“I am?”
“Yes, you’re not acting like yourself.”
“Well, yeah, I’ll agree with that. I’m about to do something that totally isn’t me.”
I studied him for a few seconds and suddenly I was nervous. “Okay…” I replied slowly.
He took a deep breath and exhaled as he looked at the moving water in front of us. “I’m a really independent guy,” he began matter-of-factly, almost like he was lecturing the creek. “I mean…I’ve always just done my own thing without relying on anyone or needing anyone’s input. I guess… I guess that’s kind of changing and I’m not sure what to do about it.” He turned to face me and took my hands in both of his. “Nova, I, uh… Well, I love you. And I’ve never told a girl that, so it’s not really ground I’m familiar with.”
I wondered if your heart could actually grow in a moment like that because mine certainly felt like it.
“I keep telling myself that I’ve got the right to do whatever I want,” he continued. “But now it seems like I can’t because…well, because I have you, and I don’t want to do anything without you. I guess I’m being selfish because I want to have it all. I want to have my life stay the same, but I want to add you to it even more. Does that sound stupid?”
I had no idea. I was still stuck on the ‘I love you’ part. Like Austin, it wasn’t something I was familiar with either, but I knew I felt the same way.
“I want you to have everything you want, Nova. But I guess I just need to know what that is so I can adjust accordingly. I mean Jack told me he talked to you about having a permanent job here, and if that’s something you want, it can happen. You could keep working on the ranch, I would be here as much as I can in between racing, and things can stay the same. The only difference is that I want you to be a part of my life even more. I want you to travel with me on the weekends.”
I was still speechless. Now was the time to discuss our options out loud and I couldn’t even say anything. But wait a minute… Was he asking me to give up my career? Was he asking me not to go to UC Davis? He didn’t want to give up racing, and I understood that now, but instead, he wanted me to change my plans?
“Why don’t you have something to say?” he finally asked me. “Did I say something wrong? Did I totally jump the gun by saying that I’m in love with you?”
There went my heart again, and I had to smile. “No, I just…I…”
He decided to wait for me to respond instead of saying anything else. It was a good choice on his part, but that meant I was required to speak. It was my turn to stare at the creek, and I understood how it made saying something difficult a little easier.
“Austin, I just… I feel like you’re asking me to put everything aside for you. Is that what you’re asking?” I took a chance to look at him and asked, “You want me to change my mind about going for a career and just be there for yours?”
“I’m trying to get an idea of what you’d like to do, Nova. I just need to know what your thoughts are so we can make decisions together. If that’s what you want,” he seemed to add as an inquiry.
“Yes, I do consider you whenever I make a decision that pertains to the both of us. We’re a couple, so I like to think of it that way. And yes, if you’d like me to travel with you I would do that, but I’d have to check with the boss about my schedule—”
“It’s fine, you can make whatever schedule you—”
“I mean Jack, not you,” I smiled.
He paused for a second and then returned the smile. “Okay, if you’d rather take your orders from Jack, then I’ll let him be the one to tell you that you now have weekends off.”
I chuckled and nudged him with my elbow. “You’ve already talked to him, haven’t you.”
“Well… Yeah, we talked about a few things.”
“Is that why he told me the things he did? About getting my tech degree and continuing to work at the ranch?”
“Um, yeah, I guess. I just had a few questions about your schooling, so we were just talking about that. Has, uh… Have your plans changed?”
I took a few seconds to answer that. “Um, no I haven’t changed my plans. I still have twenty-four credits I need to finish up just for my associate’s degree, and then I can apply for UC Davis. Or…whatever other school I can apply for.”
“You’d consider going to a different school? Wouldn’t that consist of moving to a different state?”
“Uh, I guess if I can’t get into one here.”
He was silent for a few seconds and barely nodded his head. I decided it was time to question him because I was feeling pretty unsure of where the conversation was heading.
“So would you prefer that I don’t continue on with school?” I asked flat out.
He may have been surprised that I was being so direct, but he just looked at me for a bit before he replied, “If you want to continue with school then I support you one hundred percent.”
“But?”
“But what?”
“But you’d rather I didn’t? If you were to choose for me, what would you choose?”
“That’s not fair, Nova.”
“Why not? I’m only asking you what you want.”
He thought for a moment and then sighed. “I want you to be happy.”
“And?”
“And what?” he chuckled. “I don’t have an answer. We have options, and I’m just trying to sort them out. You’ve always been determined to go to UC Davis, so I just wondered if, well, if that was still what you wanted.”
“Austin, do your decisions depend on my decisions?”
He paused only briefly but answered, “Yes.”
“And what kind of decisions do you have to make that are dependent on me?”
It was turning dusk outside, but I could still tell that he was uncomfortable again.
“Austin?”
“Everything,” he finally said. “I just wanna race right now, see how far I can go, but I know you don’t want me to. I could give it up, but if I ever tried to get back into it again, I’m not sure where that would put me.”
“Get back into it? You mean you would give it up for me, but if for some reason you and I don’t work out… You’d go back to it?”
“I have a future with you. I just want to know if you see that with me too.”
“Yes, I definitely do.”
He studied me for a few seconds and then asked, “So where does that put us? Do you really want me to quit racing?”
“First you hinted that I could give up my schooling, and now you’re talking about you giving up racing. Which is it? Is it one or the other? Does somebody have to sacrifice something in order for this to work?”
“That’s what I’m asking you, Nova,” he said, seeming a little flustered. “I don’t know. I guess I’m asking the tough questions, but the bottom line is that I want to be with you more. If you can’t go to my races I understand, but that means I gotta go a different route.”
“A different route? What does that mean?”
“I might have to fire you,” he said with a tiny smirk.
I laughed and shook my head at him. “I really don’t think that’s going to win me over, Austin. I wouldn’t hold it against you if there was actual merit to canning me, but firing me just so I can be your travel companion is a little low.”
“Maybe you’d realize that you belong with me. You know…my companion.”
I looked him over carefully, trying to read between the lines. “I told you I’d go to Colorado this weekend. Maybe I’ll just have to see how it goes, huh?”
“And then you’ll realize you want to spend more time with me. Got it.”
I chuckled and said, “I always want to spend more time with you. That’s not the issue.”
“What’s the issue again?”
“Uh… I guess there isn’t one. At least not now. But when I go back to school I’ll only be doing weekends again on the ranch. Then where does that leave us? You’ll be racing weekends until…Novemb
er?”
He nodded, and I could tell that he’d already thought about it. I was about to ask him what he planned on doing in a year, when I was hopefully in a veterinary school, but he surprised me with, “You don’t have to work if you don’t want to, Nova.” I stared at him for a few seconds and he added, “I mean I know you want to because you love what you do, but I’m just saying you don’t have to pay for all the schooling and put in all that time just to get a degree to support yourself. I’m here for whatever you need.”
“I don’t like relying on other people. I want to be able to take care of myself.”
“I understand that, but I’m just saying we can support each other. If you’d consider putting our relationship first, I promise I’ll do everything I can to do the same.”
“Put our relationship first? What would that consist of to you? Quitting my job and quitting school? You want me to be available to you whenever you want?”
“Now you’re mad at me.”
“No, I’m not. I just feel like you want to see what I’m willing to do for you.”
“I already admitted that to you. I want you to be a part of my life, but I don’t know how things are going to change after a while. I don’t want anything to change and I was just— How did this conversation get so far away from what I wanted it to be?” he basically asked himself.
“Because I’m not one of your business clients.”
“All I wanted was to be honest and tell you how much I loved you, and it turns into this huge conversation about calendaring our time together. Apparently saying ‘I love you’ to a girl for the first time gets me nowhere.”
I had to smile about that one because he was right. So much for the classic “I love you/I love you too” moment that ends in a long, romantic kiss. I was right there at that moment, ready to do it, but something stopped me. What was it? Oh, yeah…
“Well you wouldn’t stop talking,” I smiled.
“I know; I was nervous,” he replied a bit gruffly.
I covered my mouth so I didn’t laugh, and he playfully scowled at me.
“I’m sorry, Austin,” I said, sliding my arms around his waist. I gave him a hug and he eventually hugged me back, and when I pulled away to look at him I said, “I love you, too. I really do. So much.”
I could tell it’s what he wanted to hear, but with a smirk he said, “You sure you don’t just feel sorry for me?”
I shook my head with a smile, and finally the moment was sealed with a kiss. I was a very happy girl. The guy I was in love with loved me back, and I was especially pleased that he was considering our future together.
I did go to Colorado two days later, and traveling with Austin for the first time was quite an experience. He was not only easy to travel with, but I felt like I was finally a part of his life that I hadn’t been before. I don’t know, but maybe there really was something missing before then, and just making that step to be together more often was what we needed.
There was also the fact that we were now openly admitting how we felt for each other, so that kind of took our relationship to another level as well. I liked being honest with how I felt about him, and of course I loved hearing him tell me how much he loved me too.
Our time in Colorado was memorable, and the only thing I regretted about it was that we hadn’t done it sooner. Looking back I could see that our lives were just so busy with work that there wasn’t even a chance to take a weekend trip together. Maybe racing was going to afford us that time with one another, and maybe I could just get used to that.
I went to another race during the month of July, and in August I went to one more. I’d never really traveled much in my life, so the three trips were not only meaningful for my relationship with Austin, but they were good experiences for me in general. Racing was still hard for me to watch, but I understood how much my presence at the events meant to him and it seemed to help counterbalance my uneasiness.
August 15th was Austin’s twenty-fourth birthday, and the day after he returned from a race in Utah, I helped Marlo throw a family party for him. It was always nice to have him back, and even though I knew his family liked spending time with him, I never had to worry about competing for his attention. Austin was great that way, always seeming to put me first, and I felt very lucky to have such an attentive guy.
He was walking me back to the guesthouse that night when a Jeep pulled in and parked next to mine by the fence. We only watched quietly as we walked, and the driver stepped out and shut the door just as we got to the porch.
“Austin?” the guy seemed to ask with surprise.
It was dark out, and I could kind of see the guy’s face from the porch light, but Austin didn’t even look at him when he paused, seeming to debate whether or not he was going to talk to him.
“Hey Ben,” he finally said, barely turning to look at the guy.
“You’re still hanging around this place, huh?” he asked with a smile as he approached. “Kind of thought you’d be in the racing circuit.”
There was silence as the two looked each other over. Then Ben looked at me, and maybe at the fact that Austin had his arm around me.
“Girlfriend? Or walking the help to the guesthouse?” he smirked.
Austin didn’t respond and made a move to the front door, leading me with him.
“I’m just joking!” Ben laughed, moving to catch up with us. “Hi, I’m Ben,” he said to me with a smile, extending his hand.
I was about to return the introduction to be polite, but Austin grabbed my hand before I could even touch the guy, and led me into the house. I chose not to say anything as he led me up the stairs to my room, but I did glance behind me at Ben, standing at the bottom of the stairs watching us with a smug look on his face.
Austin shut my bedroom door behind us and said, “I don’t want you around him. Don’t even talk to him, okay?”
“Wow, possessive much?” I teased.
“I’m not kidding, Nova,” he replied softly. “I’d prefer it if you stayed away from him. He’s bad news.”
I slowly nodded, choosing to respect his wishes. “Okay.”
He stood there for a few seconds, and I could tell he was really bothered. Finally he said, “Why don’t you grab what you need for the night and come stay at the house.”
“What?”
“I’d just feel better if you didn’t stay here while he’s here.”
I was quickly trying to piece together what I knew about Ben. Basically all I knew was what I’d heard from Clara and Heath, but I did remember them saying something about their son being a bad influence on Austin.
“I don’t really understand why you feel it’s necessary to kick me out of my room just because the Tomlinson’s son is here. Maybe you should just tell me what’s going on.”
He took a moment to think about that, and then led me to the bed to sit down. He was still bothered, it was plain as day, and even though he took a deep breath to relax, it was a while before he actually spoke.
“I grew up with Ben,” he began, running a hand through my hair. He softly gathered it into a ponytail, and after a few seconds, let it fall. “He does stupid stuff. I just… I don’t trust him.”
He seemed to be content with his explanation, but I wasn’t. However, I wanted him to feel like he was able to protect me somehow—from whatever he felt I needed protection from—so I stood up from the bed and grabbed a few things out of the dresser.
“You’re going to be the one explaining this to your parents,” I told him.
“They’ll understand completely, so don’t worry about it.”
“So what happens after tonight, then? I’m not going to live at your parents’ house, Austin. I’m sure Ben is going to be here for a while.”
“I know, but… Just for tonight, okay? Until I have a chance to think about it.”
“You mean until you have a chance to have a talk with Ben, huh?”
He didn’t reply, so I continued on with my clothing selection.
> “Sexy plaid pajama bottoms okay with you?” I smiled, holding them up. I was trying to lighten the mood, so I was glad when he smiled.
“Perfectly sexy because they’ll be on you.”
I tossed them onto the bed with a t-shirt, and then grabbed some clothes for the next day. After sticking everything I needed into a bag I said, “Okay, all ready for my slumber party.”
He stood, and I could tell that he truly was relieved that I was going back to his house with him. Whatever his past was with Ben made him anxious, and sooner or later I would get to the bottom of it, but for now, because of my love and respect for Austin, I decided it wasn’t the right time to get into it.
Chapter Twelve
“I’ve never seen you look so gross and sweaty, Nova,” Jack said with a smile. He snipped the thread that he’d just stitched into Born To Be Wild as his own sweat dripped down his face.
“Well, add one-hundred degree weather to our adventures and you’ve got two sweaty vets trying to save a horse.”
He chuckled as he wrapped a bandage around the horse’s leg to cover the wound, and then he lent me a hand to hold together the section of flesh that I was currently sewing together.
“Go ahead and put a few that are a little wider over that middle section,” Jack instructed. “Just in case.”
We were currently at the bottom of a steep slope that the horse had taken a tumble down from the trail fifty feet above us. Thankfully the rider got off with just a few minor injuries, but the horse was a pretty sorry sight. Jack had been called to put him down for good, but once we’d climbed all the way down the wooded hillside to get to the horse, we were both in agreement that the animal could recover with the proper care. The owner didn’t agree, mainly because he didn’t want to spend the money to care for him, but Jack convinced him to let us save Born To Be Wild.
“Whatever,” Greg had waved, clearly unimpressed. “Keep him then; he’s yours.”
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