by M. Malone
Isabelle nods her head. “We should definitely see that.”
All at once, I can’t take any more. “No, we don’t need to see that. Get your shit and get out. All of you. Out!”
The guy looks like he wants to say something but when I turn to him, the glower on my face must convince him that it’s not worth it. He grabs his shirt from the floor and pulls it over his head.
Isabelle rushes forward. “Please leave your cards, gentlemen. We’ll call you when we’ve made a decision.”
The other guys standing in line grumble as they file out of the room toward the front door. A few are taking longer than necessary so I clap my hands. “Let’s go!”
Josie looks appalled. She stomps over and grabs my arm. “You have some nerve. Who the hell do you think you are?”
Is she fucking kidding me? We face each other in a standoff. Josie raises an eyebrow when I don’t answer right away. My annoyance fades a little as I watch her get more and more pissed off. It doesn’t help that she’s hot when she’s all worked up like this. She looks like she’ll bite my face off if I get too close.
“I’m the guy who just cleared all the potential serial killers out of your living room. You’re welcome.”
“I’m not an idiot, Zack. We didn’t just grab random guys off the street. We got these candidates from a reputable modeling agency. How am I supposed to explain what just happened?”
“I don’t care how the hell you explain it. But I wasn’t about to stand there and let that guy take his pants off.”
Suddenly she clamps her hand over her mouth. My stomach clenches, worried that she’ll start crying. But a soft giggle escapes from behind her fingers.
“Don’t you dare laugh.”
Finally she seems to get herself under control. “What else can I do? I have to laugh or I’ll scream instead. Thanks to you, this entire day has been a waste of time. After that fiasco the agency isn’t going to send me any other models and I don’t really want to start over with another agency.”
She walks over to the couch and sinks down. Her shoulders slump forward and she lets out a long sigh. I kneel on the floor in front of her and when she meets my eyes, all the fight drains out of me. It’s not like her to look so dejected. So defeated.
“Why is this so important, Jo? What’s the rush?”
“Time is counting down until my next show and I’ve got nothing. The owner of the gallery has been really patient and supportive but if I don’t deliver, then he’s not going to wait forever.”
Now I feel guilty. Even though my intention was to get her to change her mind, it hadn’t fully hit me that she’s doing this to further her photography career. Her last show was phenomenal and it makes total sense that she would feel pressure to top that.
Maybe that’s what makes the craziest thing ever pop out of my mouth next.
“Use me.”
Josie looks just as shocked as I feel. For several moments neither of us moves, frozen into awkwardness before she lets out a startled laugh.
“That’s ridiculous.”
Even though I feel the same, hearing her say it kind of pisses me off. Thigh ripple guy is a candidate but not me?
“Why is that so ridiculous? You need a naked guy. I’m a guy. Why can’t you use me?”
“Because you’re you,” she says as if that makes total sense. “I can’t… we can’t… there’s just no way that would work.” She jumps up and starts gathering all the papers on the table into a pile. She drags the chair back into the kitchen while I trail behind her.
“Why not? You don’t think I’m pinup material?” I already know that I’m not Josie’s dream man. Her type is tall, dark and handsome. Not tall, snarky and inked. But it’s fun to fuck with her anyway.
She blushes and swipes a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Her eyes are everywhere but on me.
“It’s not that. But modeling isn’t something you just jump into. You have to be really comfortable in your skin and very aware of your body and how it moves.”
“Are you really going to pretend that’s why you had those guys taking their shirts off? To make sure they’re comfortable in their skin? It had nothing to do with wanting to see them naked, huh?”
She shrugs. “If I’m going to focus on the sensuality of the male body, it makes sense to find one that most women would find attractive. It might seem shallow but then again sexuality isn’t an equal opportunity game. Physical attraction is a huge part of it. Plus, if they can’t even take their shirt off then they won’t be able to handle posing completely nude.”
Her voice lowers and one of her hands lands on her neck. It hits me then how intimate this conversation is and how close we’re standing.
“I’ve never had a problem with nudity.” I grip the back of my shirt and pull it over my head.
Josie’s mouth opens and closes a few times. Her eyes roam over my exposed chest. “I see that.”
“Unless you have a problem with all the ink.”
At my words, her eyes drop to the tattoos on my chest. I have a massive phoenix on my left pec whose head rests on my shoulder while the body covers my ribs. The feet go below the waistband of my jeans. There are several lines of poetry on my right ribs and my moms’ names running around my left bicep. I also have full sleeves of ink covering both forearms. It’s a lot to look at but she doesn’t seem put off by it at all. Her eyes soften as she takes it all in.
Stunned, I look into her eyes for the first time in… well, ever. Her cheeks are flushed, her dark eyes bright and that lush bottom lip keeps finding its way between her teeth. On another woman these same signs would equal arousal. Desire. But this is Jo and I’ve never seen her look at me like this before. Which makes me wonder if the sudden sexual awareness I feel around her is a mutual thing.
Do I even want it to be?
Isabelle comes back in then and skids to a halt in the doorway. The tension between us is palpable and she looks like she wants to turn around and run back out. She glances between us hesitantly. “I just remembered that I have that thing. So, I’m going to go.”
“What thing?” Josie demands.
She pulls her eyes away from my chest and looks over at her friend. She’s making a face that I can tell means she doesn’t want Isabelle to leave her alone with me.
“You know, the thing with that guy. I’ll tell you about it later.” Isabelle’s eyes dart over to me and then she looks me over from head to toe. “Much later. Bye!”
Josie shakes her head as Isabelle practically runs out of the room. “Wow. All my friends are traitors today.”
“Your friends care about you. And Isabelle knows that you’re safe with me.”
“Am I?” After glancing at my chest a few more times, she turns around and walks back to the table. She picks up one of the forms on the stack and then holds it out to me.
“What’s that?”
“It’s an application. If you’re going to do this, then you’ll need to sign the photo release form. Unless you’re backing out?” She raises an eyebrow.
I can tell from the way she’s not meeting my eyes that she’s hoping I will. That makes me all the more determined to do this. I grab the form and pick up one of the pens on the table.
“Not a chance.”
†
I sign the form without even reading it. I doubt Josie is angling to take advantage of me. I glance up and when our eyes meet, she quickly looks away. Oh yeah, she’s hoping I chicken out so she can go back to interviewing Chippendale dancers. Well, she’s stuck with me for now.
I hand her the form. “Done. I guess this means I can’t sue you for sexual harassment.”
Her smile appears and disappears so quickly I almost miss it. Damn, it’s fun to rile her. But I guess we should call a truce if she’s going to be taking pictures of me naked. Having pictures of my junk out there for the world to see doesn’t really bother me that much. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. But she could make me look really bad.
; Or really small.
Suddenly I’m not so sure about this. I probably should have asked a few questions before signing up to be her guinea pig.
“Am I allowed to ask questions about your show? How naked are we really getting with this?”
She rolls her eyes and points me to the couch. Since she hasn’t answered me, I guess that’s a no to the asking questions thing. I wait patiently while she does complicated shit to her camera and then starts snapping pictures.
“Should I just take the rest of my clothes off now? How are we doing this?”
I’m charmed by the blush that works up from her neck and spreads to her cheeks. She’s trying so hard to act nonchalant but that’s impossible when you’ve known someone as long as I’ve known Josie. Rough language and raunchy jokes have always made her blush.
“Not yet. I need to get a feel for how you move first. These are just test shots.”
“Why not just get to it?”
I see a brief flash of her smile before she disappears behind the camera again. The shutter clicks as she moves around me.
“Foreplay, Zachary. It’s a thing for a reason.”
“Believe me, I know. But it’s usually a lot more pleasurable than this.”
This is weird, feeling like I’m on display. Even though it’s what I signed up for, since I can’t see her face it feels like I’m doing this with a stranger.
“Can you at least tell me what your show is about? Or is it just about dongs in general?”
She lowers the camera. “Real mature.”
“Well, you haven’t told me anything. What am I supposed to think?”
She considers this and then shrugs. “Erotic art usually focuses on the female form. I want to explore sensuality from the opposite view.”
It sounds like bullshit to me but I don’t say anything. If she wants an excuse to photograph naked dudes that’s fine but why do women always have to make everything so complicated? Men don’t try to dress up our desires. We want to see naked women because we like seeing naked women. End of story.
Something in my face must give away my true feelings because she suddenly lowers the camera again.
“What? Just say whatever it is you’re thinking. You don’t think that men can be sex objects?” Her nose crinkles derisively.
“Sure. I think most men think of themselves that way. But that still doesn’t answer my question. I want to know what’s in it for you. Why this specifically and not something else?”
“I’ve decided to go after the things I want this year. To be brave and confident. Playing it safe is boring. I’m going to do the unexpected from now. Have some adventures.”
I move around, trying to get comfortable and she motions with her hand for me to go the other way. Then she puts the camera down.
“Let’s try something different.”
She drags the pillows off the couch and to the floor. “Sit here. Like you’re just hanging out.”
I sit on the first cushion with my back resting against the couch. There’s nothing special about the way I’m posed, lounging with one knee propped up, but she makes a soft sound of happiness. Almost like she’s humming. That’s all it takes. With that one careless sound my dick is ready for action.
Shit.
My sudden attraction for Josie is extremely inconvenient. I shift around, hoping that my jeans conceal the fact that I’m hard as a rock. But Josie doesn’t seem to notice. In fact, she seems happy, moving around me clicking away. My heart stutters a little when one side of her mouth lifts slightly into that sexy little smirk she does. Instinctively, I smile back.
She lowers the camera. Our eyes meet.
Something changes in that moment and suddenly things are different. I’m acutely aware of every sensation, including the hard edge of the couch behind me and the rough material of my jeans rubbing against my erection. Even my skin feels uncomfortably tight all of a sudden. When I look back at Josie, she bites her lip and looks away.
“Why did you really stop the auditions, Zack?”
“I had to.”
“Why? I mean, why do you even care?”
What a loaded fucking question.
Because I don’t want naked guys around her. Because I worry about her. Because I want to be the one she needs. But I can’t say any of that so I go with the truth because it’s simpler. And just as loaded.
“Gabe asked me to.”
And there we have it. The thing that will always be between us.
Josie rolls her eyes. “Unbelievable. I’m not completely reckless, you know. That’s why we did the auditions as a group. For safety. Izzie has also offered to be there while I shoot so I’m not alone with anyone. Gabe worries too much.”
“Right.”
Her fingers tighten around the camera. “Is there something else you want to say?”
“Just wondering if there’s an ulterior motive to this whole thing. You know that Gabe worries about you. And you knew that doing this would drive him insane.”
Her eyes flash. “What are you trying to say? That I did this to get his attention?”
That’s exactly what I’m saying but I can tell that I’ve just opened up a minefield. She’s always been touchy when I point out her crush on Gabe. That’s part of what made it so much fun to annoy her. At least it was fun until I realized that I’d give anything to be the one she noticed. Not so much fun then.
When I don’t say anything else she closes her eyes and that’s how I know she’s really mad.
“I swear if I hadn’t known you so long Zack Marshall I would never speak to you again. Here’s a newsflash. Everything isn’t about Gabe.”
That’s just it though. It always has been before. A fact that I long ago learned to live with.
“You want me to believe this isn’t about him, then help me understand.”
She turns and walks away. I sag back against the couch. We’ve always pestered each other but this is different. Her anger is a palpable thing and I’m starting to realize that I might have pushed her too far.
Just when I’m contemplating whether I should go after her and apologize, she comes back. As she walks she juggles one of those huge photo albums, the kind my mom has all of our baby pictures in. Finally she pulls out a photo and hands it to me.
The couple in the picture are wrapped around each other without anything between them. They’re looking deeply into each other’s eyes while making love. The camera’s angle makes it look like I’m right there in the bed with them.
Like all of Josie’s pictures it makes me uncomfortable and excited and … surprisingly envious.
“This wasn’t in your show,” I say finally.
“No. It was too explicit for the show but I had to capture the moment.”
Her finger trails over the image and I shudder as if she’s touched me.
“It’s beautiful, Josie.” It’s completely inadequate as far as description goes but true nonetheless.
“The picture is technically beautiful, yes. But that’s not why I kept this shot. Look at how he’s looking at her.” Her eyes drop to the image again and I can’t miss the wistful tone of her voice.
It’s what I see in her face that makes me look again, trying to see what she sees. Trying to feel what she feels. I want so badly to understand what drives her. To get even a little insight into what makes her happy.
“They look like they’re really in love.”
“That’s because they are. When I was photographing them, even though I was there taking pictures, for them it was like they were alone. Nothing could intrude on the world they created together. It was fascinating to me.”
Her words weave a spell until I’m as caught up as the people in the picture. It feels like we’re in our own little world now as she’s talking and I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
“I want to understand why people are willing to throw away everything for passion. Wars have been fought for this. My art is the only place that I can learn, grow and explore wit
hout other people’s judgments in the way. How else can I understand what I’ve never experienced?”
I’m so enthralled with her, completely mesmerized by the sound of her voice, that the meaning of her words almost don’t register. When they do, my heart starts a wild thump behind my rib cage. Does that mean what I think it means? I almost can’t breathe, the need to find out is so overwhelming.
“What do you mean never experienced?”
My question breaks the tranquil mood around us and her face immediately closes up. She blinks several times and then sits back to put some space between us. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“The hell I’ll forget it.”
She shrinks back but this time I follow. Since she’s sitting with her back against the couch, there’s nowhere for her to go when I put my arm down blocking her in. “All those times with Gabe…”
“All those times were just two friends hanging out. I’ve told you that before.” Even though she looks cornered, her chin lifts defiantly. Like she’s daring me to contradict her.
“You have to understand how hard that is to believe. It’s been years. Years. You’ve been a part of our lives for so long. In the beginning I figured you were just attached to Gabe because he saved you. But you just kept showing up.”
Josie’s hand comes up and settles on my cheek. The entire world could stop spinning in this moment and I wouldn’t know.
“He’s not the one I showed up for,” she whispers.
Then she’s kissing me and all the thoughts in my head disintegrate and my entire being centers on the place where we connect. Her lips are warm and she’s so soft and perfect and in that moment, nothing else matters.
Her mouth opens and her tongue strokes against mine and suddenly I understand all that shit she was saying before. I understand why people would throw away anything for a moment of passion. I understand why wars are fought for this.
Because I’d fight anything to keep her right where she is.
chapter four
†
JOSIE
