by Lucy Lennox
And that maybe he was feeling the same way… that it wasn’t time to say goodbye yet.
Chapter 23
Xander
I was in the process of pulling out my binoculars when Bear suddenly let out a few sharp barks and took off up a small rise to our right. “Bear!” I called, but he’d already disappeared through the heavy cluster of trees. I let out a sharp whistle.
“Think he heard or saw something?” Bennett asked.
“Maybe,” I responded as I tried to listen for the sound of his barking. I could usually tell a lot by the types of barks he let out. But there was nothing, and that had me worried. “Stay here,” I said. “I’ll be back in a second.”
“No way, I’m coming with you. If it’s a bear or something, I should be there.”
I shot him a glance and said, “So you can do what? Become the bear whisperer and save my ass?”
“Shut up,” he groused. “I had those koi eating out of the palm of my hand. I’m a natural with animals. Besides, it’s not your ass I’m worried about.”
I began climbing up the sharp incline. When I heard Bennett struggling behind me, his boots sliding through the soft dirt, I reached my hand out. He automatically grabbed it like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“So you’re coming with me so you can save my dog?”
“What can I say, I’ve grown fond of him. Besides, he smells better than you.”
I chuckled. “My fart factory of a dog smells better than me? Thanks.”
Bennett started to speak, but the sound of Bear barking had us both stopping in our tracks. Once I pinpointed where the barking was coming from, I turned in that direction and practically dragged Bennett behind me. It was several hundred feet up the incline before we reached a small clearing. It took just seconds to locate Bear by a small outcropping of boulders.
And he wasn’t alone.
“Lucky?” I called when I recognized the boy’s red shirt. He was walking towards us, along with Frankie. Both boys looked over at us.
“We’re okay,” Lucky returned as they trotted towards us, followed closely by Bear.
“What happened?” I asked. “Why’d you go off the trail?”
“Um, I caught up to Frankie and we thought we heard something—”
“That’s not true. It was me,” Frankie cut in. “I got scared because I thought I saw something on the trail and just panicked and ran. I couldn’t figure out how to get back so I started calling for help.”
I noticed the teenager’s eyes were red-rimmed. After Lucky had told me he’d seen Frankie crying earlier this morning, I’d done a checkin with Frankie to make sure he was okay, but he’d brushed my concerns aside with a cocky remark about all the shit he’d seen living in the city and these woods being “a walk in the park.”
“Lucky heard me and came to show me how to get back.”
Lucky dropped his eyes and I saw some color seep into his cheeks. “It was nothing,” he murmured. “I marked the map with the alternate route like you said so I didn’t get lost.”
“I’m really proud of you, Lucky. That was good thinking,” I said as I patted him on the shoulder. I turned to find Bennett staring at Lucky with a wide grin on his face. His love for the boy was so apparent that it made my heart hurt to think about how tough it would be for him when he got back home and had to deal with what was happening with Lucky. Not only would he be carrying around a massive amount of guilt, he’d be struggling with having to let the boy go into a whole new situation.
I led the small group back down to the main trail and Bennett and I held back, letting Frankie and Lucky walk ahead of us. I noticed Bear was practically attached to Lucky’s hip the entire time.
“He’s a great kid,” I said to Bennett.
“He really is. I know I’m not supposed to get overly attached to them—”
“Bullshit,” I interjected and waited until Bennett was looking at me to say, “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t get attached.”
He nodded. “Thank you,” he said softly, and then suddenly his fingers curled into my hand. When he linked our fingers, it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.
Because it was so fucking perfect.
And I knew in that moment I could do it. I could let the past go and focus on the future.
A future with him. But as quickly as the thought entered my brain, reality crashed down, because Bennett said, “They’re my life, you know?”
“I do,” I managed to say. And that was the crux of it. Even wanting Bennett wasn’t enough. He had a whole life waiting for him back in New York, and mine was here. I didn’t even begin to know how to make something like that work. It wasn’t like we could date while living 2000 miles apart. Not to mention that nothing about our lives would mesh. He’d told me he was being groomed to take over the investment firm his father had founded. He’d have everything at that point— wealth, status, power. And I’d still be me. Xander Reed, caretaker’s-son-turned-wilderness-guide. I was the hired help. Even if Bennett could see past that, his friends and family never would.
I forced myself to release Bennett’s hand when he relaxed his fingers. I listened as the boys chatted with each other, and pride swelled in my chest when Lucky offered to let Frankie walk ahead of us so it would look like he’d finished the hike on his own. For whatever reason, Frankie declined, which surprised me because I was certain he’d jump at the chance to save face. But the young man took it a step further, because as soon as we reached camp, he went straight to where everyone was setting up camp and began telling them exactly what Lucky had done. Lucky was treated to a variety of accolades, but his eyes lit up when Calvin got the group to start chanting Lucky’s name and then led the boys in a raucous round of applause. As the excitement died down and the boys began sharing enthusiastic stories about their solo hikes, I wondered if this trip had sparked a desire in any of them to spend more time researching or trying to get back into the wilderness. It made me wonder if there was a way I could help other kids have similar experiences.
They hadn’t been the first group of city kids I’d led on an expedition, but for some reason they’d been the ones who’d seemed to benefit the most from it. Maybe it was because I knew none of them had ever been out of the city— never slept under the canopy of aspen leaves and listened to their soft whirring sounds as an evening breeze passed through. Each of the boys in Bennett and Aiden’s group had needed this. Needed open space and fresh air and the time to use their imaginations without electronics, chores, or parents.
I looked around at eight smiling faces and had a moment of such gratitude for where my life had taken me, I wished I could have called Aunt Lolly and told her about it. When she’d finally settled us down in Colorado, I’d found my true home and purpose. And as much as it had killed me to lose both my dad and Bennett, I couldn’t imagine how different my life would have been had I stayed in the northeast.
Before I had a chance to get too emotional, I heard an unexpected squawk from my backpack. I rustled through the deep pockets until I found the wilderness radio I carried for emergencies. It was Gary. Probably trying to raise me on the radio to confirm our pickup at the trailhead the following day.
“Yeah,” I said into the radio. “I’m here. Hey, Gary.”
“Xander, good. I’m glad I got you. I think you were out of range earlier today. Everything okay out there?”
“Yeah. Just arrived at Caldera after the solo. All good. We should be to the pickup on time tomorrow.”
“That’s what I’m calling about, actually. We have a problem.”
“What’s up?” I asked as I noticed Bear following Bennett into the woods. I stifled a smile, thinking about Bennett’s reaction to whipping out his dick for a piss and finding a very large dog staring at him.
“It’s Jake. He’s injured,” Gary said through the radio. The sound was muffled through radio static, so I asked him to repeat it as nerves caused my heart rate to increase.
“Is he okay? What happened? How bad?” My words came tumbling out as I thought about my friend, as well as the group of younger children in his care.
“Just a sprained ankle, he thinks. The problem is, it happened after one of the kids went missing. He found the boy, but now he can’t get back by himself.”
“I’ll go,” I said without thinking. “I’ll go get him. Where is he?”
“On the northern slope of Lower Bower. He found a rocky overhang and set up a tent. Says he has plenty of food and the river is close enough for water. It’s just a matter of someone getting there and helping him get the kid back.”
I saw Bennett emerge from the woods, talking to Bear and shaking a finger at him. After waving to get his attention, I gestured for him and Aiden to join me while I told Gary to hang on. I told Aiden and Bennett what was happening and then clicked the radio back on.
“Gary, I can get there. There’s a shortcut between Caldera and Lower Bower. Aiden and Bennett can get this group to the trailhead tomorrow without me. It’s a straight shot.” I eyed the falling darkness around us. As badly as I wanted to get to Jake and the boy, I needed to be smart about it. “Gary, you said Jake is set for provisions and the kid’s not hurt?”
“Yep, they’re both okay. He said he and the boy decided to have an extra adventure.”
I understood what he was telling me. The boy would have been within earshot when Jake radioed in. He’d probably called the whole thing an adventure so the kid wouldn’t get scared.
“I’ll leave at first light. I should be able to make it there by nightfall or the very next morning.”
Bennett started to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him. He narrowed his eyes at me, but kept his mouth closed.
“Xander, there’s a giant river between you and Lower Bower. I’m not okay with you doing that river crossing alone,” Gary said.
Bennett grabbed the radio from my hand and pressed the button. “Gary, this is Bennett Crawford. He’s not going alone. I’m going with him. That’s one of my kids out there. Who is it?” I stiffened at Bennett’s words, but I didn’t interrupt the conversation since I could tell Bennett was desperate to know which kid was involved.
There was a pause while Gary seemed to regroup. “Mr. Crawford. I’m sorry about this. I promise you—”
“I understand, Gary. Just tell me. Who is it?” Bennett interrupted.
“Jimmy. And he’s fine. Just took off to see some snow, apparently. Jake says they’re holed up safely and playing lots of games to learn about plants and animals.”
I heard Bennett let out a sigh of relief before answering. “We’ll go get him. Aiden will bring this group to the trailhead.”
I grabbed the radio. “Gary, Mr. Crawford misspoke. He and Mr. Vale will be bringing the kids down the trailhead,” I said firmly.
“I’m going,” Bennett said stubbornly and crossed his arms together in front of him. For once, Aiden was uncharacteristically silent, and I knew that probably wasn’t a good thing.
“You’re not,” I repeated.
It wasn’t until I heard Gary clear his throat that I realized I’d had my finger on the call button so Gary had heard everything.
“Uh, I’ll hike in first thing in the morning to Caldera and help… whoever… bring the crew out,” he said awkwardly. Gary signed off after that and Aiden mumbled some excuse about going to tell the kids what was happening.
“I’m going,” Bennett repeated, and then began walking away like that was the end of it.
“No, you’re not,” I said as I grabbed his arm. “I can get there faster on my own.” I didn’t tell him the real reason I didn’t want him coming along— that I was scared shitless he’d get hurt. Even though it was a relatively safe hike, there was always an inherent risk in going off trail. But I couldn’t tell him I was terrified of him getting hurt, because then he’d know that things had started to change for me. And that was a conversation I just wasn’t ready to have yet.
“Yes. I. Am.”
Before I could say anything, he continued. “I am responsible for each and every one of these kids, Xander. I’m the one who promised their parents I’d bring them home safely, and I’m the one who told these boys I’d always take care of them, no matter what. Jimmy is a great kid, but he’s still just a boy. What are you going to do if he gets scared or needs help on the trail while you’re helping Jake?” Bennett asked.
It was something I hadn’t considered. I mulled over his words and finally nodded. I wasn’t happy about it, a fact he was well aware of if the hard set of his jaw was anything to go by, but I’d figure it out. I’d keep him safe if it killed me. Because I’d have to let Bennett go when this was all over, but he’d sure as hell be going in one piece. And truth be told, the idea of spending even one day alone with him wasn’t a hardship in any way, shape or form.
Except maybe on my heart.
But I’d look at it as a chance to spend some time with an old friend, revisiting old memories and maybe even making a few new ones. At least that way I’d have something of Bennett to hang onto once he was gone.
“Fine,” I said. “But you do as I say, you got that?”
Bennett bristled, but nodded. Then he turned on his heel and marched back to camp. I may or may not have ogled his ass as he went. Just like I may or may not have fallen asleep later that night to dreams of all the things Bennett and I could do the following night when we would be forced to share a very small and very cozy tent together.
Chapter 24
Bennett
As we got ready to go the following morning, I was still pissed at Xander for trying to talk me out of coming with him. As if I was too weak to make the trip, or what I wanted didn’t matter. It made me feel unimportant and stupid, and I wasn’t used to feeling either of those things. Especially with him. Not to mention his parting shot the night before about me having to do what he said. Okay, yeah, so his words had both infuriated me and excited me at the same time. No way I’d ever tell him that.
I hadn’t slept well, and not just because I’d been worried about Jimmy. Although the boy had a tendency to get easily distracted, he was a good kid who wasn’t prone to questioning authority, so I knew he’d do whatever Jake told him. And while I didn’t know this Jake guy at all, I had to trust that he was good at his job and would be able to take care of Jimmy until Xander and I could reach them.
After saying goodbye to the kids and Aiden, I gave a last hug to Lucky.
“Take care of Bear, okay?” I asked, seeing the boy’s chest puff up with pride.
“I will, B. I promise. I told Xander I’d walk him when we got back and make sure he had plenty of food and water.”
Xander had decided the dog would be better off returning to the lodge with the group, since we had a river crossing that he’d said wouldn’t be easy for the animal to navigate, and the current was too strong to risk letting the dog swim across.
“I know you will. He’s lucky to be staying with you. I know Xander must think a lot of you to trust you with him,” I said, scratching the dog’s head. I glanced up at Lucky and waited until I caught his eye.
“You going to be okay?” I asked quietly. “You need anything?” I wanted so badly to ask him about his foster family, but I knew Xander was right— I didn’t want to spoil his fun on the last day of the hike, and there would be time enough for us to deal with it when I got back from helping Jimmy.
“Nah, I’m good,” he said with a small smile. “Aiden asked me the same thing. I think he’s trying to take over as my Bennett while you’re gone.”
My heart expanded in my chest— both for the kid who recognized that he was cared for and my friend who knew without asking that I’d be worried about Lucky while I was gone.
“Alright. Well, keep an eye out for Aiden too. He probably needs looking after more than you do,” I said with a wink.
“Hey, B?” Lucky asked.
“Yeah?”
He looked down at his feet before grinning back up at m
e mischievously. “Are you going to be okay?”
“What do you mean? Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, it’ll just be you and Xander out there until you get to Jimmy. I’m worried you’re either going to kill each other or… you know…”
“Know what?” I asked dumbly.
Lucky looked around us and then dropped his voice and sang, “Xander and Bennett sitting in a tree…” He waggled his eyebrows at me.
I stared at him, feeling my face turn crimson. “Wh-what? Jesus, Lucky. No. I mean, that’s none of your… it’s… we’re just friends. It’s fine. I’ve known Xander for a long time. We’re past the kill each other phase. I promise.”
He snorted. “Sure, B. If you say so. If not the killing, then I guess it’ll be the other thing.” He lifted an eyebrow at me, and I rolled my eyes.
“Go,” I said, flapping my hand at him. “Get out of here with that mangy beast, and stop trying to ruffle my feathers.”
He wandered off laughing and quickly joined the other boys who were finishing up breakfast. Before he got too far away, he turned back.
“Yo, B! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he shouted for everyone in the campsite to hear.
I stood there frozen, feeling my face incinerate as Aiden barked out a laugh and slapped Lucky on the back as he approached the remaining campers.
“I hope you aren’t going to listen to him.”
The low, warm voice snuck into my ear from somewhere behind me and I closed my eyes to suppress a moan. Wait, I was pissed at him. Which meant I couldn’t go all gooey on the inside when he said that crap to me. My flirt was officially on the fritz.
“You wish,” I muttered to Xander. “I’m not doing shit. You can forget it.”
His smile drooped a bit and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What’s wrong? You mad at me for some reason?”
Fuck. Why did he look so goddamned cute all the fucking time? I needed him to look ugly and mean. Was that too much to ask? I wondered idly if Lucky had been right. Was I going to pick option number two when it came to Xander? I couldn’t say I hadn’t considered the idea.
