“You’re so right,” I said, ‘falling’ for his manliness. “If fact, you’re so grade-A, I’m thinking of a big, juicy steak right now.”
He smiled and said, “Steak, huh? Thanks. But I’m more of the burger type. The In-And-Out Burger type.”
“Mmm, now I’m starving.”
“Me too.”
“What’s for dinner?”
“Uh, I think my mom made some sort of casserole.”
I kind of made a face.
“I think I want In-N-Out Burger.”
“Me too,” I smiled.
He glanced at his watch and said, “Crap, five minutes until she rings the bell. We’d better jet.”
Chapter Nineteen
“Hey, Austin,” I said excitedly after answering my phone. I was just leaving the college to head north to Bakersfield. His call caught me by surprise and thrilled me at the same time.
“Hey, how are you?”
Man it was so good to hear his voice. “I’m doing good. Just getting on the 405 from school.”
“Oh. How’d class go?”
“Mm, okay I guess. Just got a ninety-six on a test.”
“Cool. Nice job.”
“Thanks. What are you up to?”
“Oh, just relaxing for the day. I have an event with the team in a few hours, and then I’ll probably go to bed early tonight.”
“Oh. You don’t have a race until Sunday, right? Maybe you can come home for a couple of days.”
“Ah, wish I could, but I’ll be in Dallas by Thursday. I have tons of stuff to do before race day on Sunday. But I was calling because… Well, I was wondering if you’d be able to come, too—to Texas. I’ll make the arrangements for you if you say yes.”
I was speechless. He wanted to see me. He missed me. My automatic answer was yes, but I knew I also had commitments for the weekend as well. But it was Austin…
I sighed. “I really want to, but I have a couple of surgeries I’m doing on Saturday…”
“Well what about that night? Can you fly out on Saturday night?”
I thought about it for a couple of seconds. “I really want to, but I’ll have to see what’s going on this weekend and then I’ll let you know.”
He paused briefly and then said, “Oh, okay.”
“I really want to see you,” I said. “I miss you.” I knew it was bold to open up like that, but it was a hard thing to keep inside. I wanted him to know how I felt.
“I miss you, too.”
There was silence for a bit as I internalized that. It felt really good to hear. Finally I said, “Uh, when do you think you can come back to California for a while?”
“Uh, in November?” he chuckled.
“Oh, after the season?”
“Yeah, pretty much. I mean I’ll be back at Fontana in October, but I really don’t have a big chunk of time off until the holidays.”
“Oh.”
“So…will you call me after you talk to Jack? I probably shouldn’t let you talk on the phone while you’re driving.”
“Um, sure. Yeah, I’ll call you in a couple of hours then.”
“All right, I’ll talk to you then. I love you, Nova.”
That made my heart beat extra heavy, and I quietly replied, “I love you too, Austin.”
I hung up the phone and drove in silence for several minutes. I was ecstatic that Austin wanted to see me. My hope had always been that he’d reconsider our relationship after missing me for a while, and I tried not to think about being disappointed if that’s not what he had in mind. But at least he made the effort and called, right? At least he still wanted to see me.
I got to the ranch around three that Thursday afternoon. Jack was gone on a house call, but he had a few notes for me sitting on his desk and I began with his requests right away. He strolled into the office by five with a stupid smile on his face.
“Where have you been?” I asked curiously. He only grinned and it made me ask, “At the Langley ranch?”
“Yep,” he nodded.
“Ew, Jack. I hope that wasn’t the ‘house call’ you were referring to in your note.”
He rolled his eyes at me but sat down at the counter with another smile. “Well you can’t call me a wuss anymore,” he said. “I finally did it. I asked her out.”
“Really?” I smiled. “That’s great. I mean you didn’t have to bribe her with free vet services, right?” He scoffed but I said, “I’m sorry, I’m just teasing. I’m really excited for you.”
“Really? You don’t think I’ll screw it up like everyone else thinks I will?”
I laughed. “Nah, you’re a charming man, Jack. You’ll do just fine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, definitely. I know she likes you, so I think—”
“No, I’m charming?”
I stopped what I was doing and studied him for a second. At first I thought he was ready to joke around again, but he seemed serious about the inquiry.
“Yeah, of course you are. If you were ten years younger, I’d date you.” I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate to say to my boss, but it was just Jack, right?
“Ten years younger, huh?” he considered. “Why ten years? I mean what’s wrong with our age difference?”
I studied him again and said, “Uh, the age difference between you and I? Well, you’re…thirty-something. Thirty-seven? You’re fourteen years older than me.”
“Oh, is that in the rule book or something?”
“The rule book?”
“I don’t know, the dating rule book?”
“How would I know?”
“Then how do you figure fourteen years is too much? I mean if I were sixty-five and you were fifty-one…would that be a big deal?”
“Uh, no I guess not.”
“But twenty-three and thirty-seven are a no-go, huh?”
I stared at him for a moment, unsure of where the conversation was going. He was just playing around with me, right?
“I guess there are no rules,” I replied. “Well, except for the legal ones.”
He was quiet for a few seconds and then said, “But in your opinion, I’m datable material?”
“Um, well, yeah. Of course you are.”
“But you wouldn’t date me because I’m too old for you.”
“Well technically—if we are literally talking about you and I, and not people in general—I wouldn’t date you because you’re my boss.”
As soon as I said it, I knew what was coming next.
“Hm, that’s ironic,” he said.
I sighed, feeling a little frustrated with whatever this conversation was about. “Austin is a different case,” I clarified. “He and I were already…kind of into each other. If I had been hired here and didn’t know him already, I wouldn’t have crossed that line.”
“Hmm,” was all he said.
I pulled up a stool and sat at the counter across from him. “What’s going on, Jack? Now you seem mad at me.”
He didn’t respond at first and only sat there in silence as he seemed to consider it. “Well, now that you mention Austin, I guess I am.”
“Okay,” I replied slowly. “Can you explain that?”
He sighed, and then kind of groaned. “I get really sick of being put in the middle of this.”
“Being put in the middle of what?”
“The two of you. I didn’t have a problem with it before. Yeah, I love Austin like he’s my own—or like my nephew, or a little brother—but these last few months of your personal lives has really annoyed me.”
I took a moment to consider my options, what I was going to say, and slowly nodded my head. “Okay, so the drama is finally a little too much.”
“Yeah, basically.”
I sighed and said, “I’m sorry, Jack. I don’t know what to say. If I’m putting my personal life ahead of my job, then I really don’t deserve your slack, okay? Just treat me like any other employee and—”
“It’s not you, Nova. It’s Austin.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Austin? What do you mean? He doesn’t even work here right now.”
“Tell him that. I’m supposed to take orders from him when he’s what? –Twenty-five hundred miles away?”
“What are you talking about?”
“He’s got some plans for you this weekend?”
My shoulders dropped. “Oh. He called you directly?”
“Yep.”
“And wanted you to make sure I was freed up?”
“Yep.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I told him I would see what was going on first and then I would call him with an answer.”
He looked at me carefully. “So you really want to drop everything for the weekend to see him race? Just because he asked you to? No, just because he requested it of you?”
I didn’t answer at first. I wasn’t entirely sure of what he was getting at.
“Because Nova…” He didn’t finish the sentence.
“I don’t understand why you think that’s a bad thing. No, of course I’m not going to go since it’s obviously a problem, but why do I get the feeling that you don’t approve of my desire to go.”
“I guess I don’t.”
“Why? Austin and I were together for ten months and… Well, even though we’re taking a break right now, we’re still really close, Jack. He’s still my best friend. I still love him and I’m still going to wait for him to make up his mind.”
“Oh,” he replied dryly. “I kind of thought he did make up his mind.”
Ouch, that kind of hurt. But he was right. Austin chose racing.
“Okay, I’m still going to wait for him to change his mind.”
“Oh, I see,” he said, as if he totally saw the light. “So in the meantime, while he’s enjoying his freedom and fun times, you’re just going to…wait.”
“Why don’t you just tell me how you really feel,” I said angrily.
“Okay. I think you’re wasting your time. I think he’s got you wrapped around his finger, where he wants you to be when he’s ready for you, and you’re letting him control your life.”
“He can’t control what I’ve already decided. I know what I want, and I’m not going to change my course just because he needs some time to figure things out. I love him, so I want him to be able to do that. I can’t force him to see things the way that I do. I have to let him do things his own way right now.”
Jack’s expression surprised me, because at that point, he slowly began to smile.
“What?” I asked. “What’s so funny? You think I’m being a pushover?”
He let out a huge sigh and quietly said, “My little boy has himself a great woman…”
“Excuse me?”
He laughed and said, “Nova… I admire you. Have I ever told you that? I really do. You are such a good kid. And if I had a son, I’d want one just like Austin. He’s like family to me, and I only want the best for him. Right now he’s being an ass, but still…”
I stared at him with confusion. “Jack, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“I just wanted to know how you really felt about him. I know we work together, but you really do keep your personal life private and I don’t hear too much from your end of it. Austin speaks his mind constantly, so I know how much he loves you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So all of that drama was about hearing how I feel about Austin?”
“Uh, strangely, yes.”
“Then why didn’t you just ask?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nice to hear things in the heat of the moment.”
I scoffed. “You provoked me just to get my honest emotions? You’re a crafty piece of work, Jack.”
“Thank you,” he smiled.
“Okay, so I understand the part about Austin, but what the heck was all of that about your age?”
He chuckled and shook his head. Then he put his elbow on the counter and dropped his chin into his hand. “I’m getting old,” he kind of moaned.
“What? No you’re not. Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m almost forty.”
“What? You’re thirty-seven. You’ve got three more years.”
“Two,” he frowned. “Starting tomorrow,” he added deliberately.
I smiled and said, “You don’t have to toss around hints, Jack. Your gift is in my car.”
His face perked up. “You got me a birthday present?”
“Of course I did.”
“What is it?”
“A surprise. A surprise you’re not going to get until tomorrow.”
“You’re no fun,” he pouted.
“Maybe I should have just donated to your mid-life crisis fund instead,” I teased. “Seems like you’re already getting there.”
“I think I got there two years ago.”
“Really? What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. I’m gonna be thirty-eight and I’m still living the life of a bachelor.”
“You’ve been married before.”
“Yeah, for less than two years. And that was when I was in my twenties.”
“So now you’re ready to settle down again?”
“Well yeah. I mean I love living here part time—it’s really like being home with family—but when I’m staying at my apartment the other days of the week… It’s just lonely. And I hate the dating scene. I’m really not that good at it. After Karen and I divorced I had zero interest in settling down again. I mean she turned out to be psychotic, right?”
I laughed. “And you’re afraid the same thing would happen again?”
“Well yeah, wouldn’t you?”
I shrugged and said, “Yeah, probably. But you know you can’t think like that, right Jack?”
“I know, but what can you do when it keeps crossing your mind anyway?”
“You’ve got to remind yourself that no two relationships are alike and just go with the flow until you figure something out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when I met Austin and his friends, I really wasn’t interested in dating anyone. I had my mind set on school, and that’s the direction I was headed. But then I got to know Austin a little better and…things became a little confusing. It really wasn’t in my plan to have a boyfriend, but it just sort of happened that way. And then the opportunity to work here kind of happened and it just…felt right. In my head I wasn’t sure if it was something I was supposed to do or not, but it just felt right.”
“And you went with the flow again.”
“Yeah, pretty much. I still didn’t know how things were going to turn out, but I told myself to just do the best I could until I felt confident about another decision.”
Jack was quiet for a moment and I was surprised when he asked, “And I take it the latest turn of events wasn’t exactly in your plans?”
“Um, you mean being dumped?”
He smiled and shook his head. “You weren’t dumped. Like you said, you two are still very close and you still love each other. There has to be hang ups in every relationship.”
“There does?” I smiled wryly. “It didn’t have to be that way.”
“It didn’t?”
“Well, you’re right, maybe it did. Things were too great for me, and that’s unusual in my life. I should have seen it coming.”
“Oh, Nova. Don’t think like that.”
“It’s the pattern of my life.”
“It’s the pattern of everyone’s life. Ups and downs, great miracles and great tragedies.”
“Well I’m tired of tragedy. I was ready for great miracles instead. I kind of felt like I was due.”
He frowned and patted my hand. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you to lose your mom, or to grow up with the dad that you had—everyone’s trials are different—but you’re going to look back and see that this was just a tiny bump in the road. You’re doing the right thing—going with your gut and keeping your resolve. Your strong spirit and will are the two greatest
parts of who you are, Nova.”
“I guess patience isn’t one of my strong points. And I know I say that I want Austin to figure things out on his own, but sometimes I wonder if I really do feel that way. I really just wish he would see things my way.”
“That’s normal,” Jack smiled. “That’s how you feel, but you’re willing to wait, and that’s what makes the difference.”
“How long will I have to wait?”
He didn’t respond right away, and he even sighed as he thought about it. Finally he said, “I really don’t know.”
“Well you know Austin pretty well…”
“I do, but it doesn’t mean I know what he’s going to decide, or what’s going through his mind.”
“He hasn’t mentioned anything about me, or his plans, or his plans for me…?”
“I don’t know—well, yeah he has, but it’s not so simple. He knows how much he loves you—it’s new to him, so he’s still trying to process it all—but he’s in the same boat you are. He’s had this career goal in mind, and he wants to achieve it. The only difference is that…”
“He chose one way, I chose the other.”
“He wants you to finish school.”
“It’s not what I want. Jack, why can’t anyone understand that? I went with the flow and let life carry me in this direction. I tried out the doors that had been opened for me and I finally found what I wanted. It’s not really what I had in my plans, but it’s even better. I was so happy with how things worked out. When I think about marrying Austin and sharing a life with him, I just feel like—”
“Wait a second. Marrying Austin? Is that—? Did you guys—? Have you actually talked about that?”
I was totally surprised that he seemed totally surprised. “What? Yes, we’ve talked about it.”
“Seriously?” he asked with complete awe. “Oh, holy cow… Nova, you’ve gotta tell me everything,” he said eagerly. “It finally makes sense to me.”
“What finally makes sense to you?”
“What Austin’s problem is. Why he did what he did when I know how he feels about you!”
“He has marriage phobia?” I smiled. Jack didn’t respond but I added, “I know the idea of it doesn’t really appeal to him—it was my fault; I brought it up too soon and now I have to deal with the repercussions. I know it was my mistake, so I’m willing to pay the price. I’ll wait.”
Nova Page 24
