He slowly nodded, seeming to think. “Can you forgive me then? For being put on my back burner?”
With a smile I said, “I will always forgive you.”
We kissed again, but it wasn’t the intense, passionate kind like before. It was more of a silent commitment to one another, and I felt more at peace than I had in a long time.
“So how do you like North Carolina?” he asked.
“I like it very much because you are here.”
“So…what do you think about living here next season? I mean you don’t have to the entire time, but what if you somehow split your time with Bakersfield?”
I was so overjoyed it made me cry. I laid my face against his chest and let my tears wet his shirt.
After a minute he said, “It’s no guarantee, though. I don’t even know where I’ll be next season if I don’t get it together on the track.”
I barely nodded. “You just do what you can and things will work out how they’re supposed to.”
“Yeah, I’m beginning to feel that way.”
“Like you have no control over anything?”
“Yeah, sometimes.”
I considered that for a bit, understanding completely. “Well, this is what we do have control over—you and I—and I think it’s best to just stick together. There’s strength in that.”
“I agree,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “And I’m sorry for being such an ass.”
“Were you really waiting for me come back to you?”
He laughed. “Uh, yeah, actually I was. You were pretty upset with me. I figured I really blew it.”
“You started to blow it when you shut me out before that.”
He groaned. “I know, I know. I was stupid. But I didn’t plan on being an ass forever. I really would have groveled for your forgiveness in November.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. I love you, Nova. I really thought I was trying to make everybody get what they wanted and…it just wasn’t meant to be that way. Instead I just made things worse.”
“Let’s not focus on that anymore, okay?” I asked, looking right at him. “I’d rather just be happy that you finally got a clue.”
He laughed at that and nodded his head. “Yeah, me too. But I’ve never stopped loving you, Nova. Honest to God, I never have. And it killed me to have things the way they were. I just…didn’t know how to juggle both. I really didn’t. And since I’d finally made it to this level, I chose that to focus on first. I feared it was the only chance I was going to get. I’m really sorry…”
“Can we just move on? There’s something else I’d rather talk about right now. Or…maybe no talking,” I smiled, grabbing his shirt to make him kiss me as I led him to the bed.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Shift your weight just a little more,” Sam told me.
I took Born To Be Wild to the far end of the arena and stopped. So far he was getting the hang of turning the barrels, but he didn’t seem to like cutting sharply. He’d never make it in a race if he couldn’t cut with speed. I didn’t have the experience to work him like Sam could, but she insisted on allowing me the opportunity. I was still too timid to ride him like he could be ridden.
“I just think he needs someone more assertive,” I hollered to Sam.
“Then be more assertive,” she sassed back.
I smiled and shook my head. I was getting more comfortable on horseback, but I still was not a competitive rider. “I’m just not ready for that. I mean if he wanted to do it, wouldn’t he?”
Sam loped over on Ridley and pulled up beside me. She had that look on her face that said she was going to disagree with me. “Nova, your horse is as smart as they come. Honestly, I’m not just saying that. He’s got a personality to him that is very…self-governing. He only does what he wants to do, so if you’re not going to push him into trying harder, he’s going to take advantage of that. If you let him do the bare minimum, that’s all he’s going to give you. Push him a little… He doesn’t know what he can do or why he should do it if you don’t make him.”
“I understand that,” I said truthfully. “But I’m not the trainer like you are, nor am I an experienced rider.”
“You’re right, but I wouldn’t ask you to do it if I didn’t think you were capable.”
We sat there on our mounts for a few seconds in silence. I’ll admit I was scared to ride like Sam wanted me to. It wasn’t something that I’d ever had a desire to do.
“You drove Austin’s cars, right?” she asked me knowingly. I didn’t respond and she added, “Was it hard?”
“It’s a different feel. I feel safer in a race car.” I thought about that for a second and shook my head. “Wow, never thought I’d say that in my life…”
Sam smiled, but she motioned for Ridley to move forward. “Let’s go over it again?”
“I know how to cut him.”
“I know, but if we go over it over and over, maybe you’ll be bored enough to try something more exciting.”
I laughed, but I followed her anyway. We did some cutting in the open arena for a few minutes, but she was right, I was bored after a while. I knew it was going to be one of those things that I just needed to do, but it was really intimidating to me. I had no idea how I would handle cutting a barrel at such high speeds. As it was, according to Sam, I was only taking Born To Be Wild at half the speed he was capable of. I couldn’t imagine going any faster.
Sam pulled up beside me again and said, “If I do it one time, on Wild, will it help? If you can see how well he handles it, will you try it?”
I thought about that for a second. It had been what I’d wanted originally—for Sam to work with him—but she had insisted that I do it myself. “Yes, I think I’d feel better seeing you do it first.”
She only nodded as she got off her horse. I did the same and we traded reins. I walked Ridley over to the railing and mounted him just to sit and watch. Sam swung herself up on Wild easily and got him moving around the arena. Then she brought him to a barrel and, without a pause, kicked him into high gear. I watch the dust blow up from his hooves as he reacted to her signal, and he took off down the line for the next barrel. I watched with amazement as the two approached the end of their straight stretch, surely going way too fast to make the turn. But with one sharp signal, my horse cut to the left, barely cleared the barrel with his hindquarters, and then the cloud of dust followed them to the stretch home. I thought she was going to stop with just the one lap, but she cut him at that barrel too, and the dirt kicked as far as the end railing to the arena as they raced to the next turn.
“Holy crap,” I muttered under my breath. I’d seen Sam barrel race, but seeing her do it on my horse completely surprised me. He looked like he did it every day of his life, and it made me wonder if I was really the right person to be riding him.
After that turn and the following straight stretch, she slowed him down and turned him away from the barrel without cutting again. She rode him lightly to where I was sitting and stopped in front of me. With a big smile she said, “He was totally showing off for you!”
That made me laugh and I said, “How in the world did that happen?”
“He’s never been that fast.”
I stared at her for a few seconds. “What? What do you mean he’s never been that fast? You ride him in here?” I wasn’t sure why I was surprised, but she’d been so sneaky about making me think otherwise…
“Just a couple of times,” she shrugged. “But he’s definitely better than I thought. There is no question about it, Nova. You’ve got to start entering him.”
“There is no way I’m riding him that fast!”
“It’s not hard,” she said impatiently. “If you would just trust me on that.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t feel the desire to race him like that. If he’s that good, you are more than welcome to use him yourself. I really don’t mind.”
“He’s faster than Ace or Spitfire,�
�� she said, almost to herself. She gave him a pat on the neck as she dismounted and added, “Here, your turn.”
I wasn’t going to do with him what she had just done, but I didn’t make a response and traded horses. I pulled myself up onto Wild and led him to a barrel, thinking that I could at least try a little more speed than the last time. Being that he could handle himself well with Sam, I was sure that I could manage to stay on him.
But of course I didn’t consider the fact that he was still raring to go after his previous flight, and he took off way faster than I was expecting. I tried to slow him down, and I think he did a little bit, but we were already to the other barrel before he could change his tactics too much, and I think I even closed my eyes as we made the cut.
“Woo-hoo!” I heard Sam yell, and I think that’s when I opened my eyes. I finished out the straight stretch, but let him know I wanted to go slower. Thankfully he did slow down, and by the time we concluded the trip, he was loping the last twenty feet. Sam met us on Ridley just as I stopped at the barrel and said, “There you go. You got him to go a little faster.”
“A little faster?” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, he may have finished in the middle of the pack with that time.”
“In the middle? Okay, I felt like I was on a rocket.”
She laughed. “Yeah, you went pretty fast for what you’re used to, but it wasn’t quite as fast as he did with me.”
I couldn’t respond. If he was capable of going faster than that what we just did, I had no idea how I would manage. I wasn’t even able to open my eyes.
“You need to do it again,” Sam said. “So he knows that wasn’t just a fluke.”
“It was a fluke!” I laughed. “I did not tell him to go that fast.”
“You confused him by telling him to slow down, but that’s okay. We’ll work on that. He does listen really well though. You’ve got yourself a great horse. But he will do what you ask him to do, Nova. Don’t be afraid to push him.”
“Oh he can handle it just fine. I’m not so sure about myself.”
“What? Really? You looked great. A little worried, but your technique on the turn was perfect. You’ve got it down; just get rid of the fear. He’ll perform for you, no doubt.”
I did believe her, but it was all new to me. I never saw myself as the equestrian competitor like Sam was.
When I made it to the guesthouse that evening Ben was lying on the couch facedown. I’m not sure if he was sleeping or even heard me when I came in so I said, “Are you alive?”
He made some sort of sound as he barely picked up his head and looked at me. “I think so, but I’m not sure.” He laid the side of his face on the couch so he was facing me.
I came into the room and stood next to him to get a better look. “Are you sick?” I reached down to feel his forehead. “Ben, you are burning up. What’s going on?”
He slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position and said, “Just haven’t felt good today.”
“Do you have a cold and flu? Does your body ache? Headache?”
“Yes, and yes.” He rested his elbows on his knees and asked, “How was riding?”
I smiled and shook my head. “It was fine, but Ben… What can I do for you? Did you take something? Can I get you something?”
He didn’t say anything at first but he forced himself to stand up. “I think I’m going to head upstairs. I came in a couple hours ago and just didn’t make it very far.”
“Do you need any help?”
He shook his head and replied, “Nah, I can make it. I’m just gonna go to bed.”
“Yes, please do. I’ll be up in a minute with some cold medicine.”
He slowly made it up the first few steps and said, “Thanks, mommy.”
I smiled and headed for the medicine cabinet. I knew there was cold medicine in there so I grabbed that, and a large glass of water. Ben was already lying diagonally across his bed so I said, “Come on, sit up. Take this and drink all of the water.”
He gradually came to a sitting position and did what I said as I closed his curtains for him. When the glass was empty I took it to the bathroom and filled it up again. When I set it on the nightstand he said, “Thanks, Nova. I appreciate it.”
“No problem. Is there anything else you need? Will you be able to get some sleep?”
He shrugged and fixed a pillow as he laid his head onto it. “I hope so. I’m sure the guys will be coming home in a bit though…”
I understood what he meant. The house wasn’t exactly quiet around dinnertime and most assuredly Ben would be woken up. I left his room and grabbed the fan that was in my room. I had to sleep with white noise sometimes so I hoped it would help Ben too. I think he was already asleep by the time I returned to his room and plugged in the fan, so I left quietly and shut the door behind me.
As I descended the stairs my phone rang, and I smiled because I knew it was Austin.
“Hey you,” I answered.
“Hey, what’s new, beautiful?”
“Oh, nothing much, really. Apparently my horse is faster than Sami’s and she thinks I want to compete with him.”
He chuckled and asked, “And you don’t?”
“Nope, not at all.”
“She thinks you can do it.”
“But it’s not something I’m interested in. Honestly. Could you kindly make her aware of that if you have a chance? Get it out of her stubborn head.”
“Runs in the family.”
“I know it. What the hell did I get myself into?”
He laughed again as I started pulling a few things out of the refrigerator. Heath and Clara were gone for the day, so I had volunteered to make dinner that night.
“So are you ready to finally return to California next week?” I asked. I know I was excited and I was practically counting down the hours until I could see him again.
“Yeah, definitely. Fontana is waiting for my return.”
“So am I. Four and a half more days.”
“It’ll be good to see California again. I’m looking forward to it. But I’m looking forward to seeing you more, though.”
What was even better was that there were only three more races left in the season, and then he could return home for the winter. I was excited for that, having him home again, and I was anticipating a wonderful off-season with him.
We had a huge family dinner the day he arrived in Bakersfield. It was nice, and everyone was excited to have him back for a few days. When the party eventually broke up for the night, Austin led me to his room and locked the door behind him. I loved the way he looked at me before he took me into his arms and kissed me. It was so easy to love being loved by him, and I think I fell in love with him even more that night if that was even possible. I felt like we were back to our carefree days, where everything seemed right and we just went along with it without any worries.
That week was amazing, and I saw it as a preview for the off-season. I was so happy that Austin and I had our relationship back on track, and that he was also doing well again on the racetrack. He finished second at Fontana and I actually had a good time watching the race.
I rode home with him that evening, except we didn’t exactly make it home. Austin’s spontaneous personality took us to Santa Monica for the night and we stayed in a hotel right on the beach. In fact, we spent a second night there because it was so enjoyable, and when we returned to Harmony Acres, I felt like a new person. I enjoyed having him for two more days at the ranch before he took a flight to Kentucky where his team’s next race was.
I already missed him the night he left, and I’ll admit that I really didn’t like being alone in bed. A lot of thoughts went through my head that night, particularly ones that left me feeling lonely. I had a great job and I was truly happy, but all I really wanted was to be with Austin. I decided I needed more things to keep me occupied until racing season was over.
I wasn’t sure why, but I started running almost every day. I used to run a few miles three times
a week, but this time I had to start out slow. I began with just a mile or so for the first week, and then upped it to two miles. I hated it, I truly did. Running was not my thing. I mainly did it to kill some time in the evenings but also to clear my head. It felt good to come home exhausted, shower and change, eat a light dinner, and then be in bed by nine o’clock. Austin always called at nine and that was always the completion to my day.
There was one last race that he was going to compete in that season when I traveled to be with him in Phoenix. Everything was going great that weekend until Austin almost got into a fight with Jeremy Marshall two hours before start time—all because that jerk decided to have flowers delivered to me in the lounge. Austin was pissed enough just with that, but when he saw a hotel key and room number with the card, he almost hit the ceiling.
Drake calmed him down before he could leave the room to find Jeremy, thankfully. I was able to talk to him further, getting him to see that causing drama over it would only look bad for him and the team. He knew that and I was glad that he channeled his emotions towards the race he was determined to do well in.
However, I was freaked out because of all the tension. I even talked to Drake about it, worried that something was going to happen on the track. He tried to assure me that Jeremy Marshall was just an immature little punk that was trying to get into Austin’s head, but that he wasn’t stupid enough to let it ruin his career.
I wasn’t so sure.
Besides a few laps, Austin was hardly around Jeremy’s car during the race. Jeremy shot out of the pack early on to take up a spot in the top five, but Austin remained in the middle for the first half of the competition. He made it into the top five for the final laps and ended up putting Jeremy into an eighth place finish.
Austin finished fourth that day, and even though I was proud of him, I was even more relieved that the regular season was over for him. There were a few more races left in the Nationwide Series, but after one final week of tying up some ends, Austin was allowed to head home to California.
Nova Page 31
