by Rinelle Grey
If it was something worse, if there was some kind of problem, then who knew what it would mean.
The problem was, what was he going to say to Zara in the meantime?
He could neither admit the truth about what had happened, nor continue to sleep with her and tell her later. And without her knowing the truth, how could he explain why he couldn’t be with her?
He heaved a sigh of frustration.
His mother and Rowan both looked sympathetic. Rowan thumped him affectionately on the back. “It will all come in time,” he said.
But his words didn’t comfort Damrian. In time for what? For him and Zara?
He wasn’t so sure about that.
He couldn’t imagine a worse mess.
“I could distract Zara for a few days for you,” Hayrian teased. “Then when things are sorted out, you could swoop in and rescue her.”
Normally Damrian could ignore his brother’s teasing. He knew he didn’t mean anything by it. It was a defence mechanism. But today, anger surged through him, and he leaned across the table and grabbed Hayrian by the collar. “You stay away from her,” he growled.
His brother’s eyes widened, and he held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”
Damrian made himself let go of his brother and forced a smile.
But that didn’t ease the frown on his mother and Rowan’s faces.
Damrian made himself take a deep breath. Smoothed his face into a calm expression as he turned to the others and said, “I’ll do anything I can to help out. I’m sure we can manage things while you’re gone, Mum.”
And he meant it.
He loved Zara, but he couldn’t put their relationship above the safety of his family and clan.
No matter what it cost him.
Chapter 14
Zara stirred from sleep and stretched her arms out. Warmth and wellbeing oozed out of her and, for a moment, she couldn’t remember why.
Then the events of the previous evening came back in a rush.
Dancing with Damien, inviting him back here, making love.
She blushed in memory. It had been amazing. Like nothing she’d ever experienced before. She hadn’t had any idea sex could be like that. She’d been right, resisting this would have been a mistake. This was way better than friendship. Perhaps even better than her career.
She rolled over to tell him so, only to discover the bed was empty.
Her heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t here. That wasn’t good.
But surely he wouldn’t have just skipped out? That wasn’t like the Damien she knew. Probably he’d woken up early and decided to cook her breakfast or something. Right?
She jumped up and pulled on her clothes.
She held onto the hope that he was still in the hut somewhere, despite the completely lack of sound, until she’d checked the main living area and bathroom. There was no sign of Damien, or of his clothes. Nor could she see a note to say why he’d gone. It was like he hadn’t even been here.
Zara sat down on the lounge and stared around the room, trying to make sense of what had happened. Why had he done this?
Things had been going so well, hadn’t they? They’d really connected last night and not just physically. She felt closer to him than she ever had.
And she’d been sure he felt the same.
And yet, he was gone.
Had he freaked out? Worried that this might affect their friendship and run before he’d have to see that?
Had he worried that she might be freaked out when she woke up?
That possibility seemed more likely.
She certainly hadn’t reacted well last time they’d crossed this line. But surely he could see that this was different? Surely he’d realise that was because she’d wanted to?
As she was reviewing the previous evening, to try to figure out anything that might have explained his absence, she remembered. Last night, when they’d been making love, right at the height of their passion—had something really happened with his eyes?
She shook her head. How could it have? Human eyes didn’t just change shape like that. It wasn’t possible.
She must have imagined it. It had been a trick of the light.
An easy enough to believe hypothesis.
But somehow, the possibility wouldn’t be so easily dismissed.
Could this be the reason he’d left? If something really had happened with his eyes, then that had to indicate he wasn’t quite human, didn’t it? If so, then he had a secret, one he wasn’t telling her. The question was, what was it?
Her phone rang, startling her. Her heart thumping, she checked the number.
Damien.
Relief flooded through her. He was still talking to her at least.
She answered it, her hands shaking. “Dam? Where are you?”
“I’m down at the pier. We’re going mermaid hunting, remember?”
She couldn’t tell what he was thinking from those two short sentences, but she was surprised that he made no mention of last night. Of why he’d left without telling her.
He probably was just unsure about how she would react about them sleeping together. That had to be why he was avoiding mentioning it, right?
Once she got down there and told him she was happy, excited about this new relationship between them, then he’d be back to his usual self.
Even better, if last night was anything to go by.
She felt her cheeks burning as she said, “I’ll be down in ten minutes.”
“Take your time,” Damien said. “I’ll wait.”
His words comforted her a little. Of course he’d wait. He’d waited all this time for her to realise what she was missing out on. He was just letting her know that he was prepared to wait longer, if necessary.
She was longing to tell him he didn’t need to. That she’d already made up her mind.
But she wanted to do it in person, so she said, “See you soon,” then hung up and raced to get ready.
It was a little more than ten minutes before she was walking down the path.
Excitement bubbled up in her belly, but not because she was going mermaid hunting. Because in a few minutes, she’d seen Damien again. She imagined walking up to him, putting her arms around him and kissing him. That would be normal, wouldn’t it, after last night?
And it would certainly tell him that she didn’t regret this.
The beach was empty this early in the morning, all the holiday guests still asleep in bed. Only a few seagulls wheeled around, squawking hopefully. She had the whole place to herself.
The only person she could see was Damien, on the sailing boat next to the jetty. Zara’s heartrate quickened at the sight, and her feet sped up of their own violation.
Damien gave her a smile and a wave as she came on board, but he didn’t come over, or even stop adjusting the lines he was working on.
He must be as nervous as she was. He probably wasn’t sure if she’d meant it, or if she regretted things this morning. All she needed to do was tell him she did, and it would all be right again.
As soon as she was on the deck, before she’d even had a chance to say anything, much less throw her arms around him and kiss him, Damien cast off and turned the bow towards the reef, not saying anything. Not looking at her.
She came up beside him and put a hand on his arm. “It’s all right, Damien. I’m not upset. In fact, I’m happy.”
He stared down at her, and she found herself searching his eyes. They looked perfectly normal this morning, even if their deep sea blue was like no eye colour she’d ever seen before. She’d imagined anything else. She must have.
Her hand on his arm felt solid, normal. Nothing otherworldly at all.
“No,” Damien said firmly, shaking his head. “We’d already agreed, our friendship is too important to risk by acting upon these sorts of impulses. I should have stopped things last night, before they went this far. I hope it’s not too late, and that it isn’t going to make things too w
eird.”
Zara stared at him, a little bewildered. A feeling of foreboding niggled, deep in her heart. Something was wrong.
“You’re missing the point. I want things to go this way. Damien, last night was wonderful. I think we could really make this work. I mean, I know I’ll be away a bit, but we can deal with that, can’t we?” She hoped her words didn’t sound too desperate. Even she could hear the pleading tone in her voice.
For a moment, Damien’s face softened. “I know it was wonderful,” he said, his voice quiet. “But… I lost you once before, Zara. I can’t risk it again. Please, can we go back to being friends?”
He sounded just as pleading. His eyes searched her face, a little frantically.
What was going on?
She felt like this moment was slipping through her fingers, and no matter how hard she tried to grasp it, it just kept eluding her. She was missing something. But what?
“What if we try this, and I lose you again?” There was a world of hurt in Damien’s voice. She didn’t even have to see his face to know that his pain was real. “I can’t risk it, Zara. Can we just not go there?”
His words should have helped ease the pain in her own heart. It wasn’t that he didn’t care for her. He’d made it quite clear that he did. He just couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.
But she couldn’t help feeling like he was building a wall between them deliberately. And she didn’t understand why. She’d thought he wanted this as badly as she did.
And now the cat was out of the bag. Now that they’d slept together, she wasn’t sure she could settle for being just friends.
No matter how hard she wanted to, she’d never be able to forget how amazing being with him had been. It had felt more right than anything else ever had. The connection she’d felt to him had was like nothing else she’d ever experienced.
She didn’t want to let that go.
But she wasn’t sure how she could hold onto it.
She’d just assumed all she had to do was tell him she cared, and that would fix everything. But it hadn’t. She’d given it her best shot, and he was still holding back. Withdrawing from her.
Suddenly she knew how Damien had felt four years ago.
Except, that didn’t make sense. She’d been running from her attraction to him because she was afraid it would get in the way of going to uni. Why was he running?
She stared at him, searching his eyes.
Something hiding in their depths stirred her mind. What if the reason he was running had nothing to do with her? What if it wasn’t about them at all?
What if his eyes had changed last night? What if he was hiding a secret, one that was making him keep his distance?
“There’s something else going on, isn’t there?” she said slowly.
That got his attention. His eyes widened for a second, and he looked away quickly, staring out at the ocean. “No, of course not. I just… I don’t want to risk our friendship, that’s all.”
He was lying to her. She knew him well enough that she had no doubts about it.
That hurt almost more than the fact that he was putting distance between them.
The urge to push him for answers was strong. She should tell him that she knew something was up, that she’d seen the strange thing that had happened with his eyes. She could demand answers, and she’d probably get them.
But she didn’t want to. If he didn’t want to tell her, didn’t trust her enough to share whatever it was with her, then really, what hope was there for them?
Apparently, by sleeping with him, she’d lost not only any hope of a relationship, but their friendship as well. That is, if she’d ever had it. If he did, indeed, have a secret, then he’d kept it from her their entire life. He’d never trusted her enough to tell her.
Zara took a deep breath.
No, apparently their friendship didn’t mean as much to him as she’d thought.
She knew, even as the thought formed, that it was unfair. She had, after all, not spoken to him for four years just because he’d kissed her. That hadn’t been any good for their friendship either. It certainly hadn’t given him any reason to trust her now.
She hid a wince. If their friendship was on the rocks, then it wasn’t entirely Damien’s fault. She needed to fix that first, before they could find a way to take things further.
He stared at her, his face a mixture of uncertainty. “Zara, I don’t want to lose you again,” he repeated.
His words were earnest. For some reason, despite that fact that he wanted something more as clearly as she did, he was holding back.
If she wanted him to trust her, she had to first extend the hand of trust to him. She needed to accept that this was as far as he was prepared to go right now, for whatever reason. Even if the thought of losing him was more than she could bear.
What was she saying? This wasn’t losing him. Even if they couldn’t have a relationship, their friendship was worth fighting for.
It was as though the bright light of the sun was blinding her. These feelings for Damien were obscuring the value of what they already had. She wasn’t losing anything. She was keeping a friend. Someone she wouldn’t lose over arguments about dirty socks or leaving the toilet seat up.
That had far more value than mind blowing sex, no matter how tempting it might be.
She knew that Damien was going to be there for her forever, no matter what. She needed to prove that she could do the same for him, before she had the right to expect anything more.
Zara shut the door firmly on the idea of taking things beyond that. For now.
“I’m sorry, Dam,” she said quietly. “You’re right. We’ve already sorted this. We don’t need to go through it again.”
For a long moment, he didn’t react. Then he nodded slowly. “Good.”
He didn’t look at her though.
The silence stretched out uncomfortably.
Damien was the one who broke it. “Right then, where to?”
And Zara let the silence be filled with directions. Let the awkwardness fade, if not away, then at least into the background.
Chapter 15
Damrian followed the directions Zara had given him, trying not to think about any of it. Willing his body to stop shaking.
She’d guessed that he was keeping something back. Maybe she’d even seen his eyes change last night. But she couldn’t know what, could she?
Even if she didn’t know the details, she was probably close to figuring it out. Almost as close as he’d been to blabbing everything.
He’d seen the hurt in her eyes, and he’d wanted to tell her so badly. Every part of him cried out for him to admit the truth to her. But until he heard back from his mother, he couldn’t risk it. She’d taken a private plane late last night. She’d be nearly at the clan lair by now. With any luck, he’d be able to find out what was going on when he got home.
Then, hopefully, he could tell Zara everything. And hopefully she’d forgive him for keeping a secret from her for so long.
He pulled up next to a section of reef. It looked just like all the other sections of reef they’d passed, but Zara was adamant. “This is it,” she insisted. “This is where I saw the mermaid scale.”
As Damrian lowered the sails, his thoughts shifted. Perhaps because of the risk to his own secret, he was painfully conscious that they could be risking someone else’s.
What was Zara going to do if she found proof of the existence of mermaids? Somehow, he couldn’t help feeling that everything hinged on that. If she was just curious and ready to keep the secret of the mermaids, then maybe he could convince his family that she would keep theirs as well.
If she didn’t…
He pushed that thought away, not even wanting to think about that.
He should have asked that before they’d come this far, but if he was honest, he hadn’t really expected her to find any proof of their existence. He wasn’t even completely convinced they did exist. If Zara had found a scale though�
��
Damrian ran his hand through his hair and stared out at the reef.
“Are you ready to go?” Zara stepped up beside him, her snorkel and mask sitting on the top of her head, her perfect body in a bikini taunting him.
He nodded, looking away. “Let’s go.”
He had no need of a snorkel or mask. He could hold his breath for long enough for this exercise, and his dragon eyes could see as easily under the surface as they could above it.
Zara slid over the edge, and Damrian slipped into the water behind her.
As usual, as he neared the reef he couldn’t help marvelling at the beauty and life that surrounded him. It distracted him, a little, from his own problems. Fish darted away from him, not only because of his size, but because they had that uncanny sense that alerted them to a predator.
Not that he was hunting for a meal right now, and anyway, he had no real interest in raw fish. He preferred his human comforts far too much.
Up ahead, he could see Zara’s feet kicking slowly. She glided through the water, looking around in all directions.
Damrian forced himself to do the same, even though he wasn’t even sure what he’d do if he did see a scale. Maybe it would be better if he just didn’t tell her. Then he wouldn’t have to face up to finding out what she’d do with that knowledge.
Could he keep a secret from her?
Stupid question. He already kept far too many secrets. What was one more?
He could feel the bitterness eating away at him. It wasn’t fair. He’d waited half his life for this moment, for Zara to say she cared about him, and she’d practically thrown herself into his arms last night, leading to one of the most perfect nights of his life.
And he’d had to walk away. All because of protecting the safety of a clan he’d never even met.
Well, not just them. He was protecting his family too. And he wanted to do that. But why did it have to come at his own expense?
Ahead of him, he saw something glittering between two pieces of coral. Despite his misgivings, a hint of excitement stirred his heart. He swam over towards the object and stared.
It was almost perfectly round and a deep pink, about the size of a fifty-cent piece. Far too big to be from any fish he’d ever seen. Or any fish that he’d ever heard about. Damrian reached out, careful not to scrape his hand on the coral and picked it up.
