She tried the coffee but it was still too hot. She set the cup down. ‘The deterioration sped up even more. He couldn’t stay alone. He’d wandered a couple of times and couldn’t remember his new address. I worried he’d leave an element on or something.’
‘So he moved into the home.’
‘It was the nearest one that had a secure unit.’
Jared took a sip of his coffee, apparently not bothered that it was boiling hot. ‘What’s been going on?’
‘I don’t know.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I’m not happy with the place. He seems unhappy. But I can’t be sure why. I didn’t come down for a month when I first got the job in Auckland. That’s when I really noticed it.’
‘What?’
‘He’s lost a lot of weight. So I started coming more often. Lately it’s been every other weekend. Something’s not right.’
‘Not right how?’ His intensity made her tremble.
She looked around behind her. There were a couple of other customers but they were at tables far away. Music was playing. They wouldn’t overhear the wildness of her thoughts. ‘He has bruises.’
Jared’s eyes were black now. ‘And you don’t think it was accidental?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘No,’ he said low, urgent. ‘You do know. Go with your gut. What’s it telling you?’
‘I think he’s been hurt.’ It felt so awful to say it aloud. Her eyes filled. She was terrified for him. Too scared to think she might be right.
‘Deliberately?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Are there other things?’
She frowned. A few bruises weren’t a lot. It could have been just as the nurse said. ‘He’s gone so quiet recently. But I don’t know, that could be part of his deterioration…I try to phone every day but sometimes they say he’s asleep and I know they haven’t taken the time to check.’ She paused. ‘And every time I see him he’s thinner. So much thinner than a few months ago…’
‘Why don’t you move him up nearer you?’
‘I can’t afford to.’
She’d investigated private care facilities in Auckland but the prices were prohibitive. ‘I’ve been paying extra so he can have medication that isn’t government funded. But it’s not enough.’
‘So what are you planning to do?’
‘I’m going to move back here.’ She expelled a deep breath. ‘That way I can pop in—any time, unexpectedly. Be the annoying relative who’s always asking questions.’
He was like stone.
‘It’s what I have to do, Jared.’
‘If you moved him, you wouldn’t have to give up your job. You wouldn’t have to move.’
‘I told you, I can’t afford to. And why put him through all that upheaval? He’s lived here all his life. This is his home.’
‘It sounds like he’s not in much of a position to notice that. Get him somewhere with a nice view and a lovely garden to stroll in. And you to visit more often—that’s what will make it for him. You’ll be the constant for him.’
‘How would he cope with the move?’
‘He’d cope with professional help and with you being there with him. It’s better than leaving him to be abused here.’
She flinched. ‘I’m not. That’s why I’m coming back.’ She dragged in a breath. Tried to minimise her fears. ‘I don’t know that it’s the whole place. It might only be one staff member. It might not even be that. I don’t know what else I can do, Jared.’
‘Report it.’
‘Based on what? A few bruises? Woman’s intuition? It would make his position worse, wouldn’t it? They’d hate me for it and take it out on him.’
‘Whether it’s one person or the whole damn lot it’s unacceptable. He can’t stay there, Amanda. And what about the other residents? Who’s there keeping an eye out for them? Don’t you owe it to them to make sure the place is being run OK?’
Guilt and impotence and frustration smothered her. ‘Damn it, Jared. Don’t put it all on me. I can only do so much. He’s my responsibility. He’s all I can handle.’
‘You’re the one who said I had the strength to do anything. Why don’t you think the same of yourself?’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not like you.’ She shrugged. ‘You were right. I’ve always been spoilt. Decorative. I studied art history, Jared,’ she mocked herself. ‘What’s the point of that?’
‘Maybe we need the beautiful things in life, Amanda. Maybe it helps the human condition.’
Her jaw dropped. ‘The human condition?’
‘I know.’ His grin was a little twisted. ‘I can’t believe I said that either.’
He spent a long time staring into his coffee. She watched him for a while, drinking in the sight of him. But then she let it go, looking out of the window, watching the wet streaking down the panes and forcing in a bite or two of her panini.
He lifted his head. Spoke quietly. ‘Let me take care of him.’
‘No.’ This was exactly what she didn’t want. She didn’t want to take like that from him. ‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s like why you changed the conditions of the contract with the agency. I want you to be free to make your decisions.’ She breathed deep. ‘About us.’
‘We’re over when we’re over. And we’re not over yet. This will make no difference to that.’
‘I can’t let you. It would make things too complicated. I don’t want what you think all women want.’
Sex or money or both and nothing else.
His mouth tightened. ‘This isn’t about you, Amanda. In fact this has nothing to do with you. I owe him.’
She frowned. ‘How do you owe him?’
He looked at the bottom of his coffee, then up at her, steadily holding her gaze. ‘He gave me a job when no one else would take me on. No one else would give me a chance. He opened a bank account in my name. It was a savings account—I couldn’t withdraw the money even if I wanted to and it meant my father couldn’t make me. Colin kept out only enough for me to get basic groceries. He arranged work for me all over the place and saw I was paid in kind by the farmers. Half a beast in the freezer, potatoes, whatever. But no money for Dad to spend on drink. Colin hooked me into a network of support I’d never have been able to break into without his backing. But there were strings. The work was all dependent on my school grades. So long as the grades were good, I got the work. He was a hard man but he was fair and he taught me a lot when I worked directly for him—in the company and on the farm. Thanks to him not only did I survive but I got an education and I grew ambition.’
Amanda’s eyes filled. She’d had no idea.
‘So now do you understand?’ Jared suddenly said roughly. ‘I could hardly repay the guy by bedding his precious young granddaughter, could I? No matter how much I wanted to.’
Chapter Eleven
AMANDA blinked rapidly. ‘You wanted to?’
‘You nearly killed me that night, Amanda.’
Sudden warmth exploded in her chest and she smiled. He’d wanted her.
He frowned. ‘I was a kid. A beautiful young woman is in my bed dressed like some wild fantasy. How could I not have wanted you? I wouldn’t have been normal if I hadn’t.’
Her happiness bubble burst. Oh, so it was just hormones. Any beautiful young woman would have done it for him—it wasn’t just because it was her.
‘If I can help him now, in any way, then I’m going to,’ Jared said. ‘And you’re not going to stop me. This is between me and him. Not you.’
She sat back in her chair. Coffee cold and forgotten. Stunned by what he’d revealed.
‘You really didn’t know?’ Jared asked softly.
‘No, I had no idea the extent of it.’ She shook her head. ‘I mean, I knew you used to clean Mrs Chalk’s car in the weekends and she had a sandwich for lunch for you but—’
‘Yeah.’ He grinned. ‘She was in on it. The old dragon. But I’m grateful to her. She knew I could do it. Kn
ew how badly I wanted to get out of there.’
Amanda felt troubled. ‘But if he did so much for you, how come you didn’t stay in touch with him?’
Jared fiddled with the spoon. She didn’t know the rest of it, then. Colin had come to see him, working at the woolshed, the day after that hell of a night before.
‘Thank you for bringing her home. She’s young. Headstrong.’ The old guy coughed. ‘Girls. They get these crushes.’
Jared nodded.
‘You’re a good bloke, Jared. But you’re not the bloke for her.’
And never would be. He didn’t say it but he didn’t have to.
‘You’ve finished school.’ They both knew this. ‘Have you heard back about the scholarship yet?’
Jared shook his head. ‘Not for another couple of weeks.’ He’d applied for a full scholarship to university in Auckland.
‘Go anyway, Jared.’ To Jared’s intense discomfort, Colin held out a cheque. ‘You deserve it. You’ve worked hard for it.’
Jared looked the man right in his eyes. This wasn’t about him getting his education and they both knew it. ‘I’ll go but I’m not taking your money.’
Colin frowned.
‘It’s time to go anyway.’
Colin waited a moment longer and then put the cheque back in his pocket. ‘I’ll do your references. Recommendations. Anything.’
Jared shrugged. His work record would speak for itself. When he left this town that was it. He was never coming back.
Colin knew, perhaps, just how close he’d come. He must have seen the way he’d looked at her. Couldn’t have failed to notice her swollen mouth. Jared’s too had felt puffy. He’d kissed her so hard his teeth had grazed the inside of his lips—heaven knew what he’d done to hers.
‘Thank you, Jared,’ the older man said softly. ‘Good luck.’
He left town the next day.
He worked hard to forget that night. It was easy during the day, when he had work and study to focus on. Harder at night when his mind relaxed as sleep neared. The dreams—oh, the dreams, the way his hand had slid over the delicate shape of her bottom, sliding smoothly over the silk of that killer negligee. And then he’d curved his fingers right around, into the intimate curve of her—unable to stop himself. Discovering her lack of knickers, feeling her fresh, damp desire.
That had been the moment. He’d pushed her from him. Hurled her, really. But it had either been that or take her then and there. He had only been a youth. Control with finesse was something that came with age and experience. Back then it had been all he could do to walk away. Dragging her back to her grandfather, knowing it would kill the thing dead in its tracks.
But it hadn’t.
Nine years, seven and a half months later and he still had to work harder than anything to control his body’s reaction to her. Even more so now knowing what she was like. The reality so much better than the fantasy. How bloody tempting every inch of her was.
Looking back on it now, he didn’t blame Colin. Wouldn’t he have done the same? No way would he want his granddaughter hooking up with the son of the town drunk. The local charity case. That fire in Jared had been fuelled even more. To do better. Be better. For the old guy to have second thoughts? Regrets? The ‘I’ll show you’ mentality that many who achieved had been blessed with. Was it a blessing or a curse?
He shouldn’t have cared so much what the old guy thought. Had liked to pretend he hadn’t. But he had. Pride had made him angry. He wouldn’t be paid off. And he’d been so angry with her for wanting only that from him. The irony was that now he suspected she wanted more—and that was impossible.
Jared chose not to tell her any of that old conversation. Not now. Not ever. It was in the past; she might not agree but that was where it would stay. And he still wasn’t the man for her.
‘I didn’t keep in touch because that was what we agreed.’ He finally answered her question. ‘I wanted to get out of this town and never look back. There was nothing to come back for.’
Her eyes were big and round and hurt danced in the shadows at the back of them.
‘It was just one kiss, Amanda,’ he said roughly. ‘You’re supposed to get over your teenage crushes.’
She winced and coloured. Spoke with the finishingschool dignity that both irritated him yet made him respect her at the same time. ‘I’m working on it.’
Shame the same couldn’t be said about him. One image, one taste had come back to haunt him in the flesh. Now he couldn’t seem to rid himself of the obsession.
Amanda carefully placed her knife and fork on her plate. Buying some time to recover from the hurt she’d felt at his comment. Reminding herself that this was just a fling and she’d better keep that fact in mind.
‘I’ll take care of Colin. Get him out of there,’ Jared said. ‘But you deal with the rest of it.’
‘What if I’m wrong?’
‘So what? What’s the worst that can happen? Someone comes in and checks the place out and gives it a glowing report.’
‘At the taxpayer’s expense?’
He shrugged. ‘Taxpayers’ money gets wasted on a lot worse things. And what if you’re right? What if they’re not being treated well?’
She knew he was right to push it. Some of those residents were as vulnerable as small children. Yet she couldn’t help but worry. ‘Most of the staff in those places work so hard. Most of the time it’s the patients who are abusing them.’
‘Sometimes,’ Jared said. ‘And so often those carers are underpaid, short-staffed and over-stressed. Things can and do happen.’ Relentless, he gazed at her. ‘You know how to write a letter, Amanda. How to make a call.’
Finally she nodded.
‘Where are you staying tonight?’ He dropped his spoon on the side of his plate with a clatter.
‘The Ashcourt Motel.’
‘I hadn’t booked a place yet. I’ll go there.’
‘I’m in unit four.’ Did he understand that he didn’t need to get his own room?
His chair scraped as he roughly pushed it back and stood. ‘I’ll get working on a solution for Colin.’
‘I’ll go see how he is.’
He led the way through the tables. The rain still poured relentlessly.
Their progress halted when the door to the café opened and a couple of older women walked in. The first woman pushed back the hood of her coat and saw whose path she was blocking.
‘Jared?’ She sounded amazed. But more telling was the look on her face. Amanda recognised it—that same mix of embarrassment and hunger that she’d felt when she’d seen him again.
‘Linda,’ he said flatly.
Amanda suppressed a shiver. Man, he could be an arrogant bastard.
The woman shifted uncomfortably to the side, frowned at Amanda as she walked past. ‘You’re…’
‘Amanda Winchester.’ Amanda nodded, one of her polite school smiles coming automatically.
She watched as Linda searched Jared’s features once more. Her face was pale now except for two spots of deep red on her upper cheekbones.
Jared appeared not to notice as he walked out the door and casually strode to the car, the rain not seeming to penetrate his hardened exterior.
Amanda ran to the car feeling every cold needle of the downpour as if she were at the mercy of an incompetent acupuncturist.
He had the car idling already and looked impatient as she fumbled with the belt.
‘That was Linda Dixon, wasn’t it?’
The principal’s wife. She’d sometimes helped out in the school office.
He didn’t reply. She knew as well as he that it was her. She glanced at him. He had such a ‘don’t go there’ look. He jerked the gears and pulled on the wheel with far more force than necessary.
But Amanda wasn’t afraid of his silences. Her curiosity was too great. And her female intuition told her there just had to be history—ugly, messy history—between them. But she’d go casual, relaxed, as if there weren’t this churning fe
eling in her gut. ‘Did you know her well?’
He didn’t lift his eyes from the road. ‘Not that well.’
No? So why was the woman eating him with her eyes? Oh, they were so talking history.
Finally he looked at her. His eyes dark, the cynical amusement only fleeting. ‘You don’t really want to know, do you, Amanda?’
‘Oh, no.’ She shrugged. She was a woman—of course she did.
A sharp bark of laughter. ‘You’re a crap liar.’
It was her turn to study the road ahead.
‘The lovely Linda approached me one day when I was doing some work around their grounds—they were on my longlist of ride-on lawnmower jobs. Mr Dixon was out at some school board meeting. It was a hot day—nor-west wind blowing over the plains sending everyone crazy.’ The faintest of smiles touched his mouth. ‘You know what she wanted, don’t you, Amanda?’
Those needles were being twisted well below the depth of her skin now.
‘You know because you asked for the same thing later that very day.’ Bitterness rolled out of him.
‘My birthday?’ She stared. Shock left her mouth hanging. ‘Did you—’
‘What do you think?’ He broke in. ‘She was almost old enough to be my mother. What’s more she was married. I wasn’t going to sleep with her or any of them.’
Them? There were them? Amanda drew breath. Astounded at the revelation. Oh, she’d known there were rumours aplenty about Jared’s supposed prowess as a lover, but even so. And he was so angry about it. She inhaled a couple of deep breaths. Tried to lighten it up. ‘So did you leave Ashburton a virgin, then?’
He choked, a rough spurt of laughter. ‘No. But at least she was my age. Or near to. And she was single.’
The sword of jealousy struck fast and deep, killing the humour she’d been trying to resuscitate. ‘Did it last long?’
‘It was a casual thing.’
Casual. Like this thing between them.
‘What was her name?’ Had she known her? Was she pretty? Amanda hated her anyway.
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