“Very.” Was it his imagination, or had her green eyes grown brighter from the size of her smile?
Mom? Favorite uncle? Grandmother? Boyfriend? So what if she did have a boyfriend? In the week she’d worked for Calder, she’d proved herself to be not only an excellent caregiver for Quinn but a great housekeeper and cook. Calder had no complaints. He’d never even caught her on the phone. Which meant if she did have a boyfriend, they couldn’t be all that serious, right?
Squeak, squeak, squeak.
Calder frowned. Even in his own head, he sounded crazy. “When will you be home? Not that this is your home, but it kind of is—well, you know what I mean.” Since she’d started caring for Quinn, Calder had backed way off from his own parenting duties. Aside from changing the occasional diaper or playing with his son, he really didn’t have all that much to do with the boy. Probably not a good thing, but it was what it was.
Though in his own defense, Calder had taken Quinn back to the park all on his own—twice. He’d even wrangled the kid into the safety seat. Maybe he’d go again today.
“I shouldn’t be later than four. Is that all right?”
“Sure.” It was already ten. How hot of a date could she have with that little time? He was more relieved than he should be that she hadn’t asked for even more time off—like overnight!
“Thanks.” She knelt to kiss the top of Quinn’s head. “I’ll miss you, sweetie.”
What about me?
*
“WHAT DO YOU THINK she’s doing?” Calder’s SEAL pal Cooper dragged his chip through store-bought guacamole.
On the apartment’s big-screen TV, Florida pummeled Georgia.
“Beats me.” Before Quinn, Calder had also shared the apartment with Cooper, Mason and Heath. He’d been in his house a month, but he’d lived here with his friends for over three years, meaning this place felt more like home.
“If she is on a date, the guy didn’t put much thought into it,” Cooper said.
“That’s good, right?”
His friend shot him a dirty look. “Maybe for you, but not her. This woman is caring for your kid. The key to you and Quinn being happy is keeping her happy.”
“Good point.” What Calder didn’t understand was why Pandora’s pretty smile and green eyes refused to leave his head.
He grabbed another chip and ran it through the guac. Now that he thought about it, Pandora’s eyes were a unique, avocado green. He’d always liked avocados.
Quinn fussed in his carrier seat.
Calder offered him a bottle, but that didn’t help. His diaper was dry and the kid pitched the pacifier Calder offered. “What do you think he wants?”
“Pick him up.” Cooper shoved several chips into his mouth at once. “When my brother was a baby, lots of times he just wanted to be held.”
“Makes sense.” Calder squatted, scooping the infant up with one hand.
“You’re not doing it right.” His friend took the baby, pushing Calder out of the way. “Like this.” The fact that Cooper hadn’t held a baby in a couple decades, yet instantly put Calder’s son at ease, incensed him. “You’ve got to hold him close. Let him know you care.”
Do I? The thought killed Calder. He didn’t want to be that guy—the kind of dad who never connected with his son. No way could he live with eighteen years passing only to realize he’d screwed up everything and his own kid was a virtual stranger. They’d connected at the park, so why not now?
Calder took advantage of Heath and Mason being out on a beer-and-pizza run. “Mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Shoot.”
“I’m not even sure where to start.” He tilted his head back, working the muscles on his suddenly tight neck. “You guys all know how Quinn entered my life, and I guess I’m still struggling to form a connection with the little guy. I feel like I should have this instinctive draw toward him, you know? But most days, I’m not even sure what he likes to eat—let alone how to really be a good dad. My own father was hardly a prizewinning specimen, but you come from a great family, right? Since you had a great dad, I was hoping you might share a few pointers.”
Cooper snorted. “Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you hit up the wrong guy for that information. My advice?” He returned Quinn to Calder. “Buy a parenting book.”
*
PANDORA HUGGED her daughter for all she was worth, then gently pushed her back for a better look. “You’ve grown an inch since the last time I saw you.”
Julia laughed. “Mom Cindy calls me her pretty sunflower ’cause I’m growing so big and tall and pretty!”
“You’re beyond pretty,” Pandora said past the lump in her throat. “You’re gorgeous.”
The social worker assigned to Julia’s case sat in the corner of the pale blue room with its one window that was meant to be cheerful, but how many times had Pandora been here, praying one day she’d take her daughter home? How many other parents like her were on the same seemingly sinking ship? She’d taken state-mandated parenting courses. She’d proved herself capable of holding a job. Still, in the court’s view it wasn’t enough. Would it ever be enough?
“Look what I made on vacation!” Her daughter proudly displayed a leaning tower made of driftwood, pebbles, shells and gobs of glue. “Mom Cindy said it’s the most beautifulist thing she’s ever seen.”
“She’s right.” The admission was difficult when all Pandora wanted was to scratch Mom Cindy’s eyes out. Jealousy may have consumed her, but she’d come too far to let it show. She’d learned a good mother puts her child’s needs ahead of her own, and given how precious little time they had this afternoon, that’s exactly what she’d do. “Tell me about the beach. Was it fun?”
While Julia shared tales of jumping into the waves and building a humongous castle with her fun new beach toys, Pandora drank it all in, wondering at the coincidence—the cruel twist of fate—of them both experiencing their first day at the shore with different people.
Hanging on to her daughter’s every word, it occurred to Pandora that far from being angry with the foster parents assigned to their family’s case, she should be grateful. Julia’s Mom Cindy was a shining example of how the system was supposed to work.
“What’s in there?” Julia pointed to the floral gift bag that had pink curly ribbon cascading from the top.
“Gosh, I don’t know...” Pandora couldn’t resist tugging her girl into another hug. “I was so interested in hearing about your adventure, I forgot what’s in the bag.”
“No, you didn’t.” Julia’s giggle acted as a balm to Pandora’s weary soul. “Tell me, tell me!”
“Okay...” Pandora handed her daughter her gift. “But I don’t know if you’ll like it.”
“I will! I will!” The little girl added jumps to her giggles while tossing the ribbon from the bag. First, she took out a small Junie B. Jones doll, then three of the first books in the series outlining the turbulent, yet hilarious, tales of the girl’s kindergarten experience. Largely due to Pandora’s mistakes, Julia was starting first grade, though she should have been entering second grade. “She’s pretty! I love her!”
“These books tell all about what happens to her at school. I thought it might be fun to sit and read them together. What do you think?”
Julia nodded. “Mom Cindy reads to me. It’s nice.”
“I’m glad, sweetie. Always remember, books are your friends.” Seated on a too-stiff formal sofa, Pandora made the best of the awkward situation by patting the cushion alongside her. “Come over here and let’s find out what happens...”
Turned out the social worker was a Junie B. fan and hadn’t heard the stories since her own child had been small. The three of them laughed together until it was time for Julia to meet back up with her foster parents. Though it was harder than anything she’d ever done, Pandora thanked them for providing such a stable foundation for her daughter.
Then the visit was over.
During the long drive to Calder’s, she i
ndulged in a nice long cry. Better to get her tears out privately. Quinn deserved her best, and spending the remainder of her day weepy certainly wouldn’t solve the many problems of her own making. For those, the only solution was time. At least now she’d pass that time in a comfortable environment where she knew she’d make a positive difference.
The closer she came to the house, the more her pulse raced with the realization that she was excited to see her sweet charge.
What about his criminally handsome father?
Pandora chose to ignore that thought. She also wanted to forget how she’d fought the strangest urge to give Calder a proper hug goodbye that morning.
Madness. But she supposed, given their forced proximity and the fact that they’d essentially become a ready-made family, her reaction was understandable. As long as she understood the reasons behind her feelings, she could ignore them and keep her primary goal in mind—regaining custody of Julia. Nothing else mattered.
Pandora pulled into the driveway and pressed the button on the automatic garage-door opener, her mouth dry, pulse racing as if returning to this happy place was her own special gift—one that Calder had made possible.
Once inside, anticipation filled her to see him and his son.
Only, they weren’t there.
Despite the fact that Calder’s car was gone, Pandora looked everywhere. Bedrooms. Living room. Backyard.
When her fruitless search led to her sitting alone on the couch, she kicked off her sandals, drew her feet up beside her then resigned herself to wait.
*
BY THE TIME Calder got home, he had heartburn from too many of Cooper’s hot wings, the Gators had lost by ten and Quinn was squalling. All in all, it’d been a less than stellar day. Seeing Pandora’s car already in the garage should’ve made him feel better, but it didn’t.
Calder felt stupid for ever even asking her to the beach. From here on out, he vowed to play it cool. Hell, she worked for him, meaning he wasn’t playing at all.
He always had trouble getting Quinn from his car seat and this time proved no different. By the time Calder held him safely in his arms, he was surprised the kid could breathe through his screams.
In the living room, Calder found Pandora crashed on the sofa.
She woke in a heartbeat, rushing to take the inconsolable baby. “What’s wrong?” she crooned in the kind of ethereal-soft tone his son seemed to love. “Poor baby. Your diaper feels dry.” To Calder, she asked above the wailing, “Is he hungry?”
“Could be.” He dumped the diaper bag on the nearest chair. “Hell, I don’t know. He’s been crying the whole way home. It hasn’t been that long since he had his last bottle, but you know how time can get away from you when a game’s on.”
She cast him an incredulous look.
Her attention back to his son, she said, “Let’s get some nice formula in your tummy, then you’ll feel better.”
Somehow, Pandora managed to not only hold his son, but fix a bottle and hum all at the same time. Once she held the bottle to Quinn’s lips, greedy suckling commenced, making Calder feel like the world’s most inept father. What was wrong with him? How could he have let his infant son get this hungry?
In under a few minutes, Quinn had almost drained the bottle and his eyes had drifted closed.
Pandora relocated to the living room sofa, cradling Quinn while still humming her song.
In an angry whisper she said, “I left premade bottles for you in the fridge. Didn’t you even look?”
“Sure, and I took all of them and he drank them. Maybe I gave them to him too soon, and then he was crazy hungry later? You tell me.” Plenty miffed, Calder crossed his arms. “You’re the expert.”
She shook her head. “You’re impossible.”
“I’m good—great—at a lot of things, but infant care isn’t one of them. I never signed on for this.”
“Really?” She laughed, but the sound struck him as cold. “News flash—the moment you chose to sleep with Quinn’s mom without protection...? You pretty much signed a lifelong contract.”
“Sorry I’m not perfect like you.”
Calder had expected a snappy comeback—what he got was a whole lot of silence, then tears.
He followed her when she went to the nursery to change Quinn’s diaper, brush his tiny teeth then tuck him into his crib. Only when she’d turned out the nursery lights and quietly shut the door did she respond. “For the record, I’m about as far from perfect as anyone can get. Good night.”
He wanted to say more—a helluva lot more, but she’d ducked into her own room and shut that door, too.
*
“IF YOU WANT my opinion, let it go.”
With Quinn happily batting at the stuffed cow hanging from his carrier’s handle, Pandora paced her friend’s office. “I know, but Calder hit a nerve with that one. Worse—here I was lecturing him for being a bad parent when I’m pretty sure I’m featured in the Lousy Parent Hall of Shame.”
Natalie left her desk to wrap Pandora in a hug. “Trust me, there are worse parents out there than you. If I hadn’t seen with my own eyes how hard you’ve worked to turn your life around, I wouldn’t have believed it. You’re a textbook example of how to make lemons into lemonade.”
“But am I?” Sitting in the guest chair, Pandora slid her fingers into her hair. “Saturday, during my time with Julia, she kept bringing up her foster mom, Cindy, and I was so jealous I could’ve screamed.”
“I presume you didn’t?”
“No, but...” She wrung her hands. “What if I had? What’s inside me that makes me want to snap?”
Her friend took the seat alongside her. “Could it be you’re human?”
Outside, the day was gloomy. Earlier, there’d been storms, but for now a light drizzle had settled in. The air held just enough of a nip to remind her of the rapidly approaching fall.
The weather suited Pandora’s mood.
After Saturday’s visit with Julia, she’d been on top of the world. Returning to Calder’s empty house had been mood dampening. But then when he had returned with his cranky son, her spirits had gone from bad to worse. She’d imagined them maybe sharing a nice dinner, then watching TV before putting the baby to bed. What really happened had left her on edge and unable to sleep for hours. Why had she let him get to her? Deep down, maybe she feared his belief that she was the image of perfect motherhood might lead to potential disaster when—if—he ever learned her truth.
“What’re you thinking?” Natalie asked.
“Wish I knew.” Leaning forward, Pandora rested her elbows on her knees, covering her face with her hands. “Calder’s my boss—nothing more. I owe him zilch but my promise to give excellent care to his son.”
“You’re not falling for him, are you?”
“No.” Pandora laughed. “That’s ridiculous. I barely know him. Besides, things between us are strictly professional.” Except for the way my pulse races every time his gaze meets mine.
“So what’s the problem?”
She glared at her friend. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be here, would I?”
Lips pressed tight, Natalie seemed to think an awfully long time before she said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but are you afraid that if Calder finds out you lost Julia, he may fire you?”
“Honestly?” Pandora sighed. “That’s exactly what’s wrong. This is the best job I’ve ever had. Assuming I still have it by the time I get Julia back, I suppose I’ll tell Calder everything, but until then...?” She gazed outside. “Guess I’d like him to get to know the current me as opposed to the wretched person I used to be.”
*
PANDORA STAYED AT Natalie’s office longer than she’d planned. By the time she returned to Calder’s house, she noted his motorcycle parked in the garage. Despite still being upset with him for the way they’d left things the previous night, she hated that he’d ridden home from work in the rain.
Entering the kitchen through the back door, she held Quinn
in the crook of one arm and her purse and diaper bag with her other.
Calder stood at the kitchen counter sipping from a mug filled with steaming, fragrant coffee. He wore no shirt and a pair of Go Navy sweats. His hair looked damp. His chiseled profile was so strikingly handsome, her mouth went dry and her pulse skyrocketed.
“Why didn’t you call me?” was the first stupid thing she thought to say. “I could’ve picked you up.”
“No biggie. I didn’t mind getting wet. Besides, it’s not as if you were here, waiting by the phone.” He winked.
She set her keys and bags on the kitchen table.
Awkward silence between them took on a physical hum.
“About last night,” he finally said after a gulp of his coffee. “I—”
“I owe you an apology. That crack about a condom—it was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. Won’t happen again.” She glanced down at her tiny charge. His grin not only warmed her through and through but made her wonder what she was doing. She knew the only reason she’d been upset with Calder had more to do with her own insecurities rather than anything he’d done. How many times had she been too drunk to pick up Julia from day care? Or too broke to buy milk—let alone cereal? “I just hated hearing Quinn cry and it set me on edge.”
“Understandable. His crying had me almost crazy.” He sighed. “I’m sorry for that snap about you being perfect. But you have to know, compared to me, you pretty much are.” He held out his hand for her to shake. “Truce?”
“Yeah.” When she pressed her palm to his, her fingers to his, her every nerve ending pulsed. The attraction she felt for him was unlike anything she’d felt before. Unnerving in the way his lightest touch made her crave more. But Julia was her only priority. Getting close to her boss wasn’t even an option.
“Cool.” He opened the fridge. “What’s your plan for dinner?”
She looked at him, then Quinn, then laughed. “What do you want?”
“Anything that doesn’t come from a bag or box. If I pay extra, could I bribe you into making more of your meat loaf—a double batch so there’s enough for leftovers and sandwiches?”
A Navy SEAL's Surprise Baby Page 6
