by Lilly Atlas
But she wasn’t that girl anymore. Hadn’t been that girl for a long time. And Zach certainly wasn’t Shark. In fact, it was pretty damned insulting of her to even consider the two similar in anything beyond the fact that both had dicks.
It was time to get real and stop bullshitting herself. She wanted Zach. Hell, she was halfway in love with him.
From her desk, her phone started ringing. It was Mark’s ringtone. Her uncle just might be part psychic, somehow knowing she needed an ear.
“Hi, Uncle Mark.”
“Sweetie, what’s wrong? What the hell did that biker do to you?” Mark sounded as though he was getting ready to charge through the phone.
Despite her somber mood, she chuckled. “Why do you think something’s wrong? All I said was hello.”
“Sweetie, I know you better than anyone. You think I can’t tell your mood by your voice? You’d be wrong. Now, what’d he do?”
With a sigh, she slumped back in her office chair. “He called me on my bullshit. Made me think about what I’m doing with my life. And he asked me to stay with him.”
Her announcement was met with silence.
“Uncle Mark?”
“If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it to the death, but I think I’m starting to like this biker of yours. You need someone to give you a swift kick in the ass.”
This time, Toni’s laugh was loud and full, but it turned into heaving sobs in a flash. Before she knew it, the whole story tumbled out, including the video and threats from Chris. It took quite a bit of convincing, but Mark agreed to let her handle it herself as long as she swore on her life to come to him if she needed help. By the time she finished recounting the story, Mark was looking at plane tickets and Toni felt pounds lighter.
“Well, I wanted to hate him, but I don’t think I can do that. Toni, he sounds like a good guy.”
“He is.”
“So, what’s really holding you back? And don’t say it’s working with troubled kids, because you know what? There are troubled kids in Tennessee, too. You should know.”
Toni snorted out a laugh at his snarky comment.
“I’m serious, sweetie. You don’t have to be a counselor. There are plenty of other avenues to explore if you want to play a role in helping at risk youth.” She could hear the click-clack of the keyboard as he made good on his promise to visit soon.
He had a really good point. Later, when her mind wasn’t stuck on thoughts of Zach, she’d dedicate some serious thought to finding other avenues of working with at risk youth. “It’s not the job. At least, the job isn’t the major reason. Zach’s right. It’s fear.”
“You need to talk to him, sweetie. Let him assuage those fears for you.” Andrew’s voice filled the line. He was such a gentle soul. Kind and patient. Good for her dominant and often impatient uncle.
“Isn’t that why I’m talking to you? So you can rid me of my fears.”
Both men laughed. “Sure, we could say all the right words, but you need to hear them from your man. And from inside yourself. So, get off the phone and start introspecting,” Mark said.
“Thanks for the non-advice,” she said as she kicked her feet up onto the desk. “Bye guys. Love you.”
“Love you too,” they said at the same time.
After hanging up, she closed her eyes and breathed, trying to find some peace. She owned a thriving diner, with a fantastic staff working for her, had made some great new friends, and owned a home that had a view of the most gorgeous sunsets. And that was on top of having a really great man who clearly wanted her. What was really waiting for her in Chicago? A job she’d hoped would be so much more than it was, a shoebox apartment that cost more than her mortgage, a few friends she’d never really let in, and a psycho ex-boyfriend. Mark and Andrew didn’t even live there anymore. They’d moved away six months ago when Mark opened a new branch of his law firm in New York. Sure, he still traveled to Chicago frequently, but he could just as easily make a trip to Tennessee.
Even without all the great reasons to stay, Zach should be reason enough.
She dropped her feet to the ground as the magnitude of what she’d just done hit her.
Shit. Had she just ruined everything?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
As the day wore on, Zach’s guilt mounted until it was a ten-foot monster chasing after his bike. He’d been a real shitheel to Toni. Throwing her fears back in her face. Of course, she was afraid he’d take advantage of her. She’d dated a man with a somewhat similar lifestyle and he’d violated her trust and fucked their relationship in the worst of ways.
It wasn’t like she’d caught her high school boyfriend making out with the head cheerleader under the bleachers. No, she’d essentially been pimped out and abused by someone who should have taken care of her. Before she was even out of her teen years. And Zach had rubbed her face in it like it was nothing.
In his defense, he’d been blindsided by the casual way she’d dismissed him and informed him she was leaving, but he should have seen through her bullshit to the deep-seated terror at the core.
Giving up wasn’t his style, so he planned to attack this from another angle. Most of Zach’s problems could be solved with the help of Louie or his fists. He wasn’t used to having to work for anything when it came to women, but Toni was well worth the effort.
Armed with dinner from Vincenzo’s Italian restaurant—and Toni’s favorite dinner if Shell was correct—he turned his bike onto her driveway. The rain had subsided hours ago while the hot July sun burned off any lingering clouds, leaving behind a gorgeous blue sky and photo-worthy sunset.
One Toni would never miss watching. It was like mother nature was giving him the thumbs up. Sure enough, she sat in her usual rocking chair on the porch watching him as he walked up. A glass of wine dangled from her fingertips and an unopened bottle of beer sat on the small table that separated the rockers.
For him.
That had to be a good sign, right?
She kept her gaze on him as he approached, but she didn’t smile. She looked serious, lost in thought. And hotter than sin with a black ribbed Hell’s Handlers tank top and itty-bitty shorts. Shell must have given her the shirt. It was the first time he’d caught her in any of the Handlers’ gear and seeing his club’s logo scrawled across her tits had his cock begging to be released.
He climbed the three steps to the porch then leaned his shoulder against a white column. “Country?” he said, indicating the music playing on a cell phone resting on the table. “Really? Didn’t peg you as a country fan.”
Her unpainted lips turned up in a half smile and she tilted her head. Her hair was down, but un-styled, like she’d let it air dry after a shower. She looked young, fresh, and he wanted to drag her in the house and to her bed. “You can’t be raised in Tennessee and not at least have some appreciation for musical twang.”
“You have a point. Blake Shelton, right?”
That got her chuckling. “See, even you know your country artists.”
He shrugged. “Guilty as charged.”
Silence fell between them. Not uncomfortable, but full of unacknowledged emotions. Zach stepped forward until he was just two feet from Toni. He held out his hand. “Dance with me?”
Her laugh was disbelieving. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” he said with a nod.
She studied him for a moment before placing her wineglass on the table and giving him her hand. With a gentle tug, Zach drew her up and against his body. He circled her hips with one arm, holding her against him. The other hand held hers and tucked it against his chest, between their bodies.
For a few moments, they swayed to the low sound of Blake Shelton as the sun dipped behind the trees. She stared up into his eyes as they moved to the music and he saw everything she tried so hard to hide.
Vulnerability.
The need to be loved and accepted.
Fear of being hurt.
He’d had fear too, and maybe he should have talk
ed to her about it. Maybe it would have helped her to know she wasn’t the only one. His fear stemmed from his worry that having a woman would take him away from the club. From his family. From his responsibilities.
But, hell, Toni blended with his family as though she’d always been there. She cared for his brothers, cried with them over Special K’s death. She’d risked herself to save Maverick. Having her in his life wouldn’t detract from his commitment to the MC, it would enhance it because she would be a part of it too.
“It’s okay, you know,” Zach said in a low voice.
“What’s okay?” There was an uncertainty to her question.
“It’s okay to want me. To need me.”
She tried to look away, but he raised their joined hands and turned her chin back to him.
“It’s okay to want what’s between us.” He leaned forward until he was speaking next to her ear. “It’s also okay to want to act out your every dirty thought and naughty fantasy with me.”
“Zach.” She stiffened a bit but he wasn’t having it. It was vital for her to understand she could trust him with her mind, heart, and especially, considering her past, her body.
He pulled his head back so he could see her again. “I’m serious, Toni. You can’t even begin to imagine all the things I want to do to you. With you. Only you, baby. Deep down, you know what I’m about to tell you, but I’m going to say it anyway.”
She blinked and the arm around his back tightened. “What?” she whispered.
“I will never ask you to do anything you are uncomfortable with. What we do together, no matter what it is or how kinky we get,” he winked and squeezed her bottom, “it will only ever involve two people. You and me. I will never allow another man to see or have what’s mine. You don’t have to be afraid of repeating your mistakes, because I promise you, I’ll kill any man who tries to touch you. Brother or not.”
Her eyes grew wet and a tear tracked down her makeup-free face. Zach rubbed his cheek against hers, wiping it away.
“You’re right, Zach. My heart did know all of that. But I’ve been having a hard time getting my brain with the program. It keeps injecting me with this paralyzing fear of making the same mistakes I have in the past. I needed to hear what you said though. To calm my brain.”
They’d pretty much stopped dancing at that point and just stood holding each other on the porch. Darkness surrounded them, except for the glow of an overhead light. “I want you to be mine, Toni. Not my fuckin’ friend. Not my fucking friend. My woman. My ol’ lady. And I don’t give up easy, baby, so you should just give in now and save yourself the trouble.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Toni smiled up at Zach. A lightness she hadn’t felt since she left Chicago filled her insides. Even though she’d already decided to go all in, his words were exactly what she needed to hear to know she’d made the right decision.
Maybe she really could have it all. A good man who adored her, would protect her heart and body, and set that body on fire every night. “Hmm,” she said. “Maybe you should chase me a little bit more.”
“Woman,” he said giving her a squeeze while he laughed. “So, I’ve been thinking. Chicago isn’t thaaat far.”
“Zach—”
“You go back to your job and your life. We long-distance it for a while. I’ll come up every weekend.”
“Zach—”
“Hold on, let me tell you my idea. When you feel good. One hundred percent safe and confident in our relationship, then we revisit the idea of you moving here.”
She smashed his lips between her fingers. “Zach. Stop bossing for one second and listen.”
He tried to talk despite his clamped mouth and Toni laughed at the unintelligible sound.
“I quit my job today. And gave my landlord thirty days’ notice. Since I’m your woman, I guess that means you’re going to have to make a trip to Chicago to help me pack my stuff.”
Zach slid his hand from her ass up to her head and gripped her hair, tilting her head back. “You nagging me already?”
Toni laughed and it felt amazing. Freeing to be able to express herself with him. “You sure you want an ol’ lady?”
“No. I don’t want an ol’ lady. I want you,” he said as he kissed her. It was slow and sweet, but no less deep and potent.
“Zach,” she whispered, after he’d scrambled her brain. “Take me inside, please.”
“What for? To eat the dinner I brought you?” he asked moving his mouth to her neck.
“Mmm.” She tilted her head to give him better access. It didn’t matter where he kissed her. Anywhere his lips landed seemed to have a direct connection to her sex. She needed him horizontal and inside her in the next two minutes.
Well, vertical would work too.
“Sure, we can eat the food. After you fuck me.”
He nipped along her jawline then rubbed his stubbly cheek along the bite, making her tremble with need. “Fuck yeah. That’s my girl.”
Zach kissed her again and somehow managed to maneuver them into the house while their mouths were joined. They made their way toward her bedroom kissing, laughing, and removing clothes.
While trying to hop on one foot to remove her shoe and keep her lips on Zach, Toni tripped. Zach caught her and pressed her to the wall. He trailed kisses down her neck, over her collar bone, to the tops of her breasts. He dipped his tongue between her breasts then pulled the cups of her bra down, revealing her tightened nipples.
“Fuck, I love your tits.” He sucked a nipple into his mouth and Toni cried out. “I could suck them for fucking hours.”
God, that sounded like heaven. “Yes. Please,” she said.
Zach licked a path to the other nipple and drew it into the warm depths of his mouth, pressing the nipple to the roof of his mouth. Toni’s back arched off the wall and she moaned.
“Next time,” he said. “I need pussy.”
Well, she certainly wasn’t going to argue with that. After ushering her into her room, Zach gave her a push and sent her sprawling onto her bed with a laugh. His mouth met hers yet again while he worked her shorts off her legs. There was an urgency about him, a desperation in his actions that had him almost ripping at her shorts. Then he went to work on his jeans, treating them to the same impatient removal.
When they were both completely naked, Zach lowered himself over her and dropped his forehead to hers. “Fuck,” he said, suddenly calm. “You have no idea how much I needed to feel your skin on me.”
His bulky body pressed her into the mattress and prevented her from moving. Her breasts were mashed against the strong hardness of his chest. His belly, much firmer and defined than hers, rubbed along hers, all the way down past her hips. And his cock, so hard it was almost pulsing, rested against her thigh.
“Promise I’ll do right by you, baby,” he whispered against her lips.
“I know you will, Zach. I’m not worried. And I’ll do right by you,” she promised.
“Already have. Baby, you saved my best friend’s life. And your own.”
A flash of the moment when Shark dropped to the ground threatened to destroy the happy moment. “I don’t want to talk about that now,” she said. “I just want you to fuck me.”
He didn’t respond for a moment and Toni held her breath. If he made her deal with it right then, she’d break down and cry. Slight mood killer.
“Okay, but we’re hashing it out later. Gotta make sure my woman is taken care of.”
She gave him a saucy grin. “So, take care of me, big guy.”
“My pleasure.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Zach stared down at the gorgeous woman spread out beneath him. Her brown hair fanned out across the pillow with the golden highlights catching the light and shining. The beautiful green of her eyes was deeper than usual, darkened by lust and something else. Openness, vulnerability.
For the first time, Toni was truly open to him. She was giving him her full trust and had dropped all her defenses. He wouldn’t l
et her down.
Zach had never made love before. Fucking was as far as it went, even with Toni. But tonight felt different. Significant in a way it never had before.
His brothers would rib him to his death if he admitted this out loud, but it had to do with the way he felt about her. He wanted to protect her, make her laugh and smile, make her moan and scream, but he also wanted to wake up with her, share coffee with her, listen to her complain about a rude tourist making everyone at the diner miserable.
He wanted a life with her.
And that meant more than wild sex.
It meant forging a bond that was more than just physical.
For now, he would honor her wishes to avoid talking about what went down with Shark, but they would revisit it.
And soon.
“Eyes open,” Zach said as he rubbed his unshaven cheek against the plump curve of her breast. She shivered and he kissed her breast to soothe away the slight rough sting of the stubble.
His cock was so hard, it hurt. The skin felt stretched and so sensitive, just the brush of her thigh had precum beading at the tip. Every primal instinct he possessed was screaming at him to shove into her and fuck her until she couldn’t crawl out of bed.
But the rest of him, brain included, wanted this to last. Wanted her just as out of her mind with need as he was. So, he bit the inside of his cheek, hard, to try and regain some control over his cock. The squirming Toni was doing didn’t help anything.
“Zach,” she said in a breathless voice as he briefly sucked a nipple into his mouth then blew across the damp skin.
He held her hips, anchoring her to the bed to keep her from rubbing all over his aching cock. Then he took a slow journey down her body, pressing an mouth kiss to each rib. Toni threaded her fingers into his hair and gave a little tug each time his lips landed on her body.
