by Jeff Strand
Yes, she shot her dad in the head, but only to save her boyfriend's life.
The jury is inclined to sympathize with somebody who was kept a pseudo-prisoner by her father for five years after having her face savagely mutilated. That she's in a wheelchair (by the end of the trial she'll be physically able to switch to crutches, but her lawyer will discourage it) also helps.
So, yes, trying to hide the evidence of a murder is a bad thing to do. But we were desperate. And in love. And, c'mon, Zep the Beetle is a charming character. The guy who brings his adventures to life can't be a menace to society.
Oh, don't get me wrong, we were still found guilty.
And do you want to hear something weird? Rachel, the one who actually shot her dad, got no prison time. Just probation.
Me? I got sentenced to a minimum-security facility for my role in covering up the murder for which she only got probation. Our legal system is a bizarre one, kids.
Sheriff Baker resigned. He and the others who'd covered up Brandon's murder got a slap on the wrist. A hard slap on the wrist, but just a slap. We don't keep in touch.
So, anyway, let's talk about love.
Sometimes it means that you would die for each other.
Sometimes it means that a person drives you absolutely crazy but you can't imagine being with anybody else.
Sometimes it means that you'd follow them to the edge of the world, or that you'd wait for them forever.
I think it's something different.
Something less dramatic.
My definition of love?
You would wait for somebody for eight months (with good behavior).
And take care of their dog.
Rachel was waiting for me.
The End
Acknowledgments
Thanks to the mighty Tod Clark, the mighty Lynne Hansen, the mighty Wendy Latham, the mighty Michael McBride, the mighty Jim Morey, the mighty Rhonda Rettig, the mighty Donna Fitzpatrick Stinson, the mighty Paul Synuria II, the mighty Tristan Thorne, and the mighty Matt Worthington with their mighty assistance on this novel.
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Other Books by Jeff Strand
The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever. Three best friends with more passion than talent try to make the ultimate zombie epic.
Kumquat. A road trip comedy about TV, hot dogs, death, and obscure fruit.
Facial. Carlton just found a dead lion in his basement. This is the normal part of the story.
I Have a Bad Feeling About This. Geeky, non-athletic Henry Lambert is sent to survival camp, which is bad enough before the trio of murderous thugs show up.
Pressure. What if your best friend was a killer...and he wanted you to be just like him? Bram Stoker Award nominee for Best Novel.
Dweller. The lifetime story of a boy and his monster. Bram Stoker Award nominee for Best Novel.
A Bad Day For Voodoo. A young adult horror/comedy about why sticking pins in a voodoo doll of your history teacher isn't always the best idea. Bram Stoker Award nominee for Best Young Adult Novel.
Dead Clown Barbecue. A collection of demented stories about severed noses, ventriloquist dummies, giant-sized vampires, sibling stabbings, and lots of other messed-up stuff.
Wolf Hunt. Two thugs for hire. One beautiful woman. And one vicious frickin' werewolf.
Wolf Hunt 2. New wolf. Same George and Lou.
The Sinister Mr. Corpse. The feel-good zombie novel of the year.
Benjamin's Parasite. A rather disgusting action/horror/comedy about why getting infected with a ghastly parasite is unpleasant.
Kutter. A serial killer finds a Boston terrier, and it might just make him into a better person.
Faint of Heart. To get her kidnapped husband back, Melody has to relive her husband's nightmarish weekend, step-by-step...and survive.
Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary). First in the Andrew Mayhem series.
Single White Psychopath Seeks Same. Second in the Andrew Mayhem series.
Casket For Sale (Only Used Once). Third in the Andrew Mayhem series.
Lost Homicidal Maniac (Answers to "Shirley"). Fourth in the Andrew Mayhem series.
Suckers (with JA Konrath). Andrew Mayhem meets Harry McGlade. Which one will prove to be more incompetent?
Gleefully Macabre Tales. A collection of thirty-two demented tales. Bram Stoker Award nominee for Best Collection.
The Severed Nose. What would you do if you came home one evening and found a severed nose lying on a plate on your dining room table?
Disposal. Frank, a self-proclaimed scumbag, is hired to murder an old man...but the old bastard just won't DIE!!!
Elrod McBugle on the Loose. A comedy for kids (and adults who were warped as kids).
Out of Whack. A coming-of-age comedy about love, friendship, and the realization that trying to yank somebody's panties off in a passionate manner can only lead to wedgies.
How to Rescue a Dead Princess. A ridiculous spoof of fantasy novels. Lots and lots and lots of jokes, but I'm willing to admit that it perhaps tries a bit too hard.
The Haunted Forest Tour (with Jim Moore). The greatest theme park attraction in the world! Take a completely safe ride through an actual haunted forest! Just hope that your tram doesn't break down, because this forest is PACKED with monsters...
Draculas (with JA Konrath, Blake Crouch, and F. Paul Wilson). An outbreak of feral vampires in a secluded hospital. This one isn't much like Twilight.
For information on all of these books, visit Jeff Strand's more-or-less official website at http://www.jeffstrand.com
