I didn’t want to be in a tricky situation by siding with one or the other so I promised myself I would stay out of it.
I was feeling pretty anxious after getting off the phone with my Aunt Meryl the next day. I was already registered for school, but she called to let me know she got my books for me. I was very grateful and promised I would pay her back, but she insisted that she wanted to help me with it. The good news was that the diner was doing incredibly well, and I was very happy about that. Austin had spent some time with Meryl over the summer to finalize the deal, and she was very pleased about everything he had done for her.
The bad news was that my Uncle Scott was having health issues. Meryl wasn’t able to spend the same amount of time at the diner like she used to, and she had to hire a bookkeeper to take on some of the workload so she could get Scott to his doctor’s appointments. I offered to help her out as much as I could, and surprisingly she did take me up on a few minor things.
I had still been visiting my family on a regular basis, usually on Wednesdays. Austin came with me most of the time and he and my Grandpa Clark had formed quite the friendship. Gramps loved Austin, and he loved listening to Austin’s racing stories. I tolerated the stories only because I liked hearing them have such a good time together. My grandfather had always told me to stop being such a turd about going to the races, and once he said that out loud in front of Austin, my boyfriend had a good time using the same line on occasion.
I had a hard time when I paid for my fall classes. Austin was with me, and even though I knew what my schedule was going to be since I’d already scouted my classes online, I had such a dreary feeling about it. It was almost like my vacation was coming to an end and it was back to the grind again.
I also didn’t like my schedule since it was totally inconvenient to my current wants and desires. I had classes on Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Way to limit my time at the ranch, right? I figured I could head north on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then again on Saturdays and Sundays, but even though Jack offered me the hours, he suggested it might take away from my studies. He told me to just do one or the other to start off with, and then see how I feel about adding more.
And then there was the issue of Austin’s racing. He still wanted me to attend his races, and I had agreed to put his last three on my calendar: Spokane in September, Roseville in October, and Phoenix in November. The All-Star Showdown that he was shooting for was in January, and although that seemed so far away to me, Austin talked about it like it was just around the corner.
I was just barely getting all the series straight and what meant what, but I did understand what the Sprint Cup Series was, and the Nationwide Series. That level of racing was Austin’s goal, and I knew he wasn’t going to stop until he made it there. Shoot, even if he did make it to the top, I wasn’t sure he’d ever quit.
Those kinds of things made me nervous, but it wasn’t a subject that we talked about anymore. I guess once “I love you” got added to the mix, we both just continued to encourage each other in the goals we were reaching for, not wanting to take anything away from the other. We did whatever we could to make everything else work in between, but the bottom line was that I loved seeing Austin so happy, and unfortunately, racing was what did that for him. I wished it was something else, like golf or even baseball, but those things didn’t give my boyfriend the rush that he looked forward to every week. He loved things like snowboarding and surfing, but nothing gave him the feeling he got from racing cars. Motocross was a close second, as was skydiving and hang gliding, but he lived to race, and I knew it was always going to be in his blood.
Yes, I was in love with an adrenaline junkie.
August 29th was my first day of classes. The week went by pretty steadily, especially since I was helping out at the diner again. Meryl let me schedule my own shifts, so I put down just sixteen hours for my first week. Even with that my week seemed kind of empty, and I realized I needed to get used to the change of scenery. It was weird being in a classroom again; it was weird waiting tables again. I missed the ranch and all of the people there, and I especially missed being there whenever Austin was able to be home.
The amount of time we saw each other that week wasn’t much different than it was before, but the times were just a little different. I mainly missed seeing him in the evenings, so I really missed those goodnight kisses. He actually came down to Santa Clarita on Tuesday and Wednesday (even though I worked four hours on Tuesday) so that’s what gave us a lot of time together that week.
That Friday evening I flew to Spokane, Washington for his next race. It wasn’t so much the race that I was excited for like Austin was, but just that time with him was what gave me satisfaction. Minus the time he spent with his team and at the track, he and I were stuck to each other like glue.
I met a few of his relatives that Saturday. His aunt and uncle and a couple of cousins had traveled from Boise to see Austin race. I sat with them during the race, and after Austin finished second that day, we all went out to dinner.
We were back in Bakersfield by noon the next day and I was content spending the afternoon with his family. It felt like I was home again and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to feel that way or not. I guess I’d gotten really comfortable at Harmony Acres, and I finally understood what Austin meant about feeling like he was on vacation whenever he came home. It really was that type of atmosphere.
I especially missed all the horses, and I had to make my rounds to say hello to everyone. I’d only been away for a week, but it felt like a month. Born To Be Wild looked great, and even though his leg was still healing, he was hobbling around just fine with the cast. He sure let out a long and loud whinny when I said, “Hey there, Wild Thing,” from around the corner.
I also had a few other creatures following me around. Max and Tilly seemed to miss me, as did Goldie and Chap, her pokey pup that Marlo decided to keep.
“You’ve got quite the fan gathering,” I heard a voice say. Ben was entering the barn and held his hands out to the dogs as they greeted him.
“It feels like I’ve been gone for longer than a week,” I admitted.
He slightly nodded as he looked at me. “Yeah, it kind of feels that way.” He moved to the horse and gave him a pat against the side of his face. “This guy here has really missed you, too,” he said. “I think he’s been driving everyone nuts.”
With a smile I asked, “What do you mean?”
“He never shuts up. My dad even tried moving him to a different part of the stables to socialize him, but it didn’t help. He’s a big mouth.”
“Are you driving everyone crazy?” I asked Born To Be Wild. “You’d better behave or you might get shipped back to Mountain Trails with crotchety ol’ Greg Jacobs.”
“Greg was actually here the other day.”
“Oh?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
“He wanted the horse back.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry, Dave sent him packing.”
“He signed a contract,” I said angrily. “What makes him think he can just march in here and demand his horse back?”
“He offered to pay the medical bills and boarding in exchange for the horse.”
I scoffed. “Nice try, but Jack would never allow it.”
“No, he didn’t. He made it clear that the owner wasn’t giving him up.”
I gave him a curious look. “The- the what? What owner?”
Ben chuckled and said, “You.” When I didn’t respond he added, “Jack says he’s your horse.”
I took a moment to think that over, and then I smiled. “Really?”
Ben nodded. “Around here his name is ‘Nova’s Loud Mouth Horse.’ ”
I laughed, quickly getting used to the idea. “I’ve never had a pet before.”
“Never?”
“Nope.”
He rubbed the horse again and said, “So you’re starting small, eh?”
I smiled and said, “Yeah, I guess so.”
He barely shrugged and said, “Not much, really. Just been helping around the ranch and stuff.”
“So are you employed here again?”
“Uh, no. They wouldn’t hire me here. And I wouldn’t expect them to.”
“So you just ‘help out’?”
“Well, more of a trade for staying here I guess.”
I nodded. “What did you do in North Dakota?”
“For a job? Uh, well…a few things I guess. Ran an outdoors store with a couple of guys… Did guided tours and stuff for, like, hiking and mountain biking. Took groups rock climbing and snowboarding. Stuff like that.”
“Ah, adventure sports.”
“Yep,” he smiled.
“So you’re another adrenaline junkie, huh?”
He studied me for a few seconds and then replied, “Yeah, me and Austin did all kinds of stuff like that together. That and the cars.”
I looked at him curiously. “What do you mean?”
“Uh, the racing. We raced together. I thought you knew that.”
“Um, no, that was something I wasn’t aware of.”
“Oh. Actually I was the one that got him started on it.”
“Really,” I stated blandly. “So I have you to thank for how much I hate it?”
“You hate that he races? Why?” I gave him a look and he smiled. “Too dangerous for you?”
“It is dangerous.”
“Mm, I suppose. But if he didn’t race, he’d be doing something else that’s dangerous, just for kicks. It’s in his nature.”
I did agree with that but I didn’t say so out loud. Even Marlo had stories to share about how bold and daring Austin was as a kid.
“So how’d you guys get involved in racing?” I asked.
Ben paused for several seconds and then finally said, “Uh, illegally, I guess. I take it Austin wasn’t too quick to share that with you?”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “What do you mean ‘illegally.’ ”
“Uh, street racing? I pulled him into it, and even though he liked the racing aspect of it, he had more of a conscience than I did. We made a good chunk of money from it, though.”
“So Austin decided to stop street racing, and you guys had a falling out?”
He was quiet again as he seemed to think about his response. Eventually he said, “I bet against him and he was supposed to lose a race, but he didn’t. His competitive side took over and he wasn’t willing to pull me out of another mess I got myself into. I owed some people a lot of money, and Austin was tired of always having to win me out of my debt. I don’t blame him for that anymore, but at the time I just kept screwing up and couldn’t seem to get myself together. I was addicted to gambling that way, always betting on some sort of race. If I didn’t do the race myself, Austin was a sure win for me.”
“So because he wouldn’t lose that one race, and you lost money, you guys weren’t friends anymore?”
He sighed. “I just needed help, but I didn’t know what to do. Austin came from a financially successful family, I shoveled manure for a living. I just wanted a different life. After my sister died, I just wanted out of here. Everything here reminded me of her, and it just…it just hurt to be around it all. I made some really bad mistakes, even taking money from his family. It’s not something I’m proud to admit, but I had people I owed money to.”
“Well if that’s what you’ve been avoiding all these years, then just come clean about—”
“I already have.”
I was surprised to hear that, assuming that that’s what he’d been afraid to face.
He sighed and said, “Before I left this place, I told Dave what I had done, said that I just needed to leave town for a while, but promised him that I’d pay him back someday.”
“And have you?”
“Yes.”
“Everything?”
He shrugged. “What I’m pretty sure I owed him.”
“And what about Austin?”
“What about him?”
“The only thing that tore you guys apart was the racing thing? Did he know you’d been stealing from his family?”
“I’m not sure. I thought he would figure it out after a while—my guilty conscience I guess—but especially when I would magically produce the money I owed people. But he never actually said anything about it, so I’m not sure if his dad told him or not.”
“He somehow knows about it now.”
He barely nodded.
“And about the meds in Jack’s office.”
His face darkened. “I wasn’t into drugs,” he seemed to clarify. “But I did sell them to people, which I know isn’t any better. Mainly I traded the Ace as payment for what I owed a couple of the guys.”
“You sold horse tranquilizers on the street?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I know, pretty bad.”
“Yeah, that’s…”
I could tell judging him wasn’t what he needed at that moment, so I chose not to continue with my thoughts. I was actually more curious about his relationship with Austin because I still didn’t understand it fully.
“I’d really like to know why you think Austin gave up on you. I mean…obviously you see how you guys drifted apart, right? Why are you so angry about that when you were the one at fault?”
“I open up to you and take accountability for my end of it, and it’s automatically all my fault?”
I shrugged. “Then set me straight. What am I missing? You were the one that got into debt, but you feel that Austin let you down because…?”
“Because all he had to do was race one last race to win my car back, and he wouldn’t do it. I just wanted my car back to be done with it all.”
“So maybe he didn’t believe you were actually serious. Maybe you’d fed him that line before, and maybe he didn’t want to get burned by you another time.”
His face darkened again and I could tell I’d struck a nerve. “So are we back to the shrink thing, or is this information that you actually know?”
“I really don’t know anything about the two of you because Austin won’t talk about it. I know he’s mentioned that you and him have done some crazy things in the past, but mainly he just says that he can’t trust you anymore.”
“Hmph, likewise.”
“Why don’t you just try talking to him sometime?”
“Oh, that’s a great idea,” he smiled sarcastically. “Is he home? I’ll just, you know, go hit him up with conversation real quick,” he said, pretending like he was heading over to the house. He scoffed and shook his head. “You really think Austin would give me the time of day? Don’t be naïve. He’s not gonna want to mingle with someone with my reputation and I don’t blame him. He’s in the racing circuit, where he wants to be. He won’t take a risk on me again, and I don’t expect him to. The only thing I wish is for him to not treat me like I’m still that same guy…”
He might have continued, but he stopped when Dave appeared from the direction of the arena and seemed to look us over just slightly. However, he only made mention of Born To Be Wild and how well he was healing, and then gave me the news that I should take ownership of the horse.
“I would love that,” I replied. “Thank you so much.”
“It was actually Jack’s idea. He’s got the horse’s papers for you in his office whenever you want to grab them.”
I was really excited about it and expressed my gratitude again. After discussing a few more details, Dave turned to Ben and said, “I’ve got two horses to load if you can give me a hand.”
“Sure,” Ben replied. Dave left for the stalls, so Ben turned to me and said, “Well, uh, I guess I’ll see you one of these days, huh?”
“Weekends.”
“Ever
y weekend?”
“Yep, except for Austin’s last two races.”
He slightly nodded, paused for a few seconds, and then said, “Well, see you around,” as he walked away.
Chapter Fourteen
I spent a little more time in the barn before I returned to the main house. I thought for sure Austin was done with the phone calls he needed to make, but he was still on the phone when I found him in the office. I was going to leave him alone until he was done, but he got up from the desk and motioned for me to join him on the couch. I listened to him finish up arrangements to test drive some car, and then he hung up.
“How’s my beautiful girl doing?” he smiled. “You get your fill of all your little barnyard friends?”
“No, not really,” I pouted, laying my head against him.
“You didn’t? You mean we should hold you hostage here and tell your school you’re not coming back?”
“You would do that?” I asked eagerly.
He laughed and said, “Sure, if that’s what you want.”
We were both quiet for a few seconds until he moved us apart so he could look at me.
“Nova, what’s going on? Is that really it? You don’t want to be at school? I mean I sensed that you were a little disheartened about leaving and stuff, and you even said you were bummed out, but I thought you wanted to be at school.”
“I do, I just…” I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I’m not sure how I feel.”
He slightly nodded. “That’s reasonable. You love working here so it’s hard to leave and go back to school, right?”
“Not only that, but I just…I feel so misplaced right now,” I finally said. “I feel like I know what I should do, but it’s just hard because I don’t want it to be that way.”
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