He’d shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. “While we’re talking about issues probably better left alone...” He sighed and picked at the bark on a nearby oak. “In retrospect, I’m not entirely sure my reaction was all about you. Your past.”
“What do you mean?” She brushed crumbs from the table’s bench, then had a seat.
“I don’t even know how to say this.” He looked to the cloudless blue sky, then to her.
“Good grief, Calder, whatever it is, spit it out. Lord knows I’ve spilled enough of my dirty secrets.”
“Looking back on it, your news relieved me. What I felt for you—” he sat beside her, easing his fingers between hers “—it happened too fast. My whole life I shied away from anything real, yet there you were. You scared me. My own feelings scared me.”
He straddled the bench, cupping his hand to her face, brushing her cheek with his thumb. Though the crowded sale went on around them, Pandora felt sheltered on an island created by Calder’s confession. He cared about her.
“Hell...” He chuckled, leaning close enough to send her pulse deep into the danger zone. “I’m scared right now, but apparently not smart enough to run.”
“Maybe it’s time to stop running?”
He kissed her deliciously slow and sweet. He kissed her until she was tilting her head to allow him deeper access and closing her eyes with a sigh.
“Pandora? Is that you and little Quinn?”
Still in a kiss-induced fog, Pandora glanced up to see Lila with her husband in tow.
“I told her to leave you two alone,” Martin grumbled.
“Oh, hush.” Lila gave her husband a swat. “I haven’t seen you in forever, and you missed last week’s beautification meeting.”
As high as Pandora had been moments earlier, she was now that low. What did she say? Lila knew nothing about her past.
Calder settled his arm around her shoulders. “Quinn and I are so proud of her. She landed a great new job at the day care her agency runs. Quinn starts there Monday.”
“How exciting.” Lila gave her a quick hug. “But does this mean you’re no longer living in the neighborhood?”
“No,” Calder again answered for her, “but, hopefully, she’ll be over for lots of visits.”
Lila hugged her again, and after more small talk, the elderly couple ambled on.
“Thanks,” Pandora said to Calder. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“Like you once told me, there’s really nothing to say. The past is past.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Let’s keep it that way.”
*
THE NIGHT BEFORE Thanksgiving, Calder coached his son during bath time. “Pan-dor-a.”
“Paa gah!”
“Pan-door-rah.”
“Ah gah roo!” Splash, splash.
Calder rocked back on his heels. “Dude, you’re killing me. Do you know how much it would mean to Pandora if you said her name?”
“Goo goo goo!” Quinn was too busy with his boats to pay any more attention, and to be truthful, this had also become Calder’s favorite part of the day. Though he now played with boats of a much larger scale, he’d forgotten how much fun small boats could be.
As frustrated as he’d been with his mom for abandoning him to care for Quinn on his own, Calder was now thankful. He’d mastered almost every aspect of infant care, though he still struggled with the tiny snaps now and then.
He gave Quinn a good scrub, then readied him for bed.
Back on the schedule Pandora had written for him, Quinn now had a small bottle before bed, then Calder cleaned his son’s teeth before settling him into his crib.
While Calder liked the feeling of accomplishment caring for his son all on his own gave him, he also sorely missed Pandora being with him in the evenings after Quinn drifted off to sleep.
Never in a million years would he have thought he’d envy his friends Deacon and Garrett, but he found himself wanting to share his time with Quinn with Pandora—not because he expected her to perform any of the work, but because he missed sharing small milestones he knew she’d enjoy.
One day soon, Quinn would say his first word, take his first solo steps. Calder wanted Pandora to be there, sharing each and every one of those special moments.
What about her daughter?
The thought hadn’t escaped him that Pandora and Julia were a package deal. It’d taken months for him to adjust to being a father to his own child. How would he cope with parenting another man’s daughter? One who no doubt carried a staggering amount of emotional baggage?
On autopilot, he reached for a beer, but then put it back in the fridge. He didn’t need liquor to deal with this issue; he needed to open his heart. Julia was the same age he’d been when Harold had become a true father to him. Was it time for Calder to pay forward the favor?
If so, how would he know?
Chapter Fifteen
The only way Pandora could be happier would be if Julia had shared this beautiful day with her and all her friends. With a fire crackling in the fireplace, the traditional Thanksgiving meal devoured and her small kitchen cleaned, her apartment’s living room had been transformed into a casino. The makeshift dining table they’d assembled from plywood and sawhorses with everyone bringing their own folding chairs was now the scene of a poker tournie using candy corn for chips. So far, Martin was beating the pants off everyone.
Holding Quinn, Pandora watched Cooper and Mason go all in while Heath and Patricia folded. Natalie and Anna conferred on what to do with their poker hands.
Calder spied them. “Hey! No fair playing in teams.”
Lila sipped her wine. “What does it hurt? You guys are trouncing the ladies.”
The game continued with plenty more good-natured ribbing.
A year earlier, Pandora wouldn’t have believed it possible for her life to now be so full. Yet here she sat, surrounded by friends who felt more like family than her real family ever had.
Turning in his chair, Calder said, “How about letting me hold Quinn and you get in on the next game?”
“Thanks, but I’m right where I want to be.”
The night wound on, with Martin claiming bragging rights until Lila informed him it was time to go.
The remaining guys disassembled the big table, moving their game to the kitchen table while the women got a jump start on the next holiday by watching Christmas Vacation, which Pandora had picked up at a thrift store, along with a secondhand DVD player.
Pandora shared the sofa with Natalie. Quinn lounged between them, plinking on his toy piano. Patricia and Anna sat in armchairs closer to the TV.
“How’s it going between you and Calder?” Natalie asked in a conspiratorial tone.
“We’re friends.”
Eyebrows raised, she asked, “Just friends?”
“We’ve kissed....” Boy, had they kissed. Home from the swap meet, things had grown heated, but that was it. She wasn’t sure she was ready for more, and being a gentleman, Calder had agreed to take things slow.
“I’m glad things are working out.” Natalie jiggled Quinn’s hippo rattle. “In my professional opinion, you two would be good for each other.”
“Your professional opinion?” Grinning, now Pandora was the one raising her brows.
“Now that you’ve worked out your kinks, the three of you make a nice family. When Julia comes home, I’m sure she’ll like him, too.”
“Hope so.” Pandora looked in Calder’s direction. His dark hair had grown long, but she liked it. When he kissed her, she weaved her fingers through it, pressing him closer.
“He’s gotten a lot better with Quinn, too. I haven’t seen you attending to a single diaper all day.”
“I know. He’s a changed man.”
“Just like you’re a changed woman.” Natalie took Pandora’s hand, giving her a squeeze. “See what I mean? Match made in heaven.”
“I want to believe that, but I’m afraid.”
“What else could go wrong? He knows
more about you than I do. Once Julia moves in here and she gets to know him, I predict wedding bells by next summer.”
“Stop.” She cast her friend a warning look.
“I’m just sayin’...”
“Yeah, well, quit sayin’. I got my hopes up once, and you saw where that led. For now, I’m taking life day by day.”
Mason startled Pandora by shouting, “You’re such a cheat, Hopper! No way did you just get dealt a royal flush.”
“The hell I didn’t!”
“Hey, whoa...” Calder broke them up. “Keep it down, I’ve got a kid over there.” A kid who, thankfully, hadn’t been spooked by his friend’s outburst.
Cooper sighed. “I miss the good old days when it was just us guys playing for cash.”
Heath dealt new hands. “You’re just jealous you don’t have a good woman. Me and Calder got it all figured out.”
“You and the nanny are back in business?” Mason asked.
“Think so.” Calder spread his cards. Nothing. Not even a lousy pair.
“Don’t leave us hanging.” Mason leaned in, making sure the women didn’t overhear him. “So you’re finally hooking up with the nanny?”
“Drop it,” Calder said more harshly than he’d intended, but hopefully it got his point across. “She’s way more than just Quinn’s nanny.”
“You’re serious about her?” Heath asked. “If so, man, you need to elope. For me and Patricia, this whole wedding thing is out of control.”
Calder slapped his cards to the table. “There’s no wedding. We’re just friends.”
“With benefits?” Mason might be one of his best friends, but at the moment, Calder was on the verge of calling him outside for a talk.
“She’s a good woman. My kid loves her. End of story.” As to how Calder felt about her, all he knew was that even the simple act of staring across the room at her made his chest swell with anticipation for when they were finally alone.
*
“WHAT A GREAT DAY.” Pandora plucked a few stray candy corns from the kitchen floor. “Hope everyone had as nice a time as I did.”
Quinn had conked out in his carrier.
“Pretty sure fun was had by all except Mason, who’d better be glad we weren’t playing for real money.”
She smiled. Bone-deep contentment didn’t come close to describing the way her body hummed when Calder drew her into his arms.
“While we were playing, the guys raised a few legitimate questions.”
“Oh?” she said against the warm wall of his chest.
“Mason asked if we’re an item. I didn’t know what to tell him. I mean, we’ve never really talked about any of this.”
“Define this...” She skimmed her free hand along his ridiculously chiseled abs. What would they feel like without his shirt?
“Where do I begin? I wouldn’t know how to define it. Are we going steady? That sounds so fifties-era high school. Are you my girlfriend? See what I mean? Do we even need a definition? Can’t we just have an understanding?”
“I suppose, but then you’d have to define that. What are your terms?” she asked.
“For starters—” he kissed the crown of her head “—I don’t want any other guys within fifty feet of you.”
“That might be tough,” she teased, “considering my favorite student happens to be your son.”
“You know what I mean. I want you strictly for myself.”
“That’s all good and well, but what happens when you find a sitter and decide you need a night of barhopping? What if I have a problem sharing you?”
He tipped her head back, kissing her slow and breathless and dizzy. “I suppose a mutually beneficial agreement could be arranged. Any further demands?”
“More of this....” To make sure he got the message, this time she was the one kissing him, only the day’s heady pleasure left her hungry for more than the leftovers stocking the fridge. Emboldened by happiness, she slid her hands under his shirt, finally sampling those abs she’d been dreaming of. His warm, sinewy strength didn’t disappoint.
He groaned. “What’re you doing to me?”
“What we’ve both been craving....”
Braver still, she undid the button on his jeans, then lowered the zipper. He’d gone commando and her actions set him free.
Giggling, she said, “Oops.”
“Now, that’s embarrassing.” There was no doubt about him being on board with whatever came next—assuming that meant a long-awaited trip to her bedroom.
“It shouldn’t be.” Caressing the swollen length of him, she knelt to give him further pleasure, but he stopped her, drawing her up. “What’s wrong?”
With a hand on her chin, he forced her gaze to his. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
Nodding, she smiled. “All I really know is I want—need—this closeness. I’ve lost so much in my life. I can’t lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed her forehead and cheeks and nose and finally, finally, her lips before taking her hand. “Come on. The kiddo’s down for the count. Let’s take full advantage of that situation.” Taking her hand, he guided her to her room.
Once there, she began unbuttoning his shirt, but he again halted her progress. “The second part of the speech I started a minute ago was that this first time is especially for you.” He kissed her soft and slow and thoroughly, all the while tugging up her sweater, pausing only long enough to drag it over her head. He tossed the garment to the floor and lowered his lips to her throat and collarbone and the tops of her breasts before also removing her bra.
The heat from the fire hadn’t made it to her room. The sudden chill hardened her nipples, but he soon had her warm by rubbing his palm over one and suckling the other.
By the time he’d lowered his seeking mouth to her abdomen, then lower still to unhook her skirt’s waistband and let it pool with a whisper around her feet, her breathing had become ragged.
He removed her leather pumps, rolled down her navy tights. When all that remained of her clothing were the lacy scrap of her panties, he opened his mouth against her sensitive mound, exhaling tantalizingly warm air against her most private area. He made her shiver, but not because she was cold.
Hands pressed to the back of his head, she spread her legs, inviting him—needing him—to explore farther. He dragged down her panties before backing her against the bed. Pushing her back until her calves dangled against the edge of the bed, he lowered his mouth again, this time trailing a line of shiver-inducing kisses from her ankle to the growing hum between her legs.
By the time he kissed more, then inserted one finger and then two, she could scarcely control her fevered emotions. She bucked against him, all at once needing release, yet never wanting the building, budding waves of pure sensation to stop.
“I—I need you inside me,” she barely found breath to say.
“Shh...” Ignoring her, he performed more wicked tricks with his tongue before sensations transformed to even more paralyzing pressure. Thrashing her head to and fro, she thrust her fingers into his hair. Higher and higher waves of pure pleasure carried her until she could no longer think and barely even breathe. When release finally came, it manifested in a white-hot explosion behind her closed eyes.
Shivering, sweating, exhausted yet eager for more, she drew him up, begging him for additional sweet release.
He fished a condom from his jeans pocket, then wholeheartedly obliged.
*
THE WEDNESDAY AFTER Thanksgiving, Pandora had just disinfected the last of the three-year-old classroom toys when she saw Calder headed her way. He hadn’t yet grabbed Quinn from the infants’ room, and her kids were all gone for the day. Was it wrong to be so excited for their few minutes alone?
“On my lunch break,” she said, pressing her hands to his chest before sneaking in a kiss, “I found the cutest decoration idea for a boy’s room. My visitation with Julia is early on Saturday, so after that, do you want to see if we can tackle buildi
ng a battleship bookcase in Quinn’s room?”
“I would love to, but I’ve got bad news.”
Nerves seized her system. What else could he possibly have learned about her to turn him against her? “I’ve told you everything....”
“Baby, no...” Framing her face with his hands, he pressed his lips to hers with an urgency he hadn’t before shown. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I’m shipping out in the morning.”
She’d expected his news to concern her—not him. Now that she knew the truth, she’d have almost rather it had concerned her. At least that way he wouldn’t be in danger.
“I want to spend the rest of my time here with you and Quinn. Stay the night with me?”
Unable to speak past the fear knotting her throat, she nodded.
*
“THIS IS NICE.” The November night was calm and not too chilly. By the light of a nearly full moon, they’d packed a picnic and headed for a deserted beach, where Calder built a small fire for hot dogs and marshmallows.
Calder held Quinn a safe distance from the fire, helping him hold his marshmallow stick. “Okay, bud, the secret to a great marshmallow is catching it on fire, then sucking out the gooey insides.”
“You can’t let him eat that charred stuff,” Pandora protested.
“I’ve eaten it all my life and look how big and strong I am. You want him to be a man, don’t you?”
“Well, sure, but not if it means his poor belly’s going to be filled with charcoal.”
“Hear that, buddy? Your mom thinks we don’t know what we’re doing.” He pulled the flaming ball from the fire and blew it out, waiting for it to cool a few seconds before eating the crispy outer layer, then letting Quinn lick the gooey part.
“Calder?”
“Hmm?”
“Did you mean to say what you just did?” She loaded her own marshmallow onto a stick, poking it into the fire.
“What?”
“You referred to me as Quinn’s mom. Is that how you really feel?”
He met her gaze to find her sincere, which left him wondering about his own intentions. Honestly, the slip had been unconscious. Above all, he wanted to keep the mood light. Mellow. He didn’t want to cover anything heavy. He needed this mental image to keep with him during the endless black nights ahead. He needed to know normalcy waited for him as soon as he got home.
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