“The poor thing!” Meg cried.
“She’s young,” Andrew said. “She hasn’t any underlying conditions. Both these factors are in her favour, but head injuries are tricky. Things can go downhill very fast.”
“What’s happening now?” Aggie asked.
“They’re shaving her head, then they’ll suture the wound.”
Tears filled Joey’s eyes. Lily’s beautiful hair! She knew, rationally, that hair didn’t even deserve to be on the list of the things they were presently worrying about, but the image of Lily without her beautiful blonde waves brought home just how serious the situation was.
“We’ll need to attach electrical sensors directly to her scalp,” Andrew continued. “And, of course, if there’s a sudden need for emergency surgery, every minute matters.”
“Of course,” Meg said.
Andrew made to go. “I should get back in there,” he said.
“Thank you, dear,” Meg said. “Tell Lilia we’re all out here, if she needs anything.”
“Shall do,” Andrew replied, and then he was off.
Afternoon turned to evening, and no one emerged with any news. They took turns visiting the small cafeteria on the first floor, drinking watery tea and eating sandwiches that tasted of clingfilm. At eight o’clock, Lilia and Ian emerged from the emergency ward, looking pale and drained. The women stood up almost in unison, and offered Ian and Lilia seats. No one dared to utter a question.
“She opened her eyes,” Ian said.
“And smiled,” said Lilia, fighting back tears.
“She’s heavily sedated and they’ve transferred her to intensive care. The first twenty-four hours are the most risky. Lilia needs to go home, but I’m staying here.”
“I’ll drive her,” Aggie volunteered. “In fact, I’ll take her back to my house. I think she should stay with me. All right, Lilia?”
Lilia seemed too worn out to argue. She nodded weakly.
Ian, preoccupied, rose to go back inside. As the women crowded around Lilia, Joey followed him several steps toward the doors.
“Ian.”
He stopped and turned. His eyes were weary and empty. He was clearly impatient to get back to Lily’s side.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks.”
“I shouldn’t have taken her to the –”
I don’t want to talk about this now.”
“All right. Is there anything I can do?”
“No.”
“Can I get you some food? Something to drink?”
He shook his head. He turned to go, and then wheeled round. “Actually, there is something. I ran out the door so fast that I left my wallet and phone at home. Could you possibly go and get them?”
“Of course. Is your van here?”
Ian dug the keys out of his pocket and handed them to her. “In the back car park.”
“Anything else?”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll wait for you here. Come out whenever you can.”
“Okay.”
“The wallet’s on my bedside table, I think. But if it’s not there, it would be in the kitchen somewhere. The phone is on the table.”
“I’ll find them.”
Ian nodded soberly and pushed through the doors.
“Better get back in there.”
It was strange to be back in the gatehouse. It was dark now, so Joey turned on the overhead light as she climbed the stairs to Ian’s bedroom. She paused briefly to gaze at the photographs in standing frames on the upstairs hall table. She picked up a frame containing a picture of a smiling woman on a horse. It had to be Cait.
Joey flipped on the table lamp and brought the picture close. Cait had been so beautiful, so obviously happy and full of high spirits. In these last few weeks, it had been all too easy to dismiss her as less than a real person, as simply an obstacle to be overcome, an irritating source of pain and regret.
“I’m sorry,” Joey found herself whispering to the photograph, though she hardly knew what she was apologising for. For not taking better care of Lily? Or for falling in love with Ian? It was so unfair, she thought, staring at the image as tears came to her eyes. For the first time, she experienced a little of the sadness that had all but swamped Ian and Lilia.
She put the frame down and went into the bedroom. What she really longed to do was to go into Ian’s closet and inhale the fragrance of his shirts and sweaters. She wanted to pore over the contents of all his drawers, peruse all the titles of the books in his bookcases, lie down on his bed and take in his private world. But she couldn’t allow herself to do any of this. Even being here in the house made her feel like a voyeur. Now that she had felt a faint connection with Cait, the real person who had lost her life so early and so tragically, Joey felt almost as though Cait was watching her drift about the room, taking her own time doing the one and only thing that Ian had asked her to do.
The wallet was on the bedside table. She picked it up, resisting the impulse to open it. She grabbed an extra sweater from the back of the chair, then went into the bathroom to collect Ian’s toothbrush. As she turned on the light, she caught her breath at the sight of Ian and Lily’s toiletries commingled on the sink and table: Lily’s hairbrush, with thick strands wound around the bristles; Ian’s bottle of aftershave; dental floss; a bottle of plum frosted nail polish in which sparkles hung suspended; an old-fashioned shaving brush in a lather cup. The objects said everything about their intimate life together, as father and daughter.
Please let her be okay, Joey found herself whispering.
She grabbed the toothbrush and headed downstairs. Maybe this was stupid, she thought. They certainly had toothbrushes in the hospital. Nevertheless, she found a plastic bag in the kitchen and folded the sweater neatly on the bottom. She wrapped the toothbrush in paper towels and grabbed a couple of apples, a can of mixed nuts and a bottle of orange juice. Picking up his phone, she glanced around, wondering if there was anything else he might want or need, then put out the lights, locked the doors, and nervously, carefully drove Ian’s van back to the hospital.
It was almost nine o’clock when she came back out to the waiting room. Ian was sitting in one of the chairs, resting, with his eyes closed. She sat down beside him and he roused himself. She handed him the bag.
“Thank you.”
“How is she?”
“Holding steady. She’s talking, and everything she says makes sense.”
“That’s good.”
“So they say. She can follow the movement of a light with her eyes, and she pulls away when they poke her with something sharp.”
“That’s mean!”
Ian smiled for the first time. He sat back and sighed.
“What can I do?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Ian. She really wanted to come with me into the village.”
“I know. Lilia told me everything.”
“I shouldn’t have let her!”
“What? Walk into the village with you?”
“Go to the pond.”
Ian look confused. “You weren’t anywhere near her when this happened.”
“I was right there. I had just got out.”
“Lilia said that she and Lily were arguing and Lily slipped on a patch of ice. Isn’t that what happened?”
“Yes, but…”
“But what?”
“But if I hadn’t taken her to the pond, she wouldn’t have been there to slip on the ice. And they were arguing, in part, about me.”
Ian shook his head. “Look, it’s best if we don’t talk about this right now.”
“I know. I’ll head off. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”
“How are you getting home?”
Joey shrugged. “I’ll get a taxi.”
“Take the van.” He handed her back the keys.
“What if you want to leave?”
“I’m not going anywhere. If I need it, I’ll call you.”
&nbs
p; “You sure?”
Ian nodded.
“Is there anything else I can do?”
“Could you perhaps call Angus for me? He should know. I’m just not sure I can face explaining the situation to him at the moment.” Ian pulled a scrap of paper out of his wallet, grabbed a pen from the counter and scribbled a number on the paper. He handed it to Joey.
“What about your sister?”
“Let’s hold off on that. Wait till we know what we’re dealing with.”
“Any idea when that will be?”
“Some time tomorrow,” Ian said.
“Okay. I’ll bring you some coffee and breakfast.”
“No need to do that.”
“I’ll go crazy if I don’t have something to do.”
“See you in the morning,” Ian said.
For an instant, Joey wondered if she should kiss him goodbye, but almost immediately thought better of it. She took his hand, squeezed it gently and headed out into the night air.
She called Angus from Ian’s van, before making the drive back to Stanway House. His first impulse, upon hearing of Lily’s accident, was to head straight for the hospital. Joey tried to dissuade him.
“Ian doesn’t want to leave Lily’s side,” she explained, “and they won’t let you in there. We were here for eight hours today, and we only saw him once, for about two minutes.”
“But he shouldn’t be alone. Did you call his sister?”
“He wants to wait until tomorrow.”
“God… Okay.”
Angus sounded distraught. It might not be of any help to Ian to have his friend sit by himself in the waiting room, but maybe it would be of help to Angus. He’d known Lily since she was a baby, after all. They were his only family.
“Look,” Joey said, “you’re his best friend. It’s not my place to tell you what to do. If you feel you need to be here, by all means, come on over.
“Are you there now?”
“Yes, but I’m just leaving. My poor dog’s been locked up all day. Everyone’s gone home.”
“So Ian thinks I should wait until morning?” Angus asked, his voice now surprisingly vulnerable.
“I told him I’d bring him over some breakfast. We could go over together in the morning.”
“All right,” Angus replied. “Let’s meet for breakfast in the café in town. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
“What time?”
“Seven-thirty? We’ll get them to pack up some food.”
“All right,” Joey said. “I’ll see you then.”
Joey turned on her BlackBerry when she got back to Stanway House. Sarah had left her four messages.
“I’ve been trying to call you for hours!” Sarah cried, as soon as she picked up.
“I turned it off in the hospital – there was a sign saying you had to – and I forgot to turn it back on.”
“How is she? Aggie called Henry a little while ago. Do you want me to come down there? I’ll get in the car right now.”
“Yes,” Joey said, then immediately erupted into sobs. “Please! Sarah, I need you.”
Two and a half hours later, Joey threw herself into her friend’s arms.
“I’m so sorry,” she cried, between sobs. “I’ve been such a bitch! I’m just a horrible, horrible person! I don’t blame you for hating me.”
“I don’t hate you,” Sarah cried. “Who said I hated you?”
“You should!”
Sarah patted her back, holding her close until the sobs began to subside. Then she marched Joey over to the sofa, fetched two glasses from the cupboard, and pulled a bottle of Macallan out of her bag. She poured them both two fingers of Scotch.
“Drink up,” she commanded. Joey threw hers back. Sarah watched, her eyes a little wide, but she didn’t say anything. She poured her another two fingers.
“Tell me everything, sweetie,” she said.
That was when the first good thing happened. As Joey poured out the story of the sorrowful day’s events, and as Sarah listened with total concentration and compassion, all the distance that had grown up between them began to fall away. Looking back later, Joey would wonder just what it was that had caused them to shed like worn overcoats their competitiveness, their petty resentments, and all the things they had found to dislike about each other, from the distance of a continent away.
Perhaps it was the raw nature of the emotion Joey revealed, and the vulnerability with which she spoke with her friend, vulnerability Sarah hadn’t glimpsed in nearly twenty years. Perhaps it was the nearness of tragedy, the keen awareness of how fragile life was, and how in a few seconds it could be taken away.
Sarah reassured Joey as no one else had been able to do. “Look, honey,” she said. “You didn’t grab Lily’s arm and you didn’t scream at her. You didn’t place her foot on that ice and you didn’t pull her or let go. There is no way in the world you can hold yourself responsible for what happened.”
“I should never have slept with him. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with them, when I was only going to be here for a couple of weeks. You were right. It was totally selfish of me.”
“I wasn’t right, I was being a prig.”
“No you weren’t!”
“Yes I was! It’s just that – sometimes I’m – I’m – jealous of you!”
“And I’m jealous of you,” Joey surprised herself by saying.
“You still look gorgeous! You waltz into town and Ian McCormack just falls for you! You don’t understand: every woman in a twenty-five mile radius, single or not, is in love with that man! And who does he fall for? You!”
“But you have a husband who adores you!”
“And you have a career, and a life of your own!”
“You have so many people who love you.”
“Who love what I do for them, I sometimes think.”
“Who love you,” Joey insisted.
They were silent for several moments, each startled by the unfiltered admissions that had suddenly burst forth, as though an emotional dam had burst.
“I wish we could go back,” Joey finally whispered. “You and me.”
“We can’t.”
“Then I wish we could start over. Just turn the page and move on.”
“Henry and I do that sometimes.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. For me, it was like a light bulb switching on. We had this big row one Friday morning. It was one of our typical fights, and I thought to myself, you know, we could spend the whole weekend deconstructing everything he said and everything I said and where I was wrong and where he was wrong. But I just don’t want to do it! I mean, we’re not going to get divorced! It was just a stupid fight over something silly, the kind of fight married people just can’t keep from having.”
“So what did you do?”
“I called him up at work. I said, ‘Henry, we could carry on with this all weekend long, and nobody’s going to win, and we’ll just end up being miserable and exhausted on Monday. Or we could just admit that we we’re both stupid, pigheaded idiots and we’re doing the best we can. And we can turn the page and forget about it and have a nice weekend. What do you say?’ He was all for it, and he came home with tulips and a bottle of wine and by nine o’clock Friday night, the whole thing was forgotten. I really learned something.”
“Let’s start over,” Joey said.
“Let’s,” replied Sarah.
Chapter 24
Joey was seated in a booth by the window when Angus came through the door. Sarah had left to drive back to London at the crack of dawn, hoping to beat some of the commuter traffic and Joey had arrived at the café early, not knowing what else to do with herself. Angus looked tired.
“Morning.”
“Any word?”
“No, but I wasn’t expecting any.”
The waitress came over, and set a place in front of Angus.
“Morning, Sally,” Angus said.
“Angus,” the waitress replied. “Awful about Lily.
Have you had word?”
Angus shook his head. “We’re heading over there now. Put together something for Ian, would you?”
“Sure thing,” she replied. “What’ll you two have?”
“Porridge, please, and some toast. Joey?”
“Sounds fine.”
While they waited for their breakfasts to arrive, Joey filled Angus in on everything that had happened the previous day. When they had exhausted everything that could be said on that subject, there was only one place for the conversation to go: to whatever Angus had wanted to speak with Joey about.
Joey took a deep breath and dived in. “I’ll spare you having to say it,” she began.
“Say what?”
“That I have no business getting involved with Ian. That I’m a – a clueless, pushy American who doesn’t understand –”
Angus cut her off. “So you are involved with him.”
Joey sunk down a little in the booth. “Uh – yeah. A little. Though now, I’m not sure.”
“And you’d think I’d disapprove of that?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because everyone else does. Well, not everyone. Not Lily. Not Aggie –”
“Not Ian, presumably.” Angus smiled, revealing charmingly craggy teeth.
Joey shook her head.
“I wasn’t going to say any of these things.”
“Oh.”
“I was actually going to give you a bit of a heads-up.”
“About what?”
“You know he lost his wife.”
“I do know. I’ve made some friends while I’ve been here, and Sarah Howard and I grew up together. I’ve heard the story.”
“So you do know that the lad hasn’t given a lass the time of day since Cait passed away.”
“I do.”
“All right, you’ve had fair warning. There’s a lot of heartbreak built up, and this is a first.”
“What is?
“His falling for someone. It was pretty obvious that first night, Joey. The fellow lit up like a firecracker.”
“He did?”
“Well, for Ian, that is. We Scots tend to keep these things to ourselves. You might not actually have noticed, but I could tell.”
The J M Barrie Ladies' Swimming Society Page 21
