40 minutes later I managed to clear off every layer of makeup I had been wearing since leaving Baton Rouge and replaced it with a fresh layer. I had curled my hair to perfection, or at least my standard of perfection and wandered off to the closet to find something to wear.
I didn’t know what dress code would be at play tonight I went with a little black dress, it seemed like the best option and it could be casual and classy – right? Hopefully people would like it, and me.
My insecurity has always been a problem for me. Since I was young perfection has always been the level I have strived for, compromising my health and myself to attain it. It was the basis for my track record with men, a sad pathetic attempt to try and tell myself I could live up to the standards of the other women around me as well as justifying that I was likeable. And as aware as I was of these problems I couldn’t stop myself.
It was like a sickness. I would stare in the mirror and scrutinize every inch of my body, searching out all the flaws I could squash them. In the last year things got better, I started being a little more careful with myself, I maintained a healthy diet and workout regime to stay skinny in a perpetual fear of getting bigger than a size 2.
Still though, every day I would spend at least 40 minutes making sure every flaw on my face and on my head was covered before I left the house. Some girls were comfortable with mascara and a bun. But my bun had to look chic, casual and perfect and I always had to have foundation, eye shadow, blush, lipstick and mascara and nothing less than that.
This was where my vow to give up that life and turn over a new leaf came from. Not with boys but also with myself. I wanted to get better but it was hard. I felt like I was drowning in the pool of my own shallowness, and the only one who could throw the buoy to save me was myself but I couldn’t be bothered to reach for it.
No amount of self-help books had even been able to crack the surface and help me. My life seemed to be a circle of seemingly getting better and then giving in to a boy who eventually destroyed what little self-esteem I seemed to have built up.
This was why I wanted to give boys up, this was why I didn’t want to fall for another one of those charming, good looking bad boys who wanted nothing more from you than a little something to play with until they grew bored or got another toy. This was why I was going to stick to my vow.
When I was as satisfied as I was going to be with my appearance I grabbed my phone, mostly out of habit, and made my way to the door. As I walked out and the door clicked closed behind me I realized Atlas hadn’t given me a key. When I turned back, the door clicked open again.
The door seemed to be programmed to respond only to me to ensure only I allowed in those I wanted in to the haven of my apartment. Atlas wanted me to believe that it was true magic, but I reminded myself that a good computer programmer and the right electrician could make a trick door like this. I could be on candid camera and somewhere Atlas was sitting in a control room watching me.
Shaking my head, resisting the desire to further scrutinize the new things in this place I made my way up the hall toward where I thought the throne room would be. But as I knew would happen the route that Atlas had led me through earlier that day was much different from the one I happened to take in hopes of retracing my steps.
It didn’t take long before I was wandering through the hallways hopelessly lost and desperate to find someone who could whisk me away to the throne room where I was meant to be. But no one came and the longer I remained on my own the longer I worried that maybe this was all a ploy by some psychopath to collect girls for a sex ring and I was the first victim.
Worst-case scenarios ran rampant through my head. I envisioned death, rape and never seeing my mum again. It was juvenile and silly but I couldn’t help but long for her. I wanted my mom to come and find me, wrap me up in her arms and comfort me because this was what mothers did best. But no mother came, as did no one else, and eventually I gave into confusion and sat down against the wall to wait.
I was sure I had been there for hours when the door across the hall opened and another girl stepped out of it. She was beautiful and immediately I was overwhelmed by my sense of inadequacy in her presence. This was a woman who commanded the attention of the room around her, she knew what she wanted and she got it every time. Flicking her long curly brown hair over her shoulder I heard her door click and in sync we both looked at each other.
“Lost?” She said with a grin, something bordering on being overly nice and dangerous at the same time. It was a smile that told me I should keep myself on her good side or else.
“Yeah, unfortunately.” I stood up carefully, maneuvering in my tight dress somewhat awkwardly before offering her my hand in greeting.
“Savannah.”
“Charlotte. Charlotte Ferguson.” Ferguson. She could be related to the Fergusons who were business tycoons up north and always in the papers, but I had never been bothered by the who’s who I didn’t know.
“Savannah.” I joked as we shook hands, a small jolt of jealousy and anger coursing through me as we touched. I frowned, unsure of why I suddenly felt the urge to throw her head first into the wall and pulled my hand away, wondering if she had done that to me. I couldn’t be sure in this place; God only knew what sort of tricks everyone had up their sleeves if Atlas was right about everything.
“Were you heading to the party? I can take you. This place is hard to navigate the first time around.” I nodded in agreement and followed her as she led the way from where I had first come. I trailed silently at first, watching the perfect sway of her hips and how her hair flicked like a princess’ would’ve. She seemed like the perfect candidate for a Goddess, the role suited her and I could tell she much agreed with it.
My stomach knotted uncomfortably, wishing that I could take such an abrupt upturning of my life with grace like she had. But I wasn’t walking perfection and I certainly wasn’t meant to be a Greek Goddess, no matter what Atlas told me.
“, who are you?” Her eyes met mine as she spun around, still walking, before glancing back to the direction we were going.
“Savannah…” I said, trying not to be rude even though I internally questioning whether she was deaf or not.
“No, I mean your Goddess… I’m Athena. Do you know who you are?” Athena? I never would’ve imagined she was the Goddess of wisdom and warfare. She didn’t look like someone who could be found on the front lines of battle, overseeing strategy. She seemed more suited for Aphrodite.
“Uh, nope. Not yet.” I said slowly, wracking my brain for any kind of hint that would lead me to discovering my ‘second’ identity. But there was nothing because I was certain that this was a terrible, terrible mistake. Even if this all turned out to be real and we were all Greek Gods and Goddesses I was not one of them. I did not fit in with people as good looking as her, I tried to but they never had to put in half the effort I did.
“, does this mean you believe everything Atlas said? You think we’re Greek Goddesses?” Charlotte stopped short and turned to face me incredulously.
“Of course, it’s true!” She stared at me like I was the biggest idiot in the world and for a minute, I agreed with her. Of course, Greek Gods were real, what was I thinking? What planet was I from – wait what? No. This wasn’t real; this wasn’t easy to accept… Why had I agreed with her? Had she done that? How had she done that?
Looking up bewilderedly I found Charlotte was grinning at me, “cool, huh?” Cool? The fact that she’d brainwashed me into believing what she wanted? No. That was terrifying. What if I did get on her bad side? What if she saw me for the fake I was… Could she use that trick to make me believe or do something dangerous? An involuntary shudder coursed through me but I forced a smile,
“cool. I hope I can learn to do something like that.” If I got that power I wouldn’t use it on people I’d met and had no idea about, well anything.
Charlotte grinned to herself, pleased at having impressed me and continued to the throne room.
&nbs
p; “I knew who I was the moment she arrived in me. I was 18 at the time, in the backseat of my car with my, then, boyfriend and boom! There she was. She told me it wasn’t worth it; he wasn’t worth it because he was going to hurt me in the end. I convinced him we didn’t need to have sex and he took me home. Best decision I ever made because a week later I found out him and my best friend were doing it behind my back. I was absolutely gutted.” She chattered away like we were good friends and I was trying to concentrate on where we were going I knew how to get back.
“She helped me ace my SATs, not that I needed the help. I’ve always been studious and gifted in school but having that extra mental boost –helpful! And then again with the LSATs, she was most helpful then. Warfare and law are quite similar don’t you know…” She lost me after that. I couldn’t care less about her law school experience and … finding my way back to the apartment after this party was much more of a priority than befriending the type of girl who made my life miserable in high school.
As much as I wanted to turn another leaf and start afresh this year I knew that wasn’t going to happen with Charlotte, we were not birds of a feather and I was going to flock somewhere she was heading.
“I was about to graduate with honors and write my BAR exam when Atlas came for me. I’d met him before …” I tuned in at this point, surprised to find that Atlas had come for people before the time that he was supposed to.
“?”
“Oh yeah, he knew that
Athena and I had already united he checked in occasionally to make sure she had adjusted to the new world but she loved law school it was perfect for us.”
I wasn’t sure if it was me, or if it was how Charlotte was talking, but she sounded crazy. Like – Grade A, should be locked up crazy. She sounded like she had split personality disorder: ‘Athena and me.’ Athena wasn’t a person, Athena and she were one in the same, or did I have this all wrong? Maybe I didn’t understand because I wasn’t a Goddess. That had to be the real reason. I’d never felt her or sensed her and she didn’t exist because I wasn’t her.
“Oh, that’s cool. He kidnapped me from an exchange program he faked to get me here.” Charlotte laughed and I got the distinct impression she thought I was joking until she saw my face.
“Yeah… I …”
“Oh, you don’t have to explain yourself. I get it. This must all sound crazy to you… But trust me, when you figure it out… When you unite… You’ll never believe you doubted it to begin with.” I smiled, not at all comforted by what she said but wishing she’d go back to rambling because she was better at talking about herself than giving advice. Plus, I got the distinct impression she liked the sound of her own voice.
“Being united is like…” She paused in her words, searching for the right description. “Being united is like taking off that mask you wear for other people.
Pretending to be someone else to please everyone else when you want to be you. Uniting totally rips the mask from your face and leaves you bare. It’s like reincarnation.”
Well, technically it was reincarnation if I understood Atlas’ story at all. But the mask thing – the mask thing I totally got. Wearing masks was like wearing your baby blanket like Superman’s cape as a kid. It kept you safe from the world outside because your cape made you invincible. You were untouchable and free.
To take off the cape was to accept that nothing was safe and life was an existence constantly teeming with possibilities of being hurt. Sometimes it was only scraped hands or skinned knees, but sometimes… Sometimes life hurt irreparably that you picked up that blanket and dusted it off for comfort even if the age we needed it had long since passed. That’s what masks were and that’s why I wore mine because I wanted to believe that the next time I fell it wouldn’t hurt bad because no one had seen under the mask.
“We’re here.” I realized I had been lost in my own thoughts that she’d walked me right into the throne room, which was now swimming with people. I had no idea where they had all come from but there they were, chatting and drinks in hand.
“Want me to introduce you to people?” She smiled at me, again with that unnerving grin like she had ulterior motives. I shook my head and declined. I was capable of socializing. I wouldn’t have made it this far in my life if I weren’t.
She said goodbye and wandered off to some guy hanging around the center of the room, grabbing onto him with obvious interest in him for something more despite being a virgin Goddess supposedly.
Sighing I ran a hand through my hair, fixing the curls I’d worked hard in such a short amount of time to perfect as my eyes surveyed the room.
As I had figured, everyone in the room was stunning. Some of them had to be models or celebrities because I could hardly believe these were normal average people. Everyone looked like they had been chiseled specifically for being Greek Gods and there I was: feeling like I was sticking out like a sore thumb.
Unable to bear the embarrassment that I had convinced myself to feel with my insecurity, I made my way over to a table laid out with food and drink for everyone. I sought out something alcoholic to simply curb my nerves and picked at a tray of apple slices before wandering away with my cocktail in hand.
Atlas had been right. Everyone did seem at ease as though they’d been here before and they certainly seemed to know each other, which left me feeling like the odd man out. I didn’t want to be antisocial but something about this gathering was different from my usual mixers. I almost got a sense of being unwanted in this room of perfect strangers.
I was sure it had to be paranoia based on the fact I didn’t know anyone and they all seemed to know each other. But I could’ve sworn that there was a distinct energy that didn’t want me there in the room with us.
Sipping from my glass I sighed softly, watching as the heat of my breath turned the rim white before fading quickly.
That’s how my life felt. A rapid appearance for no reason and before it even had the chance to do something substantial it faded away without another thought.
I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I focused on my glass. Slowly I pulled my eyes away from the orange-pink drink in my hands and looked around. People were still congregated in groups but they were all looking at me, as if they expected something.
Conversation continued and my paranoia peaked, convincing me that they were talking about me. I turned away, shaking my head. One voice in the back of my mind was trying to tell me they weren’t talking about me while the other made a good case for why all these people could possibly, mysteriously, hate me at first glance. Any confidence I had in my ability to enter this room and meet people had been absolutely shattered now. I wanted to go back to my apartment and finish off that carton of chocolate milk.
Chapter 4
“Hey.” A boy approached me in my peripherals, coming to a standstill by my side with his own drink in his hand but from the smell of him I was sure it wasn’t his first drink.
“Dionysus?” I wondered out loud, musing whether if commenting on his smell would be offensive but he laughed and seemed to brush it off. Although there was amusement lacking in his eyes as he did.
“No, Griffin.” He extended his hand and I took it, pleased that although he smelt like a brewery he was being nice to me. Unlike everyone else who seemed to not want to approach me.
“Do you not know your God yet?” I smiled, hoping to make conversation but from his expression I realized I might have said the wrong thing.
“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and then smiled, “he hasn’t made an appearance yet as far as I know.” I nodded, happy with this answer.
“Mine either… Makes it a bit hard to believe this whole thing, huh?”
“For sure… But this place is better than home.” He said quietly to himself as he took a sip. As curious as I was, that sort of statement was not an entrance for prying into his personal life. I nodded even if I didn’t necessarily agree. Nice as my apartment was, I would’ve preferred my home where
I knew my mum would be coming back to eventually.
“If not for Atlas I’d probably be in jail.” He joked, laughing slightly and then from my expression he quickly corrected himself. “Kidding, sort of.”
His drink appeared to be a social crutch for him. Every time the alcohol made him say something more than he meant to, he drank from it. I wanted to point out that wasn’t going to help his loose tongue, but who was he tome?
“, you’re new.” He said, turning to look at me again.
“Yeah, got here a couple hours ago.”
“Ah yes… We’ve been waiting for you…” he said ominously before finishing off the rest of the drink. I wanted to press him to elaborate on what he meant but the door of the throne
room suddenly swung open. A loud bang resonated through the hall, serving as a call for attention.
Every head in the room turned to look as a swaggering man walked in, a cocky smirk pressed to his face. The girls seemed to flock to him in response thanks to the massive amount of charisma he seemed to ooze.
And even though I didn’t move he seemed to get closer to me allowing me to take in his features. I suddenly understood why the girls were all drooling and all the other men were rolling their eyes.
He was easily the most handsome man I’d ever seen. His face perfectly carved with every curve and every angle necessary for perfection. His bright blue eyes seemed to burn through every soul in the room and that smirk on those perfect full, rosy lips never left. His hair was slicked back at the top and he dressed like he’d walked off a fashion set. My stomach coiled with desire yet the rest of me was screaming to stay away because a man who looked like that and commanded a room like this was danger with a capital D.
All recollection of my earlier chastity vow seemed to evaporate in my mind and all I could think of was –
Grace of Gods Boxset: Reincarnated Greek Gods YA/NA Series Page 3
