Twilight of the Star Vampires
A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek
By Paula Sunsong
Copyright © Paula Sunsong 2013 All Rights Reserved
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This book is a work of fiction. Characters and events are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or real events is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Table of Contents
Book 1 Chapter 1 Animal Passions
Chapter 2 Queen in Danger
Chapter 3 Singles Roulette
Chapter 4 The Chosen One
Chapter 5 What is worse than a Vampire?
Chapter 6 Jetti Test
Chapter 7 Obegone Trains Manikin, Or a Series of Unfortunate Events
Chapter 8 Shallow Sex
Chapter 9 Lair of the White Worm
Chapter 10 Escape
Chapter 11 Twilight of the Jetti
Chapter 12 The Most Advanced Technology You’ll Ever Pee On
Chapter 13 Prisoner of the Vulcanturi
Chapter 14 Dark Angelos
Book 2 Chapter 15 Glee Club
Chapter 16 Pity the Fool
Chapter 17 Evil Spawn
Chapter 18 Deceit
Chapter 19 The Hot Flows of Cheddar
Chapter 20 Dark Cater
Chapter 21 Auntie Mame
Chapter 22 Oh Be Gone
Chapter 23 Jetti Bogey
Chapter 24 Strip Poker
Chapter 25 Conspiracy Theory
Chapter 26 Interrogation
Chapter 27 Annihilation
Chapter 28 Full Moon
Chapter 29 Burger Time
Chapter 30 Intruder Alert
Chapter 31 In Your Eyes
Chapter 32 Buying the Farm
Chapter 33 Pride and Prejudice
Chapter 34 Freedom
Chapter 35 Twelve Step
Chapter 36 Trench war
Book 3 Chapter 37 The Cave of Destiny
Chapter 38 Wolf Popsicle
Chapter 39 Time to Spring the Trap
Chapter 40 The Domain of Jabya the Hot
Chapter 41 Poprocks and Soda
Chapter 42 Return of the Dearth Star
Chapter 43 Yodama’s Goodbye
Chapter 44 Every Rose Has Its Thorns
Chapter 45 Surrender
Chapter 46 Give In To Your Anger
Chapter 47 The Trial of the Maze
Chapter 48 the Emperor Meets His Match
Chapter 49 Well Deserved Vacation
Afterword by the author, Paula Sunsong
Book 1 Chapter 1 Animal Passions
Year: 1850 Location: Planet Vullcan
Spocko reached the bottom of the steps to the sacred Temple of Logic. One hundred-foot high statues stood at either side of the temple, looking to the Vullcan valley below. The statues’ faces were stoic, even almost stern.
Spocko contemplated the statue of Mentix, the godfather of militant logic. Mentix had saved the Vullcans from themselves. Vullcans had been a violent race, driven by emotions. Mentix had led Vullcans to the peaceful, although maybe sometimes dull, philosophy of logic.
“May I be worthy,” said Spocko. He quickly dismissed thoughts of his unworthy and emotional, human side.
Spocko climbed the steps toward T’Pow, the Vullcan high priestess. She was flanked on either side by Vullcan priests dressed in broad shouldered robes, quilted with Vullcan symbols of logic.
“Welcome Spocko to the Temple of Pure Logic,” said T’Pow. “Our ancestors cast out their animal passions on this very soil.”
Spocko looked down, and imagined an orgy of writhing, naked, Vullcan bodies.
“No, no, I mean gave up passionate emotions,” said T’Pow shaking her head. Her telepathy evidently was working well and she was reading Spocko’s mind. “The men always make that mistake.” T’Pow eyed Spocko evilly as one last image of a Vullcan orgy crossed his mind. “No I don’t look like that naked,” said T’Pow, “and I’m not that flexible.”
The Vullcan priests smirked, and then quickly changed to an emotionless expression as T’Pow glared at them.
“By casting out emotions, they saved our race from ourselves,” continued T’Pow. “They attained the ultimate of pure logic and the ecstasy of pure logic.”
The priests smirked again at the word “ecstasy.”
“Spocko, you have achieved much over the years and proven yourself exceptional. You have cleansed yourself of dirty emotions. You have proven yourself worthy to join us. Come. Receive the symbolic necklace of Pure Logic.”
Spocko bowed his head in humble acknowledgement of the praise.
“Kneel,” said T’Pow, indicating the ground.
Spocko kneeled on the carved stone ground. T’Pow placed the elaborate necklace resembling computer circuitry around Spocko’s neck.
“And now for the completion of the ceremony,” said T’Pow. She tilted her head back and opened her mouth wide. Her incisors lengthened into fangs. T’Pow struck Spocko’s neck like a snake biting. Despite the pain, Spocko barely flinched, only his eyelids flickered. T’Pow drank his green blood, a few drops spilling down his neck. Their minds briefly melded. Spocko’s eyes flew open as he saw into T’Pow’s mind and her many years of experience. Her knowledge was much larger than he had realized. Her thoughts flowed into and through his mind. He saw a picture of the current temple landscape with him kneeling before her, to a landscape of Vullcan elders jostling for power, and T’Pow triumphing as the head of the Temple. Then the images flowed into the pure logic of mathematics, equations streaming past him like a river of knowledge. All too quickly, T’Pow withdrew her fangs. The view of her mind faded from Spocko’s mind.
“Now you are initiated into the Vulcanturi, the Vampire Vullcan elite,” said T’Pow as she ceremonially washed Spocko’s neck of his green blood. “Spocko, during out mind meld, I sensed misgivings. Tell me of them.”
“Logical existence, is that all that there is?” said Spocko.
“I see the human blood still sings in your veins,” said T’pow handing the bloodied handkerchief to a priest. “Only you can answer the question, Spocko, as it is your mind that sees the limitations of pure logic and seeks for something beyond it.”
Spocko nodded and elegantly rose from kneeling.
“Live long and prosper,” said T’pow holding up her fingers in a peace sign.
“To you as well,” said Spocko returning the sign.
Year: 1855 Location: Planet Earth
“So he is exceptional?” said a stranger’s voice in the hospital hallway.
“He is a smart young man—strong too, before he caught the flu. You’d think he could read minds the way he talks,” said Doctor Jones. “He knows what you’re thinking before you even open your mouth.”
“Most interesting,” said the stranger.
The doctor stood outside the door. “It’s good of you to visit him. He has no family anymore. His mother was here--poor woman died of the flu. She had hopes it wouldn’t take her son too.” They entered Edward’s room. Edward lay in the hospital bed, too weak to sit up. The curtains had been drawn to shade Edward from direct sunlight.
“Edward, you have a visitor.”
Shivering with fever, Edward looked towards the stranger. In the darken
ed room his hooded face was in shadow. A visitor? He was alone now. His mother was gone. He had no girlfriend, no family to visit him.
“Do you want to live forever?” said the stranger standing over Edward.
“I do not want to die…from the flu,” said Edward. “Who are you?” Edward reached out with his mind, but the fever must have been interfering with his ability to read people. He sensed none of the man’s thoughts.
“This is a monk, administering…spiritual comfort to the sick,” said Doctor Jones. He didn’t say last rites, but Edward knew that’s what the doctor was thinking. Living forever in heaven was what the monk must have been referring to as living forever.
“Leave us,” said the monk. Doctor Jones glanced warily at the monk. The monk gave the doctor a queasy feeling in his stomach. Jones nodded quickly and left.
The monk closed the door. He and Edward were now alone in the room.
“Do you want to live forever? To reach your full potential?” said the monk leaning closer to Edward. In the pale light, the monk’s skin had a greenish tinge to it.
“Yes…yes, to live,” said Edward.
The monk reached out, placing his fingers on Edward’s check and forehead. Edward, who was used to probing other’s minds, recognized that the monk was telepathically probing Edward’s mind.
“Good, your thoughts are balanced and functional,” said the Monk. “Fascinating, you realize you are telepathic. You have been exercising and strengthening your psychic skills. You have no close relatives who will miss you.” The monk withdrew his hand from Edward. “Prepare yourself for immortality,” said the monk. The monk opened his mouth, and his incisors grew to length of fangs. In a lightning fast move, he struck Edward, fangs digging into Edward’s neck. Edward gasped, and then felt himself slipping into a drugged lethargy. The monk’s fangs must have contained some anesthetic, as Edward no longer felt any pain. He could not move his arms to defend himself, or even his lips to speak.
The monk withdrew his fangs and stood up. “That should suffice,” he said. The monk slid his arms under Edward’s body. Without any sign of strain, he lifted Edward into his arms. “Now it’s time to leave this barbaric excuse for a hospital.” The monk pushed the curtains aside and leapt out the second story window. If he hadn’t been drugged, Edward would have cried out as the two of them flew through the air.
The monk landed lightly and sprang into a run. The hospital disappeared from sight as they entered the trees. The monk ran so fast, everything was a blur. In just a few minutes of running, they were miles away from town, deep into the forest.
The monk finally slowed down as they approached a cabin set deep in the woods. No other buildings, not even a road, were in sight.
“What have you got there, Spocko?” said a man exiting the cabin.
“A human telepath, Caius.”
“Why do you want that? A Vullcan Vampire like you has telepathy.” Caius peered at Edward who lay, unmoving in Spocko’s arms.
“I can do telepathy only through deep concentration. I usually have to touch the subject,” said Spocko. “It is a laborious and obvious process. This specimen, especially once he turns into a vampire, can do it at a distance, and in secret, without alerting the subject.”
“Ah, that will be of great help to us!” Caius looked at the fang marks on Edward’s neck. “I see you’ve already infected him.”
“Yes, he should turn within two days. Then we can leave with him on the ship.”
Edward wondered what ship they meant, as there was no river nearby.
Spocko, the monk, carried Edward into the cabin, and laid him down on a hard bed. He manacled Edward’s arms and legs to the bed posts. Still paralyzed, Edward put up no resistance.
“My bite has infected you with a vampire virus.” Spocko pushed his monk’s hood back. Edward could see Spocko had pointy ears. “You’ll be uncomfortable for 48 hours as your body changes into a vampire. Then you will feel, as you humans put it, wonderful.” He flashed his fangs, a few drops of Edward’s blood still clinging to them. Edward’s eyes widened in horror.
“No,” whispered Edward as the numbness was slowly leaving his lips.
“It is quite logical. It is better than dying of the flu,” said Spocko. “You will be useful to the Vulcanturi.”
Spocko turned and joined his friend outside.
“We must collect more specimens for the Vulcanturi,” said Spocko.
“Or just feed. I wonder what the selection of blood wine there is on this primitive planet,” laughed Caius. Edward could hear their voices fading as they moved away from the cabin, in search of more prey.
No, thought Edward. No, no, no! Those fiends were hunting more humans. He must escape them. He couldn’t become a monster like them. He would not harm other humans. He must not turn into a vampire.
Edward tried to move his limbs, but all he felt was a trembling, a coursing of strange sensations moving through his veins as the vampire virus spread. He could feel it crowding out the flu virus, killing all competition in its way, and leaving behind a strange tingling, a mixture of power, pleasure and pain.
Edward lay there for hours and hours, shaking with the transformation of the vampire virus. The light faded as the sun set, but Spocko and Caius did not return. Their hunting was still occupying them. It must have been difficult for them to find more exceptional humans to “collect”, or perhaps they were distracted by feeding on ordinary humans.
Edward looked out the window. His senses seemed to be heightened. Not only could Edward hear the scurrying of mice, he could hear the wings of an owl in flight. Owls flew with almost perfect silence so as not to alert prey. The transformation must have been happening more quickly than Spocko predicted. Whatever traits gave Edward telepathy, must have also given him an ability to transform faster.
Edward could move his arms and legs again. He jerked on the manacles. They held, but one of the links opened up a crack. He lay back down, gathering his strength. As he moved further along in his vampire transformation, his muscles felt like they were thickening. He waited an hour, until his muscles were stronger. Edward felt like he could lift a ton. Then he jerked on the manacles. They shattered like rotted wood.
Edward leapt to his feet. All signs of feverish flu were gone. His body coursed with power. He sensed every sight, smell and sound about him. He knew the location of every animal within 500 feet of him. The smell of night blooming flowers from a mile away wafted into his nostrils. He felt more alive than ever in his life.
Edward reached out with his mind. The vampire virus seemed to have enhanced his telepathy. His mind brushed the minds of various animals, but connected with no human or vampire mind. Spocko and Caius must be far away. Now was the time to escape.
Edward ran for his freedom. He sped along at speeds he did not know where humanly possible.
Spocko and Caius will never catch me again, he thought.
Edward looked up at the half moon above. Before his near fatal bout with the flu, he had a dream of someday finding that special woman, to take moonlight walks with, or read poetry to, while drifting slowly along in a boat. Would he ever find a woman, not afraid of a vampire like him? Would he spend the rest of his life, as a lonely creature?
As he ran into the woods, he passed a strange craft. It was not a sea ship. It was shaped more like a rocket ship depicted on the cover of the Jules Verne book he read.
What strange creatures Spocko and Caius are, Edward thought.
Chapter 2 Queen in Danger
Year 2155 Location: The Planetary System of Nabiscko
“We will soon settle this dispute over the planet Nabiscko,” said Quitegone. He was a tall, thin man dressed in the simple robes of the Jetti order. Jettis were trained in the use of the farce, which was the life force and power of the universe. The Chancellor of the Republic’s Senate had sent the Jettis to end the Trade Federation’s blockade of the peaceful planet of Nabiscko. Quitegone was piloting the small ship supplied by the Jetti council
towards the Trade Viceroy’s ship.
“Master Quitegone, I don’t understand the Trade Federation’s actions. Why dispute the governance of such a small planet?” said Obegone sitting in the copilot’s seat of the spaceship.
“My young apprentice, judge a planet not by its size, but by the skill of its users,” said Quitegone. “Nabiscko is a snack empire. Controlling it would control the stomachs of many people, even potential powerful allies. Why it could bring many governments to their knees.” Quitegone fiddled with the communications device. “They’re signaling that we can come aboard the Trade Viceroy’s ship.”
After docking with the Viceroy’s ship, the two robed Jetti exited their spaceship. A silver colored robot led them to a conference room.
“We are greatly honored by your visit,” said the Android with barely concealed sarcasm. “My master, the Viceroy, will meet with you shortly.” The android bowed and left the room.
“I have a bad feeling about this,” said Obegone as he pulled back the hood on his shapeless, burlap sack fabric robe.
“I don’t sense anything wrong,” said Quitegone.
“That’s because you downed half a bottle of painkiller after that incident during laser sword practice,” said Obegone. “It’s not about the mission, Master Quitegone, it’s something more elusive.”
“Don’t indulge your anxieties, Obegone, keep your attention focused on the here and now.”
“I am focused on the here and now.” Obegone scratched his side. “It’s this tacky robe I have a bad feeling about. Who on the Jetti council thought burlap sack robes were a good idea?” The image of green Yodama, who was a Jetti council leader, popped into his head. That Jetti master thought a polyester leisure suit was fancy evening wear. Living in a swamp did that to people.
When I have my own apprentice, thought Obegone, “things will be different.”
“What was that?” asked Quitegone.
“Just thinking out loud, Master. When I am a Jetti Master, I will have my own rules for my apprentice.”
Quitegone rolled his eyes. “You’ll find out what it’s like to have an apprentice, the hard way.”
Twilight of the Star Vampires (Set of Books 1-3):A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek Page 1
