She lifted Neva’s wrist to take her pulse and paused the thirty seconds it took to get an accurate reading. Normal-ish. Loads better than yesterday. Jack’s blood had saved her, as much as the emergency caesarean. It had kept her heart going when she teetered on the verge of multi-organ system failure. Otherwise, Neva would be dead, no doubt about it.
“What sticks in my craw is the way you treat Jack. Pretty lousy, Ben.”
“I have the right.”
“You like to toss around that blood-feud vibe. Why don’t you just tell me what Jack did that was so awful?”
“It’s not your business.”
“True, but we have four hours. Let’s play ‘Dirty Laundry.’ I ask you a question and you have to answer truthfully, then I answer one from you.”
Ben leaned back and looked her over with hooded eyes, a sexually-charged assessment. As if that could bother her — she’d been getting the hungry once-over from men since she was fourteen. She let him look, wearing an expression of boredom. She knew all Ben’s tricks: intimidation, establishing dominance, blah, blah, blah. She was a first-class brat. None of it worked on her.
Finally, Ben said, “Fair enough. You first. If you’re a valkyrie, why did ye let Jack knock you up? You could have defended yourself.”
Oh yes, a fun game. Cassie smiled halfway and lowered her voice, “You assume I needed rescuing. I jumped Jack, Ben. Not the other way around. Chew on that.”
Cassie saw Grandda’s shocked expression. “Sorry, Grandda.” He waved her off and snuggled the baby on his neck, closing his eyes in bliss. She hoped he would hold her baby that way.
“Nasty surprise finding out you’re up the duff with just one shag, eh?”
Grandda snapped at Ben to mind his tongue.
“That’s two questions. My turn.” She paused to word it so he couldn’t talk his way out. “What happened that made you hate Jack?”
“He stole my wife, and then he killed her.”
Grandda caught her eye. Ever so slightly, he shook his head.
“That’s a serious accusation. Are you certain?”
“That’s two questions,” Ben snapped. “Did you know the baby will kill you? Before?”
“Yes, I did. And what proof do you have that Jack committed those crimes?”
“I caught them together. And he brought her bloody corpse back in his arms, covered with blood himself.” Ben cocked his chin at her. “Why do the SEALs pretty well bow down at your feet?”
“They’re my friends. I happened to pull my own weight on an operation. I earned the respect.” Cassie asked casually, “Where did you go, when you disappeared earlier this week?”
“Doing my own recon.”
“Find anything?”
“Yes.” His eyes flashed green like Jack’s, and he leaned forward. “First tell me if you like it from behind.”
“The harder the better,” she baited, just to prove he couldn’t rattle her. “I want your intel.”
Ben whistled. “Sounds like foreplay, the way you say it.”
“Sorry, I’m not into the revenge-shag-thing. What did you find?”
“Enemy camp. Ten, maybe eleven klicks downriver in the cave behind the old Roman ruin, beyond those south hills.”
“See any boats?”
“None. There is a man in charge, Arabic-looking. He swims like a fish. He goes in the water and doesn’t come up for minutes on end.”
Cassie scoffed, incredulous. “That’s how he’s covered his trail. We’ve been watching for boats, for river ambushes, but it’s just one man in the water. That’s how he got into the base at Coronado, from the beach.” She rubbed her eyes, feeling eighty years old. “Did you see Magnus or Henry?”
“No, but they could be inside the cave.”
“How many troops?”
“Under three dozen. But professional.”
Cassie tried to appear casual and occupied herself with Neva’s bedding so Grandda wouldn’t know she switched to her mental voice. Could you take me there? Don’t freak out. Just think your answer in words, and I can hear it.
Bloody hell.
You’re getting the hang of it.
Weird. Uh, yeah, I could. But why?
You’re going to love this. Turns out Henry overheard this Mr. X say he meant to kidnap me. That’s what this is all about. Don’t know about you, but I’m finished with letting this bastard threaten my family.
Whoa. So you want to turn yourself in?
Think of it as the ultimate revenge. Her idea tempted him, mostly because he wanted the threat to the clan removed. She said out loud, “Did you tell the others what you saw?”
“No. It’s not like they consult me.”
She said for Grandda’s benefit, “I think you should mention it to Kyros. Let him decide what to do about it.” Don’t tell anyone, Ben. And we have to act fast. Tonight.
They agreed on a time and place, then Cassie spent the rest of the time plotting how to get away from Jack. She thought of drugs, blunt-force trauma and bondage. She studied her rings, trying to stuff the guilt under her conscience so she could think. Whatever she did, it would have to be thorough. And Jack would never forgive her.
She was going to be bait.
• • •
“So, Ben tells me you cheated with his wife, then killed her.”
Jack startled so violently he smacked his head on the shower nozzle, the old-fashioned electric heated kind which shocked him as he touched it. He cursed and staggered, swallowing water as he flailed. She laughed, and he saw red. He shut off the water, threw back the curtain, and seriously contemplated violence for a dangerous moment.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. Neither does he.” Jack stormed past her without bothering to take a towel.
“I figured as much. Grandda seemed to agree that’s not the whole story.”
“Then you’re the only two who think so.”
“Tell me, Jack.”
“No.”
He could see she wasn’t going to drop it. That false calm and the avaricious gleam in her eye was a bad mix.
“You want me to say I’m not a murderer? I’ve killed more people than I can count, and I’ve lied about it, smooth as the devil. You’d have no idea either way. So either you think I did it, or you don’t.”
She followed him into the bedroom. “Of course I don’t. But I can’t hear something so outrageous without wanting the explanation.”
Jack sat on the bed then fell backward, making the springs groan. “Home has never been good for me. And I didn’t always behave. You’re asking me to tell the one thing I would ever keep from you.”
“I never expected you to be perfect.”
“Liar. You’ve always wanted me to be Superman, and I can’t stand the look on your face when I disappoint you. I don’t want to see it now.”
“Give me some credit for growing up. I understand, Jack. I won’t love you less for it.”
“Yes, you will.”
“Obviously you’ve done something wrong. I already know half of it, just tell me the rest. This is important.”
He decided the wheedling was worse, like pressure building in his skull. “Fine! I’ll tell you every last humiliating detail, and you’ll regret it.” He stalled, blinking at the ceiling and enjoying the simple task of breathing in and out.
Fitting that he lay naked on the bed, about to tell a tale that made him feel even more vulnerable and exposed. “Where to start … ”
“So her name was Kelly,” Cassie prompted. “Did you really cheat with her?”
Jack exhaled and turned to look her in the eye. “Yes.”
She didn’t succeed in hiding her surprise, and the neutral expression she pasted on disgusted him. Because he disgusted himsel
f. This sucked. He almost got up and dashed out the door. But he’d already unwrapped a steaming pile of it, hadn’t he?
“Ben married Kelly when I was sixteen, the year it became clear I was abnormal. There was a big ruckus over it in the clan. I got a lot of attention. Didn’t go over well with Ben.”
Jack glanced at Cassie. He couldn’t imagine why she was smiling.
“Ben’s wife was always … sad. The oldest boy was born, and she got worse. Very quiet, a loner. She watched me a lot, and I was too dense to know what it meant. Ben was always out working, fixing something, and she came around. I liked to hear her talk. She told me her secrets and stroked my ego. Ben was such a jerk, I justified it when she made a pass at me.”
Jack squirmed, uncomfortable. What he really wanted to was to get away from himself. To his horror, the story spilled out anyway. “At that age I was out of control. I was provoked into a rage at the drop of a hat, and aroused as easily. I was a weak target for Kelly. So stupid. I never actually had her, just … you know, messed around. It went on for a few weeks until Ben walked into the barn while I had her against the wall. It looked worse than it was.
“Ben raised hell, I got the punishment I deserved, but it got painted like I was the aggressor and she was the victim. No way was I going to drag her name through the mud, so I took the abuse. She was already pregnant with the second boy, but everyone wondered if it was mine. You can bet everyone’s watched the lad grow up, looking for ginger in his hair, watching to see if he’ll start throwing around freight cars.”
He looked at Cassie again. She sat slumped, staring at her lap. She’d given up pretending to be calm and accepting, and there was the devastated expression he’d been waiting for. He could almost hear stone crumbling — there went his pedestal. It hurt worse than he’d expected, disillusioning her. Probably because he’d never admitted to himself that he liked being her hero. Past tense.
Might as well finish. “I kept away, but Kelly worried me. Her mind wasn’t right. The baby made it worse. I followed her one day and caught her cutting herself with a knife. The day I found her with her belly slashed and her wrists slit, I knew I’d failed her. I got her home in time for the baby to be born, but too late for her.
“I was the only one who heard her dangerous thoughts day after day, yet I did nothing. So in a way I did kill her. Some thought I did it to her, the cutting. Others knew better, the ones who saw enough to know she was suicidal. Maybe it was a bad idea, but I didn’t deny it when I was accused. I just couldn’t say it, that she killed herself. It was too ugly. It was my fault anyway, so it didn’t matter.”
When did Cassie join him on the bed? Her head rested on his shoulder and her breath raised tiny bumps on his skin, making him blisteringly aware of the contact. He draped his other arm across his face, and it gave him the illusion of hiding from her. At least she was still here, listening.
“I didn’t last at Kinmylies much longer. When Kyros found me I was a rabid animal messed up in the cage fighting circuit in Edinburgh. I didn’t care if I got hurt, and I cared even less if I hurt someone else. I let the rage take over, because it was a hell of a lot better than reality. Sometimes it still tempts me, the oblivion. It’s so much easier to give in than to always, always, be fighting it. Exhausting, Cass. So I’m not a hero. Now you know.”
He didn’t know what he expected, but definitely not the tears welled in her eyes. She raised her head to meet his gaze, wearing an expression that looked a lot like compassion. “I healed a six-year-old of a gunshot wound to the throat. It was in the E.R., some people saw. Kyros swept it under the rug; fixing it was expensive and unethical. The next time I faced a life-and-death situation, do you know what I did? I behaved like a human surgeon. I let a twenty-year-old pregnant mother die of anaphylactic shock. Allergic reaction to epinephrine. I remember her face, Jack. She was scared. Her baby suffocated, slowly. When I have nightmares, that’s what torments me. I could have saved them both, but because I was afraid, I let them die.”
He had wondered why she’d tripped at the finish line. She didn’t know what he’d sacrificed so she could go through med school and residency, and he’d resented her dropping out. Now he knew why she couldn’t stay. It would have destroyed her.
Jack was starting to feel numb. He couldn’t take much more.
“Life gets ugly, Jack. Good people do bad things. I don’t have a touching proverb from a dead Chinese guy to make us feel better about it.”
She rolled to lie on his chest. Her fingertips teased the hair across his pecs. It made the nerves in the hollow of his back tingle and riot.
“You were wrong, Jack. If anything, I love you more. You’ve always been my hero.”
That broke his heart and he had no idea what to do about it. He could only touch her, kiss her like there was no tomorrow. He wanted her closer. Had to lose himself in her. He’d never thought of it that way, but she took away his pain. With her near, he felt whole, contented, free.
“I love you too, Cass. Don’t think I ever said it in English.”
She smiled and rolled again with her thighs locked over his, pulling him on top.
He loved it when she got feisty.
“Words, Jack. Do you bite too or just bark?” She flashed that lazy-hungry look that meant she was in the mood for something dirty.
Oh yeah, she rocked his world.
Chapter 24
As iron is eaten away by rust,
so the envious are consumed by their own passion.
—Antisthenes, 445 – 365 BCE
Cassie found Ben waiting in the shadows under the eaves of an ancient stone chapel. He beckoned her silently, and she followed him along a rampart. He paused under the opaque shadow of a huge tree. Ben opened his mouth to ask Cassie if she could climb the wall, and she scaled it before he could breathe a word. Two SEALs guarded the gates, with any luck neither saw them slip over the wall.
She jogged behind Ben, trusting his night vision. He hugged the shadows and snaked through the foliage as though he knew every tree and hill. No doubt he did. Cassie hadn’t even gone two miles before the contractions seized her, buckling her knees. It was getting worse. She curled into a tight ball and gasped through the pain. Raw-nerved stinging rode every throb of her pulse, radiating from her womb, numbing her legs. Women called contractions like this hard labor. For Cassie — evidence something was wrong.
She finally noticed Ben crouched down, cradling her head. “You okay?” he whispered.
It was a few more minutes before she could answer. “Help me up. We have to hurry.”
“How do I know Jack won’t come charging after me?” He looked around as though half expecting it.
“I can only guarantee a half hour. That should be plenty.”
“What did you do to him?”
She looked sideways at him. “You don’t want to know.”
Ben grimaced — he got it. Thirty minutes was the approximate time it took a berserker to recharge after an energy crash. A ‘crash’ was caused by extreme physical exertion. A rage could do it, heavy combat caused it, but Ben knew what else she meant.
“Ooh, he’s goin’ to be rabid.”
“Which is why we need to run for it.” A fine idea, except she simply couldn’t run anymore. Her body wouldn’t allow it. This time she only made it fifty yards before collapsing. Cassie heaved, lying in the grass, infuriated with her disability.
“That’s bad, lass. You shouldn’t have this so early.” At least he was honest. Refreshing, in a morbid way. Ben eyed her warily. “Let me carry you. We can’t keep stopping like this.”
“Fine.” At least he didn’t toss her over his shoulder in the fireman hold — she didn’t think her stomach could take it. He cradled her in his arms the way Jack used to, tucking her in tightly as he ran. Berserkers did have their uses, and although Ben didn’t move with a
nywhere near the power or speed Jack did, he showed no signs of slowing under the extra burden.
At the bank of the river he halted and set her down. He twitched with the same nose-to-the-air look Jack wore when he heard a sound that bothered him. Ben held up a hand to silence her question and sniffed, stepping cautiously in the direction of the water. “Someone’s here,” he breathed.
Cassie drew in a deep breath. If it was Mr. X, she should know, because he stank to high heaven even from far away.
The unmistakable sha-shuck of a rifle chambering broke the silence, followed by “Freeze. Don’t move.” She recognized that harsh baritone voice.
Cassie groaned. “Pops, it’s me. And Ben MacGunn. Stand down.”
“What the hell?” A tall silhouette approached, the business end of his rifle pointed down. She heard another SEAL approach from her six. Neither of them shined a light, and Ben exhaled in relief.
In the faint moonlight she saw the familiar form pull something from his face and perch it on his head. “Thundercat, you have five seconds to explain what in blazes you’re up to before I frog-march you back to HQ.”
“But how did you catch us?” She thought Ben had been silent and invisible. Her own breathing was the loudest noise to her ears when he ran.
“NV goggles, princess. You lit up like a Christmas tree. Now ’fess up.”
“We know where the OpFor camp is. I’m going to go play bait. Your favorite game — you should appreciate that.”
Pops choked on his surprise. She recognized Chet behind him, also struck dumb.
She took advantage of their shock. “You’ve got to let me go, Pops. You didn’t radio in, did you?”
“No,” he ground, hating what he already knew she would ask of him. “But I should.”
“The dirty little secret no one here will tell you is that Mr. X is after me.”
“Why?”
“Tell you when we get there. Here’s the deal. Either you let me pass and say I zapped your brain with freaky blue lightning, or I actually zap your brain so I can pass. I’ll knock you out if I have to.” Cassie snapped her fingers and shot a tiny blue spark in warning. She’d been practicing all day, learning to summon and hone the energy.
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