I would just be a rebound, but if that’s what you want or need right now I can do that. Just casual. Sound good?”
“That sounds perfect.”
“Good, now I gotta get going.” He comes toward me and leans in to kiss my cheek. “I will call you later, okay?”
“Sounds good, bye.” With that, he is out of my room saying a quick goodbye to Shana and out the front door. I shut my door I go about getting dressed, sweat pants, tank top, and fuzzy slippers. Then it dawns on me I have just broke rule number one of dirty Sunday. Fucking Shana is going to be pissed at me. Oh well not like she isn't already.
It is finally summer once again and we are taking a trip to Six Flags like a bunch of thirteen-year-olds. Brinn has driven over to come with us, us being Shana, Cristal, Dez, and Rick. I'm ready for a fun filled day of sun and rides. Rick and I are still fooling around I'm really not sure about Dez and Cristal. She keeps telling me they are just friends but I see the way he looks at her and it is anything but friendship.
It’s a few hours drive there so we came down the night before and got a hotel room so we could hit the rides hard in the morning. I am a die hard coaster rider hopefully I will have a partner.
“How are you doing sweetheart?” Brinn asks me while we are eating our continental breakfast waiting for everyone to finish getting ready.
“I'm good mom,” I say with a small smile.
“You miss him, don't you? Now I never did meet the guy but I could tell how much you cared for him through what Cristal told me.” She takes a bite of her muffin and continues. “Have you talked to him at all?”
“No, I haven't seen or heard from him since that day. Relationships are too damn hard and they hurt so much, it’s just not what I want.” I lie.
“Did I ever tell you about the boy I met before I had Cristal?” I shake my head. I really don't know much about Cristal's dad. Let alone the guy before him. “Well I was seventeen and he was eighteen, a friend of Cristal's father actually. I was new in school and he wasted no time befriending me. That whole year we were inseparable then he thought I was flirting with his friends and got mad, quit talking to me for a week. Yes, childish I know but that is what we were, kids. Well, Cristal's father swooped in while we were having our spat and then I wound up pregnant. Needless to say, things between us were over and I stayed with Cristal's dad.” She sighs. “What I'm trying to say is you need to figure everything out before you move on. Make sure it is over before it really is over.”
“Are you saying Rick…” I question.
“Oh no dear Rick is a great guy, but just not your guy. Just talk to him before it is too late and he moves on.” Before he moves on… I never once thought of him being with someone else. It actually makes me sick. What would he think of me with Rick?
“I don't know mom I really think it could be over for good. I never once thought of us finding our way back to each other again. I'm sure he has already moved on anyway, as have I.” I am lying to myself and to mom but really to think of the possibility of being with Lee again gives me false hope that I really don't think I can live with.
“It’s not over until it is dear.” That makes real sense. “How do you feel about him?”
“Rick?” she shakes her head.
“No. Lee. How do you feel about Lee?” About Lee… I'm quiet for a bit then decide to answer truthfully.
“I love him, mom. We have had some issues but when I would shut down he was understanding. When I would break down he was there to pull me back, holding me in one place when my mind was trying to make me go everywhere else. He was my…” I say the last looking at the bracelet he gave me barely holding my tears in that are threating to spill out.
“Your anchor?” a nod is all I can manage and the tears drop. “Then you need to talk to him, just at least once more sweet girl. Please, for me? Give an old woman a happy ending for one of her girls.” This makes me smile.
“You aren't old and hey Cristal is on her way to a happy ending. You have seen Dez haven't you?” I ask her wiping my tears away. This makes her balk a little. What is that about?
“He seems like a nice boy but I don't know about him and my baby girl. Reminds me too much of her father.” That sounded a little judgmental.
“You never do talk much about him.”
“Stories for another time. Are you ready to go? Maybe the slowpokes are done getting ready by now.” Put a pin in it for later I guess.
“Yes, I'm ready to get my coaster on.”
I have hit every coaster the place has to offer and surprisingly Dez is just as much of a coaster fan as I am. We are waiting on a picnic table eating funnel cakes. The line is long for the tube ride everyone else is going on and we decided we nee
ded a break. So I take my opportunity to grill the man.
“What’s going on with you and Cris?” I ask, catching him off guard.
“You know I have been waiting all day for you to ask me that but it still caught me by surprise.” I give him a look that says ‘well’.
“Out with it boy.”
“Boy? What are you like four years younger than me?” He laughs. “Well, what’s going with us? I really don't know. Why don't you ask her?” I take a sip of my lemonade.
“She won't tell me shit. So out with it.”
“I'm crazy about the girl but something is holding her back. She just wants to be friends, and I would rather be her friend than not have in her my life at all.” Sappy, but sweet.
“Has she told you anything about her past?” I test the waters, unsure of what she has said to him.
“I did her tattoo, remember? I know something happened but no she hasn't said anything as to how it got there. I can only imagine. I get sick just thinking of someone hurting her in that way. I will kill the person if I ever see them.” Too late for that, I think to myself.
“Well just give it time. The girl has been through a lot. More than either me or Shane has, but I don't think I have to tell you she is totally worth it.” I get a grin out of him.
“No, you sure don't. She is one beautiful girl that’s for sure.”
“That she is, but do remember, if you hurt her I will have your balls,” I smirk. Just then the whole gang shows up at the table and we go about our day.
Maybe when I get home I can pay Lee a visit and take some of my own advice.
I'm standing in front of Lee’s door and I feel a little deja vu. After knocking I hear a crash of things and cursing than a woman answers the door in a big tee shirt that barely covers her lady parts. Crap I knew this was a bad idea.
“Can I help you?” She asks in a snooty voice.
“Is Le…”
“Who's is it baby?” Someone shouts from inside. Oh, crap I interrupted something. Feeling so embarrassed and yes I will admit a little jealous. Like I want to rip off this bitch’s head, jealous. I turn around and take off for the car.
