She didn’t answer, but not because she was trying to avoid the question. Somehow, he knew she was considering her answer.
“I’m a second generation Arynian, and that is a very rare thing,” she said at last. “When two Arynians have children, it almost always results in a child with absolutely no abilities whatsoever. I am one of very few successful outcomes and was trained from a very early age. Because my powers are much more acute, they are harder to control, but also hold more potential. I can only guess one of those two reasons has something to do with it.”
Nothing he hadn’t heard before, except that she was born of Arynian parents. And with this newfound, other-level consciousness he had of her, he also knew she’d told him everything she could.
She truly didn’t know what the Reidar wanted of her, but in her darkest moments, it scared her more than anything had in her entire life.
He shook his head, a shot of dizziness spilling through him. Where the freck had that thought come from? Ella had once gotten inside his head, read his mind, spoken telepathically to him. Could the connection go both ways?
She sucked in a sharp breath. “You shouldn’t be able to read my mind. Not even other Arynians should be able to do that.”
Which meant frecking what, exactly?
“What the hell is going on?” he muttered, more to himself. Because he’d ended up against her with his arms around her, hands on her hips, holding her firm against him, the curve of her back fitting against his chest. And for the first time, he wasn’t consumed by the desperate need to escape her. Everywhere they touched sparks bloomed and flared into intense heat. Warm rapture built, blasting back the ice within him. Instead of flinching away, he embraced the solace, the heat, the uncomplicated simplicity of the buzz. It had been too long since he’d felt anything other than fear, loathing, rage, or pain. Maybe Ella thought him lost, maybe she didn’t want to help him break out from the pits of his own personal hell, but he was exhausted from it all. He just wanted one moment to forget, to be above it, to feel the euphoric torture of something purer than he had any right to aspire to, let alone actually hold.
Ella’s breathing hitched, her hands tightening where she still held the railing, yet she pressed against him, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder, exposing the slender line of her neck, down into the swells of her upper chest. And he’d never seen anything more beautiful, her eyes closed, lips parted on a ragged exhale, a light flush coloring her cheeks.
She was firm against him, everything of them connected in high-vibrating harmony while the heat within him teetered, ready to crash into unadulterated pleasure he knew would bring him to his knees. He couldn’t imagine anything except falling into her and losing himself, needing her in a way that went far beyond physical longing.
But something within him fought against it; that inherent darkness the Reidar had planted deep within him pushed back, threatening to rise up and turn his reality into nightmare. And he sensed a different turmoil within Ella, a kernel of some fixed logic that held out against him in much the same way.
This couldn’t ever be anything, but for a second he considered plunging into recklessness, the temptation so much more enticing than he could have possibly anticipated.
“Rian.”
Callan’s voice shocked his system like a bomb exploding, yanking him out of his dangerous yearning.
He released Ella and stumbled to the side, knocking against one of the porch posts. Like waking up from a deep, drugging sleep, he couldn’t get his brain to function at speed. Ella lowered herself on the porch swing, looking as dazed as he felt.
“You left your comm inside. There’s a message from Colter Routh on it.”
Expression blank, Callan glanced at Ella and then headed back inside.
Rian dragged both hands over his face, feeling cold down to his core, like leaving a warm, toasty room and stepping into a snow flurry. And now that he was back to himself, hard logic tore through him like lightning. Whatever the freck was going on with Ella and him, touching her sent it spinning out of control. Obviously, avoiding her had been the damned smart thing to do. Until he worked out what he was going to do with her, he needed to stay away from her at all cost.
He didn’t let himself glance at her as he forced his unsteady legs to cooperate and take him inside. He found his comm where he’d left it on the kitchen table, hand shaking as he reached down to grab the device. He took a second to inhale and clamp down all his muscles, forcing himself into something close to normal equilibrium.
Across the room, Callan stood barefoot next to the condiments dispenser, running a finger down the list of options on the screen.
“Repli-coffee.” The look on Callan’s face matched the disgust in his tone. “Guess it’s better than frecking nothing.”
“Pull a second cup for me.” Rian tabbed up the message on the display of his commpad. Short and sweet—the commander captain had found a way to get everything in bulk quantities on a continuing basis, if he needed that option. Colt wanted Rian to organize a way to pick up the first shipment.
For a start, without the Imojenna, taking a shipment was going to be that much frecking harder. And second, his paranoia was kicking up big time, telling him this was too fast, too simple. He’d expected it would take Colt days, if not weeks, of wrangling and secretly pulling in favors, yet only a few hours had gone by, and already his buddy had handled it.
The way he saw it, there were two possible explanations. Either the Reidar were behind this and they’d gotten to Colt after he’d left Dunham, or they were using Colt and the guy had no idea. Or second, all that stuff Colt had said about believing Rian was innocent of the intergalactic terrorism charges had been bullshite, and this was the IPC’s way of capturing his entire crew at once. Either way, this had come together like a hooker on a planet-leave soldier, quick and easy.
Callan handed him the fake coffee. “Did your IPC friend have any luck?”
“He says he can get what we need.”
“But you don’t believe him.” Callan took a gulp from his mug, not seeming the least bit surprised. Of course, he trusted any IPC officer about as much as a rat in a cargo hold full of food stores.
“What I believe doesn’t count for shite. Cold hard facts are worth their weight in Violaine.” He took a mouthful of his repli-coffee, the brew bitter and scalding hot, but with the usual not-quite-coffee taste the fake stuff had.
“So what are you going to do?” Callan took another sip, then made a face and dumped the rest of his drink down the drain.
That was the million-credit question. How did he play this? Because if his old buddy were innocent and being used by the Reidar or IPC, he didn’t deserve to get smashed. On the small chance it was legit, he didn’t want to screw up the single thing that had gone his way in recent times.
“I think the best thing to do would be to invite Colt out here for another chat, to pick some berries, and enjoy this frecking quaint little cabin we’ve found ourselves.”
Callan shot him a grin. “Yeah, it’s all quiet and remote-like. I’m sure he’ll have a great time.”
Rian sent Colt a short message saying he was eager to take possession of the shipment, but wanted to organize the particulars in person. If Colt made a big deal about not being able to spare an hour to fly out to Forbes, if he insisted on arranging a time and place immediately, there was a good chance this was a trap.
Each passing day, it seemed like his list of enemies grew exponentially, with more and more people he’d known getting lost in this frecking war he didn’t even want to be fighting. If Colt turned out to be one of those victims, maybe it was finally time to reconsider just what the freck he was doing and how much more this had to cost before he was done.
Chapter Eighteen
Barasa
Breaking into Tannin’s childhood home didn’t turn out to be as difficult or exciting as Kira had thought it would be. He’d already circumvented most of the security system on their first visit, so when they arrived
back in front of the huge gates, it was just a matter of him logging in to the program and shutting down everything from silent alarms to cameras. After that, he opened the gates and they simply strolled up the long driveway and through the front door.
Tannin had set himself up at the crystal display in his father’s office, while the rest of them settled in an adjoining room in front of a large viewer screen, watching different programs before Lianna flicked it over to a movie.
At first, Kira found it uncomfortable and weird to be sitting in someone else’s home watching TV and snacking while Tannin hacked all kinds of government systems in the next room. She’d been sure the authorities would turn up at any minute to arrest them. Yet, as the hours crept by, well into the middle of the night, she’d slowly relaxed and started thinking about other things—mainly Varean.
He was worried about the tests—understandably so. Truthfully, it was grating her nerves as well. Not because of what they might divulge, but how Varean would take it and what he’d do after that. Commandos had no fear of death, and he’d certainly proven that.
While she’d come to terms with the fact that there was no version of a future where she would see him again once they went their separate ways, she’d realized she could deal with it as long as she knew Varean was alive somewhere in the universe. If he discovered the Reidar had done something to him and went on some sort of suicidal quest to find out when and how, or to get revenge, he’d more than likely end up dead.
And the thought of a galaxy without him left her aching and cold, like someone had rammed an icicle through her chest. Kind of like the desolate look he’d gotten in his gaze back at the bar, the one that told her he couldn’t see any kind of outcome for himself besides despair and death.
He didn’t owe her anything. Nevertheless, she was becoming more and more desperate to make sure that whatever happened after the test results came in, he didn’t rush off and get himself killed. She just had no idea how to convince him.
The movie credits started rolling, and she blinked, stretching her arms above her head. She couldn’t have said what happened in the film, she’d been too caught up in her thoughts. She glanced over to find Lianna had fallen asleep in one of the recliners, while Zahli had disappeared into the office where Tannin was working. The low murmur of their voices floated through the open doorway, though she couldn’t quite make out what they were talking about.
Varean reached over and snagged the remote, switching the channel and lowering the volume. Pushing to her feet, she stretched a little more, feeling stiff all over. She crossed the hall to the bathroom and splashed water on her face. Tannin didn’t seem like he’d be finishing anytime soon, so maybe she could take a cue from Lianna and get some shut-eye. The way things were going, she had no idea when they might get any more downtime.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, she found Varean leaning against the opposite wall, one boot kicked over the other with his arms crossed.
“Sorry, I wouldn’t have taken so long if I’d known anyone else was there.” She gestured back toward the bathroom, indicating he could go in.
“I was waiting for you.” He pushed up from the wall and stepped toward her, running a hand over his already disheveled short hair, messing it up even more. “I’ve been thinking about things for the last few hours and I need to know, whatever the tests show, you’ll let me walk when it’s time to go.”
She opened her mouth to reply, but he held up a hand. “I know you said if it turns out the Reidar did some kind of experiment on me, the best place to get answers is on the Imojenna. Aside from the fact that you left the ship somewhere in another system, I don’t trust Rian or Callan, which makes it hard to live in close quarters. Plus, for all I know, Rian will still want to lock me up if he finds out I’ve been messed with by his mortal enemies.”
She wanted to argue, but instead took a short breath. She couldn’t blame him for not trusting Rian and Callan after what they’d put him through. But after Rian’s experiences with the aliens, he couldn’t justify locking Varean up.
She crossed her arms over her middle, a low wave of apprehension swelling in her stomach. “What will you do?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t go back into the IPC military knowing half of the commanding officers are probably shape-shifting aliens. I suppose I could rejoin the Swift Brion, but—it’s probably totally stupid to say—I don’t feel like that person any longer.”
“It’s not stupid at all.” She closed the distance between them, setting her hand on his arm, apparently unable to help touching him, the instinct to comfort him driving her beyond logic.
His gaze roamed her face as though trying to work something out. “Actually, what’s stupid is, despite everything, I wouldn’t change a second of it because I got to meet you.”
Her heart leaped like she was fifteen and it was the first time a boy had told her he liked her. She couldn’t have picked a worse time to decide she was going to free-fall over someone. If she was smart, she wouldn’t let things go any further, because it would make it that much harder at the inevitable end. Yet, she wanted everything of him she could get while she had the chance.
“You’re going to leave. Probably tomorrow.” She said the words more to keep herself in check.
He nodded, gaze becoming grim. “Yes, I am.”
“I was thinking of getting some sleep. It’s most likely going to be a long day.”
“It’s probably a good idea,” he replied in a banal tone.
How had she ended up here all of a sudden, not knowing what to say to him, their conversation edging toward awkward?
“Okay, well—” She went to take a step, but Varean grabbed her upper arms and before she could work out his intention, his mouth found hers. His hands cupped her face as he plunged them into a decadent kiss without any warning.
She pressed up against him, one arm around his shoulders and the other hand finding his hair as she returned the kiss with all the desperation she’d been trying to push down in the past few hours.
But just as she was ready to lose herself in the way his mouth consumed her, he pulled back a fraction, breaking the kiss on an uneven breath.
“Kira, my life is in pieces and I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t give you anything except for a good-bye tomorrow.”
For all the perfectly logical reasons she’d given herself not to do this, not to let herself fall any further, now she couldn’t remember a single one of them.
“I know. I can see what’s coming. But I don’t need anything except you right now.”
“Thank god.” The words were murmured against her lips as he tightened his arms around her and dragged them right back into the heady kiss.
He tugged her backward and she went with him, slamming through the nearest door into a dimmed room where he spun them and pushed her up against the wall. As his mouth left hers to kiss a frantic path down her neck, she took a second to glance up, finding they’d ended up in what looked like a library, shelves covering the walls with countless old-fashioned books and other items displayed, two lamps on a couple of low, small tables the only light.
But then Varean’s hand closed over her breast, squeezing lightly, and even with all her clothes on, the sensation was enough to make her close her eyes on a shudder. His hand shifted from her breast to the edge of her shirt, slipping underneath and skimming across her overheated flesh. A second hand joined the first, and then her shirt lifted, disappearing, leaving welcome, cool air swirling over her skin.
His mouth found hers again, firm and insistent against her lips, leaving no doubt where he wanted to take things. After their little caper on the skimmer, she’d craved more, but forced the need to the back of her thoughts behind the other pressing issues they faced. However, now that she’d let her guard down, made the decision that she’d give and take everything in the short time they had, the smolder of longing roared up through her, leaving nothing but a fine, light ash in its wake.
She
pushed up his T-shirt, and he oh-so-obligingly helped by taking over and yanking the garment off one-handed, tossing it aside, and then his hands were on her again. This time, he caressed his way to her upper thighs, where he gripped her and lifted her against him.
Wrapping her legs around his hips, her breath caught when he eased her onto the nearest couch. The cushions gave way as he lowered his weight on top of her, lips skimming across the top of her chest while he tugged at the clasp of her bra.
In a blur of half breaths and light, teasing strokes, the rest of their clothes disappeared and when Varean pressed naked against her, a deep shiver of anticipation rocked her all the way to her soul. He was hard, heavy, and hot all over, but she didn’t feel trapped or intimidated, instead she relished the secure, delicious feel of him on top of her.
His lips and hands moving over her had slowed, become measured, almost reverential with every breath he took.
“You’re so damn beautiful,” he murmured against her collarbone. “I don’t deserve this, not when I’m going to walk away from you.”
She set her hand against his jaw, forcing him to look up at her, astonished at the weight of emotion she saw in his gaze.
“It is what it has to be, and I don’t think either of us deserves that, but I don’t want to think about tomorrow.”
She pulled him toward her, and this time when their lips met, it wasn’t with the same desperate burn of what they couldn’t have. Instead, it was slow, tender, filled with the knowledge that this was right in a way nothing else in her life had been for a very long time.
Varean sighed, as if he was letting go of the last thread of conflict holding out against this. His hips pressed in closer and she welcomed him, widened her legs and sucked in a breath as his hardness came up against her core. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as he set himself at her entrance and then pushed in by slow gradual degrees until she wanted to scream with frustration.
But then he was inside her, and the sensation of him filling her was beyond description, so amazing and complicated and consuming everything that she’d felt before, replacing it with something deeper and more brilliant.
Diffraction (Atrophy) Page 21
