"Yes," I exhale all the crazy. "Sorry. I just freaked a little."
"I know. And now that she's here alive and well, I can tell you all about my own freak outs. Which there are many of."
"Many, many of," Mack adds helpfully as Kayla laughs turning to him.
"I'm sorry everyone. Sorry I yelled at you Marty." Ugh... I feel like such an ass again.
"No problem, Suzanne. Kayla yells at me daily, so I can handle it," he flashes a cute grin at me and I feel better.
"We're bringing in all the stuff now," Chicago Kayla says walking out the door with Marty to ease the sudden tension around us I think.
Waiting only seconds, Kayla starts hauling in bouquet after bouquet and gifts and stuffed animals, and just about everything else shy of an entire Florist’s shop. When Mrs. Rinaldi starts arranging all the flowers all over my room, I'm honestly stunned.
I had no idea this many people cared enough to send us flowers, and I had no idea I knew this many people. Well, that Z knew this many people.
When Mack hands me card after card, I gently hand Mackenzie back to Z, and everything seems so okay suddenly, I feel bad about my scare but good about everything and everyone around me.
This is going to be my life now I realize, and I want to live it.
Watching Z hold our daughter I'm captivated once again by him, and by Mackenzie, and by my whole life suddenly.
"Thank you..." I whisper to no one specific but to everyone specifically.
CHAPTER 33
When Z and I settle in after a yummy dinner he snuck into my room, I'm exhausted. It's after 8:30, everyone left a few hours ago to give us a rest, Mackenzie is sleeping soundly beside us, and Z looks like he's gonna drop any second now.
"Come here, Z. Come lie down with me," I whisper.
"How are you?" He asks sitting gently on the side of my bed.
"Sore and tired, but happy and excited. So kind of mental," I grin.
“Me too. Well, not the sore part- sorry,” he says sweetly with a little grimace. “But I’m hyper and tired at the same time. This has been the best day of my life, and I’m just so happy I don’t even think I can sleep yet,” he grins as I snuggle up to his side. “Let me clean up and I’ll crawl in with you,” Z leans down and kisses my head before leaving me for the bathroom.
Watching Z quietly open the bathroom door I reach for his hand when there's suddenly another knock on our door. "Really?" I groan.
"Probably Kayla with another gift," Z passes me with a little kiss as I lean back in my bed.
"Hello?"
"May I come in, I'd like to speak with you?" I have no idea who this woman is, so naturally my hand goes on the edge of Mackenzie's little bed.
"What is this regarding?" Z smiles his charming smile as I roll my eyes at his back.
"May I come in, sir?" She pushes as Z steps back to allow entry. Watching her walk in, I'm stunned when she's followed by a Police Officer. "I'm Hillary Mason," she says lifting a badge from her chest. "I'm a social worker with the New York Child Protective Services Agency, and this-"
Gasping, I hear nothing else. Staring at Z looking ready to kill, my hand pulls Mackenzie right against my bed as I reach for her. Stunned, tears fill my eyes immediately as my heart pounds.
"Please don't lift the infant, mam," the Officer says as I cringe. Oh my GOD.
Shaking his head to clear it I think, Z asks what I already know. "Why are you here?"
"There's been a report made about Mrs. Suzanne Zinfandel abusing her child, and with the history of her mental illness-"
"What report?! Mackenzie is like 12 hours old and we've never been alone with her, and Suzanne hasn't had even one minute alone with her!" Yelling, Z doesn't even hold back he’s so pissed.
"That's anonymous sir. But again the complaint, collaborated with Mrs. Zinfandel's history of mental illness has given my department just cause to take Mackenzie Kayla Zinfandel into our care until an investigation and a final court decision is made regarding the health and safety of Mackenzie Kayla Zinfandel in the care of Mrs. Zinfandel."
"This is such bullshit," Z barks, but Ms. Mason looks totally unaffected. She actually ignores Z to look at the Police Officer instead. She even exhales like she's bored as I gasp another quick breath before my throat closes entirely.
"I'd like to speak with you outside for a moment if I may?" Z pours on the charm, and for once in our life together I'm glad she seems a little affected by Z. Maybe he can fix this. Or maybe he can change her mind. Or maybe he can FIX this.
"Suzanne, while I'm speaking with Ms. Mason I'd like you to call Mack and Stinson. Now, Suzanne," he growls to get me out of my head.
Looking at Z nod at me, my hand moves slowly to my purse beside me for my phone. Reaching, I keep my hand on Mackenzie's bed and pull my purse to my lap as the Officer watches my movements but doesn't speak.
Tearing through one-handed I just dump my purse for my phone I'm shaking so badly. Dialing, I'm not breathing or coherent or anything else but desperate as I hold Mackenzie as close to me as I can without touching her, like I'm not allowed apparently.
"What's up? How's that beautiful baby of yours," Kayla asks with her own smile-voice and I almost lose it.
Gasping, I say only, "Mack," before she switches the phone out quickly.
"What's wrong?" He asks calmly and I lose it. Bawling my eyes out I can barely say the words. "Suzanne... Talk to me," he pushes again.
"They're taking Mackenzie away."
"Who is?!"
"Child Protective Services. I'm not even allowed to touch her anymore," I cry between breaths.
"When did-"
"Mack! Please fix this. Pleeeeease. I need her, and I haven't hurt her and I wouldn't-"
"Suzanne, keep it together for me."
"But I-"
"LISTEN TO ME!" He yells louder than I've ever heard Mack yell before. Gasping my quick shock, I silence and my tears stop immediately. "Stay calm, Suzanne. Think about it. If you lose your shit, she'll write it down as an example of mental incompetence and instability. Anything you do or say right now will be on record. So do NOT speak, lose it, or freak the fuck out. Got it?"
"Yes." Wow, do I ever. Mack literally just scared the crazy right out of me with his yelling and swearing.
"Kayla's parents have Matthew and we'll be at the hospital in about 15 minutes. Just stay put, don't speak, and where the hell is Z?"
"With the social worker in the hallway. Um, he's really mad, Mack."
"Shit. Go get him, Suzanne."
"But there's a Police Officer right here and I'm not allowed to touch Mackenzie, and I, ah don't want to leave him alone with her," I whisper.
"She brought the authorities?"
"Yes. He's right here."
"Go get Z, Suzanne, and make him stay with you. Do NOT cry, or freak out. Hold it in. Please trust me, Suzanne. I need you to hold it in until I get there. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes..."
"15 minutes. Have you called anyone else?"
"Z told me to call Stinson."
"Your probate lawyer?"
"Uh huh."
"No. I'll call Bradley in Family Law. Just stay put, get Z, and don't lose it."
"I'm scared Mack, and I didn't hurt her."
"I know," he says calmly before the phone hangs up.
Trying to get my legs to work, I look at the Officer watching silently in the middle of the room, then back down to Mackenzie. I know I'm only going to be about 20 feet from her, but just the thought of him being closer to her than I am makes me want to lose it, or like threaten him or something. Shit.
"Ah, I just have to talk to my husband. Um, please don't touch her," I beg as my eyes fill with tears again when the bastard doesn't acknowledge my request one way or the other.
Reaching for the wheel chair near my bed I almost fall out in my attempt to pull it towards me. Reaching desperately with my hand on my stomach like somehow that'll lesson the pain, I pull the chair closer.
/> How the fuck do I get in it? Jesus Christ my heart is pounding and I feel myself so close to losing it, I basically just throw myself sideways into the wheel chair and hold on to the bed as my numb legs crash to the ground before I scream. Oh my god… I swear everything inside me just ripped wide open.
Positioning my legs on the foot rests I frantically wheel my way to the door already hearing Z's angry voice as I approach.
"...her problems have nothing to do with our baby. They're about her past..."
"And can you guarantee she won't hurt the child in her custody if she has another mental breakdown as she has a lengthy history of- as recently as even 16 months ago our records indicate."
Holding my hand on the door I'm scared motionless while I wait for his answer. I hope he says the right thing, and I hope he knows I would never hurt her. I hope- turning back to Mackenzie the Officer hasn't moved closer to her, but I can't seem to move toward Z either.
"Well, I'm not crazy. I have no history of mental illness, and she's my daughter. She's going home with me, and I’m going to care for her." Oh... Huh.
"Mr. Zinfandel, you didn't answer my question. Do you believe your wife is emotionally stable enough to care for a new born?"
Oh god, please...
"Yes, I do." Thank fuck! "But should she ever have another episode I have contingency plans ready. I have a doctor on call 24-7, and I’m working from home for the immediate future to help care for my daughter." Wow, I didn't know any of that. A contingency plan? What the fuck? Like I'm some psycho who needs constant-
"As I said, Mrs. Mason, Mackenzie will be in my care, not solely my wife's, so there is no threat to my daughter." Oh. Ouch. Feeling my heart actually break, I finally find the strength to tug open the door.
Flinching at the sudden movement behind him, Z looks at me guilty as hell and I know he knows I heard him. But whatever. I'll kill him later for still thinking I'm a raging psycho.
"Mack and Kayla will be here any moment, Z," I barely hold the anger and feeling of betrayal from my voice. "And Mack has requested you stop speaking until he arrives."
Turning back to my daughter, I force myself to move emotionless and calm in the wheelchair. My insides are screaming from both the physical and emotional pain, but I'll fight it forever if it means I don't lose my baby. Because I can’t lose my baby.
"Suzanne..." Z tries but I ignore him to lean against my bed where Mackenzie still sleeps oblivious to the fact that her brand new little life is about to change.
Ignoring the previous warnings, I lean forward and touch her little face anyway with my fingertips. Stroking my thumb gently along her little baby eyebrow, I feel such sorrow suddenly I can't help the tears that fall, though I do hold in the agony from cresting into a loud sob.
"I could never hurt you, baby. Ever," I whisper to Mackenzie's sleeping silence.
Waiting, Ms. Mason doesn't speak, and Z leans against the wall by the door, presumably for Mack. The silence around us is absolutely deafening, and I feel the slow building of panic trying to take me alive. Watching my hands slowly begin to shake, I casually try to hide them in Mackenzie’s blankets. Looking at my purse contents still dumped on my bed, I see my anxiety pills and I know I need them, but I'm too afraid to show Ms. Mason I need them.
Mack told me to fight it, to stay calm, and to not speak. Mack told me what to do, so I'm doing it, but it is getting harder and harder by the second as time slows to not even existing anymore. Like my future apparently, I giggle.
Shit!
Changing my giggle into a cough as best as I can, I look up quickly at Z who death glares me silent. Oh, wow. That look is scary, but works. I feel no giggles, and I feel no crazy. I am breaking down in my head only and it's a silent breakdown I can hide for now.
Throwing open my door, Mack doesn't even attempt niceties. "I'm Dr. Michael MacDonald, Suzanne's personal Physician and personal friend."
"Hello. I'm Hilary Mason, a social worker with the New York Child Protective Services agency."
"I'm aware. What I am unaware of however is why you're here so soon after the birth of Mrs. Zinfandel's child?"
"There was a complaint filed and references made to Mrs. Zinfandel's mental and emotional instability."
"I understand. What I'm asking is why are you here now? Not only is it after hours for your agency, but court mandated child removals take days to finalize, unless there is a specific incident called in by an authority such as a treating physician, or a police officer on scene." Ha! Good point, Mack. "Therefore, I ask again, why you are here when no such report has been made, it is after hours, and this child is 12 hours old- certainly not long enough to have a judge enforce an emergency removal."
"Look, Dr. MacDonald, I was given this file at around 4:00 this afternoon, and after reading the paperwork on Mrs. Zinfandel and setting up the police escort, I arrived here a half hour ago." Pulling out paperwork from her bag that I think I saw her give Z earlier, she hands it over to Mack. "Everything is in order, and the presiding judge signed and stamped all the paperwork at 3:30 this afternoon. I promise you I checked beforehand and everything is in order."
Watching Mack and Mrs. Mason try to fight each other, I can't look away. Staring at Mack, I realize everything that happens here is everything that can happen. There is no alternative, and unless he proves something I'm going to lose I think.
"When was the complaint made?" Mack asks what I think we're all dying to know.
"At approximately 2:00."
"Anonymously?"
"Yes."
"Okay, well I would like you to state for your records that I was in the company of both the Zinfandel's and their baby Mackenzie from a little after 10:30 this morning until 4:30 this evening when my wife and I left for dinner. And at NO point was Mackenzie abused or neglected by Mrs. Zinfandel. My wife, a nurse at this hospital, will also state for the record the same thing, along with a few other family members and friends who visited throughout the day. Both myself, a Physician at this very hospital, and my wife, also a nurse at this hospital were here for at least 6 hours without leaving this room within that time frame."
"I will note that, certainly."
"Make sure you do. I have the parking receipt showing when I arrived and also when we left."
"Understood."
"Where are you taking Mackenzie tonight?" WHAT?!!
Screaming out, I can't even hold it in. They're taking her anyway? "NO! No, no, nooooo... You're not taking her away from me."
"Suzanne, stop," Z barks, but it doesn't work this time. No. Fucking. Way.
Reaching quickly, I grab for Mackenzie before the cop can do anything about it. I don't fucking care what anyone says, they’re not taking her.
"She was just born!" I scream. "She's even alive. And not a dead baby like Thomas. And you can't take her from me," I cry hysterically.
"Put the baby down, Mrs. Zinfandel," Mrs. Mason says in a calm voice that sounds weird in my head suddenly.
"Give her to me, Suzanne," Mack steps forward and I can't believe what I'm hearing. I can't believe he's actually trying to take her from me. "I'll make sure she's okay," Mack walks a little closer to me. Whispering as he leans down close to my face Mack says, "Don’t do this. You have to trust me right now."
So I stop.
Nodding, I hand over my crying baby to Mack. Looking at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen, Mack nods once and says, "We'll be back soon."
"Um, but I have to nurse her," I cry out as I feel my own breasts swell to nearly painful.
"We have formulas for newborns," the heartless fucking bitch says and I barely stop myself from attacking her.
"Can I please just feed her one more time? Um, it's really important that she gets all my nutrients in her. Please? I promise I won't be long, and I won't hurt her ever," I choke. I can't believe I actually had to say that to someone.
Waiting what seems like hours, Ms. Mason finally says, "Yes, you may. But the Officer and I must be present, and you ha
ve only 5 minutes."
"Fine!"
Grabbing Mackenzie from Mack I don't even think. Within a second I just lift my hoodie up and unsnap the catch in my bra. I'm on autopilot, and I don't know what I'm doing, or seeing, or feeling except the need to feed my daughter. I don’t even care that everyone can see my naked chest. I just care about feeding my baby.
Moving my ass in the wheelchair, I line her up and she latches instantly. Oh my god... This is it. This is the last time I'm ever going to care for her. This is the last time I'll ever hold her. This is the last time I'll ever know her.
Sobbing, I feel my nose drip, and my eyes pour. I know I'm breaking, but I can't stop it. There is nothing here for me but this beautiful little baby against my chest.
"I'm sorry, baby," I cry hearing Z cough cry across my room.
Forever I hold her little body in my arms and cry the most painful agony of my life. Nothing compares to this. Nothing I've known or felt or experienced in my life hurts me more than this moment. There is nothing left for me but this moment.
"I'm so sorry, Mackenzie..."
"Mrs. Zinfandel, we have to leave now. Please don't make this harder on her." WHAT?!
"You're the one making this hard on her. I'm just the person left holding nothing."
Walking to me, she doesn't acknowledge my words or even me. She merely takes Mackenzie from my arms as the Officer leans forward to help if needed, or to arrest me if warranted I guess. I don't know, but he doesn't speak, and Ms. Mason is a fucking bitch.
"I hate you," I moan before I can stop myself.
"I understand. But I'm just doing my job," she replies deadpan walking towards the door passing all the people who said they'd always help me.
"Wait! What about a carseat?"
"We have one."
"But what about her clothing? It's December and she's only in a sleeper and one blanket."
"Would you like to give me clothing to dress her in?"
Frantically wheeling over to our joint suitcase, I flip it and unzip it so quickly, it actually sounds like machine gun fire in my silent room. No one is speaking, and I don't see any movement in my peripheral. Tearing through our clothes, I grab the generic, genderless snowsuit of a white polar bear near the bottom and sob as I move past the pain of my body and my heart. Pushing Z's hand away when he tries to help me, I move to my baby one last time.
We are US... (I am HER... Book 3) Page 40
