Tears erupt down my face as I wince in pain. “Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry. You scared me.” It comes out lower than a whisper.
His dark eyes roam over my face until he is satisfied with whatever emotion he found. Hunter takes a deep inhale and drops his hand. He takes a few steps back until the edge of my mattress brushes the back of his legs. He flops down on my bed. Hunter brings his hands to his forehead and presses in. “I’m sorry. That’s a trigger for me.”
I rotate my sore wrist, circulating the blood flow there. There will most likely be bruising too. “What’s a trigger?” My throat feels tight and so raw.
He pats the space next to him. Wary, I sit, fidgeting with my hands in my lap. “Being hit is a major trigger for me,” he explains.
“I’m sorry.” I am giving him a genuine apology, but I’m still sort of pissed at him for scaring the hell out of me.
He scrutinizes my face and then looks guilty. Hunter picks up my aching wrist, softly kissing the inside of it and my stinging palm. My heart almost stops. “You didn’t know.”
I touch the darkening print on his face. “I didn’t mean to hit you, Hunter.”
“I know.”
“Did Grace hit you, too?”
He narrows his eyes before he replies, “Every fucking day.” He collapses on top of my bed, staring at the ceiling. “Harshness and cruelty was all I ever knew from Grace. She never once hugged me or Hero. Later, when Hero was born, I learned that when I was a newborn, I couldn’t digest formula either. My own mother wouldn’t let us suckle from her to stop our fucking hunger. My dad had to buy someone else’s breast milk. That thought alone is so repulsive. At a very young age I was beginning to understand that Grace had…issues with us. I don’t think she wanted me and Hero to begin with, so I don’t think it was difficult at all for her to destroy us. At least she was more lenient with Naya. Hero and I received the worst of it.”
I carefully lie next to him, gazing at his hard jaw. My heart feels like it’s about to split open from sadness.
Hunter wraps an arm around my back, pressing me into his side and tucking my head under his chin. I throw my leg over both of his, nuzzling closer. “I’m sorry, Hunter. You didn’t deserve that. You and Hero and Naya didn’t deserve to be beaten and battered.”
He laughs a humorless laugh. “The beatings were tolerable. I wish it did stop at the beatings. But no. Grace…Grace is more cunning than that. She aims to kill.” His heart is beating so very fast and he takes rapid shallow breaths.
My fingers smooth back wet strands of hair from his soaked forehead. I push up a little to stare into wide eyes that appear vacant. He gazes at the ceiling, seeing nothing or maybe lost in his past. “Baby, what did she do?”
“She keeps animal cages in a nearby barn behind the house. She’d drag us by our hair and shove us in the crammed space. She’d lock the cages and leave us to suffer. We’d all be hungry and scared. It was so dark, so, so, dark. I couldn’t see my hand that was directly in front of my face. Naya and Hero would scream and cry as loud as they could. There was nothing I could do to comfort them.
“We’d be filthy with piss and vomit and shit, shaking and very hungry. No one ever heard our screams. No one ever came to our rescue. Dad, he was always gone. Had a habit of staying gone. He was just a soulless shell of a person. Mom would come back days later and hose us down.
“Only after the grit was washed away were we allowed back in the house. The three of us were very attentive to her sudden mood swings. We were walking on eggshells every damn day. We didn’t know what would set her off, it seems like nothing ever really does.
“But something changed when I saw photos of you and your family sprawled across my mom’s desk. You all looked happy. Everyone was smiling. And then, there you were. Big smoky emerald green eyes that was too large for your delicate face, with long and thick dark hair that cascades down your shoulders.
“Once I saw your picture, something flickered to life inside of me. I knew I had to protect you from her…protect you all from Grace. I didn’t know what she was planning; I just knew I had to look out for you.
“The first time we met I had been observing you for over a week. I didn’t mean to get as close as I did, but I couldn’t resist you anymore. Like I said, I only learned how to be harsh, so instead of a normal greeting, I pushed you off the swing. You were crying and bleeding. I didn’t want your mom to come out because I thought she’d tell my mom and back to the cage I’d go. I remember covering your mouth and telling you not scream. I remember kissing your sores and then I remember you touching my face and lips.” He closes his eyes briefly, unconsciously seeks his cheekbones and mouth. “I’ve never been touched the way you touched me, Isabel. I remember the feeling precisely from that point onward. It didn’t matter if I was in the dark, soiled, cramped cage—your touch and love was with me. And it was within the confines of your heart where I basked…where I yearned to be forever.”
I’m unable to stop the sobs from wrecking my body.
“Everything got worse when Grace found out about our flourishing friendship. It was the beginning of our freshmen year of high school. She told me I had to let you go, or she’d hurt you just like she hurt me. I knew Grace was dangerous and I didn’t know what she was capable of. I didn’t want to cause you more pain, so I did as she asked. I knew I had to break you. I had to break you down so badly that you wouldn’t dare to come back. Christ, you fought me on that. You wouldn’t let me let you go. You made it so fucking hard. The desperation in your eyes will forever haunt me. All I wanted was to be near you all the time.
“I understood that I couldn’t anymore. I loved you so much that I stepped back and released you. Doing so tore me up. The harshest beatings never felt that bad. It felt like I was simply rotting away from the inside out. But there you were. Freely laughing and dating my best friend, Falcon. God, I was furious. I wanted to kill him and maybe you, too, just to stop my misery…just to get some relief.
“Everything about what I said to you was a fucking illusion. Everything from the luxury house and cars, to the polished Knights’ family portrait was an illusion. My mom introduced me to Sally. Sally is just a younger version of my mother. She fucking gutted me in all the right places.
“If Sally didn’t go a day without seeing me, she’d get severely hysterical. She’d slam herself into brick walls; she’d deliberately break her own fucking bones. I was so scared at times. I’d take her to the hospital. People thought what they thought, but I never laid a hand on her. Sally was my own personal hell. When she proposed to me and promised to quit banging herself up, I had no choice.
“On the outside we may appeared happy but we were anything but. It was all an illusion. When Tyler died, I fucking snapped. Everything came crashing down. Grace’s threats carried no weight anymore. As far as I was concerned, she already harmed you. I wasn’t afraid of her anymore.” He pauses, his voice dropping a notch. “I decided to stop fighting the urge and came to see you, but when I got to your house, you were in the tub and barely breathing. I had to take you with me…but I had a major problem: I couldn’t stop breaking you down. How was I supposed to fix something I couldn’t stop breaking?
“When Falcon stepped in, I gave you up again. And, again, you fought me; you wouldn’t let me let you go. So I gave in, but when Sally came, everything came rushing back. A small part of me feared that she would go loony and tell Grace. No. I knew she was going to tell Grace. Then there you were, fighting again, mouthing off to my psycho ex. I didn’t want her to hurt you, or even think about hurting you. So I did the only thing I know how to do: break you. Resilient you are. You were getting stronger. You didn’t break…you’ll never break that way again.”
He wipes at the wetness leaking down my cheeks. “Stop crying, baby.”
I don’t know what to say or do, but a wise Hunter Knight once told me to hold on when everything else fails. I hold Hunter as tight and as close as I possibly can, pressing desperate kisses
on his face and neck and across the T-shirt of his chest.
He rolls me on my back, making a deep gravelly noise in the back of his throat. My fingers curl in his silky hair, urging his mouth to mine. Hunter’s hands trail up my thighs, dragging up the hem of my blue nightie. Urgent fingers tug at the waistband of my panties. But I have to warn him about something.
“I’m on my period. It’ll be over by tomorrow.”
He gazes into my eyes, his expression a brutal mask of lust. “You’re mine. I’ll take you anyway I can get you.” Without another word my underwear is hastily yanked down my legs. He quickly removes the tampon, discarding it in a small black trash bin beside my bed. With a soft pop of the button of his jeans and zipper, he thrusts his impossibly hot erection inside of me in one fluid movement.
Our breaths hitches, then he shifts on his back, taking me with him. “You on top this time.”
I understand that this is a gift and that Hunter is letting me take control…but I’m so absurdly full and stretched to my limit that I find any kind of movement to be nearly impossible. My long hair is like a dark veil that conceals our faces as I incline and brace my shaky hands on his solid chest for support.
He grunts, sharply trusting his hips upward. “Baby, I need you to move. Fucking ride me.”
That simple motion causes my entire body to tremble on the verge of a blazing molten orgasm. Breathless and sweating, I collapse on top of him. “I can’t,” I whine. “You’re just too big. I either have to pee or come.” I never felt so full.
He gives me a winded laugh and then grips the cheeks of my ass, effortlessly bouncing me up and down his incredibly hard length. Every muscle in my fiber quivers and I climax, moaning and whimpering incoherent things.
Hunter flips me on my back, aggressively fucking me through my orgasm. I wrap my shaky legs around his waist, crossing my legs at the ankles. Reaching up, I touch his dazzling face, caressing his full lips and tracing his eyebrows. I press tender kisses there too. I lap up the sheen of sweat in the hollow of his neck, biting down on the erratic pulse there.
He grunts lowly, fingers almost painfully digging into my sides. Hunter’s movements slow and become jerker. “So fucking tight. I love your pussy so fucking much.” He comes brutally, holding me down just the way I like.
Our heaving chests rise and fall together in unison. We lie on my bed, gazing into one another’s dilated eyes. This is such a monumental moment for me. I always dreamed of having sex with Hunter Knight in my bed, in my room.
After everything, he’s really here, with me.
“You promised you wouldn’t let me go, Isabel. You promised no matter what I did you wouldn’t let me go. I got back to the house, you were gone.”
“Hunter, there are things you don’t know…Tyler, didn’t kill himself. I think your mother killed him. I think…I think she’s trying to kill me too. I didn’t fall from the cliff. I lied about that. Someone, and I think that some is Grace, shoved me off before I could draw in a breath to scream.”
He eyes are narrowed and shrewd, scanning my eyes for something. “You promised me you wouldn’t let me go. You promised to keep me in your heart forever. And now you hide things from me. How am I supposed to protect you like that? What the fuck, Isabel?!”
He’s mad?
At me?
While he is still buried deep inside me?
How is that even possible?
My brows furrow, astonishment washing over my features. “What?!”
“Fucking shit!” He screws his eyes shut, dropping his head on my shoulder. “MOTHERFUCKER!”
My heart stutters in my chest from the fierceness of his voice. “Hunter, calm down.”
“Don’t hide shit from me, Isabel. Ever. Deception doesn’t set well with me. If Grace had anything to do with this, I’ll find out. Let me take care of it. Don’t you dare try to solve this on your own.”
“I’m not doing this on my own anymore. Max is helping.”
“You’re shitting me?” he growls.
“No. I told him everything. He’s been helping. His dad may have the actual footage of what happened on the bridge that night.”
He harshly thrusts into me, eliciting a gasp and shudder. “Don’t talk about Max while my dick is still inside your sweet pussy. Go to sleep. I’ll handle everything.” Hunter rolls on his back and we stay connected. I lay my head on his chest, over his heart. The steady and familiar tempo is a pleasure to hear. After a while we both settle into one another.
His warm and comforting hands slide up and down the line of my spine in a soothing rhythm that has me nodding off. “I’m bleeding on you,” I whisper sleepily.
“Baby, hush and go to sleep. Nothing is going to prevent me from sleeping inside you tonight. Bleed on me; I relish in it.”
“Kinky,” I tease, kissing and licking his neck.
“You have no idea, but if you keep kissing and licking on me like that, I’m going to show you just how perverted I really am,” he warns in deathly quiet tone that is not to be toyed with.
I shiver, my internal muscles clenching around him.
“Such a greedy pussy you have,” he laughs softly. “I’m gonna have to fuck you all over again.”
“But I’m tired.”
“Stop provoking me and sleep, then.”
“Okay.”
Complying, I close my eyes and marvel at my favorite lullaby pulls me into a deep slumber.
Chapter forty-six
Mama’s Lullaby
Isabel age 7
Tyler age 4
My Mommy loves to sing to us. She showers our faces in a flood of kisses and sings us her special lullaby right before we go to bed.
My little moon-pie, you make me so brave
My little moon-pie, you make me so strong
My little moon-pie, I sing you this song to remember me when I am gone.
Never forget that I love you so much
Even the days when you’re crying and making a fuss
Your big green eyes always give me a rush
There is no one like my sweet little moon-pie.
I pray for my little moon-pie every morning and night
God answered back with a bundle of delight
Two of his angels from heaven took flight
And blessed me with two more little moon-pies.
Mommy loves you more than hearing the sound of her own heartbeat.
And always remember that after I die.
I love you my sweet little moon-pie.
Chapter forty-seven
Winter Ball
I pray for my little moon-pie every morning and night
God answered back with a bundle of delight
Two of his angels from heaven took flight
And blessed me with two more little moon-pies.
I wake with a sharp jolt, gasping and choking for air. My mother was referring to Tyler and Naya in her lullaby. All this time she was talking about Naya. I had no clue. I vigorously glance around my bedroom. I am alone again. Hunter is gone. Something fierce and aching spreads throughout my body. I notice a plain sheet of white paper with Hunter’s handwriting on the pillow beside me:
Isabel,
We’ve came so far yet we haven’t quite moved. We are stuck. I don’t think we have much of a future together. I wished for it. I dreamed about it. But you and I are simply incapable of fitting together the way we should.
We don’t match.
I do love you, and I need you to understand with absolute clarity that I’ve always loved you. I’ve only loved you. But, to be honest and fair to you, I’m not your prince.
Max, Max makes a good prince. Max isn’t tarnished the way I am. He’s stable and righteous. He’s exactly what you need.
Me?
I’m not good enough for you. I’ll never be good enough for you. I tried to tell you I wasn’t in the beginning. I think you just misinterpreted what I was saying.
An illusion you see.
But the delusion end
s here, and so do we. I know I can’t help myself from wanting you. I don’t have the willpower, so it’s ultimately up to you.
I know I’m contradicting myself at this point. I just have to write what’s been cramped in my head; whether you can comprehend what I’m trying to say is the ultimate goal.
I need you to choose him, Isabel.
Don’t come back to me.
You’re strong.
I know you can move on, past me.
I’ll only continue you to break you if you do. The most insane part is that I actually enjoy the process of breaking you down, watching you crack when I put just enough pressure on the most vulnerable part of you.
Sick, isn’t it?
That is what I’m trying to protect you from. You should not fret anyway. I have always been your dragon.
PS-Give yourself one night to be carefree. Max and I have figured everything out. We’ll let you in once the Winter Ball is over.
Hunter
Harshly wiping the tears away with the backs of my hands, I rip the note, completely tearing it into a million pieces of white confetti. Laughing hysterically, I stand and grip handfuls of it and toss it high in the air. I twirl as it flutters all around me like falling snowflakes. This could be it; the part where I actually go insane.
How much can one human really endure?
It’s as if I fell down the rabbit hole and have been living in a world full of illusion and reverie.
Who am I?
What do I want?
What do I like?
What do I aspire to be?
The most devastating part is that I can’t think of anything worth repeating. I stumble backwards and land on my wooden floor, crying. I guess there is a silver lining in this storm cloud: at the end of the ball, I finally get justice for my brother. For the sake of Tyler, I regain my composure. I can’t lose my mind tonight. I have a ball to attend.
Pure Illusion (Web Of Deception #1) Page 28
