by Tara Pammi
“Oh, God, she’s pregnant! My darling girl’s pregnant? When is she due? How could she not tell me? How could you have abandoned her at such an important time? I have failed her, haven’t I? I’ll be a nonna and she hates me, my own daughter hates me and it’s all...my fault. Her father would’ve been so disappointed in me.”
Leo escorted her to an armchair and patiently waited for the woman to find her calm.
Her ramblings were incessant, the sobs rising up through her chest violent enough to make Leo realize how hard it must have been for Neha to walk away from this tiny, weak woman. To understand that for all the years of mistakes she’d made, she could still have a good heart.
Just like another woman who’d abandoned him long ago might have had. A sense of calm descended on him as if the small acceptance had burst through the darkness he’d built up inside him for so long.
He buried his face in his hands and let the pain of that boy steal through him. He’d never be at peace with that piece of the past but acknowledging the hurt lightened his chest. Cleared away so much baggage he hadn’t realized he was carrying.
You can’t even acknowledge what a hole she left in your life.
Neha had told him again and again and he’d just refused to listen. Because he’d been scared. Because he’d been afraid he wouldn’t be enough for her in the end.
The fire in Mrs. Fenelli’s eyes when she looked at him had him recalculating his opinion of her. “You’re just as despicable as Mario said you were.”
Leo shook her head. “I didn’t call our wedding off. Neha did.”
“Why?”
“It doesn’t matter why, does it? Neha’s the most courageous woman I know. But she still needs you, Mrs. Fenelli. Especially now. That’s why I’m here. She believes that you deserve another chance. That if only you could be made to see how Mario has manipulated her behind your back all these years, you would not let her—”
“It’s too late.” Fresh tears poured down Padma’s cheeks. “I confronted my husband last week. I watched the interview she did for that network, speaking out about her retirement and her anxiety attacks and being so brave in front of so many people, going it alone, again. I did that to her. I was so angry with myself and with Mario. I asked him why he’d hidden it all from me.
“For the first time in all these years, I argued with him, and in a matter of seconds, I could see the manipulative monster I’d subjected my child to for so long. My darling girl needed me, and I let her down. Again and again. I’m so ashamed of myself.”
“Then go to her. She still loves you. And more than that, she believes in you. She believes you deserve her love even though you’ve wronged her. Even after you let her down countless times. Even after you...”
Even after he’d pushed her away again and again, from that night in the greenhouse to the night of his father’s death.
I love you so much...
Leo stood up and walked to the French doors that opened up onto a beautifully manicured garden. For all the trust he’d claimed to have in her, he hadn’t believed the simple thing she’d told him, had he?
She loved him. And Neha’s love, like her heart, was all-encompassing, forgiving, strong. And he’d wanted it from the beginning. He’d wanted everything with her.
And because he’d been afraid of realizing that, he’d avoided her, retreated from her, trying to get a better handle on his own emotions.
On the slow but irrevocable discovery that Neha was the one woman who could make him vulnerable again like that boy. That she could make him hurt again. She’d held him and loved him when he’d been the lowest denominator of himself.
But what he hadn’t realized was that it had been too late already.
He’d always loved her—wasn’t that why he’d never gone near her?
Because with her, he’d want everything. Dio, look how eagerly he’d jumped into the idea of marrying her, of having her by his side for the rest of his life.
The knowledge came so easily now, so freely, as if the huge weight that had been crushing him had been released.
Maybe the past was truly gone. Maybe his father’s death meant he was free of the questions he’d never asked. Finally, he was ready, he was enough to love the precious woman that had chosen him, even before he had chosen himself.
Or his happiness.
Now he had to make the same choice. For her, for them. For himself.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NEHA HAD WALKED back to her flat from her yoga class and was about to jump into the shower when the doorbell pinged. She frowned, wondering if her mum had already packed up her things at the mansion, even though it had only been yesterday that she had confronted Neha in the street market, tears in her eyes.
A smile curved Neha’s mouth now as she remembered how much her papa had loved Mum’s dramatic bent as he called it. It might have taken her mum years to realize how much distance Mario had created between them, but damn if she hadn’t jumped in a taxi and accosted Neha the moment she had realized.
Not bothering to pull on shorts, Neha walked to the door in the loose, sleeveless pink tee and opened the door, a welcoming whoop on her lips.
The smile dropped from her face and something like a balloon filled her chest, stealing her breath. Sending tremors rippling through her frame.
His shoulder pressed against the door frame, Leonardo stood there. His unruly hair looked even more rumpled, his light blue shirt fit snugly across that chest that had held her so securely, his jeans highlighted the power in his thighs. He looked broad, rugged and painfully handsome at her front door. Where he belonged, the stray thought lodged in her head.
Fingers gripping the wood tightly, she stood there, unmoving, staring at him, while her body combusted with myriad chemical reactions. Every inch of her flooded with longing—a desperate weakness she’d foolishly thought she’d buried.
His gaze held hers for what felt like an eternity, unspeaking. A caress running over her face, her neck, her body. Down her bare, clenched thighs, to the gold chain she wore around one anklet, to her pink-tipped toes and then back up again in what felt like a rite in fire to her.
That magnetic gaze lingered on her belly, her breasts and then rose to meet her face again. Heat swept her damp neck and into her cheeks. Her head was dizzy beneath the desire humming into life as if she were a generator that had been plugged into the power socket.
God, all it took was one look from him and she was melting from within...
“I didn’t know you were coming to London,” she said into the thick silence, just to break the tension.
Because honestly, she’d done everything she could to keep him out of her life. Out of her thoughts. Out of her near present.
Which was damn hard with the fact that he’d sent Nat to her in London at the crack of dawn after she’d broken everything between them on that phone call. Damn hard to do when he called her like clockwork every two days to inquire how she was doing.
She’d been far too miserable to not have expected something like that from him. Just because she’d called off their wedding didn’t mean Leo would stop looking after her. Or that she would stop hating it this century.
Keeping him out of her heart was another matter completely.
Because she still wasn’t in a good place to deal with him. Still felt this powerful tug toward him. Still harbored anger and resentment and pain over what he wouldn’t give her.
She wanted to be rational and clearheaded and reasonable in their partnership. Because he was still the father of her unborn babies...
Her composure nearly broke at the thought of the small clip sitting on her cell phone.
“Hello, bella,” he said finally, his voice husky and rough, like it got when he was inside her. When he felt some strong emotion he usually buried deep inside. When he was so fiercely pursuing his pleasure that he had no co
ntrol over himself.
Every inch of her skin tingled in response to that tone, her body loosening itself in some sort of ritual, awaiting the pleasure he gave so skillfully.
“It felt like a good time for a visit. We finally discovered who the new stockholder is.”
“Yeah? Who?”
“Vincenzo Cavalli.
“Somehow he’s managed to get his hands on Silvio’s stock. Massimo is investigating if it will hold up in court.”
“What does it mean for BFI, then?” she asked, knowing how much of himself he’d poured into the company.
He shrugged and her eyes widened. “Massimo and I can take on whatever he brings, sì? If Vincenzo razes BFI to the ground, we’ll just build it bigger and better. I’ve decided to focus my energies on other things for now.”
“Oh,” she said, still struggling to swallow the overwhelming urge to throw herself into his arms.
She hadn’t seen him in four weeks. She’d imagined how this conversation might go, she’d steeled herself for the impact of seeing him. But God, nothing was ever going to prepare her for the sight of this man. She was never going to look at him and not want to hold him with such force that it was an ache in her belly.
“Can I come in?” His voice was polite while his gaze felt hot, greedy, on her skin. Like in those beginning years when they’d still been learning each other, testing each other, starting to like each other.
She nodded and stepped back.
He passed her and the scent of him—so familiar and wrapped up in so many good things in her life—gripped her hard, like a vise clamping down on her chest. She felt the heat of his body surround her.
His fingers touched her cheek gently, tenderly, and retreated when she stiffened.
“You okay, tesoro?” Again, that husky shiver in his tone.
Or maybe she was going mad with longing and imagining things that weren’t there. God, he hadn’t uttered a word when she’d poured out her heart. She was crazy and hormonal to think something had changed.
“Fine. Great,” she added for good measure.
She walked into the kitchen, aware of his eyes on her back. Pouring herself a glass of cold water, she downed it in one go. She walked back into the living room but kept the length of the sofa between them. “I’m meeting Mum for lunch and I don’t want to keep her waiting,” she fibbed.
“She came to see you, then?”
Something in his tone snagged at her. “Yeah. She...kinda accosted me when I went to the local market, crying. She apologized for years of not realizing what had been right under her nose. Said she was leaving Mario, if you can believe it. She said all those years ago, she’d only even accepted his offer because she knew she was too weak to look after me, because she thought I would need at least one strong parent... All these years, so many times, and for her to realize only now how much Mario harmed me...” Neha gasped, her hand rising to her chest.
“What?” Leo said, his tone urgent. “Cara, are you unwell?”
“No. I was so happy that she finally came to me, so happy that she... I never asked her. You...you did it. You went to her and told her what’s been happening? You went to my mum and told her what’s been going on all these years? You told her how much she hurt me? You...”
Her heart beat so rapidly that Neha thought it might rip out of her chest. God, was there no end to this stupid thread of hope?
She reached out to him, and he stepped back, as if he was afraid she might assault him.
“Sì. I did. Even before you broke things off, I knew how much pain she was causing. I was so sure you were better off without her. But you...you love her so much and I thought there must be a reason for that, other than the fact that she simply gave birth to you. I thought if Neha loves her that much, then there must be something redeemable about the woman.
“You were right. She loves you just as much as you love her. She’s just not as strong as you are. No one is, cara. All she needed was some reassurance.”
He’d gone to her mum for her. He’d convinced her mum to see the truth even when he didn’t like her. Her throat tight with tears, Neha blinked. “Reassurance about what?”
“That I...was here. To protect you against any blowback you might face from Mario when she left him.”
And just like that, he shattered her all over again. “Oh, of course. Thanks for that. For everything. You didn’t have to come all the way to London to tell me that.”
A shadow crossed his face. “What the hell does that mean?”
Her head jerked up. For the first time in her life, Neha saw beneath the polite, calm facade he wore like a second skin. Some emotion darkened those eyes. That flash of emotion exhilarated her, winding her up, breaking the tight hold she had on her own emotions.
“I just don’t need a regular reminder that I’m an obligation to you, Leo. One of the million you carry on your broad shoulders.”
“Is that what you think? That you’re a responsibility to me?”
“Yes. And to be honest, I’m quite tired of it. I know—” she cut him off forcefully when he’d have argued and knew at the back of her mind that she was being completely irrational, but man, she was tired “—I know that I asked for your help. I invited you into my life. I opened the can of worms that’s my family. But I’m honestly beginning to develop an aversion to the way you see me.”
“And what way is that, cara?” His voice went dangerously low, and if she had any sense, Neha would’ve remembered that the more furious Leo got, the calmer he looked.
“As another thing to protect. Now doubly so, because I’m the mother of your unborn children.”
A pulse in his jaw ticked dangerously as he waylaid her. His fingers on her arm were firm, and yet somehow so gentle. “You said children...why children?”
She buried her face in his chest. “Twins. We’re having twins. A boy and a girl. I saw the ultrasound yesterday.”
“And you didn’t call me?”
“I was going to. I so desperately wanted to... But if I had... I was so desperate to hear your voice, to tell you the news, to ask you to...”
“Ask me what, cara mia?”
“I wanted to be held, Leo. I wanted to be kissed. Where does that fall in your duties? Will you kiss me out of obligation? Will you sleep with me because I’m extra turned on because of this pregnancy? Where does your obligation to me end? Do you see what I’ve gotten myself into? Do you think I want you to—”
“Shh...tesoro. No more. Shh...” A torrent of Italian flew from his mouth—lilting and gentle and a litany of warmth and joy. He kissed every inch of her face—her eyes, her temple, the tip of her nose, her cheek and then, finally, her mouth.
Her body arched into his, as if he were her homing beacon, her home, her salvation. He kissed her with a desperation that mirrored her own, sweeping into the warm cavern of her mouth, his hands incredibly gentle as they moved all over her body, his mouth breaking into tender words in between. “I love you so much that it terrifies me, sì?
“You declared so boldly that you loved me and I ran even from that. I went to talk to your mum and I realized the weight of your words to me...
“I loved you for so long, always, maybe. But I didn’t know what love was. I couldn’t see it even when you told me. I couldn’t see past the fear that if I opened myself up, you might leave me. You might hurt me.
“Loving you...it makes me quake in my handmade loafers.” He was laughing and Neha was crying and she didn’t know if it was a dream or real.
His rough hands clasped her face, pulling her up, and when she looked into his eyes, Neha knew it was all real. “But loving you also makes me joyous. I’m finally at peace. Like a piece I hadn’t known was missing has been slotted in. Like I could finally let go of the past.
“I wake up in the morning and dream about our future. Loving you makes me stronger
and yet somehow weaker at the same time.
“But if you will have me—only because I couldn’t bear to spend another day without you—I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’m enough to love you, cara.”
Neha pressed her mouth to his and tasted her own tears. “Of course you’re enough, Leo. All I wanted was a tiny piece of your heart. All I wanted was a foothold, my love.”
“You helped me discover my heart is whole. It is all yours.”
Tears overflowed from her eyes again and Leo wiped them away, his own alarmingly wet. Hands on her shoulders, he held her at arm’s length and let his gaze take her in.
Dio, this incredibly gorgeous, strong woman was his. All his. He fell to his knees and placed his forehead on the swell of her belly. Then he kissed it, wonder filling him at the change in her body. Then he looked up into those beautiful brown eyes. “I had nothing until you came into my life. Thanks for loving me, bella, for choosing me. For you. And for these babies.”
She came into his arms like lightning and took his mouth in a hot, possessive kiss that got his blood thrumming. “I’ll always choose you, darling. Always.”
EPILOGUE
Three years later
NEHA PULLED THE fresh batch of cinnamon rolls out of the monstrous oven that she still hadn’t gotten used to, and placed them with great care onto a ceramic plate. It was a waste of time and effort, she knew, but she still liked seeing her handiwork beautifully arranged, even for a few seconds.
Even if her audience hadn’t developed an aesthetic sense along with a palate.
She poured cold milk into the glass carafe and carried the whole thing out into the backyard, which had a view of beautiful Lake Como.
She’d barely put the tray down when two pairs of grubby hands reached for the rolls and her carefully crafted tower was demolished into a blob. When she’d have run after the screeching toddlers with a roll in one hand and a plastic shovel in the other, strong arms gripped her from the back and held her arrested in a cocoon of heat and hardness she couldn’t resist to this day.
