by Zane
I turned around and faced the curb and started wiping away the tears falling down my face. Seconds seemed like hours. A few people started looking at me, but I didn’t care, and I couldn’t help it. What I felt was real and, contrary to what many believe, a real man will cry over his emotions.
Then I felt her hand on my back, and smelled her perfume. “Tevin? Tevin?”
I turned and looked down at her. She had removed her sunglasses and I was staring into her beautiful eyes. “I want to believe you, I do. It’s just that the last thing that I expected was to come home that day and—”
“Baby, think about it. Do you honestly believe that I would make plans to cook you a romantic dinner, and then try to fuck your roommate when you could show up at any minute? Even if I was the biggest man whore on the planet, which I’m not, I’m not that damn stupid.”
She bit her bottom lip and continued to gaze at me.
“You said yourself that Winsome was promiscuous and you also know that she didn’t want you to move in with me. We’d talked about that; we’d discussed it.
“That day, when I was grilling the fish, I told Winsome that I wanted us to make it official. Not only had I planned to ask you to move in, I was going to propose.”
“Propose?”
“Yes, propose. I bought you a ring when we were in the Caymans. That day that I said I was going out for a run. Instead, I went into town and purchased a ring. A ring that I still have to this day because I’ve never given up hope on us. I’ve tried to accept losing you, but that’s an impossible concept to me.”
“I . . .”
“Jemistry, all I want you to do is analyze this, and I know for a fact that you have before. It’s in your nature. Even though it may seem easier to believe that I’m the typical man who would think with his dick, you know that I’m not that man. I’m your man.
“Which one of us had more to gain by you walking in on us that day? Winsome or me?”
“Winsome got kicked out!”
“Yes, but she went out with a bang. She wanted to see you hurt because she was trying to be selfish and controlling. She couldn’t stand to see you be happy. She couldn’t stomach the thought of you finding true love with anyone. It had nothing to even do with me. It had everything to do with her being jealous of you.
“You weren’t throwing pity parties with her all the time anymore. You weren’t telling every man in the world to kiss your ass. You weren’t spending as much time at home, and how dare you actually consider moving out and making her become self-sufficient or find another roommate. That was the ultimate straw to her.
“She didn’t have that shit planned, but she was quick on the draw, and it worked. It worked like a motherfucking charm. She played on your history of getting rid of men and she knew exactly what trigger to push to make you eject me out of your life.
“But I’m always going to love you, whether you love me back or not. You can’t tell me that I can’t love you . . . no one can. I’ll go to my grave loving you, no matter what.”
Jemistry looked like she was about to cry, but she fought it. She did a better job than me.
“My car is in the daily lot,” she finally said. “I’ll leave here and drive directly to your house. I’ll meet you there . . . so we can talk.”
I was scared to let her out of my sight. “You promise?”
“I promise.” She pushed her suitcase toward me. “Here, take my suitcase so you’ll know I’m serious.”
I picked up her bag as she started backing away, still maintaining eye contact. “We should talk. There’s a lot that I need to tell you as well.”
I grinned, an authentic grin for the first time in months. “If you beat me there, your key still works.”
She smiled, turned from me, and started walking to her car as the next shuttle bus pulled up and I climbed onboard.
JEMISTRY
Chapter Twenty-two
“Love is not about how much you say ‘I love you,’ but about how much you prove that it’s true.”
—Unknown
Tevin beat me to his house, even though he had to catch the shuttle to long-term parking first. I wasn’t the least bit surprised. My emotions were all over the place as I got out of my SUV and walked up to his door. It would have been easier to continue to be away from him and go on with my life, but I had spent a few days on the beach in St. Thomas trying to decide what made sense and what didn’t with regards to what went down.
He was correct in his assumption that I had analyzed the entire situation over and over. He was also correct that I had ascertained that Winsome had been the aggressor and that he had not come there intentionally to be with her in an intimate way. What confused me was the guilty look on his face when I caught them both coming out of the bedroom. What had actually happened? Did they have intercourse? And if so, how could she have forced him to do it?
I had kicked Winsome out and had her taken off the lease. Then, since it was a month-to-month anyway, I moved and sublet a place for a few months from a friend from college in Northeast. She had to go to Japan on business for the summer so it worked out for both of us. Her place was furnished so I had put the majority of my things into storage. I didn’t want any of those memories at my old place. I didn’t want to come home to that every day.
At some point, I did plan to finally have it out with Winsome, but first I had to figure out what to do about Tevin.
He had the door open by the time I got to the front steps. He was smiling from ear-to-ear.
Damn, he’s so fine!
“Come in, baby,” he said, moving aside so I could enter. “I was down in Florida visiting Mom and Alexis so I don’t have that much in the fridge, but I can throw something together from the freezer if you’re hungry. Or I can order in.”
“I’m not hungry,” I replied. “I ate on the plane.”
He cleared his throat as I stood in front of his sofa. “Where were you coming from?”
“Saint Thomas. I needed to get away for a few days. I haven’t taken a vacation all summer.”
“Oh, did you go alone?”
“That’s none—” I had to attempt to maintain some composure. “Yes, I went alone.”
I sat down on the sofa and he sat in the armchair.
“Well, you look great. Nice and tanned.”
Instead of saying “thanks,” I said, “The only reason that I came over here is because we have to discuss something of great importance.”
“Everything that comes out of your mouth is important to me.”
Tevin always tripped me up by being so damn attentive. I wasn’t used to it.
“Before I tell you what I need to say, I need you to tell me what really happened between you and Winsome that day.”
“Wow, that’s all I’ve ever wanted . . . a chance to explain. That day you wouldn’t—”
I held up my palm. “Today is a new day . . . a different day.”
He sighed and said, “I cooked dinner. You called and said that you were running late. I fell asleep. I heard you, or who I thought was you, come into the room. She undid my pants. Within five seconds of her putting me in her mouth, I realized it wasn’t you. I jumped up and started cursing her out, while she implied that I had acted like I wanted her.
“She got angry. I got angrier. We heard your key in the lock. What can I say? I panicked. I tried to make it out of the room before you came in the front door but she halfway blocked me long enough to make it seem like we were coming out of there after fucking.
“I don’t want Winsome. You should know better. Not only do I not want Winsome, I don’t want anyone else but you.”
Tevin got up and said, “I’ll be right back.”
While he dashed up the steps two at a time, I looked around the room. I had missed being at his house, lying in his arms, being the object of his desire. My past insecurities were telling me not to let my guard down again. But he seemed sincere and I wouldn’t put anything past Winsome. She was lonely and, in many wa
ys, wanted me to always be lonely with her. As long as I was in the mode of not wanting a real relationship, it worked out in her favor.
Tevin reappeared with a velvet box, dropped down on his knees, popped it open, and asked me, “Jemistry, will you marry me?”
The rock was huge. I had always imagined a man proposing to me and thought the ring would be nice, but nothing like the engagement ring in that box.
I shut it slowly and closed his palm around it.
“I’m not ready to have that discussion yet.”
The painful expression on his face hit me in the pit of my stomach.
“I understand. You’re right.” He stood up and set back down in the armchair. “Baby steps. All that matters is that you’re here. That we’re in the same room, breathing the same oxygen. If that’s all I get for today, I can accept that.”
“I have another question,” I said. After he just stared at me, I asked, “Have you been seeing someone new?”
“No, I’m not seeing anyone. Who am I going to see?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know but you’re a man and men have needs.”
“So do women. Does that mean you’ve been seeing someone?”
I smirked. “You should know better.”
“Jemistry, when we met, you were having casual sex with two men. You told me that yourself. So why does my question sound crazy to you?”
He placed his left hand over his mouth for a few seconds.
“Okay, I’m not going to risk anything coming out later.”
This bastard just lied to me!
“I had sex one time with this woman who sells pharmaceuticals at the hospital . . . but not in my unit.”
“You had sex but you’re not seeing her?”
“Not at all. In fact, I made it painfully clear that I was not interested in any kind of relationship with her or anyone else. That I was trying to heal and accept losing you. She kept coming on to me so I eventually caved. We went out to dinner and then we went back to her place and had the worst sex ever. I didn’t do anything to her . . . if you know what I mean. I used a condom, it was over and done with, and I left. Haven’t spoken to her since.”
It could have been a lot worse. I honestly had expected Tevin to go out and bed a lot of women, or hop into a rebound relationship.
“And that’s all you need to tell me?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“That’s it. I pro—” He caught himself before he used the word promise. “I assure you that I have nothing else to tell you. Outside of that, I’ve been miserable. I felt like I’d been robbed, or prosecuted for a crime that I never committed.”
Tevin eased over onto the sofa next to me and took my hand. “I realize that I just said that all I needed was to be in the same room with you, but I need you. I need to be inside of you. I need to caress you, and taste you, and make love to you.”
Shit! Time to come clean!
“Tevin, if we hadn’t run into each other at the airport, I would’ve contacted you within the next few days anyway.”
He seemed surprised. “Really?”
“It would’ve been mandatory.” I paused and took in a deep breath. “There was no way that I could’ve continued to hide it from you.”
“Hide what? Your emotions?”
“No. Our baby.”
Tevin’s mouth fell open, and then his eyes fell to my stomach, which was covered by the loose sundress I was wearing. He reached out and touched it. I wasn’t showing in a major way but, as my lover, he knew that there was more there than there used to be.
Finally, he spoke. “How many months?”
“I’m about eighteen weeks.”
“What . . . did . . . are you okay?”
“I’m fine. And the baby’s fine. I don’t want you to panic.”
“I’ll try not to. It’s just that . . .”
“I understand. There’s no indication that I won’t be able to carry the baby to term. I realize that you’re concerned about a miscarriage.” I ran my hand across his face. “Even though things fell apart between us, I’m sure you know that there was no way that I would ever, or could ever, abort your child.”
He got down on the floor and laid his head on my stomach. “I know you wouldn’t.”
“This child was conceived out of love, and I couldn’t have picked a better father for my child. As loving as you are toward me, this baby is in for a lifetime of attention from both of us.”
He glanced up at me. “Please don’t make my child be born out of wedlock. It would be different if we were casual, or it was a one-night stand, but your ring is right there on the coffee table and I didn’t want to marry you because of the baby. I asked you before I even knew you were pregnant.”
“Tevin, we need to get used to each other again. We need to talk and do things and feel comfortable around each other again.”
“You don’t feel comfortable with me, Jemistry?”
“I’m not sure. I think so, but it’s been months. And it’s really not so much about you as it is about me. I still have some unresolved issues from my past and before I commit to marriage, I need to work them out.”
“We can do premarital counseling!”
“Yes, we should definitely consider that, if and when we officially become engaged.”
Tevin looked like he had been slapped. “If and when?”
“If it were an automatic yes, then I would just say yes, baby.”
He moved his head up from my stomach to my mouth and started kissing me. I was a goner and we both knew it. The fact of the matter was that I was in love with him and could no longer run from it. It would have been insane for me not to love him. I was going to have to let go of the past and make a sincere attempt at happiness . . . for me, for him, and for our unborn child.
Chapter Twenty-three
Tevin ran me a bath in his step-down garden tub. Then he sat beside me and washed me all over in the most tender way. His eyes were glued to the baby bump on my stomach the majority of the time. He turned on Marsha Ambrosius’s Late Nights & Early Mornings CD to help me relax. Her music is like being serenaded by a songbird.
“When’s your next doctor’s appointment?”
“On Tuesday.”
“I’m going.”
I giggled. “You didn’t even ask me the time. What if you have to work, or have a scheduled surgery?”
“I’m going to take off work and if there is a surgery scheduled, we’ll rearrange your appointment so I can be there.”
“Tevin, it’s not that serious. It’s only a routine prenatal checkup. Why don’t you wait until I get a sonogram next month? I heard that’s when the excitement begins.”
“The excitement began for me the second you told me that you’re carrying my seed. They listen to the baby’s heartbeat and check your vitals and everything, right?”
“Yes, but you can do that right in your bedroom, can’t you?” I splashed some water at him. “After all, you are a doctor.”
We both laughed. “True enough. I’m going to do that, too.”
“I bet you will.”
“But I’m still going Tuesday. I want to make sure.”
“Everything is fine. I feel fine.”
He started caressing one of my breasts that were both fuller since becoming pregnant. “Yes, you do feel fine.”
“I want you to make love to me tonight, Tevin. I want us to try to rebuild what we had.”
“We will, and sooner or later, hopefully sooner, you’ll agree to be my wife.” He started washing my back with a towel. “I meant what I said. I want us to be married when our child is born.”
“I realize you meant it, but you do know that a lot of people have kids prior to marriage, and a lot of them never get married at all. It’s the new trend.”
“Yeah, well, fuck that. Trend or not, I was raised to be married to the mother of my children. It’s crazy to me that people will commit to making children together but won’t commit to each other in the truest sense of the word.
”
“It’s become the norm now. I’d guess that half of the mothers of the kids at Medgar Evers have never been married.”
“But I bet they’re telling their kids not to have sex outside of marriage, let alone not to have kids,” Tevin said. “I’m not sure why they would be surprised when it happens, if they provided the blueprint for doing it.”
“Well, a lot of parents are single because they got divorced.”
“I get that and you’re preaching to the choir. That happened with my own parents.”
“I know.”
The conversation was not going well. Tevin had a point. I was willing to carry his baby because I believed that he would be a great father but I hesitated to marry him. But I was no dummy either. Men could be amazing fathers and be horrific mates, or vice versa. They could be terrific mates, but fail at fatherhood altogether.
The CD switched to the next song: “Chasing Clouds.”
I stood to get out of the tub. Tevin received me into a towel and dried me off from head to toe. I had almost forgotten how tender he could be with me.
He sat on the edge of the tub so that his head was level with my chest and then started gingerly sucking on my left breast. It was tender because my hormones were out of whack and it was a little painful. But I liked the feeling just as I always did in the couple of days leading up to my period every month.
One thing was for sure. I didn’t miss my periods. Hated them. Men had no idea how disgusting and traumatic menstrual cycles were for women. And we had to go through that shit every month.
I palmed the back of his head and pulled him closer to me. He sucked harder and I moaned. He reached between my legs and started fingering my pussy. I spread my legs wider so he could stick a couple more inside of me. I started gyrating my pussy on his fingers as I swayed to the slow rhythm of the song.
Tevin stopped sucking my breast for a moment. “I’ve missed you, baby.”
I kissed the top of his head as he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my chest. “I’ve missed you, too, my love.”
