by Lilly Atlas
“Like a sonofabitch, babe,” he said, giving her hip a gentle squeeze.
That got a small chuckle out of her. “Once I hit high school, I rebelled. Hard core. Sneaking out, smoking, drinking, having sex. I refused to have anything to do with the diner and I specifically chose a rough crowd that my parents despised. Looking back on it now, I see how stupid and disrespectful I was, but I was so angry at them all the time. And I was young and unequipped to make wise decisions.”
“How did they respond?”
“Well, now, through the eyes of an adult I can see I was craving their attention, understanding, and acceptance. Basically, I just wanted them to love me, even if it meant yelling and punishments. At least I would have known they cared. I got none of that. They basically washed their hands of me. Stopped trying to discipline or parent me because they felt I was a lost cause.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. When I was sixteen, pretty close to seventeen, I went to a Gray Dragon’s party with some girl who’d dropped out of high school. That’s where I met Eddie.”
“Shark?”
Toni nodded and shifted, sitting straight and turning until she straddled him. “I want to be able to look at you while I finish this.”
He tilted his head and nodded. “Okay.” He’d never turn down a chance to have her draped over his body.
Her gaze was searching, like she was anticipating some specific reaction from him. Acceptance? Or maybe she expected him to react like her parents did and reject her. That would never happen. No none deserved to be judged by the mistakes of their youth. Hell, Zach had done his share of things he wasn’t proud of and would rather forget. “Whatever it is you have to tell me, baby, just spit it out. It’s not going to change the way I see you.”
She gave him a sad smile and placed her hands on his chest. “You say that now, but you saw the video.” A small shudder ran through her. “That wasn’t even the worst of it.”
Fuck, it was going to be near impossible to keep from reacting negatively, but he had no fucking choice. “Why don’t you tell me the rest, sweetheart?” Keeping the anger hidden no matter what she told him would be imperative. She had to learn she could trust him with her secrets. With whatever shamed her.
“Eddie is about a year older than I am and he dazzled me from the first moment I met him. Handsome, a smooth talker, sexy. He was everything my parents hated in one male package. I fell hard and fast. At first, it was exciting. We went to wild parties every night. Four out of the five school days per week I was either hungover or absent. I didn’t even make it halfway through my senior year before I dropped out. By then, I’d missed so many days the school had refused to graduate me. The angry teenage me sure as hell wasn’t going to repeat a year.”
Well, that explained why she wasn’t fazed by the party at the clubhouse.
“Eddie wasn’t the first guy I’d slept with by that point, but he was the most…adventurous.” She sighed. “You sure you want to hear all this?”
Fuck no. “Yes.” Zach sounded like he’d swallowed shards of glass. Hearing about any Toni had been with would be torture, but listening while she talked about sex with Shark was like having his toenails ripped out with a pair of rusty pliers.
“All right. At first, it was exciting and hot and if I’m being honest, I loved it. I found out that—this is so embarrassing.” She looked up for a second then took a deep breath. “I discovered that I like sex. Really like it. Wild, rough, a little taboo, I was into it all.”
This conversation was worse than having his skin peeled off, but he knew there was a reason she was revealing all of it. And it was probably going to get worse before it was over.
“So, at first, that’s what it was. Partying and sex. I was drinking like a fish, doing drugs, the works. I hardly spent any time at home and I think my parents were relieved by that point. I’d caused so much trouble it was easier to pretend I didn’t exist.”
“I don’t remember anything about this. I don’t think my parents ever mentioned it.”
She shrugged. “Well you were away by then. In the army, right?”
He scratched the morning stubble on his chin. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t home. So, what happened?”
“Eddie started to rise up the ranks in the gang. He was making a name for himself by being ruthless with anyone who crossed him. All he wanted was to move up higher on the food chain. He wanted to run the gang one day.”
“He’s in charge now.”
She nodded. “I’m not surprised. It’s where he was headed. Anyway, as he got more power, he got even crazier and wanted to share me with his friends. The guys who ran the gang at the time. It’s part of their bylaws. If you want in the very tight knit and elite inner circle, you had to have a woman and had to share her. It’s so fucked up. Back then, I was so stupid and thought I was in love. I went along with it for a while.” Her eyes closed and tears leaked out. “I thought it wouldn’t be so bad. That it would make him proud of me. Make him love me. For about six months I was nothing better than a drugged-out gang slut.”
Zach wrapped his arms around her, as much for himself as to soothe her. She’d been carrying this around, beating herself up for years. “Shit, babe, that’s not true. You were young. Underage for fuck’s sake. And I saw that video. You were fuckin’ zonked. There’s no way you could have consented. It was rape, babe.”
“You think that video was bad?” She hopped off his lap and paced the length of the porch. “I’d done it all before, Zach. And stone cold sober. I took the drugs willingly. I agreed to everything they wanted. I never said no or put up a fight. I was so screwed up and looking for any kind of attention. Even if I ended up completely losing myself in the process.”
He stood. As much as he hated hearing about other men getting their hands on her, it was even worse to see her self-hatred over it. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, stopping her with his hands on her shoulders. “Baby, you were too young and fucked up from parents who didn’t do right by you to handle making those kinds of decisions. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were in a shit circumstance that led to even more shit. And you got out.”
Wait. She did get out, didn’t she?
The Dragons didn’t just let people out. “How did you get away from them? They don’t just let people walk away from the gang.”
“By the end, my relationship with Eddie was no longer fun or sexy. The guys got rougher each time, none of it was ever about me. It was just a game to them; humiliating me, passing me around. Seeing who could be the biggest man. By that point I was too afraid to leave. I started using drugs more because it gave me an escape. My Uncle Mark came to visit. He’s my mother’s brother. He couldn’t believe I wasn’t living at home and my parents had no idea where I was. Somehow, he found me and literally carried me out of there. It was the night that video was made. I don’t know how Chris got his hands on it. I didn’t even know I’d been recorded.”
Zach’s head was spinning with a million questions. He gripped Toni’s upper arms. “Wait, that video was from Chris? The suit?”
She nodded. “He said he’d send it to the school where I work and send it out on social media. He said it’d go viral in a matter of hours. I have three weeks to get back to Chicago before he posts it. He doesn’t actually want to be with me. Just wants me to convince my uncle to advance his position at work. He’s nothing but an opportunist, and a desperate one.”
“Fuck. That fucking piece of shit.” Zach spun away and raked his fingers through his hair. Could this situation be more fucked up? “Okay. We’ll deal with him. No one else will ever see that video. I promise you. Now how did your uncle get you away? Because, baby, no one leaves the Dragons in one piece.”
Toni looked startled. “I have no idea. I was pretty messed up back then, and it took me a long time and a lot of therapy to straighten myself out. I don’t think I ever asked, or really even thought about it.”
“We need to call him.”
Toni grabbed his a
rm, panic in her eyes. “No! Chris said if I mentioned anything to Mark, he’d post the video immediately.”
Zach snorted. “Fucking piece of shit isn’t going to do anything. I’ll talk to your uncle. Convince him to keep quiet and let me handle it. We got this, okay?”
“We?” she asked.
“Yeah, we.”
For the first time since he’d walked out of that bathroom he was treated to a genuine smile from Toni. “Okay.”
“Okay, I need to call Copper.” As he pulled his phone out, Toni’s hand landed on his arm.
“Wait. Did you say Shark was the one who took Maverick?”
Shit. He had blurted that. Club business wasn’t for open discussion, but Toni had just bared her soul to him. He owed her something in return. Something to show the same level of trust. “Yes. And we’ve been spinning our wheels for days because we have no idea where to find him. Shark’s definitely grown some teeth, because no one is talking no matter how much pressure we put on them. The gang’s all but disappeared. No one’s been at their headquarters since before Mav was taken. We’ve got fucking nothing.”
Toni’s eyes widened and her grip tightened until her nails pricked his forearm. Her mouth opened but no sound came out.
“What, baby?”
“I know where he might be,” she whispered.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Over the past few weeks, Toni had spent a considerable amount of time in the presence of the MC members. Of course, that was in her diner where they were well fed, caffeinated, and happy. The one time she was on their turf, they were drunk, raucous, and looking for sex, but still happy.
Now, she was in their clubhouse once again, and the mood couldn’t be further away from amusement and fun. She sat at a gigantic round table with no less than twenty tired, stressed, and pissed off bikers staring at her. Never in her life had she seen so many murderous scowls in one place.
The scowls weren’t aimed at her, but they were still intimidating as hell.
Beside her, Zach squeezed her knee and whispered in her ear. “It’s okay, baby. I promise. Everyone here is on your side. No one will hurt you or ever make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
She swallowed and nodded. If only his supportive words softened the bikers’ expressions.
Copper cleared his throat and her attention shifted to him. How Shell could be attracted to him was a mystery to Toni. That wasn’t entirely true. The physical attraction she got. He was hot in a growly, brooding kind of way. But he was also intense and crazy menacing, and that trumped the hotness in her mind.
“Thanks for coming here, Toni. I get that you had a rough morning and are dealing with some major shit. I’m sorry if this dredges up bad memories for you.”
“That’s all right,” she croaked then cleared her throat. She wasn’t some wilting flower. She could handle this. “It’s fine. I’m just hoping I can help you find Maverick.”
“So, Zach tells me you know a little about the Gray Dragons.”
Zach curled an arm around her shoulders. “You don’t have to give any details you’re uncomfortable with, baby,” he whispered in her ear.
She placed her hand on his thigh and squeezed in gratitude. Recounting the entire humiliating story of her shameful past would be traumatizing at best.
“You want me to tell them for you?”
Zach was being so sweet and supportive. Never would she have imagined a rough and gruff biker could handle her with such care. Like she was a fine china plate that had just cracked down the center. Ready to shatter at any point.
Giving him that impression was her mistake and it was time to put a stop to it. While she loved his attentiveness, she wasn’t, in fact, going to shatter at any point. Zach wasn’t to blame for thinking her weak. She’d lost her shit in her kitchen. But that was just the shock of watching herself being violated. And knowing Zach was a witness to it as well.
“I’m good,” she whispered, then spoke to Copper. “I was with Shark for a little over a year. It was a long time ago, but I was his girlfriend. Or I guess you guys would have called me his ol’ lady.”
“No fucking way,” Zach broke in. “An ol’ lady is a term that denotes respect. Shark doesn’t know the meaning of the word.”
If she’d found him hard to resist before, this caring and protective side of Zach made it impossible to even think of walking away from him. Instead, she felt herself falling. So stupid considering she was dealing with the fallout of her last dysfunctional relationship.
“Whatever,” she said shaking her head. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I was really young and really stupid. Things went…bad and I had an uncle pull me out of a really terrible situation. I haven’t seen or spoken to anyone from the Gray Dragons since I was eighteen.”
Copper frowned and rubbed at his bearded chin. “How did you get out?”
“My uncle literally walked in, picked me up, and left with me. I was uh…” Her face flamed. “I was really high at the time and don’t remember it. I woke up in my uncle’s house about a day later. To be honest, I’m not sure how he found me. I think he had a PI tailing Shark.”
Zach mentioned respect. None of these men were going to have an ounce of respect for her. They’d think she was nothing better than a junkie whore.
“Breathe, baby. You’re doing great.” Zach pressed a kiss to her temple and warmth filled her chest.
“There’s no fucking way they just let you leave.”
“Huh?”
Zach’s hand landed on her thigh again. “I had the same thought. It was too easy.”
“What do you mean?” She frowned and looked between Zach and Copper.
“There are two ways out of the gang. Death or a beat out,” Zach said.
“A beat out?” Was that as horrible as it sounded?
“Yes.” Copper said as though reading her mind. “They literally beat you bloody. If you survive it, you’re out. But you keep your mouth shut about anything gang related when you leave or they’ll kill you. And very few people are even granted a beat out. Most of the time you’re in till you die.”
A chill ran down her spine. Zach must have noticed her tremble because he pulled her from her chair onto his lap. Normally, she’d have shoved him away, but today she allowed herself the comfort of his body. Nothing about the day was normal. Tomorrow she could repent for her weakness.
“But I wasn’t in the gang. I was just some whore they used.”
Zach growled, but it was Rocket who spoke first. “No!” he said with so much vehemence, Toni gaped at him. “Don’t wanna ever hear you describe yourself that way again, babe. You were a kid that was taken advantage of. They fucked with your head and your body. That’s all on Shark. And he’ll fuckin’ pay for that. None of it’s on you.”
“Holy shit, was that the most you’ve ever spoken in your life?”
Laughter broke out around the table cutting the tension down a few notches.
“Women are treated to the same rules as the actual gang members,” Copper said.
“So why did they let me leave?”
“I’m thinking money,” Zach answered as he wrapped his arms around her and locked her against his chest.
Copper nodded. “Makes sense. Her uncle must have paid a pretty penny for her.”
“What?” Someone was going to have to scoop her jaw off the floor at this point. “Paid for me. Like Shark sold me to my uncle?” In what was now becoming a familiar sensation, her stomach flipped. “This is mortifying. I-I’m going to be sick,” she said.
Zach cupped her cheek and turned her to face him. “Hey,” he said in a soothing tone. “It’s just me here. No one else. Just focus on me.” He pressed his lips to hers in a kiss that was so tender it brought tears to her eyes.
As Zach kissed her, in a room full of rowdy bikers, the world faded away. The past wasn’t important any more. Old shame disappeared. All that mattered was the way he made her feel in that moment. Important, cherished, wanted
…dare she say, loved.
It wasn’t love. Couldn’t be. But it sure worked to chase away the pain.
“Better?” he asked when he pulled back.
Her eyelids fluttered open and she sighed. “Better.”
“I know it sounds bad, but your uncle did the right thing. He got you out of there without any further trauma. Who gives a shit about the money?”
She nodded. It wasn’t about the money, though she felt guilty as hell that Mark had parted with his hard-earned cash for her. It was the principle of the matter. That some man, some vile piece of shit, thought he owned her and had the right to demand money for her freedom.
“You surprise me,” she said.
Zach winked. “There’s more where that came from, baby.”
Toni laughed, which had to be his intent and, suddenly, a heavy weight lifted off her. Zach was right. This was over. Done. She’d survived and had been using her experience to try to help other misguided youth. Preferably before their situations got as bad as hers. How could she give that up? She might be coming to love life in Tennessee, but she had a passion for helping troubled teens she couldn’t just ignore. Sometime soon she was going to have to make some serious life decisions.
She turned back to Copper. “Sorry about that.”
Copper waved it away.
“Shark had a great grandfather that lived to be a hundred and six years old. He was a nasty, paranoid old bastard. Lived off the grid in a cabin in the woods. I think he was one of those guys prepared for anything from nuclear fallout to an alien invasion.” She rolled her eyes and rubbed at an ache in her neck. “Anyway, the old guy loved his great grandson and left his cabin to Shark when he died.”
Finally, Copper smiled. It was almost hard to see with the bushy beard. “That’s the best news we’ve had in days, darlin’. Why don’t you give the address to Jig over there, and we’ll get a plan together to get Mav back.”
“Well, uh, that’s the thing. I don’t know the address. I’m not sure it actually has an address. And it’s been so many years, I can’t remember exactly how to get there.” When grumbling started around the table, she rushed on. “But I could find it. I’m sure of it. Take me with you, and I know it will come back to me as we drive.”
