by Donna Alward
“What do you mean?”
She watched as Quinn and Ry got Rattler in the chute, as Ry perched up on the rails, waiting for the right moment to ease his weight into the saddle. “I mean Rylan asked me about the program here not long after he first arrived. I agreed with him that the place needed a boost to your breeding program, but we both knew money was an issue. He’s trying to help, Duke. And he’s the one bearing the financial risk. Don’t be too hard on him.”
She held her breath as Rylan positioned himself on Rattler’s back, and then gave Quinn a sharp nod to open the chute.
Rattler burst forth with strength and aggression, bucking with a power that surprised and delighted Kailey. A grin spread over her face and her eyes were glued to the spectacle as she said to Duke, “Retired my patootie. Look at him go!”
And it wasn’t just Rattler. Rylan spurred him on, gorgeous form as he gripped the rope with one hand and held the other aloft. He was a beautiful rider, and while the two were at cross purposes—one trying to rid himself of his cargo and the other trying to stay on—it was almost as if they were working as a team to provide the best ride possible.
Rattler gave a quick and sudden lurch to the side and she saw Ry slip a little, but then he purposefully dismounted, landing on the soft loam of the arena. He got up and brushed off his jeans, a huge smile on his face as Rattler continued around the circle, smaller, quick bucks punctuating his gait.
“Did you see that?” Rylan called out. “Whooeee!”
“He didn’t get rid of you,” Duke pointed out.
Rylan swaggered over, his hat in his hand. “That has more to do with the quality of the rider than the horse, bro.”
Duke rolled his eyes while Kailey chuckled. “Nothing wrong with your ego,” Duke muttered.
Ry’s face still glowed with excitement, but he became more serious as he met Kailey’s gaze and then Duke’s. “Let’s be honest. A less experienced rider wouldn’t have stood a chance. And he’s been out of competition for a few years now.”
Duke nodded. “And you think he’ll earn his keep?”
Kailey looked at Rylan, not Duke, when she cut in. “Brandt can get the ball rolling on that score,” she said.
Rylan’s gaze was warm. “Thank you, Kailey.”
“Don’t thank me. This is business, remember?”
But she knew he was thinking—as she was—about that night at the creek, when he’d first asked for her help.
Rylan looked at Duke and held out his hand. “We have a deal then? Ownership stays with me and Crooked Valley reaps the proceeds.”
It was a hell of a gift. Kailey hoped Duke realized how much.
“We have a deal,” Duke replied, taking his brother’s hand.
* * *
RYLAN STAYED TRUE to his word. While ownership of Rattler was in his name, as far as he was concerned, nothing had changed. He’d given his ideas to Quinn, and then he’d hooked up the camper and the highway had become his home.
June became July. July morphed into August, hot and dry, and he was getting tired of the travel and the fair ground and diner food. What he was really craving was a batch of Lacey’s fried chicken and a slice of her apple pie. He collected prize money and stayed at the top of the rankings, but at night, when everything was quiet and he was in his camper alone, it was Kailey he thought of most. Kailey swimming in her underwear, challenging him. Kailey in that pretty blue dress from the wedding, smelling like flowers and tasting like summer.
It was better he stay on the road. And away from her. When he was with her, he forgot a lot of things. Like why he didn’t want to settle down in the first place. If anything, his feelings for her drove the point home.
He flipped over on the hard mattress and punched his pillow.
He had too much damned time to think, that’s what. And he could blame it all on Duke and Lacey and their stupid summons. He was such an idiot. He’d liked the idea of being needed for once in his life, and the chance to prove to his brother and sister that he wasn’t just a screwup who’d hit the highway as soon as he’d been old enough. He’d always been the youngest, the tagger-on, the one people felt they had to take care of but never bothered asking what he wanted.
He flipped again. Wondered where all the control he’d managed to attain over his life had fled.
Control.
He sighed, giving up on sleep and staring at the ceiling. That was what this came down to, wasn’t it? A need to control his life. He absolutely hated being at the mercy of anyone else.
And now that control wasn’t working so well. Because he’d made it a policy never to get too close to anything or anyone who could hurt him. And he’d done both in his return to Crooked Valley by caring for both Kailey and the ranch.
And damn, he was lonely.
Before he could change his mind, he picked up his cell and dialed. It took three rings, and then Kailey picked up. “This had better be good, Duggan.”
He hadn’t thought about caller ID. Or the time. It was after midnight.
“I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”
She sighed. “I haven’t been to sleep yet. Though I was almost there.”
“Me, too.”
“How’s things?”
He wondered how to answer. “Good,” he said. “Real good.”
“Some of our stock was in Cody last weekend. Heard you put on quite a performance.”
“It was okay.” Truth was, it had been a hell of a weekend with some very tight competition. And he’d come out of it with a sore shoulder and a bruised rib.
“So why are you calling me in the middle of the night, Ry?”
Her voice was soft, the way lovers spoke late at night, in the dark. What was he doing? He should be staying far away. He didn’t need to get wrapped up in her, too.
Too? He pinched the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t just Kailey; it was the ranch. It was all of it.
“I needed to hear a familiar voice,” he replied. “Look, I really am sorry I called so late. I didn’t realize the time. I’ll let you go.”
There was a long pause while neither of them hung up.
“The thing is,” she said quietly, “I can’t stop thinking about that night of the wedding.”
He couldn’t either. Or the sight of her in a wet, white bra and panties. But having her admit it took his libido and kicked it into overdrive. Why did she get to him so easily?
“Kailey—”
“That is why you called, right? Because of this thing we have going on that we keep trying to ignore?”
She was so forthright. It was one of the things he really liked about her. She didn’t play games. Didn’t beat around the bush. She just said what she meant. Even when it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Or when it was what he wanted more than anything. Or both.
“I don’t want to think about you as much as I do.” He held the phone close to his mouth, as if it made his lips closer to hers.
She laughed, a sexy little ripple in his ear. “Ditto. The big question is why? Why is thinking about me so bad?”
How did he answer that?
“Come on, Rylan. You think I don’t see, but I do. You have this face you show to the world but underneath there’s a whole lot of complicated stuff going on. You don’t want to be at Crooked Valley. You don’t want to be tied down to anyone or anything. Does that seem normal to you?”
He was so surprised by her insight that he couldn’t answer. But there wasn’t time anyway as she forged on. “Why does the idea of belonging somewhere scare you so much?”
“It’s easy for you,” he blurted out, wishing he didn’t feel so defensive. “You’ve been in the same place your whole life with the same people. You’ve always belonged somewhere.”
“And you haven’t?”
“I did once.”
There was silence down the line. And then Kailey asked the simple question with the difficult answer.
“What happened, Ry?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
&
nbsp; “Of course it does. Talk to me, Rylan. Trust me.”
Couldn’t she see that was part of the problem? He didn’t trust people. “I think I’ve made a habit of only trusting myself, K.”
“And you shut other people out.”
“I don’t get hurt that way.”
“Except you’re hurting yourself. And you’re missing out on what could be important relationships. I don’t just mean romance either, Rylan. But with your sister, your brother. Your mom. People who care about you.”
His temper flared. “Oh, you mean people who end up leaving?” He sighed. “God, I did not want to get into this tonight. I just wanted to...to...”
“Make a connection,” she whispered. “You don’t have the corner on feeling alone, you know.”
Her? Alone? She was adored by all, the life of the party. How was she alone?
“Kailey, my dad was killed in action. One day he was alive, the next I was told I would never see my father again. It was hard to wrap my head around that concept, because I was used to him being gone on deployment. But it was different, knowing he’d never walk up the driveway again or throw a ball in the yard or take us riding. He wouldn’t laugh or smile or kiss my mom, even in front of us. He was just...gone. It was so final.”
“I know, Rylan.”
“I had the ranch, though. And Joe and Eileen and all the things I loved, until that was taken away, too. My mom never asked what I wanted. She just decided that we were leaving and moving to Helena. I hated it there. I was a square peg in a round hole. Once I even tried to run away and go back to the ranch.”
“How old were you?” she asked, her voice gentle.
“Seven.”
“Oh, Rylan.”
“Everything was completely out of control. Lacey didn’t miss the ranch like I did, and Duke was far more interested in being like our dad to worry about me and what I wanted. So, I got through it. I was the afterthought tagged on the end of the family. And when I was old enough, I did what I wanted. What I’d always wanted.”
Wow. He took a deep inhale. He’d never told anyone all that before. Maybe it was because it was Kailey. Maybe because they were on the phone and not face-to-face, and the bit of distance helped.
“So, why didn’t you just go back to the ranch?”
Why hadn’t he? He’d asked himself that question several times, and all he could come up with was because it was a reminder of his worst memories. “Because it hurt too much. I just wanted to forget the past, leave it behind me and make a new future. But thanks to Joe I got dragged back home anyway.”
He could hear her breathing. It was so still. Finally, gently, she spoke.
“Do you realize that you just called Crooked Valley home?”
He hadn’t.
“Rylan, I understand that you’re hurt. You were so young to lose a parent and to be uprooted. Then to feel like you didn’t fit in... I understand, too, that you made a choice to live your life on your terms. There is nothing wrong with that. Just...think about why you’re doing things. Is it because it’s what you want or because you’re trying to protect yourself?”
“No one gets to call the shots in my life again.” His voice was firm.
“But you’re not calling the shots either,” she reminded him. “Fear is. That doesn’t sound like a fun way to live.”
“It was until the past two or three months.”
“Like having a one-night stand in a budget motel?”
Embarrassment flooded through him. “I thought we weren’t going to mention that again.”
“I wasn’t. Except I’m starting to realize that your life on your terms probably isn’t making you all that happy.”
This was not how he’d wanted this conversation to go. “Listen, I didn’t call to get in to all this. I was just by myself and thought...”
Lonely, he reminded himself. Dammit.
“Rylan, I stopped hating you for that night a while back. I had to get over my pride and feeling humiliated. That’s all. But I think since then we’ve started to become friends, you know? I’m only saying these things as a friend who cares. You can’t live your life in a bubble without letting anyone in.”
Friends. Not that he’d say it, but he had a hard time thinking of Kailey as just a friend. Perhaps it would work better if he could stop wanting more. But she’d put an end to that. She also wasn’t the only one with some pride, and he resented the way she made it sound as if she had it all together.
“Really, Kailey? Because I think you do a pretty good job of living in a bubble, too. The only difference is you hide behind your ranch. Hell, you still live with your parents. Talk about putting the kibosh on anyone getting too close. How about lack of privacy as a convenient excuse?”
Silence.
He hadn’t meant to lash out. It was just...he hated that she was right, even a little bit. And, he admitted to himself, he was a little bit frustrated. Because Kailey seemed perfectly able to think about them as friends when he couldn’t. Couldn’t think of her in a solely platonic way. Couldn’t get her off his mind. Couldn’t go through a whole day without thinking about kissing her again. Seeing her smile.
His head was starting to ache now.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“No, I deserved that,” she said back. “If I’m going to judge and give free advice, I should expect the same in return.”
He’d say this for her. She was fair.
“I’ve never met anyone like you, K.”
“Of course you haven’t.”
He laughed in spite of himself, resting his hand on his forehead, half out of frustration and half from amusement.
“Hey,” she said softly. “I wasn’t trying to pick a fight. It’s just that the more we...I mean, the more I see you, the more I realize that you’re not exactly the person you show to the world. Maybe it’s time for you to stop running, Rylan. The way I need to stop settling.”
He swallowed hard. He knew he put distance between himself and people he cared about. It was a self-preservation mechanism he’d perfected long ago. It wasn’t something he could just stop doing. But what did she mean, settling? Did she mean settling for him? Because she was right on that score. A woman like Kailey deserved better than a rodeo drifter with no fixed address, a camper and one horse to his name.
“Listen, I really do have to go,” she whispered. “You gonna be okay?”
“Sure. I’ll be home next week anyway. Heading down to Oklahoma before taking a bit of a break.”
“Drive carefully.”
“I always do.”
“And good luck.”
“Thanks.”
There was an awkward silence for a few beats. “Kailey, thanks for the talk. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that before, you know?”
“You’re welcome, Ry. Be safe.”
In his head he knew the words could be a simple goodbye, but as he clicked off the phone it felt like they were something different. An endearment, two words that meant someone out there was waiting for his return, cared if he made it back in one piece.
Chapter Seven
Crooked Valley Ranch was a beehive of activity. As the end of July approached, so did Carrie’s due date. When she went into labor ten days early, no one was entirely prepared. Duke disappeared to the hospital. Quinn manned the ranch, while Lacey cooked and cleaned and baked and kept everyone updated as Duke texted her with their progress.
Kailey had been too busy working to spend much time with the Crooked Valley crew, but this morning she came over, both to bring a baby blanket that her mother had knitted and also to put a proposition to Quinn.
She dropped off the blanket to Lacey in the big house, taking a moment to inquire about Carrie and long enough to accept a fresh doughnut still warm from the grease. Quinn came in for a cup of coffee, and Kailey took the opportunity to speak to him about his house, which was newly renovated and sitting vacant now that he and Amber were living at Crooked Valley. She was just walking across the
yard with a second doughnut in her hand when she heard an engine and saw a puff of dust. Rylan’s truck came into view and her heart gave a little thump.
She’d thought about him often since his late-night phone call. And she kept picturing a cute little boy who’d lost his dad and who had been forced to move away from the only life he’d ever really known. Rylan always seemed so confident, even cocky. But it was all an act. Deep down, he was afraid of being hurt. Of letting himself care for anyone who might let him down.
He’d been right about her, too. She’d focused on work for so long that she’d forgotten that she had a life outside the ranch that she needed to live. She wondered what he’d say about the latest development.
He stopped. She saw the driver’s side door open and a pair of dusty boots hit the gravel.
She couldn’t help it. A smile broke out on her face. She was glad to see him. Besides, he probably didn’t know about Carrie if he’d been driving all morning, and...
He came around the hood of his truck and she halted in her tracks.
A navy sling cradled his right arm close to his body. His gait had a hitch to it, and when her gaze darted to his face she saw scrapes running down one cheek and a dark bruise around his right eye and eyebrow.
All the things she’d said about keeping her distance faded, and she rushed to greet him, concern sending chills down her body. “Oh, my God! What happened to you?”
He smiled, and she noticed his lip had a split that kept him from opening his mouth wider. “Nothing too serious. Minor motor vehicle accident.”
“Minor? Look at you!” Gingerly she put her arms around him and held him close. “From the looks of it, you might have been killed. You’re okay, right?”
“Easy,” he cautioned, his voice gruff. “I hurt all over, Kailey, and I’ve been sitting in that truck for the past four hours.”
His truck. Frowning, she cast a quick look behind him. The truck appeared unscathed.
“Your truck is okay. Did you get it fixed already?”
He shook his head. “Not my truck. I was a passenger, catching a ride back from the bar on Saturday night.”
