by Lou Anders
i wanted to say don’t do it lynn but i wanted to see her smile so i just shut up and ate my sandwich and the three girls helped hoyst her up and they promised to help her down wen she got tired they promised that is the saddest thing the way they promised. so she is hanging there and smiling she didnt weigh anything so she is hanging there and she starts to get scared becuz her leg if she falls will break real easy and she is crying and i am afraid to help becuz all the kids are laffing and they will laff at me too and say i am in love with lynn miller which i was but no one could ever know becuz i wont be able to live if they find that out.
she starts crying and then she is really bawling and what happens but matt savoy with his parents money and his blue razberry eyes comes up from behind and pulls her panties all the way down to her shiny black shoes. she was so surprised she didnt know what to do and even some of the mean girls seemed to gasp and rachel looked like she would cry and maybe there was some thing in there hearts still even though i dowt it. it was windy an her dress wount stay down in the wind. no one said anything for a minit even i was too shocked and i turned away it was horrible horrible.
wen i turned back i saw matt looking at lynn real hard with his slushy eyes. he had a strange look like he wanted to do some thing even more worst but didnt know how. once you pants somebuddy that is about all you can do rite? but he was smiling but it reminded me of a alligator or a snake or some thing. Then he started laffing. Just laffing laffing laffing like a little girl naked and crying was the funnyest thing that ever could be and i new he liked it he liked her crying. HA HA HA says matt savoy.
everyone started laffing. everyone. they crowded around so the teacher mister lutero could not see. and matt savoy with his rich parents and perfect teeth started calling her crutch crotch crutch crotch crutch crotch and she could not take it no more and she dropped she dropped she dropped from the monkey bars and I heared her leg snap like a carrot in a salad from all the way across the sandbox. The sand was little rocks really but rite underneath was hard cement and who thot up that idea I can not imagin.
that is wen I new there was bad in the world and I new I would never get away from matt savoy unless I did some thing abot it. I new that lynn miller would never get away from matt savoy unless I did some thing abot it. nice pecker becker lasted a year but I new crutch crotch would never leave her even if she went to live on gilligans island.
so i dicided to do some thing. i went to lynn miller and I pulled down her dress but her leg was hurt so bad and bent so wrong that she just screamed louder and i dont really remember what happened very well but I do remember that i pulled the metal monkey bar out of the ground cement and all and i gave matt savoy a few wacks with it and i have to say it did make me feel a lot better to see him lose abot haff of those perfect teeth. there was a lot of blood and i almost screamed that i wondered if it smelled like cherry like my markers that he ruined but i was too mad to talk. the teacher started to scream at me and I remember he said stop that stop that you god dam THUG and so i took a wack at him too and didnt feel one bit bad becuz he taught pee ee and wasnt very nice to lynn even before her leg cracked. i didnt care abot juvie or my butt or anything i just was mad.
miss condero came out crying and she asked me to put down the metal toob and she looked really scared and i looked at the end of it and saw some thing that looked like it might be matt savoys nose and i thot that was not very good news for mr slushy eyes matt savoy and maybe the girls will have some funny names to call him like no nose savoy or mr half a face and that did make me feel a lot calmer. i thot if lynn miller could see what he looked like now maybe her leg might hurt a little less and that made going to juvie worth it butt and all.
arnie came and saw what i had done and i think he almost smiled but then he said good god alvin you sure gave this kid the BUSINESS and i said i gess i did and i put down the pipe and waited for them to help lynn I wouldnt let anyone touch her til the AMBULANCE came and then i said i gess its juvie for me and boy was i rite.
im tired and i hate this remember. more abot juvie tomorow JOURNAL.
the hole butt thing was not true. maybe some of the guys got there butts looked at but no one looked at mine not even in the shower. i would have been in third grade too yung for juvie but i was so big they made a SPECIAL ALLOWANCE. my mom came to see me and she was always bringing cookies a batch for everyone and a batch for me. she said I should pray hard and work with the COUNSELORS which i did but partly it was becuz i wanted them cookies. so in some ways juvie was way better than Lu Sutton Elementary all in all.
there was some gangs that tryed to get me to fight or to join or to cry but i told them i would give them all the BUSINESS and punched a big hole in a brik wall and they backed off. I did get a COUNSELOR and after talking to me one time he said i had LATENT SOCIOPATHIC TENDENCIES so i looked that up in my DICTIONARY and laffed becuz for a smart guy he was awful DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED.
one of my bunk mates was a red haired kid called stormy now i dont trust no red haired kids but he was all rite he would stop people making fun of me and he said i was smarter than I thot and dont ever listen to haters. i liked stormy. he was small and got picked on before we came friends but not after i hit that wall. he ran the place pretty much. he could get cigarettes and sometimes apple wine and naked picture books. i didnt look at the naked picture books becuz they made me think of little bird girls crying in the sandbox.
a few things happened. arnie came to visit and he said that they had a new playground all round plastic over a big foam mat and that you could not break a leg on it if you fell from a ZEPPELIN which did not make any sense to me but he laffed so i laffed. miss condero came but she mostly cried and i could tell she was scared so i made like i had the texas trots and left and i think she was glad even tho she new i was lying. my mom every thursday came with cookies cookies cookies.
til one thursday she did not come and the gards told stormy why and stormy told me that she died. the gards were afraid to tell me even with all their guns and riot gear. thats how i new stormy was my friend. he said it was a hit and run driver and she did not feel no pain and she was in heaven now and I asked a lot of questions abot that and stormy anserd them all even tho i had a milyun. he talked abot how my mom was playing the harp and was happy and watching over me and I thot that was weird because my mom could not even sing could not even tap her foot in time but sometimes i sware i thot i heared the harp music. stormy boosted some cookies from a crying fat kid and we ate those and i listened for the harp music all night long.
i had a job and that job was laundry after cleaning some of those shorts I dont know why anyone wants to see anyones butt that is for sure.
abot two years after i got a letter which was weerd becuz i never got mail from anybuddy ever but this letter had my name on it alvin becker in pretty handwriting. i looked at the return address and it said LYNN MILLER and i almost cryed rite there.
i did not open it for two days just kept holding it and looking at it stormy said hey alvin whyncha open that god damn thing already and i said i cant i cant i just cant.
finally i did. it didnt say i hate you alvin and it didnt say i love you alvin. it just said that she was going to a new school now and her leg was the same after some SURGERY but that she would never walk rite after she broke it that one time i told you abot remember? she said she rode a pony on her birthday and that her new apartment had a swimming pool so she could do therapy which is like sports for cripples I gess. she said she had a cat named fancy. every thing she said sounded really nice to me.
she said she thot abot me and she hopes i am well and she is sorry to here abot my mom and then i did cry and stormy yells everyone out of the room god damn it he needs some PRIVACY. i dont read books but i read that letter prolly a milyun times or maybe more. stormy helped me rite back and i said i was fine and my friend stormy was helping and i thot abot her too and i asked how she was and i made stormy underline it like how are you really???
i got
a letter a few days later and it had a drawing of her walking without a brace in some grass and all she wrote was that she relized there were a lot of matt savoys and they were everywear and you could never escape all the matt savoys of the world.
that did not make sense. stormy tried to explane but i did not understand. there were lots of matt savoys? they were everywear?
i was hopping mad. i had stormy rite a letter. I said she should show me these matt savoys and if they made her cry or even came near her panties i would give them the BUSINESS. i would give every one of them the BUSINESS.
she did not rite back after that so I gess it was rong to say.
stormy said he wanted to help me trane for the future becuz i could not warsh dirty underdrawers my hole life. so i became his ASSOCIATE and we ran the place. if anyone wanted anything we got it for them and if they didnt pay i would snap their fingers or toes. it made me feel bad at first then i thot of matt savoy and it was hard to stop at one finger or one toe. I just wanted to snap and snap and snap.
pretty soon everyone paid.
stormy said we were WEED and SPEED and i was weed and he was speed and we sold those and some other things too and pretty soon i liked to have money and respect and i had lots.
pretty soon i liked snapping fingers too.
wheel of fortune is on. that lady who turns letters on that show is so smart, she always turns the letters without even looking!
stormy got out two years before me and that was a lonly time. i tried to keep WEED and SPEED going but i found out kwick that i could not do it. i am not smart. i know that.
stormy rote to me and he said the big money was working with SUPERVILLAINS. he was working for a guy called MISTER METEOR who had the power to call little balls of fire abot the size of the hamster that got flushed in grade number 2. he said there was a job for me wen i got out and i said okay becuz its not like i will be a science guy when I grow up.
i got out wen i was sixteen and stormy picked me up in a van he bot special to fit me becuz now i am almost 8 feet tall. he asked what i wanted first grass or ass and i said neither becuz i wanted a real cheeseburger so we had abot a milyun of those.
wen i showed mister meteor that i could pick up the van he hired me rite away and gave me a mask and a shirt with a big huge fireball on it which i thot was pretty funny. he asked me what my hench name would be and i said thug thinking it was scary. he said it was perfect.
mister meteor was not much of a supervillain. we robbed normal people okay but wen we tryed to rob a bank it was hopeless. first he set off the fire alarms and then one of the tellers a girl even sprayed him with a fire EXTINGUISHER and by the time the cops came he looked like he was already in jail so i grabbed stormy and bashed down a wall and we ran.
i may not be smart but i know wen people are broke and our next couple hench gigs were bad. we did a cuple weeks with the COLOR KING who never seemed to rob anyone just get in fites with SENSATION who is this woman with big bosoms who fights crime in a swimsuit. he would fite with her and we would stand around like we were all DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED. there is no money in fiting bosom girls and so no cheeseburgers either so whats the point???
then we got a gig with the AMMONIAZON who wanted to pay us in SEXUAL CONGRESS which i figger is just more naked books but with out the book part and i figger that prolly involves lookin at some ones rear end again and i remembered them shorts in the laundry at the juvie and i didnt want no part of that.
around this time stormy started to think abot how strong i was and he said i should try bein a SUPERVILLAIN myself and he said the ones we was working for didnt have the rite MOTIVATION and i asked what that was and he said REVENGE and i said what did i want REVENGE from and he said SOCIETY and all the best SUPERVILLAINS wanted REVENGE and i reminded him that i sometimes needed help finding my way home from 1 block away and he said that was so and we didnt talk abot that idea no more.
then oh boy did we get a break. one of the smartest SUPERVILLAINS was a guy called MISERY MAN and he said he wanted us to come and work for a REAL master criminal so stormy said that was the big time and that was that.
every thing changed for us then. we got our own fancy cars with rockets. we had cheeseburgers every nite we wanted it and i wanted it every nite. we wore a fancy armor soot I sware he looked like a astro not or some thing. he had a mask that wen you looked at it you did not see his face but your own face stairing back at you like a mirror. stormy said it was scary as well i wont say what stormy said it was as scary as becuz it is a bad word.
he patted me on the back one day and said i was part of his family now and everyone would be scared of us. scared as what stormy said.
and they were. we fought the TITAN TWINS and LEOPARD LASS and CRUSADING SPIRIT and beat them all good. misery man didnt have no powers but he had a lot lot lot of science thinking and money so he had abot every kind of gun and toy. and they were scared. the cops and the bad guys and the good guys and every one.
we hit banks and trains and one time even a cruise ship and i asked stormy how much money did i have now and stormy said it was more than i could count to and i said a milyun and he said yeah. i thot i heared a little harp music rite then i am not lying.
i started to have a real good feeling abot being a hench and one day we were robbing this casino and i was helping myself to the buffet wen i heared a terrible sound and a scream like a friend of mine which was stormy. wen i got to him he had been shot and was a little bit on fire which i patted out but i am afraid i patted too hard becuz i am sure i cracked some of his ribs like the bbq ribs on the buffet. he looked up at me with the saddest eyes and then my only friend was gone. it made me mad so i gave that casino the BUSINESS and i gess some people got hurt which only made me sadder the next day. i dont like to hurt no people that arent bothering me any way.
misery man was very nice abot it he said take the day off alvin becuz you are part of our family now and we lost a family member but i said there was only one thing to make me less sad and that was since he was the smartest man could he find a girl named lynn for me just to see if she is okay and if she is happy and see if she walks in the grass with out no brace like in her drawing back in juvie. he said he would do it and not to worry alvin he would do this for me he would find lynn miller and he was so sad abot stormy. he was so kind abot it that i started to bawl a little then a lot and couldn’t stop and he got me a blanket and pillow and i fell asleep rite there in his misery lab which was where he kept his misery sekrets.
i fell asleep while he was writing some notes or some thing and dreamed of cookies and pretty little bird girls and a nasty dream abot the naked picture books woked me rite up. i started to think. I think think thinked hard. i thot stormy and my mom were trying to tell me some thing.
and I thot what it was. i did not tell misery man lynns last name.
so i looked and i found some thing. he had kept a JOURNAL just like mine only his was in perfect riting and I bet the spelling was good too. And oh boy did I find out some things. i opened rite near the end and read it mostly backwords so it was from recent to past.
misery man had killed stormy. not the gards i should have thot of that becuz what casino gard has a gun that shoots fire? he killed him on purpose. my only friend.
back farther. he hired me and stormy and he laffed abot it actually laffed on the page like HA HA HA HA HA HA. why was that so funny???
back farther. he was keeping an eye on stormy and me watching every job we took since i got out of juvie. every bad gig he watched. with laffs HA HA HA HA on the page.
then i fownd the baddest part.
he killed my mom.
he had killed my mom and made it look like a ACCIDENT. he had run her over in the street then run her over again and there were two pages of HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
i went back to the most newest entry and read carefully tho reading makes my head ache.
kill lynn miller it said. that was it. no HA HA HA. Just
kill lynn mill
er.
so i went to his quarters in the misery cave to talk to him for a minit.
and maybe give him the BUSINESS. give him the BUSINESS real good.
i went into his room i did not try to be quiet. he had a bunch of death traps but i think he did not know how strong i had gotten and they did not slow me down much and the pain helped me focus on what needed to be done. Lynn miller must be my age now but she was still a little girl in the sandbox in my remember.
wen he saw me with his book he started to laff just like on the pages HA HA HA and he shot at me with the gun that he used to kill my only friend in front of the all you can eat bbq bar at the casino. it stung and i heared my skin burn but only a little.
he started to say some thing abot how he was glad he ran over my hore of a mother and thats wen i ripped the mask off his head and saw how many scars he had and how his face barely looked like a human face no more. He did not have a nose for one thing but i still did not think what that meaned.
i grabbed his arm and twisted it and there was a loud pop sound and he stopped HA HA HA ing pretty quick and i liked that and i grabbed a leg and did the same thing and now it was more like BOO HOO HOO and tears rolling down his ugly ugly scarred face.
tears rolling out of those icy blue razberry slushy eyes. all the best SUPERVILLAINS are abot REVENGE stormy said. misery man said to me nice pecker becker with his ugly ruined mouth and got out one sort of HA but there was blood in his mouth so it didnt bother me so much this time some how.
i saw i could cover up the sound of his bad talk with the sound of snapping so i made more snapping noises. i did not protect lynn miller wen i was a kid and that is why every thing went so rong but this time i would protect her. and make a LOT of snapping sounds.
