“I’m not giving you my keys,” I told the man holding the door open.
“As you wish, ma’am. I’ll get them from Mr. West when we get there.”
I huffed out a grunt and dug them out of my purse. “Fine.” And then handed them over.
Once I was securely in the back, the man closed the door behind me and took his seat behind the wheel. He closed the window between us before I could ask any questions, and we started rolling. We were in the heart of downtown, there were tons of restaurants around, but we didn’t stop at any of them. I watched out the window as we left the city limits and started to panic the farther away from town we got.
About thirty minutes after we left civilization, we arrived in a cemetery. Every horror movie I’d ever seen played through my mind on fast forward. This was where I needed to take off my shoe and try to maim the driver, steal his keys, and drive back to safety. But when he opened my door, and I stepped out, I saw Collier in the distance. This wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind for dinner.
The driver remained silent, didn’t leave me with instructions on what to do, nothing. He abandoned me amongst the headstones and mausoleums. Collier hadn’t turned around, but I was sure he’d heard the limo pull up. There wasn’t a car around, and the only sounds in the air were the birds chirping. The grass went on for miles, a thick, lush green I thought would be a perfect OPI color for St. Patrick’s Day, and flowers dotted the markers with splashes of life.
I took a deep breath and started on the path to Collier hoping I was meant to join him. My heels marked the walkway in time with my steps, and I worried foolishly about how loud I was being. It wasn’t like I was in a library, these people were dead—the sound of my footsteps wasn’t going to bother them. Just before I reached his side, Collier turned around.
My breath hitched at the sight of the man I loved in a tuxedo holding two red roses in one hand and the other stuffed in his pocket. I had not a clue what was going on or why he’d brought me here, but I took the final step to stand in front of him. It was the first time I’d ever seen tears in his eyes, and it ruined me. They hadn’t fallen, but they threatened to, and it was more than I could stand.
“Collier?” I choked his name out on a broken sob. The lump that had formed in my throat hurt, and as much as I wanted answers, I was afraid to ask questions. I couldn’t see the headstones behind him, but I knew he was struggling to maintain his composure.
“Elle.”
I waited for more, trying desperately to be patient but rocked awkwardly on my heel. He licked his lips and removed the hand from his pocket. I couldn’t tell which emotion controlled him at the moment, but if I had to guess, it was nervousness.
“When my parents died years ago, there were a handful of things I couldn’t get out of my head. Over the years, many of those faded and became insignificant. And others I thought no longer mattered because they’d never happen. But when I met you, when I fell in love with you, my heart broke again knowing neither of them would get that chance. My mom would have loved your spirit and your spunk. My dad would have thought you were stunningly beautiful and adored your love of classic cars. But most of all, they would have thought you were amazing simply knowing how perfectly you loved me.”
I wanted to reach out to him, hug him, tell him I loved him, anything to comfort him, but he wasn’t done, and I had to wait until he was.
“I know they aren’t physically here anymore, and maybe this is all a little morbid, but it was important to me to try to include them in any way I could. And this was all I came up with.”
Unless we were going to perform a séance, I had no clue where he was going with any of this.
Time stopped when the man in front of me dropped to one knee, and behind him, on either side of his shoulders, I read the names Margaret West and David West as though they were here to witness Collier’s confession. He opened the hand he’d had stuffed in his pocket while the roses in the other took a beating in his grip. My eyes flashed from the flowers to the box to his face.
“Collier?” His name hung in the air in question.
“Elle, I think I’ve loved you since I met you in my driveway, but at the very least, it was the next time I saw you come running to comfort my sister in the middle of the night. I knew then you were different. I just wasn’t prepared to acknowledge how much. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to do life without you. I want to share everything with you, including my last name. Will you marry me?”
He popped the black, velvet box open, but instead of a ring, there was a bottle of OPI. I tossed my head back in laughter. He’d always gotten me.
“Yes.”
West was on his feet in seconds. I cupped his cheeks in my hands and lifted up on the balls of my feet to kiss his sweet lips. “Yes,” I whispered my answer against his lips, again.
He hugged me and lifted me off the ground to swing me in a circle. When he finally set me back down, he presented me with the most priceless bottle of OPI in my collection and tucked the box back into his pocket. But when I reached out to take it, his thumb shifted, and the ring twisted to the front that had sat nestled between the top and the glass hidden from view. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. It was by far the most exquisite piece of jewelry I’d ever seen. He slid it on my finger without my saying a word. And took my hand.
I followed him to his parents’ headstones where he laid one flower atop each marker and then turned around to get back into the limo.
To anyone else, this might have been a melancholy place to get engaged, but I knew how much Collier missed his parents and the fact he tried to share this with them in the only way he could made it all that much more special.
He held my hand that now wore his ring while the driver took us to dinner.
“I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your texts today. I left work at lunch and have been preoccupied since.”
“Two bottles of OPI in one day? You’re forgiven.”
The sound of his laughter filled the limo and wrapped itself around me in a tight hug. “Babe, only you would be more excited about two eight-dollar bottles of nail polish than a diamond ring.”
“At least I’m easy to please. And there are always new colors coming out. I could have Ronnie’s shoe obsession. Think of the fights that would cause.” I could tell by the look on his face he wasn’t following me. “She spends hundreds on shoes. Trish kicks her out on a regular basis for her spending sprees.”
“Elle, if you want shoes, or a purse, or anything else, I’m not going to kick you out.”
I kissed his cheek right as we pulled up to the restaurant. There weren’t very many cars in the parking lot, but I recognized most of those that were. When we walked in, my tribe was there, along with Collier’s friends. He’d rented the restaurant out along with the staff to host an intimate engagement party.
“You were awfully certain I was going to say yes, huh?”
“I always get what I want, babe. I was prepared to negotiate, strong arm, or simply drug you and drag you to the courthouse if that’s what it took. Luckily for me, you’re a sucker for pink polish. It was eight dollars well spent.”
“I should have asked to drive the Porsche before giving you an answer.”
“That’s when I would have drugged you.”
Throughout the evening, I became privy to bits and pieces of information. My friends were all officially whores who’d known for weeks that Collier was going to propose. None of them answered my texts today because they were afraid they’d spill the beans, and I’d get scared and bolt. When we got ready to leave, Beck hugged me for the hundredth time. She squeezed too tightly, and I let out a yelp.
“Damn, Beck, what’d you do?” Ronnie laughed at the expression on Collier’s sister’s face until she turned to me.
I stood there with my hands on my knockers and a grimace on my face.
“Nothing, I just hugged her.” Beck was shocked by V’s accusation.
I turned to see if Collie
r’s friends were within earshot, and when I realized they were a safe distance away, I said, “You smashed the shit out of my headlights. It hurt.”
Ronnie’s eyes went wide and round. The others kept talking, but she grabbed me by the forearm and pulled me aside. She hissed under her breath. “Are you keeping something from me?”
“Umm, have you not been lying to me for weeks?”
“Technically, no. I haven’t lied about anything. I just haven’t said anything about Collier’s plans to propose. Big difference.”
I crossed my arms under my chest and winced at their tenderness. “Lie of omission. Still a lie. Ask Trish.”
“Giselle, that is not the point right now.”
“It absolutely is.”
“Why are you avoiding this?”
“Avoiding what?” I didn’t have any earthly idea what she was talking about.
“You need to go see a doctor, or at the very least, take a test.”
“For what?” My brow furrowed, and I dropped my hands to my sides, balled into fists. She was not going to ruin my night. I was two seconds away from stomping my feet and telling on her.
“You’ve gained weight.”
Appalled by her statement, my mouth fell open.
“Shut up and listen. Damn, Gizzy. I’m your best friend, and if you’re going to be blind to this then apparently, I have to point it out. You’ve put on a couple pounds, your breasts have gotten bigger regardless of whether you want to admit it, and they’re tender.”
“What’s your point, Ronnie? Do I need to spell out menstruation and ovulation for you? Water retention, tender breasts, those happen just before the pain of cramps and a horrendous period. Where have you been for the last twenty-five years? Or did you miss Puberty 101?”
“Or early onset pregnancy. Whichever.” Her flippant response grated on my nerves.
“I don’t have morning sickness,” I pointed out.
“Not everyone does. That’s not a valid argument.”
“I’m thirty-nine.”
“Women have babies into their fifties. Next?”
“You’re just mean. Why would you tell me I’m fat the day I get engaged?”
“Did you just call me mean? What are you, five?” She gave me the same look she always did when she thought I was being immature. “Do you and Collier use protection? When was your last period?”
“They’ve been sporadic the last year or so. My mother went into early menopause.” My head flooded with irrational fears of stretch marks and diapers. “Do we have to do this now?”
“Nope. You can face it whenever you want.”
Before I could respond, Collier grabbed me by the waist and kissed my neck. I smiled at my best friend smugly as if his enthusiasm toward me somehow negated her point.
“You ready, babe?” he asked.
“Yep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, V.”
“I’ll be around whenever you come out of fantasy land.”
Collier hugged her thinking she referred to our engagement. I flipped her off and stuck out my tongue when his back was turned. And my best friend mouthed, You’re pregnant, over his shoulder. I squinted, knowing I couldn’t retort without alerting West, and this was a topic we’d never discussed. Ronnie was full of crap, and when my period started, I contemplated making her sit with me through hours of sappy love stories while eating popcorn and Ben and Jerry’s.
19
Twenty-six. That’s the number of pregnancy tests I took the following day when I called in to work after Collier left for the office. After three trips to three different drug stores to buy other brands, I’d ended up with twenty-six inaccurate sticks lying on our bathroom counter. Each arranged in neat rows and columns, and all screaming at me. I hurt for women who bought into the lies these companies propagated to hopeful mothers-to-be. There should be laws against faulty products.
I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes, not wanting to acknowledge what was before me. Ignorance was bliss, and I could lie to myself for ages…or at least nine months until the pains of labor started.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” In my haste to repeat a string of explicative words under my breath, I apparently tuned out the house around me. And the man who’d entered our bedroom.
“Babe?”
The sound of Collier’s voice brought me out of my chant, and I waited to see if I’d really heard him or if it was my imagination.
“Elle? Where are you?”
“Shit.” I stared at boxes all over the floor and tests on the counter, but before my brain registered the need to flee the scene, I saw him in the mirror. Our eyes met, and then his dropped to the evidence I hadn’t hidden.
I froze, waiting to see what he’d do. He reached out and picked up the test closest to him, then another, and another. “How many did you take?” he finally asked when he held nearly half of them in his fists.
“Twenty-six.” I prayed he didn’t know what two lines indicated.
“You’re pregnant?” His words sounded almost hopeful, and his brows rose in anticipation of my answer.
“I think I should get a blood test done. These things aren’t all that accurate, you know?” The tone of my voice was much lighter than the anxiety taking over my heart.
“You’re pregnant?” he repeated as a smile rose on his lips.
“Well, if you want to put our lives in the hands of a plastic stick and corporate conglomerates out to make a quick buck, then we might as well get my Magic Eight Ball and ask it, too…the results would be just as compelling.”
He put the tests back on the counter, and each second that past was longer than the last. His large hands cupped my jaw and tilted my head back, forcing me to look at him. I was a goner. The soft green had warmed with hints of yellow and the ring around the outside of his irises was a deep blue. When his pupils dilated, I closed my eyes.
“Elle, baby.” Gently, his words caressed my skin and then my soul.
The tears gathered behind my closed lids.
“Are we pregnant?”
I nodded my head still held in his hands. Salt-water streams leaked from the sides, and just as quickly, he brushed them away with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Collier.”
“Sweetheart, look at me.”
I peeked through my wet lashes.
“I’m a little surprised but thrilled. Please don’t be upset, babe.”
He pulled me to him, and my boobs cried out in pain, but I bit my cheek to keep from expressing the discomfort.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m going to get fat,” I wailed into his chest. “I’m too old to have a baby. We’ve never talked about kids, and we just got engaged. I hate my job and can barely make ends meet as it is. And when you realize all of this, you’re going to bail.”
“That’s a long list of concerns.”
He was patronizing me.
“I promise you, none of that is going to happen. I always wanted kids, but at our age, I just figured that ship had sailed. I never brought it up because I was just happy to have you. Please don’t cry.”
“Ronnie said I’ve gained weight already.”
“Wait, Ronnie knows?” He pulled away to see my face.
“She thinks she knows everything. But no, not officially. I haven’t told anyone I was even taking a test. And clearly, you can tell by the number of sticks sitting here, I’m still in denial.”
“Do you want to have everyone over to tell them?” The excitement on his face rivaled mine when I got a new OPI color. “Beck is going to flip.”
“Oh my God, Collier. You’re a twin! Do you know what two babies will do to my body? Holy stretch marks. No.” My heart raced again, and he laughed. “This isn’t funny. Why didn’t you wear a condom?”
“Why weren’t you on the pill?”
“Don’t blame this on me!”
“I’m not blaming anyone. I can’t wait. A perfect piece of you and me.”
“West, I’m not prepared for this…like at all.�
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He walked me to the bed where I flopped down onto my back. The exact thing that got me into this mess, except this time, we were fully clothed and my legs were together.
“What are you most concerned about?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve had time to process it all. But I guess if I weren’t thinking like Giselle, then I wouldn’t be so worried about my body, and I’d be terrified of my financial situation. And my job.” I dropped my eyes to stare at my fidgeting hands on my stomach. “I’ll probably lose my job over this.”
“Babe, that’s illegal.”
“West, my job is to entertain male clients when they’re in the office. To appear single but never be single.” It had never bothered me that I was a face without a brain, until now. I had been content to have zero advancement opportunities and never be anything more than I was because I was comfortable. But now, that was all backfiring on me, and my child would pay the price. “I have nothing to offer a baby.” The words slipped between my lips unintentionally, a thought gone astray.
He rolled over on his side to face me. Something close to anger bubbled just below the surface, but he restrained from expressing it. “How can you say that?”
I shrugged. This pity party for one was far too well-attended for my liking. I needed some time to mope alone and get accustomed to the idea of being an incubator for the foreseeable future.
“Giselle, you’re one of the funniest, kindest, most good-hearted women I’ve ever met. I love your quirks and find them endearing. How can you not see all the wonderful things about you?”
“I’m a glorified receptionist, West.”
“That’s what you do. That’s not who you are.” He brushed the hair away from my face and stared into my eyes. What came out of his mouth next blew me away and sealed my future. “Do you want to get rid of it?” The pain radiated in his features.
“No! Oh my God, no. Why would you ask such a thing?” And just like that, I knew why. My gut instinct was protection, love. It was primal, and he knew it was there.
Girl Crush Page 24
