He was using her for revenge.
Chapter Eight
Sin opened his eyes, reaching over to find Evelyn and pull her against his chest. But her side of the bed was cold. He sat up instantly, looking for her, his mind and eyes blurry with sleep and confusion.
He found her standing at the fireplace, fully dressed, facing him. Her arms were folded. And even in his sleepy state, he could see that she was very unhappy. Somehow he wanted to make that frown go away. To make that anger around her eyes dissipate.
“Good morning,” he said, reaching out and motioning to her. “Why don’t you come back to bed?”
She stiffened, her posture becoming ever more like a slighted London miss and far less like the wild woman who gave herself to him freely.
“Are you running away from me?” he asked.
She stayed silent, merely staring at him with that same angry, empty stare that was beginning to make every hair on his body stand on end. Slowly, he got to his feet. Ah… there was a reaction. Her gaze slipped down and briefly there was a heat in her eyes as she ran her stare over his naked body. In response, his cock shifted from partial attention to fully ready.
Damn, what this woman did to him. It had never been like this with anyone else ever before. What they shared was special, unique.
She looked away from his body, locking her gaze on his face. The accusation returned.
“Would you lie to me, Sin?” she asked, soft.
He grabbed for the dressing gown draped nearby and pulled it on. Clearly she desired the kind of conversation that was better had with some protection.
“What do you mean?”
Her eyes narrowed and his heart rate increased. He didn’t like this. Not one bit.
“Last night you demanded my total surrender and I gave it to you,” she explained, bringing powerful images of that surrender to his mind. God, she had looked beautiful tied to his bed, splayed out and following his orders. And when he gave her release, Jesus, it had never been like that before. He wanted to stay inside her forever. One body, one soul.
“Yes, you did.”
She pursed her lips and he stopped talking. “What you asked me required trust on my part, but now I wonder if you really deserve it. Can I trust you, Sin? Or would you lie to me to obtain what you desire?”
He hesitated, mesmerized by the flashing anger in her eyes. He’d never seen her like this, and though it should have put him at warning, instead it drove his arousal higher. But she wanted an answer to her question.
He thought of the real reasons he’d brought her here. For ruination. To use her. But was it like that anymore? He wasn’t sure.
“I’m not lying when I say I want you,” he said, dodging the answer she sought as he tried to determine the cause of her questions and accusatory stares.
Her lips pursed and she held out a letter written in his own hand. A letter that answered his question about the cause for this outburst before he even looked at it. He cursed as he took the papers from her trembling hands.
“At least I know I cannot trust you,” she breathed, her chin lifted up with all the pride in her body. “You are a liar, Mr. Sinclair.”
He winced at the use of his formal name, but pushed the painful reaction away to measure his response. He had to tread carefully. “You went through my private papers, Evelyn. Can I trust you any more than you claim you cannot trust me?”
Her face twisted in outrage, but he could see she was only just holding herself together. She wanted to cry. She probably wanted to hit him, which he had to admit, he deserved.
“I did not go through your things,” she said on a harsh whisper. Her voice trembled like her hands. “I was sitting at your desk when I saw this with my father’s name on it. And even if I had searched blindly through your things, at least I didn’t hide it from you. I didn’t lie like you do.”
Sin flinched, but anger was building in his stomach, low and dark. “If you read these papers, then you understand what I did and why, don’t you?”
Her shoulders stiffened. “Because my father destroyed your father?”
He nodded as pain rushed through him, pain he had not mastered, even after so many months. “He gambled with my father. He took his money. He plied him with drink when the old bastard had a weakness for the bottle. And in the end, when he begged for more time to pay, your father made sure he took everything my father owned. And he died within a week of that shame.”
Her face twitched. “These letters say you were estranged at the time of his death.”
Sin wanted to throw the words into the fire. To cover his ears and pray she would forget what she’d read. He couldn’t tell her about the truth. About the past. The pain.
“All the more reason to take my revenge. I couldn’t or wouldn’t protect him in life. I had to avenge him.” Sin balled up the letter, nearly rending the paper in two.
“Is that what you think you’ll do?” She stepped up, no fear in her face or manner, despite the fact that he had a foot of height to his advantage. “Do you truly think you can purge your guilt, wash away my father’s sins by taking me? Destroying me for good society? Do you think my father would even care?”
Her voice caught on the last question and she turned away, but not before he saw her face. Saw the anguish he had caused. That her father had caused. That every man she’d ever trusted had caused. And he hated himself for being just another person who had betrayed her so bitterly.
She straightened her shoulders and turned back to face him. Now the pain was gone, replaced by more of that shocking strength that he knew doubled his own.
“He won’t care, Sin. I promise you that. And whatever you do to me, it won’t change anything my father did to your father. It won’t change your loss and it certainly won’t assuage your guilt.” She folded her arms. “But I am still here for another few nights.”
His gaze locked with hers as the shock of her statement rocked him back on his heels. “What?”
Her head tilted. “You have no intention of letting me out of the arrangement you made with my father, do you?”
His jaw set as he straightened up to his full height. If she would honor the very dishonorable deal he’d made, he wouldn’t stop her. “No. I won’t let you go.”
She shrugged as if she’d guessed as much. “I was given to you in payment of a debt. I will stay. And I will pay you in the manner you and my father worked out. Unlike you, unlike my father, I keep my word.”
Sin stepped forward, catching her shoulders and drawing her against him. He felt her pulse quicken despite her stoic expression. “Do not compare us, Evie!”
Slowly, she extricated herself from his arms and stepped back. “Whatever makes you happy. Whatever helps you to sleep at night, Sin. I won’t argue your twisted logic.” She backed away another step. “But I do wish to set some new ground rules.”
He arched a brow at her cheek and the depth of her betrayal and anger.
“Do you?”
She nodded and there was no room for negotiation in her expression. “I think you owe me that.”
“Why don’t you tell me what these terms are and then we’ll discuss what I do or do not owe you.”
Her eyes narrowed, but she continued speaking nonetheless. “First, I will come to your bed as you arranged. However, I will only do so once a day. If you decide to take me at the breakfast table, then I will not surrender to your demands a second time. No more of this pleasure whenever the fancy strikes you.”
Sin chuckled. On that score, at least, he knew he had the upper hand. “Of course. Because the times I had you, you took no pleasure in that, did you? Your body didn’t crave mine. You weren’t dripping with anticipation. You weren’t begging for more and more and more.”
Her stoic expression faltered and he saw desire burn as hot as the anger in her eyes. Then she blinked it away. “Whether or not I enjoy the times we’ve joined is irrelevant. Our union is no longer about pleasure for me. It’s fulfilling a promise, nothing more.”
He arched a brow. Somehow he doubted she would be able to keep herself from utter pleasure the next time he touched her. But the idea that she would hate herself for that pleasure after it was over stung him.
“What else?” he asked, keeping emotion from his voice.
She met his stare. “I want a chamber separate from your own.”
He shook his head as he paced away from her. The idea of her being in his house, but not being in his bed killed him. He’d grown so accustomed to reaching out in the night and gathering her against him. Even if that lead to nothing more than feeling the heat of her skin against his, it brought him a comfort he hadn’t experienced in a long time.
But perhaps that was exactly why he should give her what she desired. As she said, this bargain would be over soon enough. It was better not to allow himself to enjoy what he wouldn’t have much longer.
“Very well,” he said with a shrug as he turned back. “Though you know my bed is always open to you if you get cold.”
She didn’t smile, not even a small fraction. “I won’t.”
“Are those all the terms, then?”
Her eyes darted away and she looked at the floor with a sigh, as if this last thing pained her more than anything else. “No. I have one more request.”
“I thought these were orders.”
She glared at him. “I know full-well that no one orders you to do anything Sin. You will do as you please, the rest of the world be damned.”
He winced at the accurate description of his life thus far. And wished she hadn’t pinned down his character so easily and quickly.
“After this is over,” she said. “After you have had your way for another few days and I return to London, I never want to see you again.”
He staggered back, staring at her and not believing he’d understood her correctly. “What?”
“You heard me.” Her voice was quiet, but unbroken. She shrugged. “You may or may not decide to follow through with your initial plans to ruin me publicly. But whatever you decide on that score, I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want to be reminded of the time we spent together. If you must come to torment my father, please send word beforehand so that I may leave. If you see me on the street or in a shop, I would ask that you do not acknowledge me in any way. And don’t expect anything different from me. Whatever friendship we once shared… it’s over.”
Whatever pain Sin had felt when Evelyn brought up the subject of his estranged father seemed pale in comparison to that which ripped through him now. It tore everything inside him to shreds and rocked him backward. If he had been alone, he might have sunk into the closest chair at the weight and strength of it.
Instead, he stepped closer to her. “And what if I refuse to honor this term, Evie? What if this term forces me to ruin you when I wouldn’t have done so otherwise?”
He couldn’t believe the desperate threat had come from his own lips. And by the shock that briefly flitted over her face, she couldn’t either. But then the shock was replaced by more of that cold, emotionless stare.
“If you feel you must ruin me, then I can’t stop you,” she said. “Obviously my comfort and my desires and my life meant nothing to you when you concocted that plan. Why would I think for a moment that they meant something to you now?”
She couldn’t have cut him more if she stuck a dagger directly into his chest and twisted until she found his heart. Sin clenched his fists at his sides, fighting not to howl out his pain. Fighting not to take her into his arms and demand she take back all those words.
Instead, he clenched his teeth and ground out, “Very well, Evelyn. I agree to your terms.”
She caught her breath in a sound of pain equal to his own. “Good.”
“I will have a bedroom prepared for you down the hall immediately,” he continued.
She nodded. “Very good. I will have my breakfast and then I’d like to sleep for a while. I was up most of the night and I’m tired.”
How could they be having this conversation like they were discussing the weather? Sin fought to maintain control. “Fine.”
She shot him one final look before she turned and left the chamber. The moment the door closed behind her, Sin sank to his knees as the weight of long repressed emotions bore down on him.
He was going to lose Evelyn. Except, he’d never really had her. Their bargain had always been for just a fortnight of pleasure. It had not been offered or taken with any thought for more than that…
Except now, he couldn’t imagine the torment of never seeing Evelyn again. Of never being able to talk to her, touch her. He didn’t want that. And he was beginning to realize, he couldn’t take that, either. A life without any contact with her would be empty.
He shoved back to his feet and rushed to ring the bell for his servant. He had agreed to Evie’s terms, but that didn’t mean the negotiation was really over. He still had time to diffuse her anger. To change the bitterness in her heart. To cling to whatever emotions had developed between them.
He didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t.
Chapter Nine
There was something about getting what she wanted that made Evelyn feel empty. She pulled her wrap around her shoulders a little tighter, although the garden was actually warm and fragrant. Still, a chill rushed through her that had more to do with her situation than her position outside.
She had told Sin that she would only give herself to him once a day. He had followed that demand to the letter, not touching her at all the previous day since their lovemaking the night she found his letters had gone long past midnight. He had let her be alone. Let her think.
She had told him she wanted a separate chamber and she had one now. Empty as her soul was, cold and lonely. She had spent a long and sleepless night in that bed, reaching for Sin, dreaming of him, wanting him.
But also hating his lies. Every time she thought of them, she burned inside. Betrayal had been such a constant in her life. Yet she somehow was still naïve enough to believe in Sin. To trust that he wanted her for the reasons he’d given. To give him a piece of herself that went far beyond her innocence.
Was there a big difference between taking her in trade for a debt and taking her as a part of a plot for revenge? Perhaps not in theory, but in practice they felt different. In the first scenario, she had been an active participant. He had been honest and up front with her. He’d given her choices.
But in the second, every word was a lie. Every touch just a way to hurt her in the long run. And that made her disbelieve everything they’d shared. All those beautiful times when he touched her were a lie. And she hated losing her faith in his touch. She hated feeling so stupid and small.
“Evelyn?”
She stiffened at his voice behind her and pulled her wrap even tighter before she looked over her shoulder.
“Good morning,” he said, but she didn’t answer. He sighed and took a seat beside her on the bench. “Come now. There’s no use in being childish.”
“Did you want to take me to bed?” she snapped. Then she flinched. Well, she certainly couldn’t argue she wasn’t being childish now.
“No.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I mean, yes, of course. But that isn’t why I’m here. Will you walk with me?”
That juvenile part of her wanted to refuse, fold her arms, stomp her feet, have a tantrum, but she didn’t. Partly because she had more dignity than that… partly because she could see the dangerous message in Sin’s eyes. He wouldn’t put up with too much of a display before he put her over his knee and rewarded her with that spanking he kept promising.
And again her body rushed with shocking desire at the mere thought.
“Very well,” she gasped, rushing to her feet. “We’ll walk.”
He offered her an arm, but she ignored it. He didn’t press the issue and they began to walk down the garden path together in silence. Sin made no effort to speak to her as they moved through the garden and out into the main areas of the estate
. She kept a safe distance away from him, but could still feel the almost suffocating heat of his presence.
And the silence only seemed to make it worse. Instead, she focused on the grounds. Which helped her relax. She hadn’t been any further than the garden during her stay thus far, so being outside was almost a shock. Sin’s estate was beautiful, with rolling hills, well tended gardens tucked away. In the distance she saw the wide expanse of a heather filled valley, and beyond that the wild tangle of woods.
“My, it’s lovely,” she breathed, despite her private vow to punish him with silence.
Sin smiled. “So you’re talking to me now.”
She hesitated as she cast a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye. There were so many questions bubbling inside her. Ones she had been too angry to ask the previous morning. But out here, in the warm, open air, she didn’t feel as closed in. And she had nothing left to lose.
“Will you talk to me?” she asked.
He cocked his head as they came to a stop at the top of a hill that overlooked the valley below. “I think I am, Evelyn.”
She shook her head. “No. Really talk to me. Answer my questions.”
There was a slight stiffening in his shoulders that let her know how uncomfortable that request made him, but he didn’t refuse outright. Instead, he looked out over the distance below, his gaze as far away as the specks of trees she saw on the horizon. Like he was reliving every moment of the past and judging whether or not they were safe to share.
“I will do my best to answer you,” he said as he motioned to the grass.
She sat down and waited until he’d done the same, though he looked anything but comfortable with his shoulders hunched and his face stern and almost… nervous.
This was a sacrifice he was making, allowing her to interrogate him. And she recognized it and appreciated it. But she also needed it. Sin knew her darkest secrets. In fact, the only one that remained kept was that he was the star of all the wicked fantasies she authored and he enjoyed so thoroughly.
But she knew so little about him.
Jess Michaels Page 33
