Justine Elyot

by Secretsand Lords

  She decided he had been teased enough, wrapping her lips around the tip and licking off that strange little pearl. It did have a taste, salty and strong. She could not quite describe it, she thought, but perhaps more familiarity would lend the vocabulary she lacked.

  He was trembling, she noticed, and his thighs were lightly sheened with perspiration. She felt in possession of the biggest and most ridiculous power on earth, bringing him to such subjection. This was why kingdoms fell and the greatest of men risked ruin. It had always seemed absurd to her but now she began to understand it.

  She lowered her mouth, inch by inch, stopping at regular intervals to lick and suck at the newly enclosed flesh. It was rather comforting to do so, in a way, which surprised her. Down she went, further and further, until she was close to having all of him in her mouth. She couldn’t quite manage it, though, which was a little disappointing. She wondered if it would disappoint him.

  She kept him there for half a minute, sucking gently, then she released him entirely, kneeling up to look at his face.

  It was in piteous disarray, his expression flickering from confusion to dismay to other emotions, never able to settle on one.

  ‘Don’t you like it?’ he croaked.

  ‘Oh, yes, it’s lovely,’ she said. ‘Do you deserve it, though?’

  ‘After everything I did for you!’

  She laughed at his outrage and took pity.

  ‘You do. But … what should I do? Am I doing the right thing?’

  He relaxed and smiled at her anxiety.

  ‘Absolutely,’ he said. ‘Just keep doing what you were doing.’

  ‘Until when?’

  ‘You’ll know when.’

  She supposed she should take him at his word and returned to her mission, sucking happily and using her fingers to prod at that area that had caused him so much consternation before.

  His pained rapture was so very gratifying that she did not lose one iota of motivation, even when her jaw began to ache and she started fearing that the mysterious ‘when’ might be a long time distant.

  But, just as she was about to take her mouth from him to give her protesting mandibles some respite, the moment came. She felt him still for an instant, then begin to thrust in her mouth, his pelvis in a blur of motion. Before she understood what had passed, a slightly bitter liquid, the close cousin of that she had tasted earlier, spurted to the back of her throat, causing her to retreat with an exclamation of shock.

  ‘Swallow it,’ he shouted, as if he commanded her.

  In her state of surprise and consternation, she did not hesitate to obey, and the liquid slid down her throat. Not entirely pleasant to taste, but certainly no poison either – this must be what had gone into the prophylactic before.

  ‘You did not warn me,’ she said, once she had finished grimacing.

  He said nothing for a while, basking in the ebbing remains of his bliss.

  When eventually he opened his eyes, he said, ‘I assumed you would know. Oh.’ He blinked and looked concerned. ‘Have I disgusted you?’

  She shook her head. ‘Not disgusted. I just … I daresay I am terribly naïve, but I didn’t expect you to … But please, don’t fret on that account. Really. Don’t look so crestfallen. Oh, dear.’

  She kissed his lips, wondering if he tasted himself on her.

  ‘I shall remember it for the future,’ she whispered.

  He brightened at that. ‘The future? This is promising. Unless you mean the future with some dull husband in London. Is that what you mean?’

  ‘Charles.’

  The sadness in his tone took her aback. She untied his wrists and he wrapped his arms around her as she lay beside him on the bed.

  ‘Well?’ he sighed.

  ‘I don’t know what I meant,’ she said. ‘I don’t know at all. I can’t explain how I feel even to myself.’

  ‘You might try,’ he said, pulling her tighter and kissing her forehead. ‘Thank you, by the way, for being so utterly ravishingly marvellous.’

  ‘Did I do it well?’

  ‘You did it perfectly. Now tell me how you feel.’

  ‘When you said no woman could go to bed with a man without falling for him, well, I thought, what nonsense. And I still do, actually. But I do seem to feel something for you. I don’t think it’s to do with going to bed with you. I think it’s more to do with spending time with you and … finding things out about you. Unexpected things.’

  ‘I’m not the man you thought I was?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘And my exceptional prowess as a lover hasn’t swayed you even slightly?’

  She giggled and snuggled closer.

  ‘You’re not modest, are you? But you are …’ She broke off and sighed expressively. ‘Yes, damn you, you are very good.’

  ‘Damnably good,’ he said. ‘Yes, I like that as an endorsement. And you’re probably right. Most men couldn’t earn a woman’s love by taking her to bed. But I’m not most men. I know how to give pleasure. I think that’s rather a big point in my favour, don’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know any other men to compare,’ she said.

  ‘That bloody chauffeur would like to change that,’ said Charles with a sniff.

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I said I’d go to the village dance with him.’

  ‘I forbid it.’

  ‘Oh, Charles, of course you don’t.’ She sat up, frowning at him.

  He frowned back, in double measure.

  ‘I can’t have you gallivanting with other men, Edie. I’ll go mad with jealousy.’

  ‘But you know it’s you …’ She twisted her fingers, looking away from him.

  ‘Do I?’ He sat up beside her, his still tethered ankles straining at their bonds. ‘What do I know it’s me? Tell me. Say it.’

  ‘I can’t,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t make me.’

  He took hold of her upper arm and made her face him again, then cupped her cheek in one hand.

  ‘I’m in love with you, Edie,’ he said. ‘I didn’t think I knew what love was, but I do now.’

  ‘You say that …’

  ‘I say it because I mean it.’

  ‘But it’s just not possible,’ she cried, covering her face with her hands.

  ‘It’s more than possible, it’s happening. It has us, Edie, don’t you see? It has us and we can’t shake it off. We can only go where it takes us.’

  ‘I didn’t want this,’ she said, pushing her fists into her eyes. ‘I don’t know what to do about it.’

  ‘You can stop this silly game with your mother. Tell her who you are. Tell her the moment she returns from London.’

  ‘Oh, God, Charles, I can’t. I’m scared.’

  ‘You? You’re brave, Edie. You’re the bravest girl I ever met. Of course you can.’

  ‘But it feels too soon, and if she rejects me …’

  ‘If she rejects you she’s a cold-hearted bitch and you’re better off without her. I’ll stand with you, Edie. Whatever strength you need, I’ll be here to give.’

  ‘Really?’ Through the tears she tried to gauge his expression. Could she rely on him, trust him to see her through this crisis? It seemed too much to hope, but she was well and truly hooked now, horribly and inconveniently in love with him and her foolish heart was starting to believe there might be some future to be had with him too.

  ‘Really,’ he said. ‘I know how to fight and I’ll fight for you, Edie whatever-your-name-is, to the last drop of my bad blue blood.’

  ‘It’s Crossland,’ she said, half-laughing, half-crying. ‘Edie Crossland.’

  ‘Crossland,’ he said with a nod of satisfaction. He took her hand in his and stroked the ring finger. ‘Perhaps Deverell one day.’

  ‘Oh, don’t,’ she said, trying to pull free without success. ‘Don’t tempt fate.’

  ‘You believe in that, do you? Fate?’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Well, then.’ He put her fingers to his lips an
d kissed them. ‘You’re exhausted, my girl. Untie my feet and let’s get some sleep. But tomorrow … Tomorrow there are serious discussions to be had.’

  Chapter Ten

  There was rain when Edie awoke. She slipped out of bed, looked back at Charles’s peaceful sleeping face, and then gazed out of the window. It was early but the gardeners were about, hurrying along in their green gumboots, pushing their wheelbarrows with heads well down.

  Soon Lord and Lady Deverell would be home and she would have to … what? Could she really do it? Perhaps she should leave, get out of here and get the train back to London before Charles had even stirred from his bed. She could write a letter. It would be easier, kinder to all concerned.

  But it would mean leaving Charles and never again sliding between those sheets with him, lying beside his warm male body, clasped in his arms. It was more than she could give up now.

  She could, however, return to her room and avoid the ‘serious discussion’ he had mentioned last night. Yes.

  She tiptoed past the bed and had one hand on the door handle when she jumped at the sound of his voice, slurred and heavy with yawns.

  ‘And just where do you think you’re going?’

  She turned and flattened her back against the door, her face warm with guilt.

  ‘I don’t know what time they’ll be back. I thought I’d better –’

  ‘It’s the crack of dawn, girl. Come back to bed.’

  It might be the last time.

  She wavered, torn between her desires and her good sense.

  ‘Are you going to make me come over there and get you?’

  ‘I’m just worried in case …’

  He sat up and pushed the covers aside, his face a picture of wicked determination.

  ‘All right, all right,’ she said.

  She climbed back into the bed and found herself straightaway wrestled onto her back and pinned down beneath him.

  ‘You know there’s no escape from me, don’t you?’ he said, all predatory teeth and glittering eyes. He was definitely awake now.

  ‘So you say,’ she said, but she was allowed to speak no more, her mouth given over to kisses.

  The minute he was near her, she was lost again. Something in his scent, in the transmission of warmth from his skin to hers, sent her over a precipice into giddy addiction. To break it, she would have to get a long way away from him. But not now. Not while he pressed himself against her and whispered in her ear.

  ‘I want to do things to you that aren’t even legal,’ he said, grinding his pelvis against her. ‘If I could keep you here for the rest of the day, I would.’

  She wrapped her leg around his hip, opening herself to him. Was she ready to take him again? The soreness had dulled and she was only aware of the lightest twinge now. If he wanted her …

  ‘Oh, you’d like that, would you?’ he teased, his lips on her earlobe. ‘Well, I’ll just have to do as much as I can while I can.’

  He put his hand between their lower bodies, pushing two fingers gently inside her lips.

  ‘How is it?’ he whispered.

  ‘Fine,’ she whispered back.

  He began rubbing and stroking, augmenting the sensation by kissing and nipping at her neck and shoulders, then moving down to her breasts.

  He scarcely needed to do anything to make her want him, she thought. The merest touch made her flood with desire for more. She was like a magnet, helplessly driven to connect with him. Opposites attract.

  She almost forgot about the French letter until he knelt up and retrieved one from the bedside table. How could she be so stupid? Did love make one lose one’s mind? It certainly seemed that way.

  When he drove into her she cried out with pleasure. The feeling of having him inside her was enough to override entirely any residual pain. She spread herself wide for him and pushed her bottom up to meet his plunging length. They were one being, fused at their roots, belonging that way.

  They rocked back and forth, slowly at first, Charles taking care to stoke the fire he had laid with even strokes. Edie clung to his neck, covering his face with kisses and allowing him to cover hers in return. The languid pace allowed her to feel the stretching of her inner walls and enjoy the continuing work of his fingers on her bud. Step by step, she climbed towards her peak, but she wanted it to last for ever, to lie there underneath Charles, made breathless by his weight on her, warm and wanted and loved, until everything went dark.

  She tried to hold out but his fingers would not allow it and she soon felt the quiver of approaching climax. Now there was nothing she could do to stop it, she let it take her. Charles thrust deeper and harder – he must know – and she clasped her legs tight around him, ready for the moment.

  It spilled out of her, in her voice, in the spasms of her muscles, in the trembling of her limbs, in so many ways. He kissed her through it and kept up his rapid pistoning until he was able to join her.

  It was almost as good as her own throes of ecstasy to watch him in his. How astonished he looked, as if he had not expected to feel this, and how touchingly alarmed. She laid his head on her breast afterwards and unplastered the hairs from his damp skin.

  She felt too much for him. Without knowing quite how, she had waded into dangerous waters. But there was nothing she could do about it except try to keep afloat.

  ‘Are you going to speak to her?’ he said at last. ‘When she gets back?’

  ‘I hardly know. I keep rehearsing opening lines in my head and then … I can’t continue.’

  ‘I will be with you.’

  ‘Perhaps I should do it alone. Perhaps I should wait. Oh, perhaps I should just go.’

  He raised his head and levelled his eyes with hers, saying nothing while her agitation increased.

  ‘You couldn’t,’ he said. ‘You wouldn’t just go.’

  ‘It is too late,’ she said. ‘Too many years have passed … I must accept that I don’t have a mother. I was happy enough before I knew of her.’

  ‘No, Edie. No.’

  ‘Why not? Do you care what’s best for me, or can’t you bear the thought that perhaps your father is happy with her, and might remain so?’

  His face contorted with what looked like pain but was probably anger.

  ‘The truth is always best,’ he said.

  ‘Not always.’

  ‘If you don’t tell her, I will.’

  Edie sat up sharply.

  ‘You will not! It is not your truth to tell. Do not pretend this is all about honesty and clarity and truthfulness when it is about your personal vendetta.’

  His eyes were painful to look into. She shut hers.

  ‘That is what you think of me,’ he said.

  ‘Charles, you admit yourself that you carried on an affair with her out of revenge. What am I meant to think of that?’

  She waited for an angry outburst, the tilting of the mattress, even perhaps a slap on the cheek, but there was only silence for a long, long moment.

  ‘No, I see,’ he said quietly. ‘I do see.’

  She opened her eyes. ‘You regret it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He got off the bed, pulled on his bathrobe, moved over to the window and drew aside the curtain.

  ‘Rain,’ he said.

  He turned around.

  ‘Edie, can we start this again? Can we rub out the past?’

  ‘The affair? The hatred? It’s not the Charles I know and …’ She swallowed.

  ‘What was that?’ The tiniest hint of a smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. ‘You know and …?’

  ‘You could be such a lovely man. You are, with me.’

  ‘You make me better than I am.’

  ‘No, I don’t. Not at all.’

  ‘You think there is hope for me, then?’ He laughed, somewhat desperately.

  ‘Oh, Charles.’ She held out her hands, bringing him back to her.

  They lay down in each other’s arms and held each other in silence.

  ‘If I tell her,’
said Edie softly, ‘and she chooses to say nothing to anybody about it, what will you do?’

  ‘I couldn’t share this house with her. I couldn’t keep that secret. Not from my own father.’

  ‘So you would tell him?’

  ‘Not if it meant losing you.’

  They looked at each other, trying to make sense of the decision that lay ahead.

  ‘Would it mean losing you?’ he asked in a whisper.

  ‘I’m lost already,’ she said. ‘Oh, dear. So very lost.’

  A knock on the door.

  ‘Coffee, sir.’

  ‘Tom’s valet,’ he whispered, covering Edie with the sheets and drawing the curtains around the bed. ‘Bring it in,’ he ordered aloud. ‘Just put it on the table, would you? There’s a good fellow.’

  ‘I trust sir is feeling himself this morning?’

  ‘A tad under the weather, that’s all. Thank you. You may go.’

  ‘I was intending to lay out your clothes, sir.’

  ‘There’s no need. I’ll do it later. Thank you.’

  ‘Perhaps a bath?’

  ‘I can run a bath. I’m perfectly capable. Good morning.’

  ‘Good morning, sir.’

  The puzzlement in his voice made Edie want to giggle despite her fear of being found out. Mind you, there would be talk below stairs now and perhaps her name would come into it. She couldn’t blame people for working out what was going on – it must be obvious by now.

  ‘Bath’s not a bad idea, is it?’ said Charles, releasing Edie from her sheet-bound hiding place. ‘I’ll go and run one. Help yourself to coffee.’

  ‘It should be my job,’ she said. ‘I do it for … Her Ladyship.’

  He had no comment to make about that. He kissed the top of her head and wandered off to the splendidly modern en suite bathroom.

  She poured a cup of coffee and took it to him. He sat on the lip of the bath and motioned her to put the drink down.

  ‘How hot do you like it?’ he asked.

  ‘Coffee?’ She was confused.

  ‘No, the water, silly. Come here. Test the temperature.’

  She put a finger into the swirling depths.

  ‘You have hot-water pipes up here on this floor,’ she said. ‘Everyone else gets hot water from the kitchen. It takes so long to organise. It’s ridiculously old-fashioned.’